Leap of Faith

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 2

THE MORNING DRAGGED on as usual. As always, it even seemed endless, but that premonition that something new awaited ahead helped me to keep my good mood.

I almost got into trouble during my last meeting before lunch. I was bored to tears with the discussion subjects. We were always talking about the same problems over and over again. We never reached any conclusion anyway.

It seemed like a waste of time. I felt that we were having those meetings just to say that we were doing some work.

I found myself day-dreaming and someone asked me a question. Apparently, it was an important one, and I didn’t even notice. To answer was out of question. Only when I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and saw my boss’s unpleasant scowl – the one he put on every time someone screwed up, I got back to the real world and gathered my scattered thoughts from wherever they had gone.

It wasn’t any wonder that he asked me into his office for a short discussion afterwards. A few years ago, I would have been afraid if he’d called me to a meeting like that, especially because of his tone. That was the tone one would hear whenever he was ready to tell someone that their services were no longer required in the company.

For a brief moment then, I thought of the pink slip that was offered when someone was fired, but I shrugged it off as if I hadn’t given a damn about anything. It wasn’t just a front. Right then, I didn’t really care. I thought that probably, my depression was deeper than I thought and I got to that point where I started having self-destructive tendencies.

He showed me into his office and he motioned me to sit in the armchair beside his mocha sofa. With a nod of my head, I took a seat and waited patiently for him to start talking. I looked around and cringed. The soft tones of the sofa and armchair clashed with bold and crude paintings on the wall. My boss’s taste was far from cultivated.

“Meg, you’ve been with us for several years now,” he told me evenly.

It was an interesting beginning. But what could I have said? I nodded my assent and waited for him to continue.

Something was there to be said, I knew it, and when Mr. Johnson was talking, people had to listen. So I stoically had to listen to what he had to say.

“I think you’ve reached your maximum of potential here, Meg.”

Yep, the pink slip seemed to become more real by the second. It was like I’d had it in my hand. I could feel the texture of that thin pink paper that had the bad habit of appearing in people’s nightmares and stress them out.

I had a friend who had had sleepless nights after such dreams haunted him. He was afraid to even close his eyes. He was terrified that the same dream would come back again and again to torment him. In the end, if I am not wrong, he was sacked after a while. He wasn’t efficient anymore because of sleep deprivation and had become a liability. So, his dreams came true and he got that malefic pink slip.

“I don’t want to say that you haven’t done a good job here. Far from me that,” he said.

All right, I made a note to myself: he wanted to give me a little good-bye speech. I resigned myself to listen to it. It wasn’t like I’d had something better to do and I couldn’t just stand up and walk away. I was too polite to behave like that and it was a matter of respect, after all.

It was true that I still had those pesky afternoon meetings. It was as if I had gone from one meeting to another those days. There was also that promise I had made to Lorna to have lunch with her, but I could be late for once. It was not such a big deal as I had never been late for a thing in my life before. People would live with that too.

“I was thinking that you needed something a little more challenging... Something that would motivate you again,” Mr. Johnson continued.

That was quite a good speech to be delivered when someone was fired. Tell people that you let them go only to give them the possibility to fulfill themselves, to reach their full potential in another job, somewhere else. Good thinking, boss! Did you get trained for that or what?

“I know it might seem somewhat surprising for you now...”

Actually, no, it wasn’t surprising at all. Probably people had become aware that I was bored to tears with the same job that didn’t offer me any challenge anymore, and had become only a chore for me.

One thing was important though. I knew that losing my job wouldn’t be a serious problem for me right then. A few years before, it would have been a calamity.

I hadn’t been on a vacation for a few years now and I deserved some spare time for myself. I had enough money in the bank to live well even if I didn’t have a job for a while. I didn’t have to pay rent because a very old and almost unknown aunt had left me the house I was living in, and my wardrobe was full of clothes I hadn’t had a chance to wear before. If I analyzed things calmly, I didn’t eat too much so ... – no, it would not be a real problem, at least for a while.

After some time, I will see. It wasn’t like I’d had to make a crucial decision right then. I’d have had enough time on my hands afterwards.

“I see that you seem distressed and thoughtful...”

How could he see that? I wasn’t distressed at all. I felt only like I’d been somehow suspended in the air. Suddenly, I had no plans for tomorrow. Wow, it had been a long time since I’d had such a day stretched before my eyes. A normal day meant that everything had to be carefully planned out and I had to respect that schedule to the minute or hell would have frozen over.

