She Keeps Me Warm

Chapter Twenty

VALENTIA'S POV

It sometimes seems so simple and so easy, just love hard and all will work out. Just give it your best, hold nothing back, be brave, be vulnerable, and everything will work out for you.

Right?

No, not really...

Because you know that is not always the case. Because sometimes we can love someone with everything we have, and we can still get it wrong. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

So you ask yourself why do we then even take these chances? Why do we risk heartbreak and tears and sleepless nights, if we know that there's a small chance that we could get it all wrong?

The answer is pretty simple...

Because on the other side of rejection, on the other side of that moment you question if you should say something, there will be bravery from within that allows you to continue with words you might regret at the end. But under the surface shines hope. Under the surface we start to wonder, can these people reciprocate these intense feelings we have for them?

So you then stand up to take a chance and go for it. Because the regret we have more in life, is not for the words we say, but rather the words we repress, and always end up wondering 'what if.'

Things for me were a lot different thought. I had everything.. or so I thought. A beautiful amazing wife, a house, a stable good career.. what more could anyone ask for? I mean what else could I need to fully complete me....

Little did I know that my world was going to come crushing down on me when a 17 year old girl walked late into my classroom. From the first look, I knew she was different... I knew she was trouble..

How she looked really cute and confident. I had to be a bit tough on her though... but her come back after class left me speechless. No child ever stood up for themselves like that. But she, she was different.

I knew right then that I was in trouble.

Time went on and this weird relationship started growing between us and somehow it consumed me. I loved it and I kept on wanting it until I couldn't stop or turn back.. I found myself in the deep end of a jungle and going back didn't seem as a good option.

So I was like no matter what the circumstances, I should take a chance other than end up wondering with what ifs..

And if she didn't love me or feel the same way, that was one thing.

But there was something that told me this could be something. There was this feeling that I blindly trusted and held onto even though I knew my life, I couldn't just walk away from her without even trying.

I knew she felt it too. The intense exchange of looks in class or my office, where I knew her heart was beating as fast as mine. I could feel it as I stood next to her, staring at her. Cause it wasn't just a kiss, it was thee kiss. And every moment she and I were together after that, I wanted to know if she felt the time frozen too. Like it was just us at that moment.

I'm never the one to beg or plead or even ask for attention. But what we had was something different. We were onto something great here, something we couldn't control. It made me feel alive a bit... I knew she was a bit scared but not as much as I was. I knew a lot of things could go wrong...and that everything could come crushing down on me.. I mean with how complicated everything was in my life, I knew the first thing I didn't want was for her to get hurt.... And I didn't want me to get hurt either.

But then, sometimes when you take shitty chances, you get shitty results.

I couldn't believe it. She cried, she fucken cried because of me?

I been feeling like s**t the whole week. Trying to figure out how I'll gain courage to mutter a word to her. And what to even say since she didn't want to hear me out at all.

She didn't deserve any of this. She already had a lot to deal with. But I couldn't just let her go.. not while I loved her like this. I needed her to hear me out. That was all.

I got home and put everything in my office then got back to the main bedroom. This week was just awful. I needed a bath and then my bed.

The way she spoke to me today just killed me. She thought I was using her. She thought I was with her because she was an easy target...and a virgin.... f**k! I just wished I had spoken sooner. Maybe I wouldn't be in this s**t.

I went to my bathroom and ran me a bath. I didn't even have appetite for food. I quickly took a bath and went to my f*******:.

It kinda made me a bit sick when I saw another picture of Jasmine and Olwethu float around my f*******: being shared. People were "shipping" them saying they'd make a good couple.

I was about to put my phone away when it started ringing.

❤Wife? was calling.

I cleared my throat and answered.

"My wife..."

'aww baby what's wrong?' Zai asked and I sighed. This girl knew me like the back of her hand.

See, she and I have know each other for almost the rest of our lives. Zai, Mariah and I have been friends since kindergarten. And we knew each other so much.

I was very fortunate for having a care free family, where I could express myself and just love me for who I am. I didn't have to come out to my family about my sexuality because they knew. But I needed to sit down with my friends and let them know.

When I was 15 I came out to Zai and Mariah. They were both accepting and Zai even said she had a crush on me. Our relationship started like that and I took her to the matric dance(prom).

Our families were like so close and they knew we were dating. So our parents kinda sat down behind our backs and started arrranging a wedding... This marriage between Zai and I was like a business kinda arrangement between our fathers...

Our families were so happy when we got married when I turned 24.. Zai was 22.. now I'm 27 and she's 25.. she works at our father's construction company.. she studied for that s**t and was put as CEO three months ago, which made her to move. I couldn't move with her. My life was here and Montgomery High was everything I ever dreamt off, not to mention the pay. So we decided to stay separately and visit each other during weekends.

