Remember Me

Chapter 4 - Remember

I have absolutely no clue where I'm at right now. Other than the big tree I'm sitting next to, I've got nothing.

I was in a big field full of wild flowers and buzzing bees. The birds flew away once I sat down here, obviously afraid of me, but who wouldn't be?

I felt life around here though. I felt the life of the tree right next to me, the life of the ground-I could hear the worms, so cool-I could listen to the leaves fall around me, I felt everything around me, almost like it was pulsing its energy towards me.

Remembering never came easy for me. I listened to stories dad told me, but like I said, I stopped listening after a while. I didn't want to hear how wonderful Claire was anymore. I didn't want to know who she saved or how she loved, or who she was for that matter, but it was still stuck in my mind. I never really wanted to forget, I just wanted to suffer in my own way. In silence. Alone.

No one just seemed to get that around here. Everyone pushed themselves on to me, hoping I would just smile and feel better. Yeah right. No one may see it, but I can feel the resentment Jason has towards me. I know he has it. He may deny it, but my father hates me. I know he loves me too, I'm not a complete i***t-sort of-but its not enough.

Now you may think I'm some sap who just wants love from his father, but I'm not. I don't need him. I don't need anybody. I never have. I stayed because it was convenient. It was the only thing I ever knew. Sure I loved them, in a way, but I don't belong with them. It would be more prudent if I could just disappear, to have never been born, but I'm here now. I can't change it.

I know who I am. I'm Jonathan Charles Greenfield. I've been 17 for thirty four years. I look like my father with my mother's eyes-hello Harry Potter-and I'm just as tall as him. My voice is deeper than his and sometimes I think I am even stronger than him. I think books are stupid, TV is retarded, and school is pointless. Girls are everything. Girls are meant for my disposal, to use and throw away.

That's who I am, but I have no clue what I am.

I'm part human, that's obvious. I have blood and a heart and all that. I'm part vampire, hence the blood drinking and not having to sleep. But it's the other half I'm worried about. I'm tall as a werewolf, but I have none of the other features. No shape shifting, no howling, no changing in the moon. I can't phase on the fly like Jason can, in fact I can't phase at all. We don't know what it is. I get really angry, and sometimes I can feel it coming, but then my body tries to rip itself apart pretty much. If it wasn't for the dog teeth I grow, I doubt anyone of them would believe I'm part wolf anything.

I'm not normal, I get that. But I'm not like anything or anyone. I've met tons of vampires and werewolves, shape shifters and half vampires, and some creatures that have gifts beyond imagination. Me? I got nothing. No mind reading, no red bolts coming from my eyes, not even a boring shield like Bella's. I'm just some normal freak. Is that an oxymoron or what?

I reached for my back pocket and pulled out a picture. It was old and worn, the edges were starting to bend, but it was the only thing I treasured in my life.

It was a picture of Jason and Claire.

It was simple. Nothing flashy for them. They were sitting on the beach, unaware of everything around them it looked like. Jason had his arm around Claire-who was still a vampire at this point-and they were both smiling, lost in each other. The moon was in the back ground, shining over the black waters.

Taylor gave it to me years ago, saying it was something I should have. She told me how Jason asked her to marry him that night, so when I looked closer I could see the ring on her finger. I loved this picture, but no one knew I had it except her. I kept it well hidden, but it went everywhere with me.

Now looking at it, I couldn't help but see the beauty in Claire's face. She was perfect, her face and body was flawless. Her red eyes glowed like rubies in the dark, but right here with her warm, smiling face, they didn't seem so menacing. Her blonde hair looked so soft, almost silver in the direct gaze of the moon's light. The way she looked alive and happy, like nothing could destroy the world, but yet I could still see it.

Underneath all her smiles and laughs was a wall. I could see the troubles she had been through. She looked strong after everything she had to go through. I saw the pain in her face as she sat next to him, taking all her will not to kill Jason. I saw the way her body was coiled, ready to pounce at a moments notice. All these things went unnoticed by the naked eye, but I knew all to well about this body language. Claire was hiding something, everyone was, but especially her. I did the same thing. I carefully guarded my thoughts and very rarely did Syd see something I didn't want her too. I was sneaky, too sneaky sometimes for my own good.

I built the same kind of wall over the years, blocking out things I didn't want anyone to see. I hid my fears, my pain, and my torment, hoping no one would see how weak I really was. I put on a show for the girls, acting all tough and like I was better than everyone out there. s*x, lies, parties, women, yep it was all there, hidden carefully under them. I chose this life. It didn't make me happy, but in a way I loved it. But who really finds happiness around here?

It's a once in a lifetime thing to find your soul mate. You don't just find them out of the blue, sometimes you do, but not anymore. Its not love at first sight like it used to be, no romantic dates or coincidences. Just life. Just love. And boy were they like oil and water. They don't mix easily, if at all.

I don't plan to fall in love. When I was a kid I would tell dad how much I wanted to find someone like his Claire and marry her too. How I would take care of her and treat her right. How I would love her until the end of time. He would just smile and laugh with me as I made these crazy plans on how to find her, but I never did and I'm sure I never will. I'm content where I am now. Who needs a wife when I'm living every mans dream?

After putting the picture away I stood up and stretched. I heard my spine c***k as I twisted it around. I backed up from the tree, then I turned to face it head on. I sprinted towards it and I jumped right before I hit the base of it. I dug my hands into the bark, the wood crushing under my steel grip. I climbed up higher and higher, until I reached the very top. I held on to the branches and hoisted myself over the leaves to see over the top.

