Fortress Island Series 1: Alejandro, Love Just Ain't Enough

THREE: Distance

"What are you waiting for?"

"You're not serious, are you?" Napahumindig ako. I swallowed the lump behind my throat. Of course, he's not serious! Hello naman! Hindi ko kayang gawin ang pinapagawa niya! Put the catheter into his....pe....pe...penis???? Did he really expect me to do that?

First of all, I haven't seen a real p***s in my entire life! Although I know how it looks like. My friends used to watch x-rated movies sa kwarto ko. Pang malakasan ang trip ng mga yun palibhasa may mga karanasan na sa pag-ibig.

Second of all, wala akong kaalam-alam sa pag-insert ng catheter sa s*x organs! Hindi ba na-inform tong lalakeng 'to na wala akong alam sa larangan ng medisina?

And third of all, Senyora told me na hindi ito parte ng aking trabaho. That all these intimate and personal needs ng lalake ay labas na ako. Therefore, I have the right to refuse this insufferable man's order, right?

And lastly, I might collapsed from embarrassment the moment I get to hold his....er....penis. Hindi pa nga ako nakakita, ang makahawak pa kaya?

"Do I look like I'm just playing, here? You better hurry up 'cause I don't want to wet my pants!"

Pinanindigan ako ng balahibo. Am I really going to do it? Should I do it? s**t. It looked like I had no choice.

Still in doubt, lakas loob na humakbang ako papalit sa kanya.

"Let me pick up first all these medical supplies na nagkalat sa sahig."

Sa nanginginig na boses na sabi ko. Hindi ko na hinintay na sumagot ito. Ayoko ring alamin kung anong klaseng tingin ang binibigay niya sa akin ngayon.

Nang maipon ko na ang lahat sa aking mga kamay ay nilapag ko iyon sa ibabaw ng sink. These things need to be disinfected, kahit ba nakabalot ng plastic ang mga ito.

Isang malalim na hininga ang ginawa ko bago humarap sa kanya. Let's get this over and done with.

"Okay, let's do this." I said to him but more to myself. He gave me a smug grin at tila aliw na aliw ito sa akin. God I wanted to tear his mouth apart!

Malamig ang buong kwarto nito pero basa na ang T-shirt ko sa pawis. Of course, I was nervous as hell. If ever I get to survive this day, it should be included in the books.

"Prepare the things I need." Sa malamig na boses na sabi nito.

"Okay. What are those things?"

"Open the medical cabinet on your left." He instructed and I followed immediately. May mga kung ano-anong nakahilera doon at hindi ko mapangalanan.

"Get one catheter tray and that plastic box on the right side.  Put them here and open them for me." Ininguso nito ang built-in stainless table sa kanyang gilid. nakapatong na doon ang catheter na binigay ko sa kanya kanina.

I nodded at sinunod ang kanyang iniutos. Sa tantiya ko ay may mahigit na trenta pirasong tray ang naroon sa first floor ng medical cabinet. Sa pangalawa naman ay mga catheter plastics, swabs ticks, gloves and syringes ang naroon.

Lumigid ako sa kanya para mailapag ang maliit na plastic box at catheter tray sa stainless table. I realized I was literally standing beside him. I smelled a faint scent of his manly cologne. My right thigh was touching the cold metal of his wheel chair. I suddenly felt conscious. I looked at him sideways but I saw him tense a little. Did I make him uncomfortable? But he's the one who's making me uncomfortable!

He opened up his buttons. Tumalikod ako paharap sa tiled wall ng malawak na bathroom nito at nagdasal ng tahimik. I prayed for my soul not to leave my body just yet. Ang lakas ng pintig ng puso ko na halos kapusan ako ng hininga.

He cleared his throat. "Hand me the waterproof underpad."

Nanginginig ang kamay na kinuha ko iyon at inabot sa kanya, without looking at his....thing.

Kaluskos lamang ang naririnig ko, kagat-labing naghihintay ng susunod niyang utos.

"Give me the p***s support, please."

My eyes grew wide. What? Did he just say p***s support?

"Ah..I don't know which pe....pe...penis support do you mean." Goodness, my cheeks were getting hot. Kailan ba bubuka ang sahig at magpapakain ako ng kusa.

"That blue U-shape thing in the other box."

My god. All these new things were making my head dizzy. Wala sa sariling kinuha ko iyon. This thing is a p***s support? I wonder how this thing could actually support his pe....nis. Shaking my head, nilagay ko iyon sa kamay niyang nakalahad.