I love Zai and did since we were growing up, and I'd do anything for her...I mean she's my best friend and she's the most amazing person I know.. so marrying her wasn't a problem.

It wasn't a problem until I laid my eyes on Lin.

Of course I had my fair share of relationships when growing up until I concluded to myself that what I actually feel for Zai was it. It was the end of it, it was how one is supposed to feel when they love someone..

But a 17 year old walked confidently into my class and made me question everything. She made me question the word love itself, made me question my love for my wife.

These feelings came a bit stronger and the yearning was way too much that I couldn't stop myself no matter how many times I tried to remind myself that I was married to Zai.

I mean Zai and I were perfect before, I'd see girls out there and they wouldn't make me want to look at them twice.. I always knew I had her...

But this was different, with Olwethu everything was just different. She walked in and I was immediately sprung... I couldn't believe what hit me.. and how it made me question what I felt for my wife.

'baby...' my wife said taking me from my thoughts..

"Yes my wife..." I said and she giggled, 'God umh.. baby what's wrong? You sound distant'

"Really it's nothing baby. I'm just so tired.."

'if I was there I'd give you the fullest massage and then maybe s*x after that...'

I smiled, "baby.. I don't think I'll be able to come... I'm just swapped with a lot of work since matrics are about to write.."

'can't I come then...'

"If you promise not to distract me..."

She gasped on the other side of the phone, 'whaaaaat me? Never, what could I possibly distract you with..'

I laughed, "let me jog your memory... you'll walk around all naked in the house with that sexy ass of yours.. that's a no a fair game because I need to finish this paperwork."

To be honestly I couldn't bare looking at her while I was feeling like this. It would just f**k me up.

'okay, baby I promise I won't. I just want to cuddle when you're done with paperwork.. I miss you.'

My heart sank, "right.. I miss you too baby... let's talk tomorrow okay.."

'i love you Vee...'

"I do too Zai...I love you." Then I hung up and a little bit hoped she was not going to arrive...but I didn't say that to her because she'd want to know why.

This weekend I just wanted to be all alone so I can think things off and what I was going to do.

Right now I was tempted to text Olwethu but after the encounter we had today. I was sure she'd scream that she hates me. And that would just break me.

I honestly wanted to come clean about my wife on Thursday and tell her why I haven't been open about my feelings. And what's worse was that Zai surprised me and Mariah at school. She was supposed to arrive later on friday, but she decided to surprise Mariah by coming early to watch her team... so when I saw her in my class I was shocked...and wished I had spoken sooner...

I sighed trying not to think about the girl but faild. I ended up giving up, and decided to be brave... maybe texting her would be okay.

ME: Baby please give me a chance to just sit down and talk to you. That's all I'm asking. Then you can be angry or hate me. I just want you to listen to me please..

I waited for five minutes.. maybe for her to respond. I looked at my watch and it was 8:49pm... so I waited a bit. I got up from my bed, went to the kitchen to drink water just to buy time.. but when I came back there still was no notification.. I sighed. Maybe I should sleep.

So I set my alarm and slept... hoping that I could get enough sleep tonight. Tomorrow was another long day.

..

I was woken up by my alarm blurring under my pillow. I got up feeling like a Zombie.

I took a quick bath and then went to my wardrobe. Black jeans and a white golf t-shirt since it was friday, with white sneakers. I fixed my hair, made my lunchbox and went to my car.

I drove to school and tried to keep my s**t together...

I couldn't let it show that it was eating me up. So I stayed strong.

I parked my car, got out and saw Jasmine dropping Lin by the gate. This was now a habit. She'd drop her in the morning and fetch her after practice. It made me sick to my stomach. I wished it was me who was dropping her off.. or me she was laughing with.

You probably think I'm crazy... Maybe I am.. what I was feeling was out of this world. It was hard to explain. But I knew that it was different.

I took my backpack, my lunchbox with my left hand and then the papers I was supposed to mark last night.. I needed to lock the car but my hands were occupied.. God! I missed how she'd come and say...

"Can I help you with your papers...?" A voice startled me.

I was shocked that she actually was helping me, but I was grateful.

"Yes please..." she took the papers on my hand and hers brushed with mine a bit. We looked at each other but she quickly looked away. I shook my head a bit and locked my car then we started to walk towards my office..

"Thank you..." I said after opening my office. She got in and went to put the papers on the table then turned to me,

"Are you busy?"

I shook my head praying that she'd want to finally talk to me, that she'd give me time to actually listen and let me say why I was so f****d up and didn't say anything about Zai.

"No.. no I'm not busy at all.."

"Okay.." she said taking off her school bag, "I have a paper here and I'm stuck. I need your help with it."

At first I was fucken stunned. She was seriously going to ask about school work when things were this off between us. I missed her. Us... I missed us.

But then I realized I was being an ass, I am her teacher, she did say that yesterday and I needed to help her if she wanted my assistance.