I never got over the beauty of seeing things from a different view. The field was bigger than I thought. It stretched on for miles, trees clumped together in some places where in others is was just grass. Life went on here, unfazed by life from the city. Unaware of the monster lurking in their midst. Poor saps.

I set my feet and jumped a little higher, balancing on a branch, crouched low so I could spring better. I felt my legs tighten, waiting for the signal to be released.

Then I was flying.

The air was a rush. The wind made my clothes flow around madly. My hair was everywhere, blonde curls bouncing in the air. I pointed my hands, making my body straight and rigid as a statue. I sliced through the air, going at speeds well over two hundred. I laughed breathlessly, the sound caught in the wind. The ground swirled at me. When my feet hit the ground, dirt flew everywhere. The impact had made a huge crater around my body, but I was perfectly fine. Better than fine. There was something about speed that always made me feel better. Thank god I was built for speed.

And it wasn't just my vampire speed at all. Some thought I had a gift for speed, but I doubted it. My calves were just as big, if not bigger than Jason's. It was like everything he gave me was amplified. Even my eyes looked bluer than Claire's. At least that's what they think. But I was fast. Edward was a snail compared to me. I was just a blur of a blonde kid. Skylar said I got it from Claire, that she was just as fast. That was something I liked. To know I have some traits from her that I haven't screwed up.

I was still laughing when I got up.

I felt the note in my pocket. I took it out and crumpled it up. I didn't want anything to do with it. I was sure Cody gave it to me to mess with my head. I really didn't care to tell the truth. It didn't matter one bit to me.

This day had been a long one. I haven't had so much excitement for a while, and I didn't like it. I wanted to go back to the normal cycle I had. Cody could go to hell, everyone can go back to leaving me alone, and I could go to a party and get drunk or something. That sounded fine to me.

The sun was starting to set when I started to run again. I ran past a lot of things, but nothing would know I was there. I ran in between cars, people, and I even swiped some cheese burgers from a guy in the drive thru line. It was funny to see his dazed face as he looked around for his missing sandwich.

In an hour I was sitting in Oregon. I was sitting outside my first house. There were faint scents here that I knew were from us, but not even I could make the distinct match. The rain and years washed them away forever. But it was still nice to be here, to remember a simpler time in my life. When I didn't have to worry about anything at first. When I was oblivious to the pain and suffering around me.

I got up and ran again. This time to a place where Jason visited every night. I was near Forks, where the Cullens had lived before. Back a few miles form there was a graveyard where we buried Claire. As expected, Jason was sitting there in front of her head stone. I used to come here with him, but I stopped after I changed a bit.

I inched close enough to hear what he was saying.

"…You were here, Claire. I have no idea what to do about Jonathan. You would, you always had a way to solve something, but I just can't do it. The first couple of years were amazing. I loved seeing his face light up as we talked about you, but after a while he grew quite. Jonathan threw a fit if we even mentioned your name." Jason paused, for a moment it sounded like he was crying, something I had never seen him do.

"He still thinks I hate him and I can't change his way of thinking. I still hear him cry every night when he's here and it kills me to listen to it, but he won't let me interfere. He's closed himself off from us and I can't find a way to get in." he sighed. I saw him push his hands through his hair. "He reminds me of you though. So stubborn." Jason chuckled. "He hates Edward, you know. Its funny to see how he takes from you, and he doesn't even realize it.

"He has your argument side, your loud voice, your joking side, and believe it or not, your kind side. He's so like you, Claire, I just wish you could really meet him. Jonathan can be so gentle it astounds me, but if I even bring it up he gets all rash again.

"I'll get through to him some day, I promise. I told you I would take care for him, and I will. Even if it kills me." he sounded serious. Dad got up and looked around, but he didn't see me. When he left I walked over and sat in his same spot.

I didn't say anything, I just sort of sat there. I listened to the silence around me and relaxed, while still keeping an ear out for an unknown enemy. I looked at the head stone and read it over and over again, the same lines I had memorized before. It was nothing knew, but just the feeling of being next to my mom made me feel safe. It didn't make me feel so alone anymore.

But that feeling went away as soon as I stood up an ran, again.

I returned home two days later.

No one questioned where I had been, it was normal for me to just go AWOL for a while. I took a quick shower, had a quiet breakfast, and went to go pick up Brooke.

She was waiting on her front porch when I pulled up. She jumped off the steps and opened the car door.

Brooke was something to look at. She had dark brown hair that was to her shoulders, mossy green eyes, and a figure you would die for. She was drop dead gorgeous, but I didn't really like her. She was sweet enough, but I didn't love her. I didn't love anybody. She knew it was only a matter of time before I dumped her and moved on to the next girl, but by her face I knew she enjoyed it while it lasted.

"Hey, Jon." Brooke said sweetly.

"Hi." I pushed the pedal down and watched the speed dial reach over one hundred miles an hour. Brooke didn't mind, in fact she loved this car. She knew everything about it, which what first drew me to her besides her body. Brooke was easy to ride with since most other girls were hyperventilating by now.

I parked in the front row for Brooke's sake (you should see the high heels this girl was wearing) and opened her door.

I took her hand and walked into those two front doors to Kenton Ridge High School. I put on a fake, normal smile and tried to act like a normal kid again. I hid everything that would draw attention to me or my family.

I heard Liam call my name, but when I turned around I couldn't focus on his face.

All I saw was the girl standing next to him.