Siam's Secret (BoyxBoy)

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SIX

Siam Alonzo

 I COULD still feel his lips onto mine, as if it's carving every part of my plum. Marubdob, mapusok ngunit dama ko ang pagiingat niya. Na sa bawat pagdampi ng mga labi niya sa'king mga labi, binibigyan niya ako ng estrangherong pakiramdam. Isang emosyon sa kanya ko lang nakuha upang maramdaman. 

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na akong nakahiga sa aking kama, nakatulala at nakatingin lamang sa kisame. Inalis ko ang pagkakapatong ng kanang braso ko mula sa’king noo at hinaplos ko ang aking labi. I can't erase the feeling of our kiss we had share earlier. Mas lalong hindi ko maialis ang pakiramdam ng mga labi niya. I feel like they are still attached onto mine. Soft and sweet. Passionate yet filled with want and desire. 

Experience is the best teacher. 

Sumagi sa isip ko ang inaalok ni Sir Neu. I don’t know if I could consider it as ‘alok’ but he said he was willing to teach me about foreplay.

“Ituturo ko lahat nang alam ko.” I remember he added. 

Hindi pa niya binabalik ang notebook ko, but I guess, if I say yes to him, maybe he would. And if he could, I think that is how and when he will start his bid. 

Bumangon ako mula sa pagkakahiga. Sa pagbangon ko, tila may nabuong mga salita sa harap ko: isang ‘would you accept his offer?’ at malaking yes at no. Parang baliw na tumingin ako sa kanan–which is nando’n ang imaginary word of no. Wala naman siyang sinabi na kung humindi man ako, ipagkakalat niya sa buong mundo ang sikreto ko. E, kung humindi na lang ako? Ibabalik ba niya ang notebook ko? 

E, pa’no naman ‘yong offer sa’yo ni Sir Neu? Tingin ko naman, matututo ka.  Minsan ang utak, hindi nakakatulong, ano? Ang notebook ko ang kailangan ko. Pakialam ko sa experience na ‘yan! 

Dahan-dahan ang paglingon ko sa kaliwa. Yes. A word consisting of three letters made me shiver in the thought of Sir Neu giving my notebook back after he would devour me. 

Mabilis na iniling ko ang aking ulo at tila naman naglahong parang bula ang mga salitang nasa harap ko. 

fuck you, Siam! What made you think na gagawin ni Sir Neu sa’yo ‘yon? E, baka ang ibig niyang sabihin, he will just tell you the right phrases then you can have your notebook back! 

I may be confused a while ago, pero naiintindihan ko ang bawat salitang namutawi sa bibig niya. Saying yes to him means I’m getting my notebook back but I will be stuck in his game. He said he's willing to teach me everything he knows. He’s willing to give me the experience, the feeling of being kissed and touched. He is willing to introduce me to the world I have never been. He will give me the pleasure I have never feel. All I have to do is just say yes to him. 

Just a f*****g yes will change everything.

“ANO na, Siam? Dalawang gabi na akong naghihintay sa manuscript mo, bakit hanggang ngayon wala ka pa rin sine-send?” 

Maririnig ang pagka-irita sa boses ni Ma’am Marie, ang aking editor sa Librario, mula sa kabilang linya ng telepono. 

I was pacing back and forth while holding my cellphone glued to my right ear. My eyes stare at the ground of the empty hallway I was in and I start to bit my left forefinger due to pressure. Nalintikan na talaga! 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry but could you please give me a day? Inaayos ko pa kas–” 

“You told me you just had finished your story, right?” Tumango ako bilang sagot kahit hindi nito nakita. “I need you to send your manuscript tonight.” 

Hindi pa man ako nakakasagot, pinutol na nito ang tawag. 

Ibinaba ko ang aking telepono at tinitigan ang black out na screen nito. I sighed. Ayoko pa sanang makaharap si Sir Neu pagkatapos nang nangyari kahapon sa office niya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako nakaramdam ng pagka-hiya o pagkailang dahil may nakaalam na sa sekretong iningatan ko sa loob ng dalawang taon, bagkus sobrang pressure at pagkabahala ang dumadaloy sa aking dugo at pumipintig sa puso ko. 

I heaved another sigh again as I put my phone back in my slack's pocket. Hindi ko maramdaman ang pagka-ngalay ng mga paa ko sa pagtayo rito sa tapat ng lumang storage room. Hindi ko naman masisisi si Ma’am Marie kung nainis ito sa’kin kanina. Ako rin naman kasi ang may kasalanan. I promised her I would send my manuscript the day my notebook went missing. Ako mismo ang nagsasabi sa editor ko kung kailan ko ise-send ang mga natatapos kong manuscript. And I’ve never missed every single of it in the past years! Ngayon lang talaga ako pumalya. 

Nai-stress na nga ako sa mga ilang estudyante ko at sa editor kong mabait pero masungit. Idagdag mo pa si Sir Neu at ‘yong notebook ko na nasa kanya. 

At napag-isipan ko na kagabi, I can’t say yes to him. Bakit? Because I am afraid. Takot ako na baka may iba pa akong maramdaman bukod sa init ng katawan. I can risk my body, but not my heart. I can’t. I don’t want to be broken again. And I’m not overthinking his offer, I am just thinking the possibilities might happen when we went to the stage I would say yes. Baka nga, gusto lang niya akong gawing laruan pagdating sa bagay na iyon dahil hawak niya ako sa leeg. I can’t trust his ‘not really’ when I asked him if he was blackmailing me. 

Malay ko ba kung ano talaga ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Malay ko ba kung ano talaga ang intensyon niya. 

“Siam.” 

