Mr. Playboy is actually a... Girl?

The sign

Chapter 4

Dear A,

Hi! It's me again. I am writing you this letter at night time because I can’t sleep. I’m in pain. I just vomited earlier, and I did it in secret. I didn’t want to disturb my mom from her rest. She’s already sleeping peacefully near my bed. She’s been with me the whole day, helping me out when I'm having a hard time walking on my own or when I’m being attacked by pain. Anyway, like what I’ve said, I can’t sleep. There are a lot of things going through my mind right now, thoughts like What if I die? How would my parents cope with the pain? what would my mom and my dad feel about it? Ah, right. Of course, they would be sad. They will grieve for my loss. They'd lost their only child, and until when would they grieve for me? would they be able to move on quickly? because if not then I'll feel sorry for them. I know that anytime soon, I will be with God, but I am hoping not too soon. I am still holding on to that 10% chance of me surviving. The doctor said that I still have a chance, but it'll be a miracle if it happens. Well, at least I still have a chance right? I still have something to hope for right? I know the truth though and I'm still in the process of trying to accept the fact, that even though I know I won’t be staying here for too long, I'm still pretending that I am, for the sake of my family, my best friend and me. Even though I know that I'm doing it for them mainly, it still didn't lessen the fact that I am lying to them, and it's not making me feel any less of an accused criminal, guilty for their crime. Not to mention that I was still feeling awful for the fact that I would be leaving my parents too early. And isn't it that the circle of life should happen to be that the parents were the first ones to leave the earth? Not that I was wishing for them to go first but isn't that what's supposed to happen? Well, not before they've experienced taking care of their grand babies of course, and then they will grow old and eventually die? well, I guess my parents won’t be experiencing that anymore huh? Because I'll be leaving them first, and I'm scared of that. I don't want to leave them, knowing how sad they'll be. I don't want to cause them much more pains than I have already given them while I'm still here. I was hoping that me being with them now will make them accept of what was about to happen, and that maybe they'll be able to move on faster than they were expected to, because they were already prepared for what was to come, or atleast that's what I was hoping for. I feel sorry for my best friend too. She will also be losing me, her one and only friend, and her considered only soul mate. I even promised her that I will fight to survive, but I guess she'll an additional person that I was lying to when I told them that I will get better, and that I'll be there at our graduation day doing my grand entrance.

Love, Ashley

Alice POV

I am now back in my room. I still need to think things through, should I accept the offer from Quirin Academy or not? I also need to have that revenge for my best friend. Even though Ashley is now gone, I know she’s still watching me. I wanted her to see that I am doing something for the person who hurt her feelings.

But, where should I even start searching for that guy? How would I know if I've already searched and found the right person and not just some random stranger pretending to be him and/or hiding behind a dummy account or just someone who had a similar name to him?

I need to know what that guy looks like. Wait, what if he’s a poser? What if, the account he used to communicate with Ashley is just a dummy account too? And that's also the reason why it was easy for him to just up and leave her without any word.

‘Ashley, if you are here with me right now, please give me a sign on how I would know what that man looks like. I need to have a basis in finding him’ I silently prayed.

I do hope she would give me a sign, so that I could find him easily.

I put the letter beside Ashley’s Box, which made my hand accidentally pushed it quite a bit that makes it fell.

‘Aiish, so clumsy, Alice’ I talk to myself.

All of Ashley’s gift were scattered on the floor.

While I was putting back Ashley’s gifts in the box, I noticed a picture.

‘Hmm? Why is there a picture in here? Is this a Kpop member? A Korean actor? Chinese?’ I asks myself.

I saw a picture of a man standing near a window, it was probably a stolen picture of him while his eyes are closed due to the sun light that were shining in his face.

‘Is he a model?’ I asked myself again.

When I flip the photo, I noticed writings at the back of it. It says ‘Aries Austin’ with a heart beside his name.

