Reason
1362 Words
I finally figured out why tragedies happen. I finally found a reason. I finally figured out why the storm in my life thundered the structure of my walls down, eroding away at my skin and striking every hint of hope I had left with its lightning. I now know why the rain drenched me in doubt and adulterated the ground below me, so I can sink deeper into my misery and choke on the mud that rested in my lungs, tricking me into thinking that breathing is supposed to feel like you're suffocating. I found a reason as to why my earthquake happened, shaking my world so brutally that they collapsed the buildings of every city to bury myself deep down in a bitter depression, making sure that I am convinced that I will be under the ruins of my circumstances forever. I figured out why my hurricane washed away my safe place, causing me to feel bare in my homelessness, but comfortable under the waves of despondency. I finally know why I went through a storm. I finally figured out why.
I finally figured out why I was blind for so long, my eyes unable to see all of the reasons as to why my life was precious. I now know why I had to constantly ask others if they knew where I was because though I'm sure I was standing right in front of me, my vision convinced me that that wasn't the person who I was supposed to be. I found out the reason why I went through seasons of being at peace with the wrong person because I was finding myself through such a peccable world when I was supposed to be looking through the Perfect Heaven above. I figured out why darkness met me so brutally, yet so sweetly and why I was afraid to see again because darkness convinced me that there was nothing worth seeing. I finally know why I went through blindness. I finally figured out why.
I finally figured out why I felt so alone for such a long time, eras of believing that I was not worth company because I swore that the cure to loneliness was to have a plethora of friends. I know why I had to go through constant fear of being alone and why I scared myself into thinking that I was so bothersome that no one wanted to hang around. With loneliness tricking me into thinking that it was perfect company, I know why life forced me into planning a plot to attack it as the battle grew more strenuous everyday and as I was dying in the effects of loneliness' power. There was a reason why my skin was consistently touched by the venom of loneliness and finally, I know what that reason is. I finally figured it out.
I know why I was insecure and living in self hatred for so long, rejecting all of my favorite meals only to be more disgusted with my weight. I know why I went through the battle of trying to love myself as I was in the midst of starvation because I told myself that skipping meals was the only way to fit into society's definition of perfection. Looking in the mirror and hating the three hundred and sixty degree view, I couldn't help but to let every angle define me. From the top to the bottom of my appearance, I looked at it as if it was my identity and the definition of my whole life fell into the hands of what the mirror reflected. I know why I went through the fastest process of all, self hatred, and why I pulled out strands of hair because not a single relative could sit down with me and understand exactly what I was going through. I remember sitting in the exact spot where I had enough of who I was and thinking to myself, "Why in the world is this happening to me?" But now, I know why. I've finally found the reason why.
I look back to all of the tragedies in my life - the storms, the blindness, the loneliness, heartbreak and the self hatred and I can't believe that I made it through. That's why I went through those things, so that I can say I made it through.
I made it through these tragedies with no ordinary recovery. No, I made it through with a victory. I made it through with a comeback, the type of comeback that hits you hard, the type that shocks you because you'd never think I'd make it if you could look back at my previous circumstances, the type of comeback that makes my enemies question what God I serve, the type that is so powerful that others can feel that power in their own circumstance, too.
I took opposition and saw it as an opportunity and now I am better than I ever was before. I went through tragedies to strengthen my weaknesses and strengthen my strengths because now I have muscle and now I can get through the next thing. I look back at those tragedies and then I look at where I am now and sure, the storm took away my safe place, but now my security is much stronger. Sure, my eyes were sealed shut to the purpose of living, but God gave me a pair of glasses and now I am in love with every reason why I'm here. Sure, I was stuck in a state of loneliness back then, but when I look around at all of my loving friends and family who assist in healing every wound that throbs on my heart, including myself - who is more gentle than I thought she was, I dust off the remains of loneliness on my shoulders and link arms to the most wonderful company around me. Sure, I didn't get along with myself before, but now, I am so happy to report that me, myself, and I are the best of friends. I know that I am worth love and what better way to remind myself of that than to love me exactly for me.
I went through tragedies so I could say these things because without the storm taking away my safe place, I'd never be able to have stronger security. Without my state of being blind, I'd never know what it's truly like to see. Without loneliness taking over me for so long, I'd never know the definition of good company. Without my time of hating myself, I'd never experience the time of loving myself.
I went through these tragedies because now I'm stronger and I laugh more and I sing new songs and I compliment myself through this insulting world and I can embrace my differences and love who I am and now, I am victorious. I sharpened my weapon called Value and I brutally stabbed all of these tragedies in the back to let them know that I now know my worth. I won some of the most strenuous battles of my life and I have conquered some of the most difficult obstacles. With this, I am victorious.
Although I am proud of myself, I will not stop at my victory. I will not end this journey here just because I survived the ditches and potholes and came out with new muscles. No, now I share this story with others. Now I remember the feeling of what it's like to be in a tragedy and take that knowledge to help others overcome their own battle. There are others out there in a storm, who are blind, who are lonely, and who are lost in self hatred and they need the story of an incredible comeback to get back on their feet again. I think that after falling, we rise, but we should give a hand to those who are still on the ground because we know what being on the ground is like. I figured out why I went through tragedies, so I can help others in overcoming theirs.
Now I know that everything truly happens for a reason.
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
