Blessed by the Moon Goddess

Chapter 9 (continued...)

Janelle

I enter the kitchen slowly not knowing what is in store for me. Abel hasn’t let go of my hand since he took it in the hallway giving me a weary feeling. I’m sure he’s just trying to reassure me, but at this point in time, it feels like he’s ensuring I don’t bolt. “Janelle!” Masey calls when she sees me. “Come sit next to me.” I see two empty seats next to Masey, but I don’t move to sit down.

“Come on, it’s okay,” Abel whispers in my ear. We move to the table and sit in the empty chairs.

“Good, everyone is here now.” Helga smiled as she placed the last serving dish on the table.

“Nah-uh! Gus and Quil aren’t here.” Welden pointed out.

“Because they are at boot camp,” Helga replied. “How are you feeling, Janelle?”

“Better, thank you,” I answer. “You were correct. I needed more rest.”

“Good, and the medicine? Did it help?” Helga asked.

“Yes, it was very relaxing.” I fidget nervously with my napkin as I place it on my lap.

“Make sure you get more rest tonight. The events of yesterday surely took a toll.” Helga commented. “I appreciate your willingness to help me out around the house, but I can handle things for a few days while you rest. You have certainly earned a rest.”

“Thank you,” I reply forcing a smile as I meet her eyes. I see she’s glaring at Abel, and that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to cause any trouble, and I feel as though she’s angry with him because she noticed that I was in pain from the s*x we were having. I wish my wolf healed me faster so I wouldn’t be in so much pain, but it takes me a bit to heal from an injury. Every time I was beginning to heal, Abel would have rough s*x with me causing the injury to reopen because it takes a while to heal. Hopefully tomorrow, it’ll be healed, but it could take longer as I’m not sure how bad the injury is. I know it hurts to walk, and sitting in a chair is very uncomfortable and painful. All I can do is grit my teeth and bear with the pain until dinner is finished.

“Abel, do you have any leads to follow tomorrow?” Serge asked.

“Serge, you know the rule. No work talk at the dinner table, this is family time.” Helga reprimanded her husband. He swallowed and nodded.

“Sorry, dear,” Serge replied. “Nia, how are you feeling?”

“I’m not hungry,” Nia grumbled from her seat looking down at her plate of food.

“I don’t expect you to eat, but I do want you and Conrad to drink your broth. We need to keep you hydrated after expelling all that poison out. The healer said you need to have a little bit of soup to keep your strength up to fully recover.” Helga replied. “Please baby, take just five sips for me. If you do that, then you can go back to bed and rest. Even Janelle isn’t feeling well, but she’s sitting here.”

“Janelle, are you sick?” Masey asks with concern.

“No, just a bit sore and shocked… With everything that happened yesterday, I’m…” I can’t find the right words. I don’t like lying, but there is no way in hell that I’m telling Masey that I’m sore because her brother likes to have rough s*x with me.

“She’s very tired.” Abel finishes for me. “I had to wake her up to come have dinner.”

“Oh, did you have a bad dream last night, too?” Masey asked me. “I went to Mommy and Daddy’s room last night because of my dream. I saw that big scary man tying me up again. I know you killed him, but the dream was really scary.”

“I’ve had a lot of bad dreams, but the best feeling in the world is when I wake up and remember that no matter what I am safe,” I reassure her. “I will always have your back, my friend.”

“You’re my best friend, right?” Masey pressed.

“Who would want to be your friend?” A boy with brown hair asks from across the table.

“Fletcher Seymour!” Helga snaps. “Don’t you talk to your sister like that.”

“Yes, Mom,” Fletcher says looking at the table.

“Of course, I’m your friend, Masey,” I assure her with a smile. Masey smiles back and hugs me before turning her attention back to her dinner.

The rest of dinner was minor chatting with the kids about everything happening and reassuring them that the adults would take care of them and figure out who was behind all this and why. My heart aches with this family, but part of me can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to the story than we are all seeing. I have a feeling Abel has a similar suspicion but isn’t saying anything yet without proof.

Once we finish our meals, Abel takes my hand, and we begin walking back to his room. In the main room, Abel gets a call on his cell phone. “Babe, I need to take this. I’m sorry.” He states before walking away in a different direction as he answers his phone.

I head to my room to get dressed for bed. I finish washing my face and brushing my hair, before glancing out the window at the moon as I have done often. I have always loved looking at the moon. It gives me a sense of tranquility. I can’t help but feel better when I bask in the glow of the moon at night.

“What are you doing?” Abel’s voice makes me jump.

“Looking at the moon,” I admit honestly.

“Get away from the window, Janelle. You know how dangerous it is?”

“I was looking out a window, I do every night.” I protest.

“We have wolves circling the house for protection. If someone sees you in the window and recognizes you from your pack, we’ll all be in more danger than we already are. If you want to look at the moon from a window, do it in my room, where spotting you would be tougher. Please, Janelle.”

“You just want me to stay in your room.”

“Of course I do. You are my mate, I want to be close to you.”