‘Wait, so… this is Aries Austin? The guy who ghosted Ashley?!! Wow. He really looks like a model, but he also got a feminine face. No wonder Ashley immediately fell in love with him. He really has good looks. Hmm, is this really his real name? I hope it is.

Also, I didn't know Ashley was into guys with a feminine features. This is news to me.’

Anyway, I suddenly realized that Ashley have probably answered my prayer. I asks her a sign as to what that guy looks like, and here it is, maybe I didn't really accidentally pushed of the box, maybe it was Ashley's intention, for me to notice this photo of him amongst her gifts.

“I really do hope that I could find him. I still have two months to research and to know more details about him.” I said looking at his picture.

I have two months before the school year starts again. In those two months, I still need to take care of my enrollments and the entrance examinations from the Universities I would go to. Even though, Quirin offered me a scholarship and an endorsement letter for their school, I still need to know what school this guy is going in case he’s still studying. When I find out which school he was attending, I would also enroll in that school that way I would have more chance at meeting him in person, and to observe his every move. Only then will I execute my plans. I just need to know more of his details.

Hmm, what if I asks help from Ashley’s dad to locate this guy? Would that be a good idea? Uhh, maybe not. Auntie and Uncle might suspect something, or that they'll get the wrong idea of me chasing after this guy. They might also think that I'm gathering more of his information just to stalk him or to be with him. There's also the possibility that they might think I am crazy in love with this guy and tell it to my parents. I don’t want any of them to get the wrong ides, it'd be troublesome. Plus, I don’t know what to answer uncle, if he asked me about who he is. I also don't think telling Uncle about how this guy just ghosted her precious daughter would be a good option. I mean, what if he really did decided to find him just to beat him himself? I don't want uncle to be put in jail just because of him. That idea is not to impossible since uncle is so protective of Ashley.

“Hmm, I guess I’ll start with searching him in his social media accounts. No, I'm not stalking him, I'm just curious is all. I would've done it faster if I have Ashley's phone with me that way, I would've just open her social media accounts and find this guy’s name on her friends lists. It would've been easier for me to track him. Plus I could also pretend to be Ashley, the same person he used to talk to.”

But sadly, I don’t have Ashley’s phone with me, and I don’t want to borrow it from Auntie or uncle just for my revenge, it's also rude to go over someone's belongings especially something as private as Ashley's social media accounts. Even though it would be a great idea, I don't think I would want to pretend to be someone I am not, especially pretending to be my best friend, I respect her privacy and all of her even if she's gone now. Using my best friend’s account to talk to the person I wanted to have a revenge on is not a good thing to do.

I need to do this on my own!

I looked at Aries’ picture in my hand. As I look more closely at his picture, I've noticed that there are some angles in which Aries really looks like a girl. Is he a transgender? Or a lesbian? But he looks like a real man… maybe he just appears like a girl in my eyes.

“You surely are a cute guy but It’s a shame you've used your looks in hurting a girl. Why did you do it to my best friend too? Is she just an addition to your collections of girls? Ashley is too good for you. You didn't deserve her love and affection.” I said, talking to the picture of Aries in my hands.

“Of all the girls out there, why did you choose the wrong person to hurt? Did you know that she had a cancer? Did you know that she’s gone now? Did you know how much pain you've put her through?” I said, still looking at his pictures.

“I hope your conscience is now haunting you. If not, then I will be the one to hunt you. I will surely get the revenge my best friend deserves. I know you’re not the reason why she died, but beside her therapies and operation, you are also one of the main reason she is hurt and suffering while she was still alive.” I said.

Oh well, I will find you no matter what. So I will keep your photos with me.

I looked at the picture one last time and the put it on the diary. I will take the picture later.

I unlocked my cellphone and turn on the music. I played Meet me at our Spot by THE ANXIETY, Tyler Cole, and Willow.

This is the same song Ashley had asked me to listen to when she was still alive. She apparently loves the beat of the song. I didn’t know I saved the song on my music player.