"Can we go to the couch..." I said in almost a whisper and she shifted her gaze from her book to me, "What's wrong with the table?"

At the back of my head I was thinking 'i wouldn't be able to kiss you' but I didn't say that out loud and freak her out.

"Just to be comfortable and I'll see what you're talking about.." I said and she nodded, "Okay.."

We went to sit down.

She opened her text book and the question paper, "so I have been trying to figure out passive voice... it's kinda confusing when there are continuous tenses involved and I have to convert it to active voice... so I just need clarity so I can understand.."

It was just so sexy, how when she knew something she'd be a bit shy and when she didn't know she'd be eager to learn more about it so she can understand. It was just amazing I swear to God.

I took her text book and showed her examples that were there.. then I explained slowly and even made examples about her and soccer and just everything that would make it easy for her to understand..

"Fuuuuck.. s**t I get it now thank you so much..." she said putting her staff back into her bag.

My heard sank a bit, she was about to leave. I needed to try again.. I honestly needed to.

"Lin..."

"Yes..."

"Can we talk... please.." I said.

She shrugged, "so tell me... your wife.. where does she stay.. I figured during the week she isn't around hence on the weekend I never existed in your life.."

That hurt but I kept my cool, "she works a bit far and can't travel back and forth... So we see each other on weekends..."

"Were you that bored or lonely?" She asked and I furrowed my brows at her confused, "what?"

"I mean were you that fucken bored to actually use me to just pass time because it's absurd for you to be singing you're in love with me when you're fucken married to such a beautiful wife Valentia."

I wasn't bored or lonely... I wasn't until I met her. I mean of course my wife wasn't around and I have never done something like this with anyone.. but with Lin it was different, I actually wanted her, I loved her..

I shook my head, "I didn't go after you because I was bored Lin. I said it, I did because I'm in love with you."

She scoffed, "please... you could have fucken fooled me. So you was fucken bored and needed someone in between the week to keep you company and guess what.. that new kid with an abusive father was a fucken easy target. You'd just act concerned and pay attention to her and actually be there and pretend to be listening while you're just passing time so that on weekends you can be with your beautiful wife.."

She sighed and continued, "It didn't fucken matter that she was falling for you. She fucken told you her troubles and you kissed her. You lead her on and pretended like you care."

"I wasn't pretending.. I am not pretending babe. I really really love you..."

"Don't patronize me... don't... you got caught and now you think you can just lie your way out of this.." she was at the edge of crying..

"Lin it's not like that I swear..."

"It is... you have no fucken idea how shitty I feel right now!"

I tried to take her hands but she pulled away.

"Lin... I know exactly how you feel..."

"I'm not fucken married.. I am not married so you have no idea how I feel. You lied to me, made me feel like I matter to you. Pretended to love me, made love to me.. you fucken acted like you cared... yet you are fucken married and was just passing time with me until you were at the comfort of your bed screaming you love her... you know what? f**k you Vee..."

I bit the inner of my cheek trying to stop me from crying, "It's not like that.. Lin please just hear me out. I am in love you..."

"You're fucken married.. get that through your head. You're fucken married, how can you be in love with me..!"

And just like that she left.

I was left sitting on the couch wondering if this will ever get worked out. I knew I f****d up and I knew I hurt her but she was thinking the worst. I just wanted her to know the truth about everything.. then I'd leave her alone.

My day was so fucken horrible. I was a bit out of it in my classes that I just decided to give them tasks to do.

When I finally reached my final class for today, which of course was Lin's class I was more of a mess..

I just took the text book and said, "umh.. guys, turn to page 199 and do that assessment.. anyone with a problem.. please come to me."

I sat down and decided to mark the papers I should have marked last night and this morning.

I was trying so hard not to pay attention to Lin but I heard her talk. I lifted my head up from my desk and saw her exchange words with Susan and then she laughed.. a bit loud.. which pissed me the f**k off. She didn't want to talk to me or even listen to me, yet she had the nerve to talk and listen to others. I knew I sounded so pety right now and maybe was taking this too personal but she was just pissing me off.

So without even thinking I blurted out, "Lin take your bag and get out of my class..."

The class went quiet and she looked at me shocked, "ms...Mrs Louw.. I didn't do anything.."

I was maybe going to be okay when she said she didn't do anything. But what got under my nerves was how she corrected her Ms to Mrs... that just sent me over the edge.

"You're making noise in my class.. so take your bag and kindly get out." I was fed up now! I knew I was making this personal but so was she.

She sighed, shook her head and took her bag then headed out.

After class I went to my office and finished off the papers that were left. Around five I got ready to leave. I knew my wife would arrive around 6 if she was really coming.

I took my lunch and bag then went straight to my car. The team was leaving too.. Lin was fetched.. by Jasmine again.. that made me sick. I wanted Lin.. I knew that sounded crazy but I wanted her for me..

