Remember Me

Chapter 2 - Claire's letter

At the exact moment we both lunged at him-something we both dreamed about-there was a c***k outside and at first I thought it was Angel teleporting or whatever, but I still sensed her here. But someone had left.

Jason grabbed my hand and swung me into Cody, knocking him flat. he bounced up but Jason was on him. We pinned him down quickly, but he wasn't even fighting us off like we wanted. I slammed my knee into his lungs, not that he needed to breathe, but I knew it caused him some slight discomfort. His face was blank, like he was trying really hard to hide something.

"What are you doing here?" Jason hissed. Cody attempted to get up again, but I didn't let him budge. I had dreamed of this moment for so long. I just wanted to rip his head off and cause him so much pain for killing my mother, even though it was still my fault too.

"Enough, Rambo." he said. At that moment we both hit the floor and Cody wasn't underneath us anymore. We stood up quickly and spun around to see him lounging on our couch, his eyes closed. "I have something to give you both. Well mostly Jason, but it can be for Jonathan too."

I growled when he said my name. What was so important for him to come here to give to us? Didn't understand how we didn't want him here? Did he know it was his fault?

"Actually, young one, its yours." he smiled coldly.

Jason looked at my pained expression. That was all it took for Jason to tremble and phase. Now in his place stood a large black wolf, bigger than a freaking Clydesdale. Dad growled at Cody, his ears flat against his skull, getting ready to lunge again.

"I have a letter for you, Jason. Claire gave it to me."

I froze. My muscles locked up, tense and ready to collapse. Claire gave him a letter?

I turned to see Jason's head looking at me, his sad eyes the size of tennis balls. He shook his head. He walked outside and when he came back in he was human again, clothes and everything that we laid out there in case one of us got too mad.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jason snapped, walking back over to my side. It was comforting to feel him next to me, ready to fight for me, ready to die for me. It almost made me feel like family, but that mood was gone before I really knew it was there.

"That would be my bad, Jason." Skylar said, taking a few strides towards us, never taking his eyes off Cody. "Claire wrote a letter after you, uh, beat her up. Sorry I didn't know how to phrase it better."

Jason flinched.

I knew that story. Jason got to angry, again thanks to Cody, and he beat the snot out of Claire, almost killing her.

"So why didn't you give it to me?" he asked, his tone was broken, shattered. I could also feel my heart being ripped in two, but I didn't like to hear about her. If Jason could I knew he would put her into every conversation her had.

"She wanted Cody to have it. Don't ask me, Claire had a mind of her own." Skylar smiled painfully. Jason laughed without humor and turned back to Cody. Now I could see the piece of paper he hand in his hand, now all crumbled from being attacked.

He handed it to Jason, his expression now full of mercy and pain. "I loved her. I didn't want to see her die."

"You should have thought of that before you made her human." Jason shut his mouth quickly and turned to me. He slipped up a couple of times like this every once in a while. It just proved I was right and he was wrong. I'm sure that if it wasn't for the fact that Claire would hate him if he didn't keep me, Jason would have dumped me long before now.

Knowing there was no way to take it back, he looked back at the letter and read it quickly. There was a few pages to it, but Jason was already reading it over again before I minute was even up. I saw his face change into pain, then happiness, and sometimes he would laugh. He gave the letter to me next and I read it over.

My dearest Jason,

Right now I bet you hate yourself, but I love you. I always have and I always will. I don't blame you as I think you I may, because I know it isn't your fault.

But this accident has made me think. I'm human now and I'm much more fragile than I wish to be. I hate to feel pain and hearing my heart pump. I wish nothing more than to be a vampire with you. Maybe one day we can truly be together, where nothing can hold us back. Where maybe one day we can live in peace with no fear of something coming up behind us, not even Cody. I'm getting off track from what I wanted to tell you. Sorry.

The thing is, as I have said, I'm so fragile and breakable. One day I may not be able to take another fight, another arrow through my heart. One day may be the last for me, hence the meaning of this letter. I don't want anything to happen to me, but if it does, it does.

I truly hope you never have to read this letter. In fact I can hear you downstairs right now, talking with Trevor and eating god knows what, and I hope I never have to put you through this, but I'm only human. If you are reading this, I love you. I love you so much. Nothing will stand between us, not even death. God have mercy on the pour soul that drives us a part, but I won't really ever leave you.

You see, Jason, I plan to live for ever with you. I plan to have fun and see how much Skylar can get us into trouble. I want to visit the Cullens all the time, yes even Edward, though I still don't like him that much. But if I have to go, I'm glad you can stay. I want that way. You deserve to live, Jason. I've done terrible things in the past, things I can't make up for, but things I don't like. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you this way, but hey who knows? Maybe were reading this right now out loud and laughing about it in a few years when I'm perfect again.

I can never be who you think I am. You may think I'm this perfect girl with no flaws, but I am. You were right by the way, when you were mad at me. I am a monster. I did kill your mom and I did take lives away just so I can keep mine going. And I'm sorry for doing that to you. I'm sorry for not only taking away your mom, but your father as well, though that was more of Jane's fault than mine. Yes, I may look innocent in the reflection, but I learned how to lie from the best. I learned how I hide things, especially the tings I kept from you the night I told you about our history. If you knew the truth you would surely hate me more than you do now.

But I'm here. Even as you read this, I'm there. My body may be decaying in the ground and eaten by rats ( You can thank Skylar for that part because he's helping me write this) but I'm not really in there. That's just a body now. I'm in your heart and in everyone else's. I hear your words as you visit my grave, because I know you will. I hear every sentence, every word of love, and I grasp on to each and every one of them. I don't know if someone like me belongs in heaven, but even if I'm there. It's a living hell without you there. That's why I'm still here with you. That and to haunt Skylar, I always wanted to do that.

