Fortress Island Series 1: Alejandro, Love Just Ain't Enough

TEN: Presence

 “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

I stirred in my sleep. Kahit hindi ko imulat ang aking mata ay alam kong pinagmamasdan ako ni Alejandro. Kinapa ko ang kumot at nagtakip ng mukha. Nahihiya akong salubungin ang kanyang tingin.

Tumikhim ako at kumilos. Lumayo ako sa kanya pero natigil lang din when the man pulled me to his side using his strong arm that was placed across my stomach since last night.

“Where do you think you’re going, hmm.” He pulled the blanket that was covering my face.

“Alejandro.,.” Matigas na sambit ko. Ang aga-aga ang harot-harot. Dahil naalis na nito ang kumot ay ang palad ko ang ginamit ko pantakip sa aking mukha.

“C’mon, I want too see your eyes, Bea. Don’t hide them.” He held me tighter. Pareho kaming nakatagilid paharap sa isa’t isa. Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagpalit ng posisyon si Alejandro, siguro sa kalagitnaan ng gabi. Maybe changing position is just a piece of cake to him now.

“Ang kulit mo.” I glanced up at him with a scowl on my face.

The man grinned. “Ah, there they are. I’ve been waiting for them to look back at me.” May naglalarong ngiti sa kanyang mga labi.

Inirapan ko ito. “Hindi ka ba nangawit? Ginawa ko ng unan tong braso mong manipis?” Pang-iinis ko. Well, hindi naman talaga manipis pero malayo sa pagiging maskulado.

Umismid ito sa akin at mababakas ang inis sa kanyang mga mata. “You should have come to my life sooner, Bea. Nakita mo sana kung gaano ka-chiseled ang katawan ko. Tiyak akong maglalaway ka.”

“Tsee. Ano ka pagkain para paglawayan ko. At kung pagkain ka man, tiyak akong di ka masarap.”

“You want to taste me, baby?” He smirked at nakatanggap ito ng kurot sa tigiliran.

“Do you prefer muscular guys?” Tanong nito habang hinuhuli ang aking palad.

Ang totoo. Hindi. Nakakatakot silang tingnan. Parang kayang-kaya nilang ibalibag ang manipis kong katawan nang walang kahirap-hirap. “Sakto lang.” Ang naisip kong sagutin sa kanya.

“Masuklado ba si Tyler?” Kunot-noong tanong nito. His fingers interlocked with mine.

“Sakto lang din.” I answered truthfully. Hindi payat si Tyler. Hindi rin ito mataba. He might not have a chiseled body, but I am pretty sure he is lean.

Alejandro poked my forehead. Ang hilig talaga nitong pitikin ang noo ko. “Inaano ka?”

“Iniisip mo siya. Wag mo siyang isipin. Ako ang katabi mo tapos siya iniiisip mo. Tss.” He hissed at me.

“FYI, hindi ko siya naiisip eh kaso nagtanong ka about sa kanya kaya syempre sasagi talaga siya sa balintataw ko. Kaloka to.”

He sighed. He placed his chin above my head and my face was buried on his neck. Rinig at kita ko ang paggalaw ng kanyang Adam’s apple dahil sa paglunok. Gusto kong iyakap ang aking braso sa kanya pero I held myself back.

“Ale…” Bulong ko.

“Hmmm?”

“What are we doing?”

“Hugging and cuddling.”

“Why? Di ba parang ang intimate na nito?”

“Bawal ba? Ayaw mo?”

Umiling ako. Ayokong masanay sa ganito. Ayokong umasa….

“Pero di ba bawal ‘to. Pag nakita tayo ng Mama mo, baka kung ano ang isipin nun. Nakakahiya.”

Using his hand, Alejandro tilted my chin. I have no choice but to look at him. He was looking at me with intensity. Tanging ang dulo ng mga ilong lamang namin ang magkadikit.

Alejandro traced the outline of my lower lip. Wala sa loob na suminghap ako. I like this feeling. The feeling like I was being worship by him.

“When I touch you like this and you give me that face reaction, it makes me want to touch you more, Bea. Goddamit, I want to touch you so bad.” He said in a restraining voice.

Tila may kung anong nagbara sa lalamunan ko. Something stirred in the pit of my stomach. Something hot and delicious. I just can’t tell what it is. My eyes lingered at his half-opened mouth. Without thinking twice, I raised my hand and trace his lower lip with my thumb. I heard his loud gasp and he groaned.

“This…this is touching, Alejandro, yes?”

The man shook his head. “Baby, what I have in mind is far from touching you like this. I want more. So much more you have no idea what I was capable of. If only I could move my body freely. I want to touch you in places you’ve never been touched.” His eyes lit up I almost thought I saw fire in them.

