Sunflower

Chapter 15

Lucy

I pour a cup of coffee for my mom and one for myself, taking my time in order to stall this conversation for as long as possible. I really do need to be getting ready for work, but I know my mother well and she will see herself as a priority over pretty much anything else.

I take our mugs and sit down at the table, sliding her mug in front of her.

"Oh, thank you," she says, taking the mug into both hands and sniffing the coffee first, before taking a sip. Something she's always done.

"So what did you need to talk to me about?" I ask.

"Where's Chris?" she asks, looking around. "Did he already leave for work?"

My heart drops to the pit of my stomach at the mention of his name. I haven't told mom about our breakup yet, and I wasn't even sure I was going to anytime soon. I should've known she would just show up here, out of the blue. She does that from time to time, usually at the most inconvenient times possible.

"Yeah, he's at work," I answer.

"Ah. Okay. It's been a while since I've seen him. Tell him I said hello."

"I will," I reply, clearing my throat. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Well," she grins sheepishly before holding out her left hand and revealing a huge diamond ring. "I'm getting married!"

It takes a lot longer than it should for me to react, but I had to go through my various reactions to find the appropriate one. Shocked? No. She wasn't in love with my father, so it's no surprise she's moving on after only being divorced for a year. Angry? No. I could care less what she does with her life as long as she keeps her nose in her own business, where it belongs. Happiness? No. She doesn't deserve to be happy. After Tommy's death, I watched her crumble for weeks, only to find out it was all an act. The truth is, both her and my father were relieved when Tommy died because that meant they were no longer burdened by him.

So that just means I don't give a-

"Lucy?" she asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I blink myself out of my daze and force a small smile. "That's great, mom."

"Just great?" she asks, disappointed by my answer.

"It's wonderful."

"I thought you would be happy for me," she frowns.

"I am," I answer, sipping my coffee slowly just to buy a few seconds.

"Aren't you going to ask who the lucky guy is?" she asks.

I set my mug down on the table a and blow out a breath. "Who?"

"Benjamin Albright," she grins happily, making her green eyes light up.

"As in...the CEO of Neptune Records?" I ask, furrowing my brows.

She nods excitedly.

"Wow. I didn't even know you were seeing anyone," I say, suddenly becoming very uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is going.

"We've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but when you know, you know," she smiles.

"Huh," I say, staring down at my black coffee. "I guess some people only need a few weeks, and some need a few years."

I get up and walk over to the refrigerator to get nothing in particular, but rather just to get away from her for a few seconds. I find her presence suffocating, even more so than usual. The way she smiles as if everything is perfect in her life...it makes me so sick.

But then again, maybe everything is perfect, for her.

"Honey, is something going on with you and Chris?" mom asks, appearing behind me.

I close the refrigerator, rolling my eyes before I turn around to face her.

"It's just...you seem a bit off lately. And...what you just said...about it taking some people a few weeks and others a few years..."

I sigh and look down, chewing my lip. Now isn't the time to get into anything involving me and Chris. "No, nothing happened. I'm just making a point. You couldn't possibly know someone well enough to marry them in a matter of weeks. But I'm sure this has nothing to do with love, does it. You didn't love dad either."

She flinches when I mention him. At first, she seems a bit shocked that I would bring him up, but then she laughs. The crazy woman actually laughs. "Your father abandoned me when I needed him most. We lost our son and a few months later, he up and disappears without a trace? You tell me, Lucy...what do you think I should've done?! Waited for him to come back?!"

I feel I could lose control of myself at any moment if I let this continue. We've got to change the subject and fast.

"I'm sorry, it's just...Chris and I broke up last week," I finally say.

I'm surprised to see the sympathy in her usually emotionless eyes. "Oh Lucy, baby. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I'm just a little moody because of it and...I didn't mean to take it out on you. I'm happy you've found someone you care about. You deserve it," I tell her, even though most of what I just said is a lie.

She rushes towards me with her arms out and for the first time in years, she embraces me. At first, I want to push her away, but being in her arms feels safe and familiar. It reminds me of the times she really was my safe haven, before my father ruined her life. She was so kind and warm back then. He stole her spark away from her. I watched it happen with my own eyes. It made her hate her life and I guess for a time, it made me feel like she hated me and Tommy as well.

She never hated us though. She stayed with my father to give us a good life. She made sure we had everything we ever wanted. She tried her best with Tommy, though it was clear she had little patience left for him.

After he died, I resented her for being relieved. Now I'm starting to realize I was only holding onto those bitter feelings because I didn't understand why or how she had become who she was.

I'm starting to now. And it's changing the way I see her. Maybe we can fix our rocky relationship after all. It'll take some time, but we'll get there.

