Loose Ends

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Every time Ivan hit the gay bar he found himself surrounded by a throng of people who acted as if they were his best friends. He didn’t know them, not really. Dustin remained his only out-of-the-closet gay friend, and that was largely due to the fact they were neighbors. But a part of him—perhaps the shallow, self-centered part—relished the attention and affection he soaked up in the gay bar. Eventually, things would change. He saw the middle-aged, single guys standing alone in the corner and wondered if they once enjoyed the warmth of the spotlight. Sadly, so much of the focus within the gay community centered on youth and beauty.

He didn’t even remember the name of the person who grabbed him from behind and hugged him, but they acted like he was a long, lost prodigal. Ivan smiled, faking his way across the floor of the bar as Dustin scurried away, glamming it up for his own crowd of groupies.

Weird. When he’d first entered the bar, Benjy the bartender had called out to him. Some guy was sitting next to Benjy at the bar, and strangely enough, he resembled that detective who’d been questioning Ivan. He almost laughed at the absurdity of the comparison. Of course, it had to be someone else. An obviously straight man like Detective Tucker Brown would not be hanging out in a gay club.

As Ivan approached the bar, he casually turned away from the acquaintance he’d been interacting with and glanced down toward the tall, dark, and handsome stranger. And there he was, still sitting with his back to Ivan. He really did look a lot like Tucker Brown. Small world. As the barstool began to swivel in Ivan’s direction, he realized he was staring, but he caught a glimpse of the man’s face before Ivan had a chance to cast his gaze in another direction.

Stunned, Ivan stood still as a statue. It was him. It really was Tucker Brown. Mouth agape and eyebrows raised, Ivan shook his head. Benjy had approached on Ivan’s side, ready to take his drink order, but Ivan ignored him, stepping closer to the detective. Ivan didn’t take his eyes off him as an angry flurry of emotion swept over him.

“What are you doing here?” He stopped a couple feet from Tucker’s chair.

The detective shrugged and picked up his beer bottle. “Hello, Ivan. I’m having a drink, if you must know. Can I buy you one?”

“No you may not buy me a drink, and you can stop stalking me, too!”

Tucker grinned, then took a swig of his beer. He looked Ivan in the eye as he set the bottle back onto the bar. “If I remember correctly, I was here first. Maybe you’re the one stalking me.”

“Well, well! You found him!” Benjy had stepped over and was directing his comment to Tucker. The bartender turned to Ivan. “What a freaky coincidence. Tucker was just asking about you as you walked through the door.”

“Oh really?” Ivan crossed his arms over his chest. “What a small world.”

As Ivan glared at the detective, he took pleasure in the way the detective fidgeted momentarily in his seat. And were his cheeks just a shade or two rosier?

“I wasn’t stalking you, honest.” Tucker sighed. “I was just making small talk with Ben. I knew you were…”

“What? You knew I was what?”

After a pregnant pause, the bartender spoke. “He knew you were thirsty and needed a drink! So what’ll it be, Ivy? The usual?”

“Ivy?” Tucker laughed.

“I can buy my own drinks, thank you. And no, the name is Ivan, unless you happen to be one of my friends. Only they can get away with nicknames.”

“Fair enough.” Tucker grew serious. “I was just heading out anyway. All of a sudden, it’s gotten kind of chilly in here.”

Against his better judgment, Ivan took a step forward. The anger within him had nearly reached a boiling point. “You have a lot of nerve. Obviously, you came here tonight to spy on me. I mean, seriously, you don’t expect me to buy into the notion that you came here—to a gay bar—for a drink, do you? I know you’re straight. I know you have an ex-wife and a child!”

Tucker slid off his stool, now standing inches from Ivan. He stared right into Ivan’s eyes, and now he too seemed to be enraged. “You don’t know s**t about me, and I’ll thank you not to make assumptions about things that are none of your damn business.”

“When you stalk me like this, you make it my business!” Ivan pointed his finger angrily.

“Get your finger out of my face before I…”

“Before you what?”

