4 I Will Always Love You
1755 Words
Haley’s POV
I heard his bedroom door slam shut.
I looked at the clock on my wall. It was 10:23 p.m.
I knew that he would take s shower now and lie down. I knew that he would watch TV until he fell asleep.
I approached my closet and grabbed the rest of my sweaters that were hanging in there. I had a hard time packing. I had to stop a few times and take a small break to calm down. I couldn't stop crying ever since I stopped talking to Molly.
I still couldn't believe that I was going to do this. I couldn't believe that I was going to leave.
But I had to do it. I had to do it for myself. I would wither away in this house. I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I was constantly on the verge of crying. I couldn't sleep or eat properly. I was losing myself.
I put out a pair of sweats and a hoodie to wear to the airport. I still had to take a shower and clean out the cupboards in my bathroom. I wasn’t taking everything. I packed a small suitcase with only essentials. I would get a job and buy myself everything else I needed.
I walked into my bathroom and turned the shower on. I refused to look at myself in the mirror. I knew what I would see and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to see a broken woman. I would look in the mirror once I picked myself up. I would look in the mirror once I healed.
I took my clothes off and stepped under a hot stream of water. I took a deep breath and let the water relax my muscles. A warm shower always helped, but the wound in my heart was too big now.
I took my time in the shower and by the time I got out of the bathroom, it was already 11:10 p.m.
I threw my makeup bag in the suitcase and took another look around the room to see if I took everything that I needed.
My eyes fell on the letter and the divorce papers that were on my desk. Another wave of pain washed over me and I felt tears in the corners of my eyes.
I still didn’t sign the divorce papers. I was putting it off. I would do it just before I left my room.
I would do it. I had to do it.
I tried to take a deep breath, but it was like something was on my chest and I simply couldn't. I couldn't breathe.
I forced myself to look away from the papers and I approached the bed. I removed the towel and started dressing. I needed to leave soon. My flight to Seattle was at 4 a.m. and I wanted to get to the airport early. I wanted to leave the house before I changed my mind.
It was 11:30 when I was ready to leave, but there was one thing I wanted to do before I signed the papers and left the house.
I wanted to see Nate.
I knew that he was asleep already and I knew that he wouldn't wake up if I entered the room.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt warm tears on my cheeks. I wouldn't be able to do this without crying.
I opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway. His room was just opposite mine. When he told me that he didn’t want to sleep in the same room as me, I agreed to leave but I refused to go far. I wanted to be close to him.
I approached his bedroom door quietly. I grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. I tried to be as quiet as possible because I didn’t want to wake him up.
I peered inside and saw him sleeping on the bed. The TV was still on and it cast a soft blue light onto the room. I saw his naked chest move up and down slowly. I gulped and stepped inside the room. I closed the door behind me and approached the bed.
More tears fell on my cheeks when my eyes fell on his beautiful face. He looked so peaceful. He looked like my Nate. He looked like the boy I met in my first year of high school.
I sat on the bed next to him and I caressed his cheek softly. He stirred a little, but he didn’t wake up. He leaned into my touch and the first of what I knew were going to be multiple sobs broke through my lips. It was like his body knew me when his mind didn’t.
“I am so sorry, Nate,” I whispered. “I have to do this. I have to leave.”
He sighed quietly and I caressed his cheek again.
I wanted to kiss him. It’s been a year now and I missed feeling his lips on mine.
“I will always love you, Nate,” I whispered. “I will always be your Haleybug. My heart will always belong to you.”
I looked down at his hand that was resting on the bed next to me. I picked it up gently and placed a soft kiss on his knuckles.
There was so much more I wanted to say, but the lump in my throat was too big. I couldn't speak anymore. If I opened my mouth a sob would break through and it wouldn't be a quiet one this time.
I wanted to curl up next to him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and pull me to his chest. I wanted him to call me Haleybug and tell me that he loved me. I didn’t want to get up and leave the room. I didn’t want to go to the airport and get on a plane.
But I had to.
“I love you, Nate,” I managed to mumble as I placed another small kiss on his knuckles.
I placed his hand back on the bed and stood up.
I had to leave.
I forced myself to rush out of the bedroom before I changed my mind. I opened the door and stopped. I looked back at him one more time. I wanted to remember him like this. Peaceful and leaning into my touch. I forced my brain to remember every detail about him. The way his sculpted chest was moving up and down. The way his perfect lips were open slightly. The way his messy hair was falling on his forehead. The way his toes peaked from under the thin white sheet. I wanted to remember everything.
“I will always love you,” I said as I closed the door behind me.
A sob finally broke through my lips.
I left my heart in his room. I left my heart on the bed next to him.
Why did I still feel it break then?
I forced my legs to move. I had to leave. The cab would be here soon.
I walked back into my bedroom and approached my desk. I looked down at the divorce papers, but I couldn't see a thing. My vision was completely blurred with my tears.
I picked up a pen with shaky fingers and took a deep breath. I sobbed as I signed my name on the line at the bottom of the page.
It was done.
I wasn’t Haley Sinclair anymore.
I put the pen back on the table and turned around. I couldn't look at the papers anymore.
My phone buzzed and I took it out of my pocket. The cab was here.
I was shaking from top to bottom as I put my jacket on and picked up my suitcase. My vision was completely blurred with my tears and I couldn’t breathe.
I opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway. I was trying to be as quiet as possible. I knew that Nate wouldn't have an issue with me leaving, but I didn’t want to see the satisfaction on his face once he realized that he was finally free of me.
“Mrs. Sinclair?” I heard Jason’s quiet voice as I finally managed to drag my suitcase downstairs.
I looked up at him and took a deep breath.
“What are you doing?” he asked as he looked down at the suitcase in my hand.
“You’ve been a wonderful friend, Jason,” I said, trying to stop the sobs from escaping. “Take care of Nate for me, please.”
Jason’s eyes widened. He approached me and grabbed my shoulders.
“You can’t leave, Haley,” he said. “He will remember. He loves you.”
I shook my head and sobbed. He didn’t love me anymore.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I mumbled. “I have to leave, Jason. I have to leave before this sadness kills me.”
I saw his jaw tighten. I saw sadness and concern in his eyes. He glanced down at the suitcase and took a deep breath.
“Let me drive you to the airport,” he mumbled as he tightened his hands on my shoulders.
“The cab is already here,” I said. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
Jason pulled me into a tight hug. I sobbed and hugged him back. I needed this.
“It wouldn't be a bother, Mrs. Sinclair,” he said, his voice laced with sadness. “Serving you was never a bother.”
I forced a small smile on my lips. I let go of him and took a deep breath.
“Thank you, Jason,” I said as I stepped away. “Take care of him, please.”
Jason nodded and looked down at my suitcase. He looked like he wanted to grab it and bring it back upstairs.
I approached the front door and opened it. The cab was parked in the driveway.
I turned around to look at the house one more time. It used to be filled with so much love and happiness. It was our dream home and I was so excited to spend the rest of my life in it.
Now it was only a painful reminder of the accident and the heartbreak.
I looked at Jason and gave him another smile before I closed the front door and approached the cab.
- Writer