“I don’t want to. I know I’m supposed to want to, but everything is just piling up emotionally, and honestly, the feeling I’m having towards you is hatred. I hate you, but I know you’re my mate.” I feel my tears coming out as I speak. I’ve been holding everything in for weeks, and now I can’t stop the words. “I hate that you knew I’m your mate, and still you chose to sleep with other women. I hate that you knew I’m your mate, but you chose to tease me about it, and make me clean the sheets after you slept with another woman. I hate that you knew I’m your mate, and you tormented me verbally for weeks. I hate you for forcing me to have s*x with you on my birthday. I hate this place. I hate that your father chose to spare me. I wish he just killed me in the cave when he found me. For the first time in my life, I hate that the Moon Goddess has blessed me, I wish she’d take it back.”

Abel looks at me with such pain in his eyes but doesn’t say anything. After a moment, he closes his eyes before taking a deep breath. “I knew you were angry with me.”

“Yet, you kept acting like you were proud that you hurt me so. You just keep pretending like you did nothing wrong, then tell me that if I make you wait to have s*x you won’t be faithful. I may not know much about the mate bond, but I know mates don’t talk to each other like that.”

“I was being stupid.”

“No, you were being mean and selfish. You tried to hurt me because you think I’m weak and fragile. As of right now, you’re right. Mentally and emotionally, I’m broken. I lost everything I’ve ever known, and everyone I ever loved, just to be dragged here and tormented by you and your family. I want revenge for my family. I want to kill your uncle, but I know I can’t, and it makes me angrier.”

“Are you going to reject me?”

“I should, but where can I go if I do?” I confess. “I was raised to believe that the Moon Goddess chooses one’s mate for a reason. The Bloodmoon pack trusted the Moon Goddess’s plan, but I’m questioning everything I was taught to believe. Right now, I want to gaze out the window and meditate in the moonlight.”

“In my room, you can. I’ll give you space, I want to keep you safe. Please, Janelle.” I can hear the pain in his voice. My words have done more damage to him than I intended them to do.

“Okay,” I nod. I move away from the window and gather what I can into my backpack to bring upstairs. I zip my backpack and sling it over my shoulder.

“That’s all you have?”

“I’m thankful that your dad allowed me to keep it.”

***********************************************

Abel

Hearing her tell me how much she hates me and why, feels like someone stabbed me with a silver dagger. To know I caused all that pain without even thinking about it, kills me. How could I have been so stupid? Were my needs really that big of an issue? It’s not like I haven’t ever m*********d, I should have done that instead of bringing different she-wolves to my bed every night for release. Now I created a rift between me and my mate that I cannot undo. Not to mention me forcing her to have s*x with me knowing she was a virgin. I took that from her without hesitation the second I knew she knew I was her mate. I’m a damn monster and making it easy for her to hate me along with my family.

My pack destroyed her pack and home. My uncle ordered the slaughter of her family for unknown reasons. My father led the raid on her pack, and he took her captive to keep her as a slave who he beat. I’d hate them all too.

Seeing her only have enough belongings to fit inside a backpack makes me angry. She deserves to have more… Something, anything…

She walks past me out of the room towards the stairs to my apartment. As she begins to climb, I grab her ready to carry her up the stairs, but she gently pushes me away. That small innocent gesture feels like an unspoken rejection. “I want to help,” I whisper.

“I need to do this to get my wolf to heal me faster.” She insists as she climbs the stairs. At the top of the stairs, she turns right and goes straight over to my window, opens the curtains, and begins placing a pillow and blanket on the floor before sitting down in the small area the moonlights created. She sits cross-legged on a blanket with the moonlight washing over her face as she tilts her head and closes her eyes. I take a seat on my sofa and watch her.

After ten minutes, I begin to get restless. How can she just be sitting there? Is she asleep? “Janelle?” I call softly. I don’t want to startle her if she is asleep.

“What?” She replied without opening her eyes.

“Did I disturb you?”

“What do you think? It’s not like you’re not staring at me like I’m some sort of statue.” She sounds so angry.

“I’ll leave,” I reply taking the message that she wants to be left alone.

“You don’t have to, just stop staring at me. I’m meditating. It’s a ritual I’ve done since I was born.” She stated.

“Can I join you? I mean, join and sit next to you…”

“If you want, I will not push my traditions and beliefs on you.” She answered.

I took a seat on the floor behind her and wrap my arms around her. “Is this okay, or do you want me to not touch you?”

“It makes you happier to touch me,” she comments as she relaxes and leans back on my chest. I move my legs to either side of her to hold her close. I rest my chin on her head and close my eyes just soaking up the contact with my mate. “When I was born I was so small my dad could hold me with one hand and completely support me.” She picks up my hand and turns it palm up then places her hand in mine. “The doctors told my parents I wouldn’t make it through the night. From the moment I was born, they put a clock on my lifespan. But, I was the first out of 10 to make it out of the womb alive. My parents were not going to give up on me. They sat in front of the window with me on my mom’s chest and let me be washed in the light of the Moon Goddess while they prayed for my survival. The next night the doctors told my parents that because I was so small there was no way I’d live a week. They continued to sit with me in the window and pray, that second night was a blood moon. My pack was named after that phenomenon and believed that the blood moon was a blessing to our pack.”

