CHAPTER I
CHAPTER I
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THAT’S IT. NOW, I HAVE to admit it. I’m stuck in a rut. Besides, I’m pretty sure that I’m a bit down. There’s no way around that.
It’s no wonder that sometimes I feel like I’m surrounded by a void and that I have lost my ability to connect with people. I think that’s a pity. I was good at that, quite good, and that helped me in my career along the way.
The other day, for instance, I got out of bed early in the morning. That’s my routine and I seem to be very fond of routine. For a while, I just stood near the window and listened to the deep quietness of the house. I didn’t hear anything, not even a c***k in the furniture. There wasn’t even a moth in the air. But for my neighbor’s small dog, which was yapping with enthusiasm in the yard across the street, I could have believed that I was the only breathing person on earth. I must say it wasn’t such a delightful thought. Quite creepy, if you want to take my word on it.
I poured my first cup of coffee and sipped it slowly. I savored the hot black liquid while watching the street absently.
I let my mind wander everywhere and to everything without a specific purpose. I didn’t stop to consider any thought. I was feeling depressed. Thinking about browsing my agenda full of meetings brought me further down so I decided to ignore it.
Suddenly, a thought popped in my mind. I wondered when I lost that feeling of eagerness that was there all the time. It accompanied my every step while I was climbing that metaphorical ladder that would have landed me into one of those legendary offices, stretching there, on the top floor of the company, sharing the view of the lake.
This morning, everything was different though. I woke up with a new feeling of expectation. It was almost close to anxiety. Now, that was something I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
I knew that something was supposed to happen. I couldn’t say if it was something good or bad but that didn’t seem very important. At least I knew that something new lay ahead. I was giddy with anxiety and impatience as I was already sick of identical days. I was more than ready to try something new.
This time around, I drank my coffee watching the street with different eyes and I even enjoyed the antics of the small Russell terrier across the street. That was definitely new. Usually, he annoyed me with all that fuss he was making. He would run around like a headless chicken, chasing his tail, or some imaginary ghosts across the lawn. He’d constantly hunt the little birds brave enough to rest on the fence. His yapping competed with a fire alarm at times, and made you think that the end of the world was close. One thing was certain. He was the source of the sudden and persistent migraines which plagued me constantly.
Yet, today, I looked at him and I thought he was just full of life. It was as if he conveyed his joy of life to me somehow, and I felt energized. My brain was on alert and my blood was humming.
When I drove my car out of the garage, the feeling that new possibilities lay in front of me was still there with me and that was the first time in a long while that I’d felt something different than boredom.
