The Cold Queen

Broken dreams

I never thought that words could feel like a slap across the face and a kick to the stomach at the same time.

Hearing him say that he wanted my sister... it hurt, but not in the way I expected.

I was sure that I would feel my heart ripping apart, but it was not that intense. Maybe because I expected something like this to happen?

Or maybe what I thought of as love... was not really love at all?

I had to blink a few times as I tried to concentrate on the current moment and not the shock that I was still processing.

“I had loved her for years."

I guess my face showed him more of my emotions than I intended because he added right after.

"It started as an innocent love, family-like love that changed over the years. As she grew older, I stopped seeing her as a little sister, but more as... as a woman that she is."

The shock of what he said still had me frozen. I blinked a few times, feeling this heaviness in my chest.

I took a deep breath and pushed the fake cold mask that I mastered over the years back onto my face.

Pushing my own confused emotions about him and why the hell did I not feel heartbroken after hearing him say that he loved my sister and not me. I have returned to the current moment.

I could see a question in his face that I did not understand.

“So? What do you say?”

I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth and answered him.

“Emm… You are a great man and I know you would make a great match for my sister. And if she agrees, I have no problem with you pursuing her.”

As those words left my mouth, disappointment washed over me. It was a bit delayed but still hit me like a ton of bricks, probably because I saw how his face lit up after I said that.

He almost jumped to his feet so quickly that the chair behind him almost fell to the floor.

“I will go and find her then.”

The joy on his face looked so pure that I felt a sting of pain in my chest.

“I am pretty sure she has locked herself in her room. She threw a fit that I was going to marry her off to the dark king.”

He chuckled, looking so happy that I could not even be angry at him.

“Thank you.”

He made a little proper bow and left the room.

The moment the doors closed after him, I released the pained breath I was holding.

“f**k, did not expect that.”

I downed the remains of my glass and walked to the bar to fill another one.

Right now I feel so stupid.

Why did I expect him to choose me over her?

When even our parents liked her more...

When the whole kingdom preferred her...

She was the one that got their attention, softness and love. While I was moulded and trained to be the next ruler. My time was not spent with our mother playing and enjoying my childhood, but I was groomed to be the queen.

So this shouldn’t be a surprise.

It was always like that, all our friends or family always picked her, leaving me at the sidelines, because the throne was waiting for me and I was so blessed to be the next queen, even when I had no wish to be one.

I filled my glass and took another shot, letting the cold liquid warm up my insides.

Stupid, you are so stupid, Eliza.

I shook my head and placed the glass on top of my table and picked up my father's journal. I put it away and grabbed a few more documents that I had to look over before tomorrow. With a heavy head, probably from the alcohol, and a storm of emotions in me, I walked out of the study ready to retreat to my own room.

I locked the study and walked up the stairs to my chambers, not sure if will have the energy to read through the papers I am bringing with me, but then maybe I will read them in the morning.

Feeling sad and so exhausted, I walked into the room without looking around.

My head was not here, but sorting all the information I got today... all that I learned about my father... about Godfrey...

While completely tuning out my surroundings, I started unhooking the back of my dress. My thoughts were running a thousand miles an hour, when a pair of hands that I assumed belonged to my maid helped me to unhook the dress.

When the heavy material fell to the floor, I felt as light as a feather.

My ceremonial gowns were made with traditional fabrics that were not the highest things to wear, but they were part of the role. I loved these dresses but they never fit me right. They all belonged to my mother and were a bit altered to fit me, but there was so much my maid could do. The problem with them was that my mother was a lot slimmer and just generally tinnier than me.

But passing down gowns from previous queens was a tradition that I was not going to break and this left me with no other choice other than to suffer through all this.

Feeling completely exhausted, I said to my maid.

“Melisa, just undo the first line on the corset and then you can go. I will finish undressing on my own.”

I felt her skilled hands unclipping the corset as I took off the heavy pearl earring. Taking them off made the tension reduce and it eased the headache that was starting to flare up.

Hm... Melisa is very quiet today.

I lifted my eyes to look at Melisa through the mirror, just to check if she was okay, but instead of my maid, I saw Raven Black standing behind me.