Keep my family safe, Jason. You're officially in charge now that I'm gone. I can't guide my family or keep them safe from harm, that's why I need you. You can protect them, Jason. You can do anything. I know you can. You helped me and you showed me the way down the right path. I never thought I would fall in love again, especially with you. You were human, yet I fell hard. I'm so sorry I can't be with you now, but I wish I was. Don't ever forget me and I promise to do the same.

I miss you.

I paused as I flipped over to the next page. The handwriting here was better, less forceful or strained.

My dearest Jason,

The handwriting looks better here doesn't it since I'm not strapped up to any casts right? Yeah I know, but as I said earlier in this letter, its not your fault.

But now we have another problem forcing upon us, or rather a miracle. In my stomach I'm caring a child. I now know the secret Cody has been hiding and I know I'm not supposed to talk to you, but I'm having a baby! I know your excited to, just as I am.

But as I said before, I'm only human. Alice confronted me and told me her vision. I'm going to die because of this child. Now I didn't tell you that I knew because I know what your reaction would be. You would want it out at that instant, but I just can't, Jason. I can't get rid of him. I want to die for him. I want my death to give him life. I want Jonathan to have everything.

Now I know the second after you read this you'll hand it to him, but I have to say something first. Take care of him for me, but not just for me. I don't want you to blame him because it's not his fault. I want you to love him the way I already do. I want him to grow up in love and be close to this father, knowing that he can't have his mother around.

Jonathan, I love you. I don't know who old you are at this point, but I hope you are old enough to understand my love for you. I in no way blame you and right now I wish I could erase the line I out earlier about god having mercy on the thing that separates Jason and I. I don't want that. I do want you to understand though. Its not your fault and its not your father's fault. I know right now you're reading this thinking 'you're wrong, Claire. You do blame me' but I really don't. I want to die for you because that's what a mother would do. I wouldn't want to live knowing that my only son isn't.

So be strong for your father. Take care of yourself and him. I'm always watching you and always praying that you're safe at home. I hope you never have to, but I hope Jason trains you to fight. You may need it. Don't do anything stupid that you'll regret later in your everlasting life. Live the way you want to live. Be a kid, be an adult, be whoever you want to be. I'm proud of you, no matter what direction you chose, whether you live with Sylvia, whether you live on your own, or whether you hate you dad. I hope you don't hate me, but if you do I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to change your mind other than keep telling you that I love you.

Don't let anyone tell you differently, Jonathan. Don't let Cody push you around, he's just jealous he doesn't have a good looking kid like mine because I know you look like Jason. I just know. It's a girl thing. I know you hate him and you have a right to, but don't kill him. That's my job. Go do what ever you think is right and love accordingly. Just be Jonathan Greenfield because I already know you're awesome. You're my son, you'd have to be.

Jason, I know you and Jonathan probably tackled Cody to the ground when you first saw him. I know you're wondering why I chose him to give you the letter, but I have my reasons. If anything I want to guys to get along somehow. Cody may be a psychopath, but I loved him once and I love you now. Try to get along, but if you can't I give you permission to try to kill him. I promise I won't hold it against you. Haha.

I wish I was holding you in my arms right now, both of you. I wish I could tell Jonathan stories before he goes to sleep. I wish I could kiss his head and help heal the bruised and scrapes I'm sure he'll get from wrestling with Emmett or something. I wish for so many things, but since I'm not with you right now, I can only do one thing.

Move on, Jason. I know it may be hard, but you don't deserve to be alone your whole life. Find a girl that will treat you right and that you love, just don't love her more than me, and I say that with a smile on my lips.

I love you, Jason.

I love you, Jonathan.

I always will.

Skylar, please don't screw them both up.

- Claire

I gave the papers to someone else after I read them again twice. I memorized each word, each line, each curve of her letters. I laughed in pain and I felt a smile at my lips, but it didn't last long either.

I looked at Jason who was sitting on the chair, facing Cody who was still across the room on the couch. Jason had his head in his hands, something he did when he didn't know what to do. I saw his hands pull at the honey blonde hair that looked just like mine.

I heard murmurs from around the room as people read her letter. Skylar was muttering something about trust and how much he missed his sister. Angel and Syd looked blank, not that they didn't understand what was going on, but they looked almost like Cody earlier. Like they knew something they had to keep hidden. I saw Ben's choked up expression as he passed it along to Taylor, as she looked like she was going to cry.

It had been thirty years since I saw them all look this way. Thirty years had passed since we buried my mother. Thirty years to get over he, but to still keep Claire close in out hearts. Thirty years to forget. Thirty years to remember anything lost. It only seemed like yesterday though. It still amazes me how much time moves when you just want it to stop completely. Or how some people wish they were never born. Don't make me laugh. They have no idea what its like to go through what we go through every day.

Nobody knows, nobody cares that I still have nightmares about my mother. Nobody comes to my rescue when I wake up screaming. Not that I let them anymore, but still. Nobody understands that I use to girls to keep my mind off Claire. There is no person on planet earth that understands me and my feelings better than Jason, but not even him knows everything.

"I also came here to tell you the truth. You may not believe me, but this is the very thing that Claire tried to hide from you and form the world." Cody stood up and looked around at us. Jason watched him, part of him wanting Cody to spill, part of him wanting Cody to respect Claire's secrets.

"Don't." dad said.

Cody smiled weakly. "Trust me, you want to hear this."