She Keeps Me Warm

Chapter Fourteen

Jazztin Bieber Sent you a message...

Hey, what does a person have to do in order to get your numbers...... It was good seeing you.

Okay, so I was now going insane.. I had no fucken idea who this was and they sounded like they fucken know me alright.

I stared blankly at the screen wondering whether or not to accept or ignore the message request.

I mean I tried to go on their profile and check who they are but every fucken thing is private, so I couldn't see unless they were friends with me.

I sighed and decided to ignore it, if they wanted to actually talk to me, they'd show some face.. Who fucken hides their profile picture on f*******: anyway?

I smiled when I thought about school because Ms Louw and I were fucken amazing. Kissing a lot getting me wet.. but what kinda made me sad was how I freaked out when she touched my thigh... She apologized and I told her that everything was okay, but I could still see worry in her..

Well, today I was planning on showing her that we were still okay...

I took my school bag and headed downstairs. My transport would be here any minute.

"Hey honey... your lunch is over there." mom said and I nodded, "thank you."

I put my lunch in the bag and then a little tiny princess came in running. A smile automatically formed on my face, "oh hey Princess, stop running around the house, you might hurt yourself."

"Okay.. I'm hungry.." she said pulling out a chair and I helped her seat.

"How is school baby?"

"It's fun... it's Nathan's party today. We are eating cake..."

I laughed. I have been so caught up in my life that I hardly spent time with my sister and it sucked because soccer was taking my time too.

"So Sunday I was thinking that you and I go to Mc D..." I suggested and she smiled, "really?"

I nodded, "yes princess. Just you and I.."

"Why can't we go with Stacy and Theo..?" She asked and my heart sank at the mention of Stacy. That b***h ass president...

"Maybe they'll join us but not on Sunday. I just want us okay.."

"Okay..."

My transport arrived and I got up and kissed Lizzie, "bye kiddo..." then I ran out.

I got inside the transport and the only seat left was next to Stacy. I went to seat and took my phone out.

I had a message from my best friend

TWIN: whoever tool my place in your life will soon leave or dienn b***h I'm the main.. You should forever give me attention.

I laughed, my friend can be so stupid sometimes.

ME: No one is competing with you coz they'd lose, school and soccer got me crazy.. I miss and love you so much Rosie.. Let's talk later okay, I have s**t to tell you anyways.

Then I put my phone in my pocket.

"Lin.. can we talk.."

I shrugged, "no... I'm busy."

The transport came to a stop and I got out. Followed by the rest of Montgomery learners.

"Hey Lin..." some girls said when I walked in and I waved at them.

It's crazy how everyone now knew and actually talked to me. And how flirting others were with me. It was just weird.

Ms Louw got out of her car holding her backpack and books on the othee hand and her right her coffee. She lookee like she needed more hands. She put the books down and closed her car.

She looked so hot in her formal dark green shorts and a gray shirt. Her tattoos were showing and I was wondering if the school doesn't have a problem with that..

I smiled and made my way there taking the books on the floor.

She turned and was startled to see me.

"Morning Ma'am, doesn't the school have a problem with your tattoos?"

She sighed, "you sneaked up on me.. what if this tea was all over you by now?"

I shrugged, "It's tea and not coffee, so it would be better."

She smiled, "morning Lin, and I am Ms Louw... so my tattoos.. the school doesn't have a problem with them.."

"They are beautiful. I want one too or maybe two of them.."

"Not yet.. try them after university or something. When you already know what you want to do."

I smiled, "I want to be a writer or a soccer player... so I do qualify for tattoos.."

She laughed and opened her office then motioned for me to go in.

"Like I want to write stories, about my life or anything and then play soccer... it would just be amazing." I said setting her books on her table.

"You do know you can do both right... amd if you want to write you can start now.. create a blog or something and introduce people to your writing."

I smiled turning to her, "that is a smart idea Ms Louw.. you aren't only beautiful, you've got brains too, you should consider yourself lucky because not many get that privilege."