..

On Saturday I decided to just take Zai out and take my mind off things. Last night she asked what was wrong and I told her I'm just worried about exams. She didn't deserve any of this. But I also had no idea what to do. I couldn't even talk to anyone not even Mariah about it because she was going to be mad at me like she was when she saw me kiss Lin.

"So are we dressing up or what?" Zai asked walking around butt naked to the closet.

"Anything baby.. just craving for burgers or ribs..." I said and she smiled, "jeans and sneakers it is.

I smiled, "that will look good on you too.."

Zai and I have been best friends forever and that showed a lot sometimes... and it was why I cared and loved her. Then I mistaken that for being in love..

"I'm done..." she finally said and I snapped out of my thoughts..

"Finally.."

She laughed and kissed my cheek, "let's go.."

We got inside my car and I started driving to the nearest restaurant, Tashas to be exact... it was Zai's favorite.

The smile on her face when she saw me park. She turned to me, "you are just the best.."

I shrugged, "I try.."

She bit her lower lip sexily, "well.. this night just earn you a bit of this tonight.." she said the last part pointing at her.

I laughed and we both got out. I opened the door for her and we got in. She took my hand and we went to get a table. When I lifted my head up, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

She was here.. with Jasmine. f**k!

Our eyes met somehow. She was laughing but as soon as she saw me her face changed.

She and I were facing each other and Jasmine and Zai had their asses on each other.

I looked at me as Zai ordered.

"Baby what will you have?"

I smiled, "just order for me babe.." and then my eyes went back to Jasmine and Olwethu.

My heart sank when I watched Olwethu hold Jasmine... she pulled her closer and connected their lips... all this while she was looking at me.

I felt my heart quiver. I felt like busting right there and telling her to f**k off.. Why was she doing this? To get back at me? Because if she was it was fucken working. She pulled away and Jasmine laughed saying something in the lines of 'what was that for'

I felt sick.. I felt sick to my stomach because here I was sitting with my wife but I was jealous of someone else. Someone I couldn't even call mine. Someone who I actually was in love with.

"Baby.. what's wrong?" Zai asked and I shook my head, "nothing.. let me go use the rest room my wife..."

She smiled and let me go.

I reached the bathroom and took a breather. I was about to lose it. I was about to lose my mind over a 17 year old. She was driving me crazy. She was just driving me insane.

I returned back to the table and they were still there. My wife was already eating.. so I joined her. Tried to keep my mind here.

I asked Zai how the business was and how everyone was. She was happy to inform me. Little did she know I was trying to keep some birdy off my mind.

After eating we went to shop for a few clothes and my wife bought me a watch.

"Thank you baby..."

"Anything for you..." she said and we made our way back to our place.

When we got there I just needed to forget about Lin. So my wife closed the main door. When she turned her body crashed on mine as I connected our lips.

She bit my lower lip and that just sent me over the edge. I needed to f**k her just to get this girl off my mind.

I closed my eyes and kissed her only to see a picture of Olwethu kissing Jasmine in my head.

I pushed Zai against the wall and went down to her neck.

"Mhmmm..." my wife moaned and I sucked harder while I started to unbutton her blouse.

I then took her hand and pulled her towards our bedroom. I laid her in bed and to my fucken surprised I saw Lin..

I furrowed my brows a bit and she smiled, "baby what's wrong?"

I shook my head and then it was my wife, "nothing... can we use Crissy...."

Crissy was our Strap on..

She bit her lip and nodded.

I went to the drawer and put the strap on on me. I then climbed on top of my wife and kissed her, getting her all worked up. When I closed my eyes I saw Lin and Jas kissing. When I opened my eyes it would be Lin I'm f*****g.

It was so frustrating...

My hand felt in between her legs and I was satisfied with how wet she was.

I went on my knees in between her legs and positioned myself well.

She held my waist, "take it easy on me... it will hurt.."

Then I fucken saw Lin again.. my mind was playing tricks with me. The girl smiled and said, "I want you to make love to me". The voice was my wife but the face was Lins...

I slowly penetrated her and she let out a sharp moan.

"Baby are you okay?"

"Yeah.. just go slowly.. it's been a while since we used Crissy..."

I nodded and started f*****g her. I closed my eyes and in my head I saw Lin kiss Jasmine.. then I lost it.. I started f*****g Zai. I f****d her so hard.. she held on to me and encouraged me to go on.

When I opened my eyes I'd see Lin smiling at me..

I couldn't help it anymore. I was f****d up. I was emotional. A tear dropped from my eye to Zai's neck and I stopped moving...

I tried to control my breathing.

I was in deep shit..

I quickly got up and took off the strap on. Zai was asking me what was wrong. I couldn't say it...

So I just put on my shorts and a tank then went to the kitchen...leaving my wife there...

Lin was f*****g me up!