TANGLED WITH THE CARVERS

CHAPTER5 *XANDER HOLMES*

||*NADIA*||

"Will you not let me in?"

"Why should I let you in when I explicitly told you to stay away from me?" It is hard not to snap at him.

Xander lifts his left brow, and the corner of his lip pulls up. “Did you really mean that? I thought it was a heat-in-the-moment kind of thing. I mean, I understand why you had to say it that night, but I really didn’t think you meant it.”

“And if I actually did mean it?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

Xander shakes his head, as if I can’t be serious. "No, Dia, you really didn’t mean it. You were embarrassed and flustered because you kissed me back, and you said the first thing that came to your mind because you knew it would make me back off in that instance. I know you well enough.”

I nodded at his response: "Okay, then, Mr. Holmes, since you know me so well, I bet you also figure out I am about to slam my door in your face.” I didn't wait another second before stepping back to slam my door in his face like I said, and I wished I had the chance to drink in the shock expression on Xander’s face before the door completely closed.

Leaning against the door briefly to collect myself, I try to hold back my giggle as I make a beeline for my bedroom. I don’t need Xander to know that I find him funny, even though he annoys the living daylight out of me. It was still fun to see his eyes widen in surprise before the door shut in his face.

But knowing Xander, I have no doubt that he is still outside my door, probably trying to make sense of what just happened before he starts banging on the door again. He’s such a pain in the a.s.s; perhaps he might’ve been a good pain in the a.s.s if he were my boyfriend.

What the hell!

I stopped short outside my bedroom door in horror. Where the flipping f*ck did that come from? Why on earth am I imagining a different scenario with Xander as my boyfriend?

No, no, hell no. Nadia, you do not have any lingering feelings for Xander. You move on; you will not think about him as your boyfriend. NO!

And why did I just think about that when I am in a relationship with his brother, even if we are on our seasonal break?

F*ck

I couldn’t help but curse as I wiped my palm down my face. I really need to work out how to get back with Deion, because dating Xander is completely out of the question.

And it doesn’t matter if I thought he was hot in the past. Deep down, I know he wasn’t lying when he said he’d make a great boyfriend.

Xander is a good guy; he is not perfect, but when it comes to the people he cares about, he gives it his all. But I really don’t need to be thinking about any of that or even contemplating the possibility of being with him. What will people say?

Dad will probably try his best to understand me if I give him a good explanation. As for mom, gosh, she will rip into me like termites eating through wood. She will remind me of how much of an embarrassment I am to the family, but she will probably ease off at the end as long as it means I’ll still be in-laws with the Carvers.

But the rest of the world will judge me for my filth. Nope. I’m not going there; Deion might not be the ‘perfect’ I’ve always dreamt of, but he is still a good man.

What I need to do is work my way around the idea of having penetrative s*x with him. Even though the connection isn’t there, sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because we’ve done so many s*xual things together in the past three years.

The reason for this is because I wanted to make up for my inability to satisfy him with a good f*ck. I compensated with blowjobs and handjobs. A few times I would let him f*ck my thighs and in between my cheeks.

Despite the fact that I never felt any of the amazing things Zara and my other friends claimed to feel when they have s*x—all the heat, s*xual tension, lust, chemistry, and that fuzzy, horny feeling.

I have never let his d.i.c.k or fingers near my v****a, and Deion was always angry about it.

The only thing that’s ever made its way into my v*gina are my fingers, which sometimes happen once a year or sometimes never a year, because being horny has never been a thing I had to worry about ever since puberty and hormones.

I don't randomly think about having s.e.x either, and I’ve never told anyone about this, not even Zara, because every time I hear her or the group say something about how horny they are or that they’re craving s.e.x, I've always felt like something was wrong with me.

And I have never told anyone about the never-feeling-horny part of me because I don’t want anyone to confirm my fears that I am f*cked up somehow and defective.

The sound of my ringtone snaps me out of my reverie, and I walk over to the bed to grab my phone. My face morphs into a scowl as the caller ID comes up.

“Did you just slam the door in my face, Nana?"

I couln't help but roll my eyes to the back of my head when I hear Xander's perplexed voice on the other end of the phone. He only calls me Nana when he believes I have broken the friendship code, whatever that is. I am certain his interpretation of the friendship code differs significantly from mine.

"Would you take a look at that?" Sir Holmes has just unearthed a long-hidden mystery. And I thought it was pretty obvious when the door closed in your face. Not very smart, Sherlock." I replied with fake enthusiasm in my voice, and I heard him snort.

“Sir Holmes? You’re really trying hard to pull out your best jokes.” Xander scoffs, “Come open the door, Nana; it’s freezing out here.”

“Why should I care about you freezing? You can simply turn around and drag your annoying ass back to your penthouse.”

Putting the phone on speaker, I throw it on the bed, and I move about taking off my shirt and cleaning the make-up on my face.

“I am your best friend, Dia; why won’t you care about my balls freezing?"

I could hear the grump in his voice, and it was my turn to scoff.

“How come I wasn’t informed that Zara gave up the position of being my best friend? I need to have a serious chat with her about this. I see no reason why I would want your annoying self as my best friend."

“Wow, you aren’t really holding back, huh? You’re really set on hurting my feelings."

“Is it working? Because I need it to work so you can get angry, stomp back to your car, and drive off.”

“Jokes on you, Nadia. One of the many perks of being your best friend is having thick skin and being able to handle your insults and bad attitude.”

I change into something comfortable while Xander continues with his best friend's rant and how he’s learned how to not take my words for it.

“I don’t know about that, Alex, because Zara is my best friend.”

He growls low into the phone before responding, “Open the door, Nadia; stop being an a.s.s.hole.”