“Before I…” Tucker clenched his jaw as his glare intensified. Then suddenly, without warning, he thrust his arms outward and grabbed hold of Ivan, pulling him into himself. Before Ivan knew what was happening, the man’s lips smothered his own. Furious, Ivan used both hands to push against the bigger man’s chest, but Tucker held firm and delivered the most searing, mind-blowing kiss Ivan had ever experienced. Seconds later, he was surrendering, relaxing his arms as they slid around Tucker’s torso. Then instantly, Ivan freaked and pulled back, sputtering.

“You asshole!”

Tucker stood before him smiling as Benjy clapped his hands gleefully. “I’d better make that drink a double!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Of all the stupid, impulsive, f****d-up things Tucker had done in his life, this had to be in the top five. He slammed his palm into the steering wheel. I kissed him. I f*****g kissed him! Tucker was a police officer, for f**k’s sake. Ivan was a person of interest in a criminal investigation Tucker was conducting. Grabbing him like that, forcing himself on the other man—he’d technically committed assault!

There’d surely be hell to pay when this all came out. He’d be taken off the case, reprimanded, possibly even suspended…or worse. And all those co-workers he hadn’t yet come out to—well, they’d know now. The whole world would know, and if Ivan made an issue of it and pressed charges, it would surely hit the papers.

He had to tell Janelle. She deserved a warning before she heard it from another source. She was going to be so pissed. If he lost his job, that would impact her and Jaydin. He would lose his insurance coverage, not to mention his income. How would he ever get another police job with something like that on his record? Years of hard work now swirled around the drain ready to be sucked away all because he couldn’t keep his f*****g hormones in check.

He whipped into Janelle’s drive and got out, slamming the door behind him, then headed briskly toward the porch. He stopped abruptly before he reached the first step, then spun around and took a couple steps back toward his car, then turned around again. Suddenly the porch light came on and he stood there staring straight ahead, a deer caught in headlights.

“What’d you do now?” Janelle stood in the threshold, wearing her slippers and bath robe.

“Wh-what makes you think I did something.”

“It’s almost midnight. You’re pacing.” She ticked off her observations on the fingers of her left hand. “And you have that same guilty look on your face as you did the last time you went to the gay bar.”

He hung his head shamefully and sighed.

“Come on, I’ll put on a pot of coffee.” She motioned him inside.

“Go ahead, say it. I deserve it.” He followed her into the kitchen. “I’m pathetic.”

“Yes, you are.” She laughed. “But only because you’re acting like Jaydin. For God’s sake, Tucker. You’re a grown man. You want to tell me what this is all about?”

He slid into one of the kitchen chairs as she slipped a coffee filter into the brewer. “I did go to the gay bar.” He looked away, staring at the wall as he spoke. “And…um…I ran into someone.”

“And…?”

“And I kind of made a fool of myself and did something really f*****g stupid.”

She slid the carafe onto the hotplate and laughed. “Oh for f**k’s sake, just tell me what you did.”

“I kissed Ivan Ramsey!” His head whipped around and he made eye contact with her just as she guffawed.

“Really?” I broad smile spread across her face. “I knew you two had some kind of connection.”

“We do! It’s called a criminal investigation, and I just f*****g kissed him. Janelle, I’ve f****d everything up! I could get thrown off the case. I could get suspended, or fired!”

She waved her hand dismissively. “You won’t get fired. Briana’s not going to let you go over something like that. She might take you off the case, but so what?”Briana Nguyen had been his sergeant since back when he and Janelle were still married. He’d been open with her about the divorce and about his s****l orientation, and she’d been very supportive. She wouldn’t support this, though.

“Well, you don’t know all the facts.” He looked imploringly at his ex-wife.

“All right then.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Then just the facts. Spill…”

He took a deep breath. “Ivan…well…he sort of wasn’t, ya know…he wasn’t expecting it. I sort of, um, forced myself on him.”