“Err. This is getting awkward.” I answered. Lumayo ako sa kanya at umupo. Nag-inat ko. “Sarap ng tulog ko, Ale.” Ngumisi ako sa kanya. His intense eyes still on me. God, this is getting riciculous.

“Gawin mo ba naman akong unan.” He blurted out.

“Nagrereklamo ka? Ikaw nga itong ‘closer ng closer’ pang nalalaman. Pwede naman akong mahiga sa dulo o di kaya sa sahig.” Lumabi ako.

“You, sleeping in my arms was the best feeling I have ever felt since I had an accident.” Seryosong pahayag nito.

Natahimik ako. I folded my knees at niyakap iyon. My face facing him. “I’m glad to know that I’m making you feel better, Ale. Sobrang natutuwa ako na marinig iyan mula sa’yo.”

“I’m glad you came into my life.”

Ugh. I wanted to clutch my chest. Ang lakas ng pag-atake ng mga salita ni Alejandro. I was rendered speechless. Gusto kong dumapa sa ibabaw nito at pugpugin ito ng halik. Aihsst. If only I could do it freely. Alejandro wouldn’t mind for sure. Kaso…. I need to guard myself…. Hindi na tama itong nararamdaman ko sa kanya….

“You’re giving me that face reaction again, Bea and I am not even touching you. Come back to my arms, baby.”

“Ang landi mo.” Ngumuso ako at humalakhak lamang ito. Sarap halikan talaga, este kurutin. Napasabunot ako sa aking buhok. Get your s**t together Beverly Ann!

Tuluyan akong tumayo at nag-inat pa ng isang beses. Alejandro whisled. “Nice pair of legs you have, baby.”

Gamit ang blanket, hinila ko iyon at hinagis sa kanyang mukha. “Puro ka kalokohan, Alejandro. Lalabas na ako!” Kinuha ko muna ang aking mga unan at blanket na iniwan ko sa sa kanyang couch. Iniwan ko itong tawa ng tawa pa rin sa reaksiyon ko. Mamayang gabi, doon na talaga ako matutulog sa kwarto ko!

Ewan ko ba, pag kay Alejandro, hindi ako nababastusan sa mga ginagawi niya. Pero kung ibang tao siguro yun, yikes! Mananakbo tiyak ako pabalik sa pantalan nang wala sa oras.

**********

Natapos ko nang magpalit ng bedsheets sa dalawang kwarto. Nakapaglinis na rin ako sa sala at sa kusina. Ilang araw kasing walang tao dito sa pad dahil nga sa pagka-ospital ni Alejandro kaya todo-linis ang ginagawa ko buong maghapon. It was past four o’clock in the afternoon when I emerged to the living room. Nakapaligo na ako’t lahat but Alejandro was still on his favorite spot in the balcony, reading a certain book. Tiningnan ko ang hawak kong libro. I found this in Irene’s room nung naki-usap itong isali ang room niya sa paglinis noong Sabado.

Tinago ko ang libro sa aking likod at marahang lumapit kay Alejandro. “Ale….” Tawag ko.

He only c****d his eyebrow to me. Nilabas ko ang libro mula sa aking likod at nilahad iyon sa kanya. “Baka kako hindi mo pa nababasa ‘to. Hiniram ko kay Irene, ka-boardmate ko.” Well, kailangan kong sabihin sa kanya kung kanino galing ang libro dahil baka kung ano-ano na naman ang iisipin nito.

“Sa kanya ba talaga ang librong yan?”

See what I meant there? I nodded exasperatingly. “Baka gusto mong basahin. Itatabi ko dun sa bookshelf mo.” Aalis na sana ako sa gilid nito but Alejandro took the book from my grasp.

“Me Before You.” He read the title.

Kumagat-labi ako. Kahit hindi ko pa nababasa ang libro ay alam ko na ang nangyari sa bidang lalake. Irene has spoiled me too much to the point na naiyak ito habang nagku-kwento. But since I am really not into books, hindi ko na pinagkaabalahang basahin pa ito. Tsaka, ayokong isiping mangyayari kay Alejandro ang sinapit ng bidang lalake. Hindi ko kaya….

“Have you already read this book?” He asked. Umiling ako.

“Tamad akong magbasa, Ale. Baka makatulog lang ako.”

“You want me to read the book for you?” May lambing sa boses nito.

Matamis na ngumiti ako sa kanya. “Kung okay lang sa’yo.”

Tumango ito at binuklat ang unang pahina. Ako naman ay agad na humugot ng upuan at nilagay sa tabi ng kanyang wheelchair. I sat down; my ears are ready to listen to his storytelling.

