SLEEPING MY WAY INTO YOUR HEART

CHAPTER 3

I wanted to lay there in bliss.

After all that, life didn’t seem so bleak, it seemed there was a light at the other end of the tunnel. I could feel the sharp rays shining on my body, could feel his warmth right next to me as he slept and I just could not help but open my eyes to watch him. I turned around, and my eyes fell onto his face, relaxed in sleep. He really did look stunning in the light of morning. I could not get over his looks, the man was burning hot, so hot the sun hid away when he walked out. The blankets were draped around over his body with nothing but black briefs on his well-toned and beautiful body, my fingers itched, itched to touch his skin, itched to feel how it was to touch him. Memories from the previous night came rushing through my mind and I could not help but blush and nearly giggle, I don’t know but at that moment I was smitten, seeing myself waking up next to this Adonis every morning. My heart drummed, my hands going over to my chest trying to calm myself down but it was too late, how could I stay calm after the night I had, how could life ever be the same after this. I could see colour again, I could smell the flowers again and it felt like I had not been living recently but had just been floating through life.

I tugged on the sheet that wrapped around my chest, taking a deep breath as I turned to my side, staring right at him with my heart skipping a beat. He had such neat brows as if they were trimmed with a dash of freckles which were just cute. My eyes soon drew closed with nothing but happiness coursing through me, I could feel the sleep just creeping at me, could feel myself drift away into the wonderful world of dreams but there was suddenly movement next to me having my eyes peel right open without even thinking of what I was doing. There was nothing but stormy eyes greeting me having me smile not being able to hold myself. My heart could not take this, this was everything I had wanted in a man, it was a dream really and all I could do was hope, just hope the feelings were mutual.

I stared at his face shamelessly, I wanted to avert my eyes yet I just could not do it but the more I stared was the more my smile dropped. I could see that he was not pleased, for a split second I thought I saw anger and my heart drummed, drumming for a different reason. I blinked and he had masked it all, shifting from the bed and slipping out from it.

“You’re still here?” The question came and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I opened my mouth only to close it with him giving me one look then walking off as he adjusted his d**k while heading to the bathroom. I did not know what to do, feeling used and stupid. I thought I would die, the humiliation having me blink the tears away but what had I been thinking, what had I thought he would do? Anything but this, he was so rude. Not wanting to humiliate myself even more I slipped out of the bed, hearing the water in the toilet flush having me move faster. The clothes were all over the floor, looking for my underwear which was still so damp having me roll it in a ball to put it in my purse. I took up the dress, it suddenly seeming too small now but there was no other thing to wear.

I felt like a fool, felt so stupid hoping and wishing that this time, maybe this time someone would see me and need to know me. I could not believe it, how a person made love to you that way and chuck you out the next day, it had felt like I had been giving him a part of my soul, it had felt so intimate, well, I guess that was how he made to all the girls. I could still feel his touch on my skin, could still hear the soft words he whispered to me after our second round, how he had cradled my body as if it was something so precious he never wanted to lose. This guy was the worst kind of men, he made you dream of the life you would have with him, gave you all of him for just that time then took it all away. I stood straight, frustrated having been looking for something yet I had forgotten what it was. My mind was here and there, just wanting to get out, just wanting to leave. I sighed, a hand running through my hair, f**k it, I was having a breakdown. I pulled on the dress, taking my shoes and making it to the elevator where I just kept pressing on the button. I was a mess, I don’t know, it was like that moment where you hit rock bottom and it just all came crushing down. The elevator doors opened and I walked in watching as the doors closed in front of me, I saw my reflection on the reflective glass and the tears came filling my eyes. My make-up was smudged making me look like a horror story with the hair pointing in all direction, it was so bad there being no way to fix it. I wanted to run, wanted to just run and not look back, wished I could run away from all of it, run away from my life and seize to exist. The doors opened and I was walking out of them as fast as I could. I could feel the stares, could hear the throats clearing but at this point I did not care. Everything was blurring all around me and all I could do was to keep walking. The dress was too short for day light, I looked like a hooker on heroin. I walked out of the lobby and exited the hotel only to stand, flagging a cab which came stopping in front of me.

I let the tears fall as I opened the cab door and slipped in closing the door behind me. My lips were trembling along with my voice as I said my address, getting a look from the driver with him shaking his head before moving the car. I sat back, my eyes taking in the people on the streets as the tears flowed. I could see couples walking in the sunny day, could see friends chatting as they walked to wherever they were going. There was a lady pushing a stroller with a wide smile on her face as she spoke to the phone. It felt like everyone was happy except me, it felt like everyone was enjoying their life and there I was alone and not even sure what the hell I was doing with my life. I could not see where I would be five years from now, I was already struggling to build my brand, what about ten years later. The cab came to a halt and my eyes snapped up seeing my building, feeling this dread weigh on me, pushing me down. I sighed, my hands going to pat for my purse only to not find it, I turned, looking besides me and nearly fainting as I realised that I left my purse, and my phone. This was the worst day of my life not knowing what to do.

“I…. I…umh,” I was at a loss of words as I looked at the driver who stared back at me, waiting for his money.

“I am so sorry sir, I lost my purse.” I said, scared of what he would do and feeling so stupid, wanting to just bang my head against the wall.

“Lady, I want my money, twenty-five dollars.” The man said with such a harsh voice before his eyes took my body up and down having a shiver run down my body with him giving me a disgusted look. I felt like something at the bottom of someone’s shoe, like scum having me hug my body.