She raised her eyebrows and c****d her head to the side as she surveyed him. She had a way of making him feel about two inches tall when she did that. “And what was his response to this overture?”

“Uh…um…”

“Did he respond to the kiss? Did he kiss you back, surrender to your advances? Or did he pull away, kicking and screaming?”

“Well, both kinda.”

She burst into laughter. “Why does that not surprise me? Reminds me of our first kiss.”

“Janelle, you’re not helping!”

She stepped over to the table and pulled out a chair, then seated herself adjacent him. “He surrendered to your kiss and kissed you back. You didn’t assault him, and trust me, he probably wouldn’t press charges even if you did.”

“But I’m an officer of the law!”

“You’re a single gay man with the hots for another single gay man who happens to be drop-dead gorgeous. You kissed him. So what?”

“So what? Janelle, this could be the end of my career.”

“This is not the end of your career.” She placed her hand on his arm. “But it could be the start of something amazing. But you do need to call Briana in the morning, explain what happened. Ask her to reassign the case.”

“No, it’s not that simple. I can’t just walk away from this case. I think I’ve got it solved.”

“So? Turn over the information you’ve gathered to Viviano…or whoever takes over. What’s more important? Getting credit for solving a murder case, or possibly pursuing the love of your life?”

“You don’t understand! Janelle, when this case breaks, it’s not going to matter who it’s assigned to. Ivan Ramsey’s going to hate me. He’s going to never speak to me again.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because…” He pushed up out of the chair and stepped over to the counter, then spun around to again face Janelle. “Because I’m about to prove his father is the murderer. Janelle, Ivan’s dad killed his wife and is having an affair with another woman!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

With the entire day off work, Ivan could sleep as long as he wanted. So why was he lying in his bed wide awake at 7am? He stared up at the ceiling, half convinced he was still asleep and dreaming. The events of the past few weeks seemed more surreal than the visions he had while sleeping. He closed his eyes and immediately remembered Tucker. That man was so f*****g annoying, yet Ivan couldn’t stop thinking about him.

How dare he make an advance on Ivan like he had the night before! That kind of arrogance and uncalled-for directness infuriated Ivan. The man was so presumptuous, so full of himself. Ivan slid a hand under the covers to find his raging hardon stiff enough to pound nails. He moaned and squeezed his c**k, squinting his eyes tightly closed as he remembered the feel of Tucker’s rock-solid chest and the smell of his spicy cologne.

It made no sense. Ivan wasn’t attracted to men like Tucker. He obviously was a closet case. He’d been married, had a child—an adorable one, at that. How could Ivan ever respect a man who did something so selfish? Yeah, Ivan was all too familiar with the type. Tucker wasn’t all that different than Liam. He’d married a woman, probably to use as his beard. He hid behind her skirt while clandestinely fooling around behind her back. What had this done to poor Janelle, his ex-wife? That’s probably why they’d gotten divorced in the first place. And what about Jaydin? He deserved a full-time father, a role model he could look up to, not a liar and a cheat like his dad.

“I’ll thank you not to make assumptions about things that are none of your damn business.”

Was Ivan assuming too much? Was he unfairly projecting his own past experiences onto Tucker? Maybe the situation was nothing like what Ivan imagined. Maybe they had an amicable divorce. Maybe they’d had one of those open relationships Ivan had often heard about but never understood. Maybe Tucker had struggled with some of the same issues while coming out that Ivan himself had endured. It wasn’t easy, and had Ivan’s mother had her way, he’d have eventually been in the same boat with an ex-wife and God-knows how many kids.

All that aside, Tucker shouldn’t have forced himself on Ivan like that. He shouldn’t have kissed him without permission. His hand began to glide up and down his smooth, hard shaft. Damn, if Ivan hadn’t had the willpower to resist, Tucker would’ve been sliding his tongue into Ivan’s mouth. Ivan gasped and began pumping faster, gripping himself tighter as his pre-c*m began to lube his hardon. He threw back the covers and spread his legs, stretching out on the queen-sized mattress. Those lips, he could still feel them against his own and couldn’t help but imagine them slippery and wet against his c**k. He bucked his hips, thrusting his pelvis up off the mattress.

