SLEEPING MY WAY INTO YOUR HEART

CHAPTER 4

Talk about the worst weekend ever, I was seriously suffering from depression. I had not known depression was actually a disease just until Sunday when I goggled its symptoms and just like that diagnosed myself with the worst depression there was. I took a gulp of air as I pushed on. My muscles burned, feeling my body complain on how I was abusing it but I had realized that relationships were not meant for me over the weekend and decided to focus on my brand. I had to fight, I had to work harder to get myself higher so that I could make more money.

I pushed on, already seeing myself buy my first car and buying a house for myself, I had to be creative and that started with branching from i********: and also having a Tik Tok account along with f*******: and YouTube. I was going to upload as many times as I could and go out to different places to just make myself look interesting. This was the time to make money and with that in thought I posed, taking a selfie and looking at it seeing that it was not so perfect so I spent the next hour on the road trying to get the perfect selfie to post for that morning after being offline all weekend which was not good for business.

I pushed my hips out, pulled my ponytail and snap, snap, I took the picture. I was tired, who knew taking just one perfect selfie would be so exhausting. I looked through the pictures, finding one I liked and now it was all about writing a caption. The caption had to be catchy and make me look smart and sophisticated so I went to sit by the bench on the park and thought of a caption. I wrecked my brain yet nothing seemed good enough having me goggle a caption and everything was just not hitting the spot. My eyes took the scene all around me trying to find inspiration but nothing so I ended up going with something simple.

‘Let us sweat the weekend away.’

I posted the picture after goggling the spelling of sweat for a minute or so. I stood up from the bench and went through the park to my apartment. The weather was fair with the clouds hiding the sun away now and again but besides that it was cool with a breeze kicking in now and again. The streets were not that busy as people were at work or school leaving us vegetables to lazy around. I got to the room and took a shower spending three hours looking through the wardrobe for clothes. I was really running out of things to wear having repeated outfits too many times that people began noticing having me lose some followers. I took out a silky short skirt and paired it with a nice black top with spaghetti straps then wore a denim jacket and some wedges. I looked at the mirror, loving the outfit with my make-up done next followed by my hair and by the time I was done it was past lunch and I was dead hungry from not eating for so long yet I was not done yet. I had to take pictures of the outfit thus I fixed up my tripod stand and looked for the perfect angle where the sun would be shinning just right. I shifted the stand all over until I found the right corner and it was now on finding the right pose so I took so many pictures such that by the time I was done two hours had passed and I was ready to drop from the hunger.

I locked the door and walked off as I posted the picture I had just shot. My picture from the morning had two thousand likes which was good and I could not help but smile as I made my way out of the building. I slipped on my shades and I don’t know why but I suddenly felt bad ass as I walked with a masked face through the crowd. I could see the heads turn, guys turning to stare as I passed with girls analysing my outfit and probably thinking how I was lucky to have such a body and wished to be me but if only they knew. Selling a story was the easy part, people took what they saw and did not look for the cracks underneath the mask. I walked into the restaurant, the waitress rushing to me as soon as I walked in.

“Good afternoon Miss, table for one?” The young lady asked.

“Yes please.” I said back as she led the way where she picked a table for me on the second floor. I took a seat, my eyes scanning to see the people around before looking back at the nice waitress.

“Can I please take your drinks order?” She asked having placed the menu on the table.

“Lemon water but please pour it in a wine glass” I said back as she nodded and turned to leave. I took the menu and scrolled through it even though I knew what I would buy. My stomach was so painful, feeling so hungry and as I looked through the pictures in the menu it did not help, not even in the slightest. My mouth watered, my stomach turning as I browsed through all the mouth-watering food displayed there. My eyes picked up as the lady came back with my drink and a plate of bread sticks as if she was just taunting me. I took the water.

“Thank you but please take the breadsticks with you.” I said not wanting them to stay on the table when I was this hungry for I would eat them and have to vomit them back out later.