She sipped on her tea before laughing, "you are talented and are such an i***t, keep up the good work..."

I stuck my tongue out, "I have to go to class, I have english first.. I don't want to be late."

She put down her bag and smiled at me, "I heard the teacher is a b***h, you better run.."

"Heeeey careful about that... I happen to like her bitchy ass.. so be careful what you say about her in front of me..."

She looked at the door and walked closer to me, "oh really? So you like her?"

"Very much..."

She held my chin, pulled it up making me face her and closed the gap between us by connecting our lips together.

We kissed for a while and she pulled away, "I heard she likes you too... but would hate it if you were to be late in her class.

I smiled so she liked me.. fuuuuuuuuuuck.

"Wipe that smile off your face.."

I laughed totally pulling away from her and backed away a bit, "Ms Louw, you should be thankful to me that I carried your books up here, you looked like you wasn't going to be able to do that by yourself.. you only have two hands remember."

She laughed, "alright Miss Lin, I thank you.. for real, you were of good help."

The foor opened revealing the principal, "I thought I heard voices, good morning... Lin... Louw."

Ms Louw looked at me with horror in her eyes. She eas freaking out thinking the principal knows. But I tried to play it cool, "morning principal..." I turned to Ms Louw, "Ms Louw, next time carry two bags, see you in class.."

"Umh Miss Lin, could you take these with you.. it's your assignments and no picking.. I'll know if you checked your marks.."

I took the papers, "I doubt you will... bye principal."

"I'm glad you're settling in Lin.. bye." He said and I made it out and finally sighed in relief, if I had not pulled away from Ms Louw, he was going to catch us. f**k! We needed to be extra careful.

I got to class and tried to look for my paper but couldn't find it. I put them on the front desk and Stacy walked in.

"Olwethu you can't avoid me forever you know."

"I can."

"Can we talk please.... I'm begging you."

I shook my head, "no Stacy, I want nothing to do with you."

"I heard what you said...about your fath.."

"Don't... I didn't say anything.. and don't ever talk to me please..." I said and went to sit on my chair.

Ocar came running to me, "be at your locker by 3:03 exactly... not later.."

"What if I get detention...?" I asked making her roll her eyes, "then you're out of the soccer team..."

I gasped, "the fuck...!"

She laughed, "kidding, just be there..."

"Fine..."

"Good morning guys..." Ms Louw said walking in with a beautiful smile on her face.. wow.. she was happy.

"So today I have your assignments and I want us to go through that.."

"You look happy Ms Louw.." Olivia said and the class laughed.

Ms Louw smiled, "well it I a beautiful day out here. What's not to be happy about?" She said the last part looking at me. I smiled too, "really guys, It's a beautiful day... y'all should be happy too..."

"Pshhhhh... you're happy because every girl here wants you.." someone said and I froze. The f**k!

"Oh.. is that so?" Ms Louw asked.

"Yeaaah, her locker is full of girls numbers...." Oscar laughed.

I turned to her and gave her the 'f**k you' look.

"That's really interesting..." Ms Louw said looking at me, "so back to your assignments.. others were amazing, others could use with some help and others are just... like... wooooow, guys.. really? So you can't narrate a story..?"

"We are not all writers..." this one gothic chick by the door said and Ms Louw smiled, "of course Nat, some of you are exceptional... like you and Miss Lin for instance.. your work was worth reading.. I could see the picture that you guys painted with words.. it was just beautiful I didn't want to stop... which is why I want to read them for the class..."

The fuuuuuck did she say?

"Nooooooo..." I said.

"It was beautifully written I mean it Lin.. I'd like to share it with the class.. It's a beautiful piece... so I'll read yours today and analyze it, then on Monday we will Read Miss Montez.."

I got up from my seat and went to her. "Ma'am.. please don't read mine.."

"Why?" She whispered.

I couldn't. I just couldn't let her stand there and read to the class how I first got molested by my step father.