“Why are you sitting there?” May pagtataka sa boses nito. Kumunot ang noo ko at tinignan ang palibot. Pero ito na ang pinakamalapit na pwesto ko sa kanya.

He looked at me knowingly and I looked back at him reluctantly. “Nope.” I said, reading what his eyes are telling me to do.

“Then I won’t read this book.”

“Aissht. Alejandro!” Nagpapadyak na tumayo ako mula sa aking pagkakaupo. “You’re so clingy.”

“Only for you.” He smiled and my heart made a backflip. Aatakihin ako sa puso sa mga kalandian ng lalakeng ‘to. At ang lintik kong sarili, nagpapalandi rin naman.

He raised his hand at hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na tanggapin iyon. I sat on his lap sideways. Agad kong hinilig ang aking ulo sa kanyang balikat. Both of us are facing the west where the sun is about to set.

The view from way up here is astonishing. The man whose arms are being wrapped around me is breathtaking. I can’t believe I am having this kind of chance in life; both experiencing the beauty of human and nature.

Tumikhim si Alejandro. Bumaling ako sa kanya at magaan na hinalikan niya ako sa ilong. Sa ilong. Gad.

Ngumuso ako sa kanya as I looked away at umupo ng tuwid. He’s back at teasing me again. “Magbasa ka na.” Ani ko.

Alejandro cleared his throat. When I thought he was about to read, I felt his lips on my neck. “Alejandro!”

He chuckled. “You smell divine, baby. I can’t help it.”

“Makalayas na nga.”

Alejandro was fast in snaking his arm around my waist at agad na napasandal ako sa dibidib nito. “God, how I love to tease you.”

“Magbasa na kasi.”

“Ito na nga. Naiinis agad. Pero mainis ka lang. Gumaganda ka lalo, e.”

Itinirik ko ang mata pataas. Rold, konting-konti nalang talaga at hahambalusin ko na ito ng librong hawak. May kabigatan pa naman ito.

He cleared his throat once more. “Prologue.” Basa nito. Sinandal ko ulit ang aking ulo sa kanyang dibidb at pinakinggan ito. Sinusundan ng mata ko ang mga salita sa libro habang binabasa niya ito.

“He turns towards it, and in that split second he realizes that he is in it’s path, that there is no way he is going to be able to get out of its way. His hand opens in surprise, letting the Blackberry fall to the ground. He hears a shout, which may be his own. The last thing he sees is a leather glove, a face under a helmet, the shock in the man’s eyes mirroring his own. There is an explosion as everything fragments. And then there is nothing.”

I jumped from his lap when Alejandro dropped the book as he started to throw up. He kept on coughing and gasping for air at the same time.

“Alejandro, anong nangyayari sa’yo.” My hair prickled from the nerveousness. Mangiyak-ngiyak akong hinamas ang kanyang likod. “Ale…” my voice shook.

“Nausea.” He answered in between breaths. “I’m okay. I just need a moment.” He tilted his head up, eyes closed. Tumaas-baba ang kanyang balikat dahil sa pagsinghap ng sunod-sunod.

Humikbi ako. Naiintindihan ko na. The accident happened to the main character probably triggered his anxiety from his own accident. Ang bobo mo talaga, Bea. Bakit hindi mo naisip ang bagay na yun! Ang tanga mo talaga!

“I need to pee. I need you to help me.” He said. Mabilis akong tumango nang walang pag-alinlangan. We both went straight to his huge bathroom.

Alejandro was trembling. I could tell just by looking at his shaky hands. Usually, taga-abot lang ako ng medical supplies na kailangan niya. Madalas nga ay hindi na niya ako pinapapasok sa bathroom nito. Kayang-kaya na man daw niya.

But now, he’s struggling. Nang maiprepare ko na ang lahat ng kailangan niya, he started unbuttoning his sweatpants. Bago pa nito sabihin ang kailangan niya ay inabot ko na agad ito sa kanya. He looked at me with unsteady eyes.

“Thank you.”

Tumango lamang ako, still paying attention at what he’s doing. When he started emptying his bladder, saka pa lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Alejando’s pee process’ always make me uncomfortable. I can the feel pain every time he inserts that long tube into his eurethra.

Alejendro tied the catheter plastic, but maybe because he was still shaking, he wasn’t able to seal it properly. The liquid split on the waterproof underpad. “Shit.” He cursed.

Mabilis kong inalis sa kamay niya ang catheter plastic at ako na mismo ang nagtapon sa rubbish bin. Inalis ko ang p***s support sa lap niya at pagkatapos ay tinupi ko ang underpad na nabasa at nilagay na rin sa basurahan.