Picking up my phone from the bed, I scoff as I make my way out of the bedroom, down the short hallway, and towards the front door.

The minute I pull the front door open, Xanders points at me with a glare and says, “I am your male best friend, and you dare not try to take that from me."

Snorting, I move out of the way for him to come in. “You’re slowly on the path of having me revoke that title. A few more f*ckups, and I won’t hesitate to snatch the crown and pull the rug from under your feet."

“Wow, you’re really threatening me because of a simple kiss.”

Xander raises his left brow, crossing his arm over his chest, and he puffs out his chest in a comical way. Something he often does when he’s being playful, but I didn’t miss the hurt expression that flashed across his face before his expression turned playful.

“A simple kiss? You really want to try convincing yourself that it was a simple kiss?” I crossed my brows, pinning him with a—don't give me that bullsh*t—look.

Xander deflates, his hands falling to his sides. "Fine, you got me; it wasn’t a simple kiss. It was more to me, but I know it probably meant nothing to you, even though I was hopeful that it would mean something to you."

"Xander..." I call, sighing as I soften my expression.

Waving his hand, Xander mumbles, "It’s fine; I understand."

“I don’t wish to hurt you, but I can’t really be with you, not the way you want. I care about Deion, and I wouldn’t want to hurt him that way. Also, what would people say?”

“Do you love him?” Xander asks, and I blink.

“Love who?” I’m sure my expression right now screams confusion.

“Deion.”

“Uhh?” That was my initial reaction because I did not expect his question to be about Deion. And I couldn’t help but wonder where the hell that came from.

“What do you mean by that? I’ve been with him for three years; where the hell did that question come from?"

Xander shrugs. "I'm just wondering if what you actually feel for him is love, because I’ve heard you say you care about him a million times, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say the word ‘I love him,' which to me is weird.” Xander replies, and my face betrays me because I am sure he can see the horror swimming in my face right now.

“I…”. My mind does a relapse, my thoughts freeze, and my mouth chooses this moment to not cooperate with me.

Is it true that I’ve never said the words ‘I love him.’ regarding Deion whenever I talk to others about him? Have I never really said those words? I know I always say I care about him, because, in all honesty, I really do care about him. And he’s my boyfriend; of course I’d care about him, and it’s easier to say.

“You know what? Forget I asked; I probably shouldn't."

Xander stops talking as the chime of my phone notification sound breaks through the remaining ice in my living room, and because I really needed that distraction and something to stop making me gawk like a fool, I pull my phone to my face to see who sent me a message.

A part of me wishes it was from Deion, hoping he’s finally texting me to tell me how miserable he’s been without me for the past three months and that we should meet up to work things out.

However, the message was from Zara, and I guess the disappointment is noticeable on my face because Xander asks, “Who is that?”

“Um, it’s Zara. She said the squad is hanging out at Quilox; she wants to know if I can make it.”

“Oh, are you going? I thought you just came back from someplace when you opened the door earlier because you had your makeup on; shouldn’t you probably rest?”

“Yeah, I had an interview today, but I can always rest later at night. Right now, I think I need a good drink.”

I crossed the distance between us, walking past him as I made my way through the living room.

“Interview with who?”

“Carvers group, I submitted my application some months ago; I got an email yesterday to come in for an in-person interview.”

“I didn’t know you applied to work at the company; it would’ve probably helped you put in words for an earlier interview."

“It was Deion’s idea that I applied; he wanted us to work closely and also thought it would make me look good when he introduced me to the parents.” I replied before continuing on my way to my bedroom, but not before seeing the pained expression on Xander’s face and the way he shifts awkwardly on his feet.

After taking a quick shower, I decided to leave my face bare with only a touch of gloss on my lips. I am not in the mood to dress to kill today. I grab a black long-sleeve crop top with a few quadrilateral cut-out shapes down the middle and slap it on, pairing it with tight-fitting jeans and a denim jacket to combat the cold if it gets too freezing outside.

Letting my hair down, I did a quick once-over in front of the mirror. I fixed my eyebrows before grabbing a handbag, my phone, credit card, and keys, and I made my way back to the living room.

“Are you coming with me?” I asked Xander as I walked past him.

“Damn!” Xander wolf-whistles behind me, and I flip him off before opening the front door.

“Will I lose a few points on my male best friend's scoreboard if I admire how thick and succulent your ass looks in that Jean?"Xander comments as we walk towards his car.

“You already lost points with the wolf whistle; what’s another point to lose? You’re so annoying.” I grumble offhandedly as he rushes forward to pull the car door open for me.

“I have manners, and I know how to treat a lady right. Holding the car door for you is the bare minimum.”

“Whatever floats your boat, Alex.” I remarked, ignoring the heated glare he directed at me before pulling the car onto the road. I know it gets under his skin whenever I call him Alex; he hates it just as much as he hates being called Alexander, which is his actual name.

We are halfway into town, partially stuck in traffic, when my phone chimes again with another notification from Zara. I pull up the message, and my breath sticks in my throat.

Xander must’ve noticed the way my body went rigid and my eyes bulged wide because he turned swiftly to me, asking, “Is something wrong?" With concern heavy in his voice,

“Deion is with the squad at Quilox," I replied with a shaky breath.

"Well, he’s still part of the friend group, right?” Xander asks with uncertainty in his voice.

“He came with his new fling.” I whispered, trying not to let the insecurity and nervousness show in my voice.

Deion bringing his fling to meet the squad literally means that whatever they have might not be a fling anymore, because he never brought any of his past flings to meet the squad; it was never that serious.

“Sh*t, will you be alright? Should I turn back?” Xander’s voice drifts in the background as I try to calm my raging heart.

Am I really losing him for good this time?