In the assignment we were asked to write about a true event, whether it happened to us or someone we knew. As long as it would be true. We were asked to narrate the story as first person or third person. So to make things easy for me, I wrong about the 14 of June when I turned 11 in Cape Town.

A NIGHTMARE HOLIDAY.. My story was entitled that.. it described everything in detail, how my father got off from touching me. How his fingers touched me and how I felt disgusted at myself after that.

"You can't..." I said in a shaky voice and then realized I was near tears. I turned and left the class... I ran to the first bathroom I could find and closed myself in a stall.

Tears.. I fucken hated my tears and how weak I was being now.

My heart was beating so fast. I could lie to her and just tell her that it was a friend who went through that and she could read it.. but that would eat me up, it being read would make me relive the even in my head and I'd act.. I'd either cry or..

"Lin..."

She was here... ahh why wouldn't she be.

"Please come out.." she said and I sighed, "I can't..." my voice was so hoarse from crying or wanting to cry..

"Please babe.. please... come out and talk to me.. please"

The way she said that crashed every wall I have ever built as a kid trying to protect me from people in the world.

"Please..."

I slowly opened the door and walked out. I didn't even bother to wipe my tears, I showed up all teary and s**t.

She opened her arms and I went in for a hug.. I held her tight and cried for the first time to someone about this. Only she and my mom knew about the molestation... but she didn't know that she knew..

"What's wrong.. talk to me."

I kept on crying silently on her shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm here... just take your time okay..." she said brushing her hand up and down my back trying to calm me down. I pulled away after what felt like an hour.

"So... the story... it's that close to you...?" She asked and I nodded.

She lifted both her hands up, cupped my face and wiped my tears.

"Don't cry..."

"I'm sorry..." I said lookimg at the wetness I caused on her shirt, "shit... I'm sorry..."

She looked at me, just stood there with both her hands on my face and looked at me. Her eyes consumed me. I felt naked under them, like she could see through me... she could see everything I have been through, the beating, being molested.. I felt like she could see it by just looking at me.

Tears again...

She watched and bit her inner cheek. I wanted to ask what she was thinking because she was in deep thoughts. But then I was scared she'd say, "he was disciplining you maybe..." or "he's your father, he'd never do that to you.." or "maybe you thought he did it.. it's just in your head.."

I was terrified no one would ever believe me... coz in honesty, no one ever did believe me.

She then sighed after a while and shook her head,

"he didn't..."

I swallowed and just looked at her. I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to admit it. I felt ashamed. She wouldn't believe me like the rest and then she wouldn't want me after this.

"Please tell me he fucken didn't..." she said sternly.

I kept quiet. I was scared. She'd never wanna kiss me or touch me again. She'd see me as I saw myself.. dirty and filthy... or lying and attention seeking like everyone thought I was.

But my eyes were giving it all. My eyes continued to release tears as I tried to stay strong.

"Do you want to go home...?"

I shook my head no.

She pulled me into a hug, "go to my office, I'll send a school nurse up there to check on you."

I took the key, "I'm sorry..."

"Stay there okay, even after the nurse checked on you.. I am free after this."

I nodded, "thank you.. means a lot."

And I went out and headed straight to her office. After walking in there was a knock at the door. Just as she promised, the nurse was here.

"Hey Miss Lin.. what seems to be the matter?"

I shrugged, "just headache.."

"Do you know what's causing it.."

"Umh.. lack of sleep,... umh and some dreams.."

She nodded a bit. She had a first aid kit. She put the box in front of her on a table and took gloves and put them on.

"Can we do this on the couch.. lay down for me a bit..."

I furrowed my brows at her.

"I have to examine you..."

"Why do I have to lay down on the couch..? Can't we do that here.. you make it sound like you'll ask me to get undressed and look at my genitals.."

She laughed, "I want to check your eyes... relax..."

We went to the couch and she checked my eyes..

"Okay... you don't get enough sleep.."