"Disinfectant, please."

Wow. The biggest surprise of the day. The man really knows how to say PLEASE! So far, pangatlong beses na niyang ginamit ang salitang iyon.

I handed him the disinfectant while grinning. Hmm. I think I could get use to this kind of job. Taga-abot ng mga medical supplies sa kanya every time he needs to pee.

"Catheter." He spoke, giving me back the disinfectant.

I picked up the long catheter and handed it to him, mentally taking notes about the sequencing of this 'pee process.'

"Damn it." he muttered a curse. He's probably having a hard time.

"Everything all right?"

He didn't reply at nakaramdam ulit ako ng kaba. Nagtatalo ang aking isipan. Pinilig ko ang aking ulo. Bahala na. Kung ano man ang mangyari pagkatapos nito, si Lord na ang bahala sa akin. Matanggal man ako sa trabaho, at least, binigay ko ang lahat ng aking makakaya. Kagat ang ibabang labi, kumilos ako paharap sa kanya. May sariling isip siguro ang aking mga paa para umikot at tumigil sa kanyang harapan. Lumuhod ako para hindi ako nito kailangang tingalain.

My eyes glued at his thing. Saying that I was shook was an understatement. So that's how it looks like. Oh, so that's the purpose of p***s support; to keep his actual p***s in place.

Alejandro was stupefied. When he finally recovered from the shock, he glared at me with the fierce eyes of the tiger. "What the f**k! I didn't tell you to look!"

I bit my inside cheek. "It doesn't matter, Alejandro. I won't die from looking at your....thing." Nilakipan ko ng irap ang pagsagot ko sa kanya. "You need to empty your bladder, di ba? Then teach me how to use this thing." I was literally down on bended knees. I made Alejandro speechless again and when he finally sighed, I knew that he couldn't stop me anymore.

"You're one crazy woman."

I wanted to chuckle. Now I'm a woman, eh?

"Sanitize your hands, first." he grunted, eyes avoiding mine. Hmmp. Suplado, akala mo gwapo. Nang magawa ko nang mag-alcohol, bumalik ako sa pwesto ko sa harap niya. His hands were shaking. May kung anong kurot sa didbib akong naramdaman. I reached for his hands at pinisil ang mga iyon ng bahagya. Napatigil ito.

"Your hands are shaking." Naibulalas ko.

"I've been doing this at least three times a day for months, but today was uncomfortable to me."

"Why?"

"Because you're here."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. I leveled my eyes at him. "You could have asked me to go out and leave you alone gaya ng ginawa mo kanina."

His eyes darkening, but somehow, they looked soft. "I know. But I'd prefer you to stay with me. Your presence makes me....a little less....lonely." As if he realized he's being too honest, he muttered a series of curse.

He shook his head as if he can't believe he just said those things to me. Pareho kaming di nagsalita. Alejandro started opening the gel sachet.

"The gel must be spread evenly on the catheter surface."

Tumango ako at tinulungan ito. Our fingers touching and even though I could feel the spark from his skin, I tried my hardest not to show it. Poker face is what I need to display.

"I'll handle it from here. Just look closer to what I am about to do, so in case I feel under the weather, I won't have a choice but to let you do it for me."

"Sigurado ka?"

Nagtaas ito ng kilay. "Why do I have this feeling that you want it so bad to touch my d**k, Bea?"

"Well....it's big." Bulalas ko at sabay takip ng bibig. Bunganga mo talaga Beverly!

Nanlaki ng bahagya ang mga mata nito at saka humalakhak ng malakas. "You haven't seen it getting hard and big, baby. Come here and touch it. It won't bite. It's harmless. It's dead, anyway." His smiling face suddenly turned into a grim one.

"Uh. Hindi ako interesado dyan, Alejandro. Mas interesado ako sa gagawin mo."

"Watch and learn then."

Tumango lang ako. I will let his flirting side slide this time. At least, the man still knows how to tease.

I was preparing my mind to learn this whole 'pee process.' I want to understand. Aminado din naman kasi ako na may kabobohan akong taglay.

When the gel spread evenly, he opened the functional opening using the eyelets. He then released the tip of the catheter.

