Tears of love

6. Discomfort.

CHAPTER 6: Discomfort.

It's been a week since what happened with Jeremy and he hasn't even turned his face to me to give me a simple hello. I think that's the longest he's gone without coming home and I've gone without going to his. Tyler seems confused by our strange behavior, but thank goodness he hasn't asked me anything.

It's strange how you can be mad at someone, but at the same time miss them. And at the same time I feel silly, I wish I could get rid of this power he has over me, these painful feelings that have hurt me for years. But I can't. I can't.

Why can't I?

Why can't I just love someone else?

Why does my heart cling to someone who only hurts with his indifference?

As I finish my breakfast, a sigh of sadness escapes me. Today is my first day of college classes. I have been looking forward to this day, but now that it has arrived, it is being overshadowed by a cloud of sadness caused by Jer. I try to remember how many times my unrequited feelings ruined special moments in my life, but making that list would only add to my sadness, so I shake my head and push the thought out of my mind.

I go up to my room two at a time and get my bag and camera. When I have everything ready, I yell for my brother, but seeing that he doesn't answer, I open the door to his room and enter without his permission.

A towel wraps around his waist, showing off those muscles that can intimidate anyone but me. I let out a laugh as he scowls at me.

"Can you take me to college, Ty?"

My brother grunts loudly.

"For the tenth time I repeat, I'm on the other campus, Jeremy will take you," he says as he pulls on a T-shirt.

"What?" I look at him confused.

Jeremy?

"Yesterday he told me that he could take you whenever you wanted" I keep looking at him, confused. "What?" He asks me with a frown.

"Are you serious?"

"Why would I lie to you?" He rummages through his closet and pulls out a pair of pants. He turns to look at me and smiles mischievously and then drops his towel in front of me.

I scream immediately, covering my eyes.

"Tyler!"

"Don't be silly, I'm not in my balls," he says laughing.

I grumble and look at him to see he has his boxer briefs on.

"So, Jeremy's taking me?" I ask as he puts on his pants.

"Why does that seem so weird to you? You know Jeremy indulges you in everything" he shakes his head, as if the reason for that fact is a mystery to him. "If he won't take you, you can leave on the bus, although I don't understand why you would turn down that offer. Which leads me to ask, did you and he argue or something?"

"Why do you ask?"

Tyler combs his hair, crouched in front of his dresser mirror, then looks at me.

"I know you guys think I'm stupid, but I'm not."

"Tyler..."

"You haven't spoken to each other for a week, why?"

I stare at him, then remember his weak spot and throw the ball in his direction.

"A week?" I pretend to think about it. "Oh, you mean since that night at the club when you and Sadie left the club together? I wonder what you did, after eating hot wings that left you both very hot."

"What are you implying?" He narrows his eyes at me.

"I know you think I'm stupid, but I'm not," I return his words.

My brother folds his arms and glares at me. Ty tries to be intimidating, but he forgets that he sought out my bed during stormy nights when we were kids, wanting me to protect him from the force of thunder and lightning.

I know his fears and phobias and have been present at his weakest moments, does he really think he can intimidate me?

I snort.

"Whatever" he brushes past me, sits down on the bed and starts to put on his shoes, "it's your business why you fought, but let him drive you to class, you'll already be late if you decide to go by bus."

I look at the time and curse.

He's right.

"About Sadie..." he looks at me sideways. "Shut your mouth, sis. Nothing happened, I just took her home and then came back here to sleep... alone."

I know, Sadie told me and she never lies to me.

He just looks at me, shakes his head and goes back to his shoes, as if I didn't say anything.

Idiot.

I walk out of his room and down the stairs, then go straight to the house next door for the first time in a week. I don't even get to ring the doorbell, Jeremy comes out before I can.

"Rora," he sighs my name, "I thought you weren't coming."

I stare at him, feeling uncomfortable.

I comb my thumb through my camera cord, not knowing what to say to him.

What do you say to a guy after what happened between us?

"Come on, I'll take you to your class," he says, walking to his car.

And just like that, the tension between the two of us disappears a little as I get into his car.

"Are you nervous?" He glances sideways at me as he drives.

"A little," I admit. "I don't know anyone."

"You have me," he whispers.

"We don't share classes, Jeremy."

"You have a point" I watch from the corner of my eye as his eyes dart to my bare legs. He shakes his head and fixes his gaze back on the road.

"Are we on the same schedule?" I ask curiously.

"I don't know. Tyler told me you had an eight o'clock class today, so I offered to give you a ride," he says absently. "What time do you get off?"

"At twelve" I look out the window again.

"I get off at twelve too. I can pick you up. Tell me what classroom you have class in."

I murmur the answer, not daring to look at him, and we don't talk anymore for the rest of the way.

It's an uncomfortable silence that makes me want to jump out of my skin. For as long as I can remember, there has never been an awkward silence between him and me, let alone this tense, negative charge that prevents me from even looking him in the eye. I don't like to feel this, so as soon as he parks the car in the campus parking lot, I mutter a thank you and get ready to leave.

"Rora" he calls my name, my name sounds vulnerable in his voice, a weak, brittle whisper.

I look at him.

"Don't do this to me" his eyes shine with pain, "I don't want to lose you, I couldn't bear it."

"I think you're right" I sigh, "nothing should have happened between us that night. I don't know what we were thinking, Jeremy. Things are weird and awkward now. We're not this.

He lets out a shaky breath and nods, looking at me cautiously, almost as if he's afraid I'm about to run off and never speak to him again.

"Let's just forget about that night, okay?" I'm surprised to be the one to propose it, but I know it's for the best.

I don't like this awkwardness between the two of us, I can't stand it.

Jeremy nods and carefully, always watching my eyes, he moves closer to me and hugs me. I close my eyes, pressing my nose into his shoulder as I inhale his scent. At the same time I feel him inhale into my hair, his fist sinking into it to glue our bodies closer together.

"It's the first time we've gone this long without talking to each other, Rora, and I didn't like it. It was the worst week of my life, butterfly. Please, let's not argue again. Not like this."

His words are like a hug for my heart and I find myself nodding, smiling against his shirt.

As I pull away, Jer smiles at me and cradles my cheek, wiping away a tear that I didn't know when it fell.

He smiles almost shyly, kisses my forehead and opens the car door for me.

"Go," he murmurs, "don't be late for your first day."

I laugh, but he's right. I will be late, so at a brisk pace I get out of the car and hurry to the classroom. My first class is introduction to photographic design. There I meet a couple that I immediately hit it off with. Amy is a crazy pink-haired girl and Theo, a guy with piercings and tattoos on his body. The class with them goes by super fast because they are just too much fun. My excitement increases when we find out that we share most of the classes. Arriving at the classroom for the second class of the day, I'm surprised when I find myself inside a pair of black eyes and black hair that I already knew.

"Ryan?" I ask with a smile.

His eyes look at me with surprise, then he gives me a beautiful smile in which he shows me all his perfect teeth.

"What a surprise, you will be my partner."

I smile, looking at him.

Yes, I like college.