"Told you that.."

"I can only give you these painkillers.. you need to see a doctor for anything else..."

"Need?"

"Yeah... please.." she said and I nodded, "alright.."

"Did you eat anything in the morning?"

I shrugged, "slice of bread and an apple.."

"Drink these and take a break okay.." she said and I smiled, "thank you.."

She went out and I went to the small fridge by the school's kitchen and got water to drink the pills I was given. I went back to Louw's office and laid on the couch. I'll just wait for her to finish teaching...

I was so terrified and scared of getting out of my bed. The whole night my eyes were open, I couldn't sleep even a blink. I kept on playing what just happened in my head over and over and over again.. I couldn't stop myelf from crying.

I didn't know what to do. But I remembered that at school they said if something happens, something in those limes, we should tell people we trusted... but I trusted him too, I trusted him to keep me safe and protect me.. yet he was the first to harm me.

I could hear my mom and Lizzie talking on the other room or was it the TV, I didn't care. I was freaked out and right at this moment I wanted myself dead...

A knock on the door startled me so much. I pulled the blankets over my head and silently cried. Today was the last day of the birthday holiday.. we were supposed to see a few restaurants, taste different food and then get ready to fly back home later.

At some point I had been looking forward to that, but not today, not after what happened the previous day... I felt sick, dirty and worse I felt like it was my fault. Whatever he said when he left haunted me. He knew I was awake, or else he wouldn't have told me that I shouldn't tell anyone and that he loves me and wouldn't hurt me...

A knock on the door startled me again.

"Honey.." my mom's voice said.

I kept quiet but the door eventually opened making a sound. Then the bed moved a bit as another presence sat on it.

She put her hand on my hip making me jump a bit.

"Baby it's me.. hey, are you okay? How does being 11 feel like?" She asked and I still stayed hidden under my blankets..

"Honey..."

I kept quiet.. I wished I could sleep for good, because I had no idea what to do then. Do I tell my mom? What will she do? Go to the police?

I felt a hand pull these blankets I had over me, then she held my shoulder and turned me over to face her.

"God.. honey what happened to you..."

"Should I call your dad?"

"Nooo!" I almost screamed. If my voice was normal it would have definitely been a yell.. but because I spent the whole night crying, it was a whisper yell.

"What's wrong.. what happened? Your eyes are red and you're crying and.. God what happened.."

I shook my head and said the first thing that came to my mind, "It's not my failt.. it wasn't my fault."

"Baby what are you talking about..."

"He touched me.. he touched me.." I said repeatedly in my head and in actuality. I was saying that out loud and in my head.

My mom held my face and made me face her, "what?" Horror in her eyes.

"He touch me.." I cried.. "mom he was here last night and he took off my trousers and he touched me."

"Oh God.. we should tell your dad.. did you see him. Where was he from...? God! Your dad did tell me that he went out a bit. Maybe that's when he got in. Can you describe him?"

My mom rambled all that.. she looked scared.. she removed all the blankets, "let me see..."

I froze... remembering him. How I trusted him and how he took advantage of me.

"It's okay.. I just want to see so I can take ypu to the hospital..." she said and I let her check..."

"What did he do?" She asked after a while and I was now crying as I described what the man who was supposed to take care of me did.

"He put his fingers here and moved them slowly.... he took off his pants and...and.."

"And what?"

"And he put it where his fingers were..." I had no idea what to name that place. So I took off the underwear that my dad put on after his filth work.. I showed my mom the slippery bud where his hands and his p***s moved.."

"We should tell your dad so he can take us to the hospital..." my mom said getting up and I shook my head, "no mom we can't.. we can't please.. please..."

"Why...?"

"Because it was him... he did that.." I finally managed to say and she froze and stared blankly at me.

Now I cried audibly..

She shook her head after a while, "are you sure? You're not mistaken.. he is your father.. he could never do that."

"He did it!"

