Paano Ba Maging Masaya? ⚜Princesses Series3 ⚜

Moved On

She backs up until her back hits the wall and she slowly slides down until she hits the cold, unforgiving floor.

"It's times like these," she starts in a whisper, "that I wish life had a rewind button. I want to go back to the time when I was just the quiet girl who would spare a shy glance at you across a silent street or brush gently past you in a crowded place and you were just the boy with the headphones who held my gaze a second longer than normal and whose face would light up with a small half-smirk if he caught me looking at him first. I want to go back to the time when you kissed me with one hand holding the back of my head like a newborn so fragile I could break at any moment and the other hand would hold one of mine with our fingers interlocked and your thumb tracing figures of eight on the veins of my wrist. I want to go back to when I would open the door to you shifting nervously from foot to foot and running a hand through your mop of brown curls that would fall into your face before raising your head to meet me with a confident smile that you thought could mask your self-conscious eyes. I want to go back to the time when your breath on the back of my neck shook me to my core and made my knees give way and when I could sense your presence just by the shivers that would run from the bottom of my spine right to my fingertips.

She let her hazel eyes close and her head fall back against the stone wall. "But it doesn't work like that, does it? We don't get the choice to relive better memories or fast forward to new ones when someone shatters our heart like an empty bottle or when life deals you the shittiest hand of cards you've ever seen. We just get told to be grateful for what we've got."

She murmurs as a lone tear escapes from her pale eyelids and races past the shadows under her eyes. But they don't tell you how to get up when the stars have vanished from your sky and all you can see is black and everything is just dark.

"You took my stars with you when you left."

You met him at the time when playing and adventures were the only things you wanted to do. Those times when you still giggle about children's jokes and cartoons. Those times when the only things you knew are fun and games. You met him at the time when your little heart was too young to even know about what love is. The time when you haven't realized that, that loud beating inside you whenever you see him is not normal anymore.

It took you a hard time sleeping, eating, or even reading your school books. He made you wander about him holding your hands or making you laugh. Those unconscious smiles while looking out the window, appreciating the beauty of the sky or even the mad black clouds. You spend your time walking back and forth into their classroom, hoping to catch even a glimpse of him or even one little smile. And that would be enough to complete your day. Pimples growing out your nose and face, the back of your notebooks full of his name, and those imaginary lively music inside your ears. You just couldn't help it. The butterflies inside your stomach are too crazy that they fly and swirl inside you whenever he's around and each time he would talk to you. Damn those butterflies!

And who would ever forget about the pain you felt every time other girls make him smile? Or even talk to him like they just wanna grab his neck and kiss him so bad? Too painful that you just wanna grab their hair, push them out and shout at their face that they are not supposed to talk to him that way. It felt like they had taken away your favorite toy. Like they took away your best friend. It really hurts especially when you know that the chances of him liking you is like the possibility of aliens invading the earth. That both of you are not meant to be. And worst, that you are both too young to start a relationship and your priorities are studies and family. No hugs and kisses. No sweet things. Just mere friendship and child's play.

He was your first love, and probably, your first heartbreak. He's that one guy who made you feel how wonderful it is to fall in love and how painful it is to be broken. He's that guy who made you laugh, the laughter you never had in front of your friends and family. He's the one who made you realize how great and how hard it is to be a lady. And he's that one guy, that whatever happens, you would never ever forget. Because he was your first love. And as they say, first love never dies.

"Life must go on" is quite a hard process.

It's so easy for us to say that life doesn't end because of a single failure. It doesn't end because there's more to life than sulking in a corner, crying and feeling the pain in your heart. It's easy to say that we have to move on, that we have to forget every bad and painful memories that happened in the past. It's so easy to think and say that life must go on and be strong. But the reality is, it takes a lot of time and effort to keep moving forward if you know that something is not going to happen again in the future and that you just have to leave those things behind.

It's quite a hard process. It was never easy. It is not as easy as throwing your garbage into the trashcan. It is not as easy as deleting every files into the recycle bin. Because even how hard you try to keep moving forward, there would still be that hole in your life that you can never fill up anymore. That hole that was used to be owned by someone who permanently left your life and would never ever have the ability to come back. Yes, life must go on. It really goes on. But it won't be complete anymore. That even how hard you try to be happy again, there would still be nights that you have to shed a tea just because you remembered someone who used to be a part of your life. It would never be the same. It would never be the way it was before.

But you just have to keep moving forward. Just don't force yourself to move on just to make those people around you think that you're already okay. Wait for the time that you would really be okay. Don't force yourself to fill up the emptiness within you because somehow someday, you will get used to that empty hole and would think about it less than you do today. Everything is worth living and that's just how it is. Keep yourself on the track because time will come that you would say that you have already passed the process and that you already moved on.

?MahikaNiAyana