He was just a cocky, know-it-all cop, and he had no right to violate Ivan the way he had. Oh f**k, he was so close…so damn close. “Violate me!” He moaned as he felt the snap of his cumload being pumped into his shaft—that glorious point of no return! He groaned as his entire body trembled and ropes of c*m erupted, splashing against his bare abdomen.

“s**t!” Ivan gasped as he opened his eyes and looked down at the mess he’d made all over himself. He sank back into the plush mattress, allowing the spasms of his abs to abate. His underwear had slid down and were dangling off one ankle. He hadn’t even remembered peeling them off but must have done so in his sleep.

He reached over to the bedside stand for tissue when his ringtone went off. Oh God, please don’t let it be work. He really didn’t want to be called in on his weekend off. He fumbled for the phone and picked it up with his non-sticky hand. Brandon.

He used his thumb to accept the call. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Ivan, are you up yet?”

“Um…you could say that.”

“I need to talk to you. Right away.”

He wiped himself with the Kleenex and tossed it into the trash, then pushed himself up onto his side. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

Brandon sighed. “I don’t know man. I don’t want to say anything over the phone. Can I come over?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in five.”

Ivan quickly showered and put on a pot of coffee. He rushed to the door when Brandon arrived, ushering him into the apartment. It wasn’t like his brother to act this way. Brandon generally maintained a calm, steady demeanor unfazed by the zingers that life threw at him. He’d been Ivan’s rock throughout the funeral, the epitome of strength for their entire family.

Ivan embraced his brother, pulling him close and pressing his head against Brandon’s shoulder. f**k the pretentious bro hugs where you pounded quickly on each other’s back or shoulder. Ivan inhaled the scent of his big brother’s leather jacket before pulling back. He must’ve ridden his bike over.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

Brandon looked him in the eye and opened his mouth to speak. Instead, he took a deep breath. “I smell coffee.”

“Right. Come in. Black with two sugars, right?”

“Exactly.” Brandon followed Ivan into his small kitchen where Ivan poured them each a cup and stirred in his brother’s two spoonsful of sugar. He slid the cup across the counter. “You’re just like Mom sometimes. I’m a grown man, capable of fixing my own coffee.” He smiled at his little brother.

Ivan looked up. “Sorry. Force of habit.”

“You don’t work today?”

“Just came off my three-day stretch. Got the weekend off.”

“Oh, cool. Hopefully you do something fun this weekend.” Ivan nodded, not ready to divulge what had happened the night before. Brandon reached inside the front of his jacket and removed a folded piece of paper from his inner pocket. He handed it to Ivan. “Look at this.”

Ivan unfolded the letter-sized page and stared at the printout in his hand. “Dad’s airline receipt?” He looked back to his brother, confused. “What about it?”

“Look at who’s listed as passengers.”

“Who’s Diane Seavers?”

“Good question.” Brandon picked up his coffee mug and took another sip of the steaming java. He managed to do so without slurping, something Ivan couldn’t master with hot beverages. “Whoever she is, Dad flew her with him first class.”

Ivan shrugged. “Do they even have first class on those domestic flights?”

“Well, business class, but that’s not the point. Why is dad taking some other woman to his and mom’s vacation condo…less than a month after Mom’s death?”

“Hmm.” Ivan looked down at the paper in his hand, not sure what to make of it. “Well, I’m sure there’s an explanation.”

“I’m sure there is too. He’s involved with this woman. Ivan, they’re having an affair.”

Suddenly it felt as if their roles had reversed. Brandon was jumping to conclusions based on very little evidence. This wasn’t like him. He usually was so measured, so rational. “Well, maybe she’s a business associate.”

“The whole point of the trip was to get away from everything, to vacation.”