"No.." she said, "God not Sipho... he wouldn't.. he did say you'll say things like this. What is wrong with you. I was worried sick about you..."

Fuck... fuck.. fuck.. this could NOT be happening. She wasn't taking his side over mine. She wasn't believing a molester over her own daughter..

"Mom...he did it. He told he he's tagging me in... and..."

"Stop..." she said sternly now, "you're so ungrateful... I want you to get up, go bath and then come join us for breakfast.. and stop this nonsense you're talking about my husband. He'd never do that.. NEVER!"

Those were the words I heard before she slammed the door... the pain I felt right there. It was unexplainable. I felt like she took a part of me a burried it.

"He did it.. he did.. he did it..." I kept on saying in my head...

"He did..."

"Lin!" A body shook me and I jumped a bit opening my eyes..

"What?" I said and Ms Louw looked so fucken worried.

I sat up on the couch and wiped my face..

"How.. how long have you been here...?"

"You were having a bad dream.... weren't you?"

I shrugged, "it will pass... so how long?"

"A few minutes... Olwethu I am so worried about you. Can you please tell me what is going on.. what's with the dreams, your assignment. The abuse at home.. is it one and the same thing?"

I sighed, "I need water..."

She got up and cane with a glass of water, which I thankfully took and drank, "thank you.."

"I don't want to push... but I'm really worried... I just want you to be okay..."

I nodded, "thanks..."

I felt she was saying this at the wrong time. After having thee f****d up dream about the day I told my mom and how she handled it. What if she didn't believe me too, what if she thought I was lying and that my dad wasn't capable of doing that because he was my dad?

She yot up from the couch and started walking towards her desk..

Fuck! She already crashed every wall I had.. I had nothing more to lose if she knew..

"He molested me..." I said and she stopped on her heels.

I continued, "the story I wrote.. my birthday.. it was the beginning of a nightmare... he started there... he's done it a number of times again..."

She turned to look at me, "you told your mom?"

I looked away.

She came to sit next to me and took my hands in hers, she kissed them and looked at me, "tell me everything... I'm here, I'm not going anywhere... and I believe you."

That.. felt like music to my ears...

"Is that why you freaked out on Wednesday.... when I...you know," she said after finishing out everything I have been keeping to myself.

"Moved your hands to my thighs you mean... yeah.. a bit.. but it doesn't mean that you're..." I tried to explain but she shut me up, "It's okay... I understand.. I was just worried that maybe I crossed the line..."

I blushed, "you can cross the line."

She looked at me.. just looked..

"I mean it..."

She leaned over and kissed my lips, "I know... I know..."

..

School today was the best.. I felt like not leaving and everything that Valentia said to me was like building me up. She was just so understanding and supportive. She didn't ask much. She just allowed me to talk freely and told me whenever I want to talk she'll be there.

I loved that and to make things worse it made me love her more... but I paid no attention to that. Her support was amazing.

Arriving at home and going up to my room. I had no plans for the weekend...

My phone vibrated and I took it out thinking it's Valentia...

Jazztin Bieber Sent you a picture..

I laughed and actually hoped they were smart enough to send me a picture.. but I laughed sooooo hard more when I opened it and saw a drawing..

It was a drawn picture of Jasmine.. trust me I know it was her and she was holding a bag written "feelings".. and then there was a picture of me..

The fuuuuck.. this person can draw...

Okay, a picture of me standing a bit far and another bag of "feelings" was a distance from me... the caption of the picture was..

Heeey Lin, so we both don't catch feelings right.. I'd like to see you again.. xoxo..

God Jasmine was a fucken idiot.. I laughed thinking that my little sister walked in, "what are you laughing at?"

I showed her the drawing in my phone, "this..."

"It's a beautiful drawing.. can I draw it...?"

"Yeah.. do draw it please..." I said giving her the phone.

I laid back in bed and looked at at the ceiling. I laughed again.. fuckkkkk

"Jasmine is an idiot..." I said and my sister laughed.