"Why don't we go out for a girl's day this weekend? You can invite Annie along, it'll be just like old times!" she smiles, pulling away and wiping the stray tears from my cheek.

By force of habit, I almost say no right away, but I give it some thought before I nod, smiling at her. "Okay, sounds like fun."

Andrew

"What the hell, man? Why are you knocking on the door like you're the police?" Chris asks, letting me into his new apartment.

I look around and frown. "It smells weird in here."

"Something tells me you didn't come all this way to smell my place," he says, giving me a bored look as he closes the door.

I plop down on the sofa, kicking my feet up on the coffee table and making myself at home. "We need to talk."

"Okay...about what?" he asks, taking a seat in the armchair next to the sofa.

"Lucy," I reply.

The color drains from his face the second her name leaves my lips. He hangs his head to hide it, but I don't miss much. I'm a very intuitive person, after all.

"Last year, when you gave her the perfect day for her birthday, did you propose to her?" I ask, not wanting to waste time. After what Sam said the other day, all I can think about is how two of my best friends never mentioned anything about engagement, or that they felt their relationship was coming to an end. I feel blindsided. Like maybe I don't mean as much to them as I thought.

I can tell by Chris's reaction to my question that the answer is probably yes, and what Sam said is true. But I need to hear him say it.

He sighs heavily. "Yes, I asked Lucy to marry me last year. And she said no. We didn't tell anyone for obvious reasons. We moved on from it, so it's no big deal."

"Moved on from it? You broke up."

"Our breakup had nothing to do with me proposing a year ago," he snaps angrily. "We broke up because Lucy doesn't feel like I'm worth two years of long distance."

I'm just about to say something else, but he continues. "That's what she says, anyway."

"Do you think she's just using the internship as an excuse?" I ask.

He blows out a breath and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Look, I don't really want to talk about Lucy, so if that's the only reason you're here-"

"I'm sorry," I grimace, realizing how insensitive I must seem. "It just kind of hurts that I was left out of the loop, but somehow, Sam knew about it."

"I only just told him," Chris replies. "I was drunk and...it just came out. I guess it's been on my mind a lot over the past year. Still, I was willing to stay with Lucy and fix things, not..."

"Fix things?" I ask.

He tiredly runs his hand over his hair, sighing again. "If you must know, Lucy and I were headed in this direction for the past year. Our breakup shouldn't have been a surprise to me, but it was. She's been through a lot and I know I should be patient. I can't leave here knowing it's over for us. I already didn't want to be so far away from her. I was going to ask her to come with me to Australia, at least for a some of the time I was there. But she wouldn't have gone."

"Are you really not going now?"

"Now? Now that it's really over between us?" he scoffs. "I didn't want to go. I wanted to stick around and see if she'd change her mind. But she's not going to. And I can't sit here and be miserable when I have a chance to do something big. I have two years that I'm guaranteed not to run into her anywhere. I could be over her by the time I come back to New York."

He stares off in the distance and for the first time in a while, I get a good look at his face. His eyes are tired and heavy. He hasn't shaved in at least a week and his hair is a mess. He's walking around in a daze every day, barely here. I know break ups suck and everything he's going through, I've seen someone go through before. It's nothing new. But it's more heartbreaking. Because I really thought Chris and Lucy would make it. I thought it would be them planning a wedding right now instead of Sam and Annie.

"But I'll never get over Lucy. I've already accepted that. I can still move on though, and one day, maybe I'll be happy again. For now, I just want Lucy to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

I stare at him in amazement for a few seconds before I finally close my mouth and pull myself together. "Wow, how mature of you. If I were you, I'd do everything in my power to make her life as miserable as possible. But I'm vindictive by nature, so..."

He gives me a small smile. "It's not like I haven't thought about all the things I could do to make her life hell to pay her back for hurting me. But they're just thoughts, nothing I'd ever act on. I can't force her to want me. I can't force her to give me a reasonable explanation as to why she doesn't anymore. And even though she's hurt me so bad...I know I could never hurt her."

I'm at a lost for words, so I don't say anything else. I had no idea things had gotten so bad for them. However, it doesn't seem like it's Chris that wanted things to end this way. It's all Lucy. She never said a word to me about her and Chris having problems. She didn't tell me he proposed, a freaking year ago. She didn't tell me she was even thinking of breaking up with him. We've been friends for years and we've always been there for each other. We've always told each other things.

Or that's what I thought anyway.

I wanted to help save their relationship with everything in me. I wanted to help them realize what they'd be missing if they let each other go. But do I even know what they'd be missing? It's obvious I don't know the whole story.

Maybe none of us do.