Ivan handed back the receipt and picked up his own coffee, slurping it noisily. “Why don’t we just wait and ask him when he comes home? She’s probably a friend, maybe someone Dad did business with. He probably didn’t tell us about her because…well, because of this. He probably figured we’d get the wrong idea and freak out.”

Brandon sighed dramatically. “You don’t understand. There’s more.”

“What do you mean, there’s more?” For the first time in years, Brandon was beginning to annoy him. Ivan didn’t need any of this right now. None of them did. The family needed to stick together rather than turn on each other and question every move the others made. “Look, no offense, but I don’t care. You know how close I was to Mom. I loved her…more than anything. But they say when a married couple is truly happy, they usually do remarry rather quickly after one of them is widowed. Dad’s not a loner. He’s not strong enough. Look at how much he relied on Mom, and maybe…well, maybe this other woman is the friend he needs right now.”

“He quadrupled Mom’s life insurance two months ago.”

Shocked, Ivan stared at his big brother. He held out both hands and shrugged. “So?”

“You don’t find that odd? Why would Dad all of a sudden do that? Not only is he getting the money for the house which burnt to the ground, but he’s also getting half a million for Mom’s death!”

Ivan felt his jaw clenching along with his fists. “You know what? You’re being ridiculous. Dad has always been a businessman. I’m sure over the years he and Mom routinely assessed their insurance needs and made adjustments. That’s what normal people do. Mom’s dead! No amount of money can make up for that, and I’m sure Dad will be the first person to say that. Of course, he’d trade all the money in the world for one more day…”

The crestfallen look on Brandon’s face stopped Ivan before he could finish the sentence. “I know all this is hard to believe, and I’m sorry.” He stepped closer to Ivan, then placed a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “I have copies of his credit card statement.”

“You what? Brandon, how could you?”

“The day Mom died, he made a fifteen thousand dollar purchase at a jewelers. And he spent a couple hundred bucks at Home Depot.”

“So he was buying Mom a ring. And so what, he went to Home Depot. Shopping for hardware is his Goddamn hobby. He sold it his whole life and has every imaginable tool known to mankind.”

“Ivan, please.”

“No! This is ridiculous, Brandon. I can’t believe I’m hearing these words come out of your mouth. You’re all but accusing our own father of…I can’t even f*****g say it!”

“Where is the ring? Why didn’t he mention it to us? Why didn’t he show us the ring or have Mom buried with it?”

“I don’t know! I don’t f*****g know!” Ivan turned away, running both hands through his hair. Confused and frustrated, he doubled over, then took a deep breath before righting himself. He spun back around to face his brother. “Maybe it was too painful. Have you ever thought of that? Maybe he’s saved the ring and is keeping it as a memento.”

“Let’s call him. Let’s just call and ask him, okay?”

“So that he knows you’ve been going behind his back spying on him? So that he thinks we suspect he murdered our mother? Are you f*****g crazy?”

The stern expression on Brandon’s face gradually softened, and as he gazed into Ivan’s eyes it wasn’t anger that Ivan sensed. It was worse than that. Brandon pitied him, and that enraged Ivan. How dare he jump to these outlandish conclusions and then have the nerve to feel sorry for Ivan because he didn’t concur?

“I want you to leave.” Ivan glared into his Brandon’s eyes. “Now.”

“Ivan, please.”

“Just go. I’ve heard enough. You do realize Mom’s death was a murder, and there’s an open investigation. These crazy allegations don’t help matters. Our entire family is already under the microscope. What do you think that detective would say about all this? He’d probably come arrest our father—the only parent we have left!”

“You think I haven’t thought of all this? Ivan—“

“Get out! Get the f**k out of my home!”

Brandon held up both hands, palms outward. “Okay, okay. I’m going to leave. But please…please call me when you calm down.”

“Don’t hold your breath. I will never calm down enough to accept our dad is a murderer, that he killed our mother. Never!”

Brandon stuffed the receipt back into his pocket and turned toward the door. He took a couple steps then turned his head to look back at Ivan. “I love you. No matter what.” And he left.