“Clearly, the Moon Goddess did bless you,” I whisper leaning over to kiss her neck.

“I fear her blessing is ending.”

“I don’t think so. She spared you from the attack. She brought you here to meet me. I know it feels like she didn’t bless you, but she did. I know she did.” I kiss her head.

“Why do you keep kissing me?”

“I like the way you taste.”

“Can you just stop?” She sounds so annoyed.

“Sorry, it’s just hard to resist with so you close. I only want to please you and make you happy.”

“Maybe you should move away from me then.” She suggested. “I’m not finding this kissing stuff necessary at the moment. It just reminds me of what you’ve been doing to me since we met and it makes me angry all over again. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I’m trying to be honest.”

“I’ll try to stop kissing you so much.” She sits up, pulling away from me. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No, I just need to use the bathroom.” While she’s in the bathroom, I get up and stretch my limbs. How can she sit so still for so long and not feel stiff? She sounds annoyed and angry with me, yet she allows me to sit close and hold her. I feel her rejection, but also her own desire to be close to me. Why does this mate bond need to be so complex between us?

She returns from the bathroom without looking at me. She returns to the spot she made on the floor leaving me standing in the middle of the room looking at her as she lies down on the pillow in the moonlight. “Are you sleeping there?”

“It’s tradition.”

“I’m going to speak with my father about putting a skylight window over the bed for us,” I announce grabbing my own pillow and sitting down next to her. “Can I lie with you? I sleep better when you are near me.”

“That will be okay, just…”

“No s*x required,” I promise getting comfortable.

“I’m sorry if what I said hurt you.”

“I needed to hear it. Now I know what you are feeling, and I can work harder to make you happy.” I answer.

“Can I ask, who called you earlier?”

“Uncle Vinny. He called to yell at me about leaving the house today to conduct more interviews. I am to remain in the house until further notice or I will be punished for disobeying orders.” I admit. “As my mate, you are allowed to ask me anything. The Moon Goddess put us together for a reason, and I want to respect her blessings as much as possible. The issue at hand regarding my uncle’s orders, I don’t agree with. I strongly believe the person who poisoned the kids is not the person you killed. I think we are under attack from more than one, but I’m not sure Vinny believes that.”

“I don’t trust your uncle, and I sense that your dad doesn’t either.”

“Vinny refers to my dad as a loose cannon at times. I’ve never seen that, if anything my father is loyal to his moral code to a fault. If he doesn’t agree with something, he won’t pretend he does. He speaks his mind and handles the consequences when needed.”

“I’m with you. I think the man who attacked Masey isn’t the same person who poisoned the others. Different tactics mean different offenders.”

“You sound like you know from experience.”

“My uncle taught me a lot of things. I was the first surviving child of his baby sister and a runt. When I questioned him once why he was teaching me his ways, he answered… ‘Janie, you are small. People will always underestimate you because of your size. Use that to your advantage. Get inside their head and figure out who they think. Once you can predict their responses, you can plan an attack to your advantage. Not all battles need to be fought with brute force. The best and most challenging battles are those of wits, not bronze.’ His teachings focused solely on learning to read people and notice patterns in behavior.” She explained. I feel like I’m actually getting to know her tonight, even after she told me she hates me, she’s opening up to me.

“My dad taught me similarly, it’s why I’m the leader of my unit. Uncle Vinny keeps telling me I’m looking promising to be the next Gamma. Not sure I want it since my dad was demoted from the position and it’s still not clear why or how.”

“I caught a comment about it having to do with your mom.”

“That’s all I know. Maybe in time, my mom will tell you, if she even knows the truth. My dad may have kept that from her to spare her pain. As he’s kept the reasons behind your pack's inhalation quiet. My dad loves my mom wholeheartedly to the point he will endure to ensure she never worries.”

“Do you think we could have what your parents have?” she asks, her eyes fixed on the moon in the window.

“If you want us to. I’ve already screwed this up, it’s up to you if we continue. If you want to give me a chance, then I will go the distance to prove to you that I want to be with you. I want to love you, I want you to love me.” I admit looking at her. “I must apologize. I’m ashamed to admit that even though I’ve had s*x with many women, I’ve never had a girl twice, and I’ve never dated. I was always afraid that feelings would become strong and then mates would complicate things. I wanted to be faithful only to my mate, no one else to ensure I only fell for my mate.”

“Yet, you told me if I deny you s*x when you want it, you wouldn’t be faithful.”

“Yeah, I did say that didn’t I?” I move away from her with a groan of annoyance. “I have the worst habit of putting my foot in my mouth so to speak. I say s**t without thinking and then regret the words later. Janelle, I look at me please.” I move back to her, gently touching her cheek to turn her head. Our eyes meet and my stomach does a little flip. “Janelle, you are my mate. You are the only woman I want from now on until the day I die.” I lean in to kiss her lips tenderly. I’m so relieved when she kisses me back. When I pull away, I get comfy and snuggled up with her. “Good night.”

“Night.” She murmurs closing her eyes. I truly hope we can mend this somehow.