Huminga ito ng malalim. Tila hinahanda ang sarili. When he was about to insert the catheter into his urethra, napatakip ako sa aking mga mata. Hindi dahil nababastusan ako o ano, but it looks painful to me. Ipapasok niya yung mahabang tube na yun sa manhood niya?! Iniisip ko pa lang ay tila ako ang nasasaktan. And he needs to repeat this whole process every single time he needs to pee? Bumigat ang dibdib ko. This man really needs someone to help him. To uplift him. And just someone to be with him. He was suffering alone, all by himself. Alam kong hindi kasalanan ng pamilya niya, dahil ito mismo ang tumataboy sa kanila pero sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, there should be a single soul out here to give him the encouragement he badly needs. To tell him that everything will be alright. Para sa akin, malaking bagay na yun.

When he groaned as if in pain, tumingin ulit ako sa kanya only to be horrified when he still kept on inserting the long tube inside his p***s.

"That's enough!" Sigaw ko. Nanginig ang boses ko. Kinilabutan ko.

His face sweaty. His jaw clenching but there was a smirk on the side of his lips. "Funnel must be moved towards the tip ends so that it seals the packaging." He said matter-of-factly.

Umiling ako at nag-init ang mga mata. "It looks painful."

'It's painful as hell, baby, but I get use to the pain." his voice was so soft as if that's he's way of consoling me. But I just continue shaking my head. I can't decipher, really.

He then started emptying his bladder. Thank God. Nang matapos ito, he sealed the urine bag by making a knot. He threw all of them to the open trash bin, excluding the p***s support. He buttoned his pants quietly.

"How was it?" Tanong nito sa akin when he's done washing his hands and disinfecting them. Hindi na mababanaag ang sakit sa kanyang ekspresyon.

"Huh?"

"Are you gonna run for the hills now?"

Did he expect me to back out? To grab my things and leave this island? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng yun?

"Are you not going to leave?" A crease was form on his forehead.

I scoffed at him at namewang. "So ano yun, pagsubok? Sorry, pero I won't give up." I won't give you up. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling ang determinasyon na iyon pero hindi ko susukuan ang lalakeng ito. Alam kong hindi ito masamang tao. Gusto kong kuhanin ang kanyang loob at baka sakali mapahinuhod ko siyang magpagamot sa ibang bansa. Gaya ng gustong mangyari ng kanyang mga magulang.

"Ganyan ka ba ka-desperada para magtrabaho dito? Alam mo ba ang pinapasok mo? What you have witnessed earlier was just a tip of the iceberg, baby." May panunuya sa boses nito.

"Kung matigas ang ulo mo, mas lalong matigas ang ulo ko, Alejandro. So my answer is no. Mananatili ako dito sa tabi mo. Tanging si Senyora lang ang makakapag-paalis sa akin dito. Siya ang nagpapasahod sa akin at hindi naman ikaw. And save your breath, there's no way you can convince me to resign from my job. Kahit maghubad ka pa dyan, keri lang. Wala ka na rin namang maitatago sa akin."

"You're a cunning woman. But let's see, Bea. We'll see kung hanggang

kailan ka tatagal dito."

"Enough of the talking. Lumamig na ang almusal mo." Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya at pumwesto sa kanyang likuran. Inabot ko ang kanina ko pa napapansin na hair brush na mukhang bago pa at hindi pa ata ginagamit.

"What are you doing?" He snarled at me when I started combing his hair.

"Itatali ko tong lagpas-balikat mo na buhok. Ako ang naiinitan sa'yo eh. Tsaka sagabal ito tuwing kakain ka. Mamaya niyan pati butil ng kanin dumikit na sa dulo ng buhok mo."

"Hindi ako bata. Alam ko kung paano kumain ng maayos and I assure you my hair is not touching my food!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." ganti kong pang-asar dito. May extrang panali sa wrest ko kaya yun ang ginamit kong panali sa buhok niya. "Infairness sa buhok mo ha, malambot. Sa malayo akala ko pinamamahayan na ng kuto ang buhok mo. Hindi naman pala." I chuckled.

"I washed my hair everyday, wench! Stop treating me like a child! Damn you."

Yumuko ako at inilapit ang bibig sa kanyang tainga. "I'm your carer so I must handle you with care."

Alejandro jerked his head to the side and the tip of his nose literally touched my lips. I was appalled and couldn't move.

Suminghap ako nang huminga ito. Tumama ang mabango nitong hininga sa aking leeg.

"Bea."

"Huh." I swear Alejandro could hear the wild beating of my heart.

"Your name spells trouble to me. And I don't like it. You should keep your distance, 'cause even if half of my body lost its feeling, my mind is functioning well. And you have no idea what crazy images I have with you are playing in my head right now." He whispered huskily.

He didn't wait for my respond. He wheeled himself out and I was just here trying to understand what he meant by that..........