“Get out of my cab lady, I have customers who actually pay.” The man finally said having me quickly scurry out and close the door with the cab quickly rushing off. I stood there, just looking at nothing for the longest of time before turning and walking up the steps into the building. Not having my purse meant my key was also lost leaving me no option but to go to the building manager in apartment ten. They all already thought I was a hooker and this would just drive in the point. My feet carried me through the hall as I passed other doors, walking to the apartment the manager stayed in. The building had been in Mrs Cooper’s family for years with it passed down to her when her father died thirty years ago. The fifty-six-year-old had no children and was so rude with her speaking her mind and living to make other people miserable. I took a deep breath, turning and knocking on the door. I knocked once, twice and the door was soon yanked open being met by a pissed off Mrs Cooper.

Mrs Cooper’s eyes fell on me, I watched her take me all in before she turned, hand on her waist as she scoffed. I was raw and numb, all I wanted was to just get to my house and lock myself in there never to walk out.

“Good morning Mrs Cooper.” I greeted.

“Mmhh, good morning to you.” The lady with grey hair said in her granny night gown.

“Sorry to bother you but I lost my key and came to ask if I could borrow your copy until I got mine?” I asked with her eyes taking all of me, not missing each detail, her scorn getting deeper and deeper. Mrs Cooper did not say anything back as she turned and walked in the house then came back with the key only to slam the door in my face so hard my face was left burning at the intensity. I stood there for a minute, blinking and probably looking like a fish out of water. With my head down, I turned, walking up to my room where I locked the door behind me and walked to the bathroom. All I wanted to do was to just take a shower, wash the night away from me yet I could not, the memories I had with him were so beautiful washing them away was so hard yet I had to. The man was just like every ass hole and I would never see him again. I had had no chance, he was out of my league anyway and I had just went overthinking things like I always did.

My dress was pulled out to the floor with my shoes thrown by the corner as I walked into the shower. The tap was opened having the warm water pour down my body. I poured my shampoo and washed my hair then went washing my face and body. I stood there, the foam slipping from my skin as the water washed it away. The tears came, salty as always, running down my cheeks. I did not even know why I was crying but feeling so broken and hating everything about myself. I hated feeling like this, hated being here again, breaking down like I always did. It seemed like what I did best was cry my heart out, seemed like it was all I did all the time. My body sank to the floor, sitting there and just having the water wash my soul and cleanse it but it was too dark even for that. My skin wrinkled and paled from the water yet time passed as I sat there. The water turned cold yet I did not move until I felt like my eyes would bleed, until my butt hurt so I stood up and switched off the tap. I stepped out of the tiled shower and wrapped a towel around my body going to brush my teeth of which after I took my clothes and put them in the washing bin before going to the room to put my shoes in the closet then oiled my skin. The bed was still so messy from the previous day, clothes all over it with makeup and hair products. I was tired and did not have time for it. I pulled on some sleeping shorts with a round neck t-shirt then pulled a fleece blanket and walked to the tiny living room where I dropped on the couch.

My body ached, needing rest and just peace from the world, from life and my mind which kept thinking of the late night I had had. I could not stop thinking about this man, could not help think of how he would treat me so well at night and just change completely in the morning. Lord he had been so rude, it had been his voice and the way he had looked at me. I shook my head, grabbing the remote and turning the television on before I lost my sanity. I really did not care what I was watching but just lay there with my eyes looking but not seeing. I was empty and lonely, pulling a cushion and tucking it under my head as I lay there blinking everything away. The day passed with me laying there, drifting in and out of sleep only for my eyes to shoot open from a sound at the door.

I sat up, my eyes taking in the room and seeing that the sun was ready to kick the bucket. I had slept the whole day which was not a surprise as I had been so drained. The knock came again, drawing me from my thoughts as I sighed, swung my legs to the floor. I stood up, sure someone was lost because I never had visitors. I got to the door, unlocking it and cracking it open to just see who it was through the small space. The doors in the building did not have peep holes which was a thumbs down for me because I liked to see who was at my door before opening.

My eyes took in the man standing in front of my door having me open it wide and stand there shocked to no end. I stood, holding the door, taking him in from head to toe. The man looked taller than I remembered, him wearing a black tux looking so dashing having me weak to my knees.

His face was blank, no emotion or whatsoever yet it took him to another level of dashing. The man had this dangerous aura to him with a sense of mystery and it just kept you wanting more. I bit my lower lip, my heart suddenly beating so fast with his cologne attacking my nostrils leaving them tickling with the want for more. He was so neat and elegant having me find it hard to even breathe because I knew that on top of all those looks he could turn your world upside down with just one touch. I swallowed, taking the hurt, the hurt of knowing that I could never have him, that I could never have a man like him for beauty could not coax a man like him alone. These man wanted women with substance and what substance did I have, as soon as I opened my mouth people turned and walked away and most of the time I did not know what people were talking about. I took a deep breath, blinking everything away.

“Hi,” I simply said only for him to nod his head in acknowledgement.

“You left your things.” The man said with his voice having a shiver run down my body. I could not figure if he had an Irish accent or Scottish but lord it was thick and delicious. I swallowed, not sure I could carry much of a conversation with him but would just rather watch him talk as he blessed me with his deep voice that seemed to rumble from his chest with that hoarse sound.

“Thank you.” I said not sure what else to say.

He held out the purse which I took into my hand. His fingers brushed across my hand and something shot through to my spine leaving me biting hard on my lower lip. He had an effect on me that I wish he hadn’t. I had never felt a connection with anyone like I did with him. I watched him nod his head and turned to walk away. He was done, did what he came to do and there I was watching him walk away, I stood there watching the man of my dreams walk away never to feel his touch again, never to hear his voice again. It had only taken him twelve hours to give me a piece of heaven and crush it after.