Hapuch's Diary

The Pact II

In an instant, I felt blood rushing to my head. My dilated pupils flickered under long lashes. My stomach churned letting joyful butterflies flap their wings.

A sudden hot sensation permeated into every part of my temple, forcing me into my seat. It was strange I must say. What was happening to me? I said nothing for a moment. 

He kept staring at me with moisty eyes. His distressed look confirmed the seriousness of his words. But how can he ever love a girl like me? why does my heart beat twice as fast? 

I couldn't tell anything for sure till his voice brought me out of my weary thought.

"I got you! It's a prank." A wide grin spread through his face as he let out loud rib-cracking laughter.

"You seriously fell for that!..haha!" He laughed.

I felt confused and stupid at the same time. Bowing my head in shame, I didn’t take my hands off my mouth, what the hell!

He continued laughing, "You need to see the look on your face ...haha." He mimicked me sarcastically.

I was calm like a jellyfish, I couldn't look at him, neither could I construct a reply. I rubbed on my n***d arm and rushed to my room to get some fresh air.

This was the moment in a girl's life when her crush finally expressed his love, but it turned out to be a prank.

Damn! so convincing! I sighed, Thank God it wasn't real.

I didn't want him to notice that I was affected. So I changed into a black print T-Shirt, faked a smile and after taking deep breaths, I came out.

"Are you okay now?"

 "Stop that. Everything is a joke to you." I remarked sternly, packing my hair behind me, before taking my seat.

He chortled, leaning forward, and uncrossed his legs, "A joke? I don't think so."

"You joke about something so sensitive!"

"Really? Tell me about it. How did that make you feel?"

"It doesn't matter. Well, I don't like jokes that question my character. I'm talking about associating my name to the word, steal."

I looked away for I still couldn’t deal with his piercing grey eyes fixed on me. The sitting room grew stiller, only indistinct clattering from outside protruded the silence, and so did the many indistinct thoughts in my mind.

"Mr Addison."

"Yes."

"Why did you do it? Why did you make a pact? Why did you visit me? Why did you--" 

"Because you needed to let out the anger and the pain inside of you." He cut me mid-sentence, "you will never be free if you don't let go."

"What are you saying? You know nothing about me." 

"I do, I can read through you and so far I've read; you're a bitter and depressed soul. You're locked in a shell created by yourself. You are too afraid to face your fears. You are broken and you blame yourself for all the wrong things that have happened to you..."

"Stop! I said stop already." I stood up and stated matter-of-factly, "I am perfectly fine. I can take care of myself. I don't need you or any shrink to fix me." 

I dashed to the kitchen, placed my hands on the kitchen table and peered emptily at it. Tears shimmered in my eyes burning deep into my senses and causing me to perspire. I guessed he was speaking the truth, maybe I was not strong enough to deal with it.

He came after me, and stood few inches behind, "Keren look at me, look at me in the face and tell me you're perfectly fine. Tell me you mean every word you've said!"

At this time, few drops of tears drizzled down and I didn't want him to see me cry. "I said I'm fine. Stop following me around. Leave me alone!"

"What if I don't. What will you do? Chase me? Hit me? Huh?"

I wiped my tears, and turned to him, "I won't chase you. After all, your father is the landlord of South Douro Valley, and I'm the daughter of the least of his workers!" I cried looking up at him.

"I can't hit you because you're ten times stronger than me. But I won't let you tell me what to do. You know nothing about me, so don't you dare preach to me about emotional strength!"

I walked out of the kitchen and moved to my room. In there, I sat on the floor close to the edge of my bed, cradling both legs with my hands while I sobbed.

 He was standing at the door all the while, and listening to my cry. Minutes later, his voice interrupted me.

"The first time I saw you at the Edmundos, I was drawn to the person behind that smile. The childlike, funny, simple and interesting young lady."

My eyes glistened, and my raised head faced the door, with little interest in what he was saying.

 "When you advised I call you Keren, I chose Hapuch because I would be the only one to call you that. When you spoke about the ant. I knew it was a lie, but it was an interesting lie. I could see through your eyes, that there was more to you than the girl I saw on national TV."

I wiped my face with the back of my hands. Did he saw me in the news too? Hmm.

"You and Mark became my first friends in Douro Valley and I thought maybe- you could see me as Addison, not Don Carlo's son."

I swallowed and stood up, still listening.

"Maybe you're right, I should leave you alone. Besides, my life is far from perfect, why should I be your shrink?" He chuckled sadly, "Well I don't regret meeting you because you remind me of someone."

I was struck by his modulated speech, so much that it impelled me to rush out of my room, to stop him from leaving.

I saw him standing by the sitting room door when I came out. 

"You saw me in the news?"

"What does it matter?" He replied.

"I remind you of someone? Who?" 

"It's not important. You know Keren, you ask a lot of questions but you don't care about the answers. So what's the point?" He shrugged and took a stepped closer to the door.

"I don't know. Maybe, that's the problem with everyone. You think you know it all. You think it's very easy. At the flick of your fingers, you can make things work." I paused, then continued in a brittle voice.

"No. It’s not that simple! You may be right about what you said, and then what?" I scoffed, " I should agree with you like we're reading a movie script or something? Huh?"

"Keren-"

"It's okay," I cut in, "let's say, I see you as Addison, not Don Carlo's son. What changed? Absolutely nothing. I am still the girl you saw on TV and you will always be Don Carlo's son. "

After he left, I sat on the armchair like a deranged woman.