“But believe me, Meg, it is a fantastic opportunity,” he continued, although I had stopped listening to him and his words were just some noise in the background. I’d catch one here and there and I thought it was enough.

Don’t tell me it’s a real opportunity, boss, because I know it. Not a lot to do, I admit, but there was a lot of potential for change. I could have tried some club for knitting – yeah, I was joking. I had never been able to do that. However, I had always wanted to pass over that handicap. I remember my grandma had tried to teach me until she found out that I was a lost cause. Maybe now it was the right time to start again. I might feel some fulfillment if I managed to do something out of the ordinary. Of course, out of the ordinary for me.

“To run a new branch, though as little as that one might be quite challenging, you know,” he said.

Whoa, rewind, boss, please. I think I have lost some of the things that he said on the way and now his speech didn’t make sense at all. Bad, very bad not to pay attention, Meg! How did he get from firing me to having me run a new office?

I’m afraid I should go and see a doctor. Do I have memory loss or blackouts? Something did happen; this is certain. Even though I didn’t listen attentively, something must have registered in my mind.

I coughed to find my voice and said, “Could you give me more details, please? You were talking about a branch...”

“Well, I thought you knew about the new branch we’re opening in France,” he said a little startled. “We’ve talked about it quite often... Remember the last few meetings we’ve had... You know the language very well, Meg, better than anyone in the office, and of course you’ve worked with us for over ten years, and your performance has been amazing so far... it was only normal to choose you for the direction of this branch, Meg. I thought you’d be aware that we’d choose you to run that office,” he continued and seemed dumbfounded that I was completely unaware of that.

All right, it was true that I had known about that new position for manager at the Paris branch, and for some time now. Yet, I had thought that they were going to choose someone from over there, so I hadn’t even bothered thinking about that.

“I appreciate the offer, of course! I am even flattered that you chose me, but wouldn’t it have been better to hire someone more familiar with the city and the business scene?”

Damn, my stupid honesty! I think I’ve just traded my dream-trip to France because of that! I felt like slapping myself over the face and I will certainly do it lately when I’m alone in my office. Why can’t I keep my mouth shut at least once?

“We might, of course, but I know, I am even convinced that you’ll manage very well in Paris, considering what you’ve realized within the company so far. Of course, we hired a guy from there to help you out there with advice and inside knowledge... I know we aren’t offering you much time, but we need you there within two weeks, Meg. We didn’t expect that everything would go so well and that we’d be able to open the branch so fast, because otherwise we’d have told you sooner. So, what do you think? Could you do it? Could you be there so soon?”

Could I? It wasn’t such a difficult question. The answer wasn’t so easy, though. There were many things that I had to take into consideration before committing to leave in two weeks.

So, let’s rewind this again: in the morning I didn’t know what to do to change my life, and I was stuck in a rut that suffocated me, effectively. Now, my life was taking a new path. This new direction was so altered that I couldn’t even recognize it anymore. This was the moment I’d been waiting for and I would have been really stupid not to grasp it with both hands.

“I’ll manage, don’t worry,” I said quickly, afraid that he might change his mind if he noticed my uncertainty.

Was I saying those words? Was I crazy or what? The monotony had definitely burnt my brain cells. Was I able to arrange everything and leave to the other side of the ocean in only two weeks? God, I did love short deadlines, didn’t I? It was like I was living only for them.

I smiled nicely at my dear old boss and turned towards the door to leave fast, so that he couldn’t change his mind and give that opportunity to someone else.

“Of course, you’ll have to show Marcy all of the stuff you’ve been working on so that she could take over for you,” his words stopped me exactly when I was about to step out of the door.

I turned back to him and nodded. After that, I finally managed to leave his office without any other interruptions.

Walking slowly to my office, I started daydreaming. All I could see before my eyes were snapshots from various movies: Paris by night, Gene Kelly dancing with the Eiffel Tower in the background, Audrey Hepburn...

Suddenly, realizing what I was doing, I shook my head and woke up. God, I was acting like a schoolgirl who was offered a romantic night in town for the first time! I shook myself mentally and thought: all right, girl, think! There’d be work, even a lot of work, actually, if you started thinking as you should! There’d be sleepless nights and headaches over one thing or another.

I knew it as well as I knew that I was sick of what I was doing at that moment in time. I knew that I could not go on with the same routine anymore. I needed a change and this was the right way out. Or, maybe, I was still day-dreaming. What if? That would be great. Was I losing it or what?

I decided to go along with my day and see what else would come up. So, I went to get ready to meet Lorna for lunch. I was already five minutes late and I needed at least ten to get to the restaurant where we were supposed to meet.