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang marinig ko ang aking pangalan mula sa aking likuran at nai-bulalas ang, “Ay, ponyawa kang katawan ko lang ang habol mo!” 

Isang mahinang tawa ang narinig ko mula sa kanya. Nang lingunin ko ang taong tumawag sa pangalan ko, hindi na ako nabigla nang si Sir Neu ang tumambad sa paningin ko. 

He was wearing his usual formal attire, pero hindi naka-butones ang black suit na nakapatong sa pang-doble niyang puting T-shirt. Kahit na may pang-doble siyang suot, mapapansin pa rin na may pagka-brusko ang kanyang pangangatawan. I can’t help but check him out. I glimpse his perfect collarbones down to his chest. He can’t hide the broadness of it and his shoulder even he tries to. Mapapansin at mapapansin pa rin ito. 

I wonder what would I feel if I lean on it. Would I feel safe? I wonder how it feels if I touch him. Would I feel hot? 

I didn’t realize I bit my bottom lip as I wandered my eyes along his strong arm down to his hands. Naramdaman ko na kung paano ako hawakan ng mga kamay niya. They felt so gentle and good. They feel so securing. 

Before I could trail my eyes further, a fake cough snapped me back to reality. My mind was still clouded with thoughts as I immediately placed my eyes on his. 

An amusement glint in his eyes and a sly smirk appeared on his lips. I raised my left eyebrow as if asking him what I have done. 

“‘Done checking me out?” 

Napakunot ako ng noo. “What?” asik ko. 

Unti-unti na rin bumabalik sa katinuan ang aking pagiisip. Yes po, opo. I kinda regret the thoughts that invaded my mind. I slapped myself mentally. 

Umayos siya nang pagkakatayo at saka pinag-krus niya ang kanyang braso sa dibdib. Lalo siyang ngumisi. “I said, are you done checking me out?” he repeated. “Kung gusto mo, ako na lang kagatin mo kaysa diyan sa labi mo.” 

Ibang kilabot ang dumaan sa likod ko. Nagsitayuan ang balahibo sa batok dahil sa tinuran niya. “Sir, bastos ka ah?!” Hindi ko naiwasang itulak ang kanyang kaliwang balikat. 

He stumbles a bit due to the push I made but that didn’t stop him from chuckling. I hate that chuckle. Argh! “Sorry.” He said but doesn’t sound like one. Parang labas sa ilong, mainis lang ako. 

“Ano ba kasing kailangan mo, Sir?” 

He clasped his palm and a cheerful oh rolled out his tongue as he starts, “I’m here to tell you to have a session after school.” and giving emphasis to the word session. And I know what he is talking about. What is that session all about? 

“Hindi ako um-oo, Sir.” 

He frowns as he tilts his head to the side slightly. His bottom lip was a bit pulled out and his eyes were clouded with question marks. “I thought, you said yes.” He stated. 

“I didn’t.” 

“You did.” pamimilit pa niya. 

He starts to take a step toward me. Hindi ako umurong o gumawa ng kahit anong galaw. Gusto kong malaman niya na hindi niya basta-basta makukuha ang oo ko! Nang may ilang sentimetro na lang ang layo niya sa’kin. He towered to me as if we’re not at the same height. “You did, Siam.” 

“No, Sir. Hindi ako um-oo. Hinding-hindi—” 

“But your kiss told me you did.” 

“What?” 

“You kissed me back, Siam, and that meant a yes to me.” 

I did?—Er! No! Kissing him back doesn’t mean I did! 

Lumunok ako ng isang botelyang laway bago umiling at sumagot. “That’s not fair!” 

“For me, it is,” seryosong aniya. 

“No, Sir. Hindi ako um-oo.” Aba bakit ba?! Ipipilit ko ang akin! 

“You. did.” May diin nang sabi niya. “Bakit ayaw mong tanggapin na um-oo ka by kissing me back? Even I didn’t have to receive it verbally, you said yes. Your body reaction had said yes.” 

Hindi ako nag-react bagkus umiwas ako ng tingin. I heard him sigh. “Okay. To make it fair for you, I must have heard it from you. If you say ‘no’, I’ll give your notebook back but I can’t guarantee you I’ll keep my mouth shut. If you say ‘yes’—which I believe you already did—you still get your notebook and your secret is safe with me.” 

“Hindi ka na nag-aalok, Sir, pam-bo-blackmail na ‘yan.” 

“I am not. I told you, I am here to help. Hindi rin naman ako ang makikinabang, ikaw.” 

Ay wow! Parang utang na loob ko pa ito, ha? 

“Ituturo ko sa’yo lahat, Siam. Ipapadama ko sa’yo lahat. Kung ano ang pakiramdam nang hinahawakan, hinahaplos.” 

Until I felt his hands starts to rub the back of my palm up to my arm. Nang umakyat ito patungo sa balikat ko, dama ko ang init ng kanyang palad kahit natatabingan ng tela ang parteng iyon. Hindi ko napigilang ipikit ang aking mga mata. I felt his breath fan my left ear and whisper something I didn’t understand. Masyado akong lango sa simpleng haplos niya. Nilalasing niya ako. 

And an almost whisper of ‘yes’ finally left out of my lips. I opened my eyes and almost groan in disappointment when he distances himself, leaving me in emptiness. A satisfied smile crept on his lips. “It didn’t take you a day to answer, huh?” 

A flush of embarrassment starts to spread onto my face. I tried to hide it from him but the daylight kept me exposed. 

“Don’t be embarrassed.” He pinched my right cheek. “Come to my office after class. You’ll get your notebook back.” With that, he left me rubbing my right cheek. 

Anong kasalanan nag ginawa ko noong past life ko para makaranas ako ng ganitong klaseng hirap?