Ramdam ko ang tingin ni Alejandro sa akin pero hindi ko siya tinignan pabalik. Kinuha ko ang disinfectant. Naglagay ako sa palad ko at sa palad niya. Lumuhod ako sa kanyang harapan at inabot ko ang kanyang dalawang kamay. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. Our eyes locked with each other as we rubbed our hands together.

His hands are still trembling. I wished I know how to make him calm. He pulled his hands from mine at akmang isasarado ang butones ng kanyang sweatpants pero marahang tinabig ko iyon.

“Ako na.” Alam ko kung ano ang sinasabi ko at alam ko kung ano ang resulta ng aking gagawin. I bit my lip as I held his manhood. This is the first time in my life that I get to hold a male organ. It was…soft and warm.

Alejandro’s eyes were wide as if they were pop out from its socket. He probably cannot believe I am holding him. I absentmindedly slid my fingers on his shaft. Hindi naman siguro siya nasasaktan di ba? He cannot feel….

“Did you just…Fuck baby.” He muttered as he shut his eyes tightly. His throat vibrated with a deep groan.

Mabilis kong binitawan ito. “Why? Why? Why? Masakit ba? Oh, my gad I’m sorry. You button your pj’s by yourself then, Ale.”

Alejandro’s breathing laboured. When he opened his eyes, they are darkening at the same time, they are burning. What is going on?

“Will you...” Suminghap ito. “Will you touch me again, Bea?” His voice was strained, tila nahihirapan ito. Malalim na tingin ang binibigay nito sa akin.

As if in trance, sumunod ako sa nais niya. Sa nais ng puso ko. I held him again and he expelled another sharp breath. “Holy shit.”

I gasped when I felt his thing stirred. Nanlalaki ang matang tumingin ako kay Alejandro. “It’s…. alive.” Kumagat-labi ako at tila hindi makapaniwala.

Alejandro did the same. “Come here, Bea. Let me kiss those sweet lips of yours I’ve been dying to taste.”

Using his free hand, Alejandro held me on the chin and pulled me gently to his. His other hand went to the back of my neck and tilted my head to the side.

Nang maglapat ang aming labi, tuluyan akong napapikit. Being kissed by the man you love, this probably felt like heaven. Alejandro’s tongue was aggressive, licking each side of my mouth. He wanted to go in and I opened my lips for him. This is my first time being kissed but I’m a fastlearner. Ginaya ko ang bawat hagod ng kanyang dila sa aking loob. I met his togue and both of us gasped from the sensation. He sucked my tongue and I whimpered in delight. Oh god. This felt so good.

Someone knocked on the door at mabilis akong lumayo sa kanya. He cursed silently as he buttoned his pj’s. Pulang-pula ang mukha ko sa nangyari. Did we just do that?

“Alejandro? Are you there, anak?”

“Yes Ma. The door is unclocked.”

Senyora opened the door and was surprised to see me. Magsasalita sana ako but Alejandro spoke first. “I got dizzy and threw up. I asked Bea to help me change my clothers. What is it that you need, Ma?”

“Oh. Are you okay now?” Agad na napalitan ng pag-alala ang ekspresyon ng mukha nito.

“I’m fine now. Thanks to Bea.” He threw me a glance. “May kailangan ka, Ma? I’m about to get dress.”

“Oh. It’s just that your brother has arrived. Alam kong ayaw mong sumasalo sa hapunan but I’d still like to ask if you might want to join us. Hoping you’ll change your mind.”

Alejandro nodded. “I will join dinner with you, Ma.”

Her Mom literally jump from the joy she just heard from her son. “Oh. You have no idea how you make me so happy, Alejandro.”

“Bea will join us for dinner.”

“Me?” Turo ko sa aking sarili.

He raised an eyebrow at me. A smirk on his lips. “You’re my brother’s fan. You should come and join us. Besides, I need you to be there.”

Alanganing sumulyap ako kay Senyora na bakas ang pagtataka sa mukha. She looked at me. “If Alejandro wants you to join, then by all means, please join us, Bea.”

I faked a smile. “Uhm. Okay po, Senyora.”

“Please be at the dining hall at exactly seven o’clock.” She said bago ito nagpaalam na bababa na para asikasuhin ang hapunan.

“Bakit kailangan ako dun, Alejandro?” Tanong ko sa kanya. I am an outsider. It is supposed to be a family dinner and a mere peasant like me shouldn’t be there.

Alejandro reached for my hand and brought to his lips. Napaigtad ako. “Because your presence is all I need to keep me going, baby.” He whispered.

Bumuntong-hininga na lamang ako. As if my magagawa ako. I just can’t say no to this man.