“Okay Miss, have you decided what you want?” The waitress asked with her pen and paper.

“Yes, I will have the chicken salad. Please make it large and put extra chicken.” I said to her as she wrote it all down.

“Okay then, I will be back with your food shortly.” The waitress said as she tucked away her notebook then took the breadsticks. I sat up, watching her leave as I took out my phone and downloaded Tik Tok. I signed up to just browse through and see what was happening. My heart drummed, seeing all the content there having me nervous. Tik Tok was all about videos and there was dancing, comedy, magic with me not good at any of those things. I placed the phone down, running a hand through my hair feeling a head ache brewing with the promise of hell. I picked up my head, my eyes looking all over the floor only for them to lock with a pair of golden orbs. I sighed, cursing myself for even looking. The man that sat with his girlfriend stared back at me with a smirk on his face making me want to smack it from his face. Men were disgusting and I hated them, hated all of them including the man with stormy eyes that haunted me in my dreams.

I looked away, picking up my phone again and getting in i********:. I looked at the photos I had posted on Friday and it had so many likes, over four thousand and I was just waiting on my pay check the next day. I went looking at my private massages and there were a lot from so many different people but a lot being those creeps that were always talking about s*x and them having big d***s.

There was movement and I snapped out of my thoughts as the waitress came with my food which she placed on the table then brought some of the sauces. The salad looked good but what I really needed was a large burger along with fries, what I would do to get them. I bit my lower lip then looked down at the salad and felt my stomach already scream how this was not going to sooth my hunger.

“Thank you.” I said to the lady as she placed everything in place then stood up straight.

“I will be back soon to check on you.” The waitress said, she was so nice and was so cute with her bangs and her freckles that covered her tiny nose.

“Can you please take a picture of me if you do not mind?” I asked, pulling up my best smile.

“Okay.” She replied having me smile and unlock my phone, tapping to open the camera then giving the phone to her to take the picture. I quickly grabbed the fork and did as if I was already eating then I put the fork down and took the wine glass, raising it up with her taking the picture.

“Thank you so much.” I said as she gave me back the phone.

“Okay.” The lady wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt underneath the blue apron said before walking away. I took a few pictures of my salad and posted it along with the other pictures before digging in. The salad was nice but it just was not even near hitting the spot and I was left even hungrier than before having me drain the whole glass of lemon water but I guess they made the situation worse. All that filled my mind was that burger that I could just get in a matter of minutes but I could not, I had to control myself for I could not gain weight, that was just a no for me, I had to stay in shape and fit. I swallowed, taking out gum and throwing it in my mouth to keep it occupied. The hunger was killing me but I was sure it would soon subside.

Minutes passed, time ticking as I waited for the lady to come back and she did after ten minutes to collect the dishes.

“Can I have the bill please?” I asked having her nod her head and finish tiding up before leaving and coming back up with the receipt. I looked at the slip seeing so many digits but my eyes went down to the last number at the bottom.

“Seventy-three dollars?” I asked the waitress not sure and wanting to be sure.

“Yes,” She said back and I nodded my head acting as if everything was fine when in turn I was counting what exactly I had to pay. I knew that thirty and twenty made a fifty but then I got lost. Money confused me really, anything that had to do with numbers went throwing me off. I opened my purse, taking out a hundred not sure what my change would be but sure it would all fit in there.

“It is okay?” I asked the waitress who raised an eyebrow to stare at me as if saying ‘really’. I swallowed, feeling stupid.

“Yes.” The waitress said back having me nod my head.

“Will there be enough change for a tip?” I asked with the waitress nodding her head still looking at me wondering if I was being serious.

“Okay, thank you then.” I said, standing up and making my way to the door where I walked out after that awkward conversation. I could not remember ever passing maths and I had gotten a U in my final exam with there being no hope to ever use that certificate anywhere. I had failed dismally with no hope of recovery, all the time, money and effort wasted away after twenty-two years of school.