Letting Go

Chapter 2

3 ½ years ago.

“Are you sure about this Aria? I don’t know if this is a good idea,” I say quietly, feeling really uncomfortable and shy.

“I’m telling you, Mora, I know that this may make you uncomfortable now, but you need this. This will help with your confidence and with processing everything you’ve been through. Trust me. I really think this will help. It’s just us girls in here anyways,” Aria presses. She's being so pushy with this, it's hard to refuse her. I know she loves me, and she's just trying to help. 

She just had Liam and a few warriors carry a bunch of spare blue gym mats to the empty festival building, and she wants me to train with her, Zo and Flora. Fighting is not me, and I can’t do it.

“Flora, why don't you fight with me. Let's let Zo start with Mora so she can give her a rundown of everything,” Aria says.

“Actually… I can’t,” Flora smiles.

“Whynot?” Aria presses and Flora has the largest smile spread across her face.

“Are you?” Aria asks, wide-eyed.

“Yup!” Flora gushes.

 Flora was always around our house growing up, and I always looked at her like a little sister. Although lately, I feel like I’m everyone’s younger sister. Everyone takes care of me and coddles me. Maybe Aria’s right? Maybe this is what I need? Maybe if I felt like I could protect Marley and I, the nightmares might stop. Maybe I could go to sleep at night and not be afraid to let sleep overcome me. Maybe.

 No one knows about the nightmares. Everyone thinks I’m doing a lot better than I actually am. Aside from my therapist, no one even knows exactly what I’ve gone through, and how hard I’m trying to be ‘normal.’ For everyone around me, especially Marley. She deserves a normal mom. Inside though, I’m a mess. I'm filled with fear, anxiety, shame, anger, guilt and I just feel lost, but people don't know. At least I don't think they do... maybe I'm more transparent than I think. I hope they don't know. 

Once Zo and Aria have hugged and congratulated Flora, I move in and wrap my arms around her too, “Congratulations Flora. I’m really happy for you,” I smile. Flora and Marcus will be great parents.

“Thanks, Mora!”

After we talk about the baby news for a little, we finally get to training. Aria and Zo both focus on me. After they talk about the basics, we start. We get in a fighting stance, “Hit me, Mora,” Aria says to me, and she waits for me to attack her.

I shake my head with a wince. I know what it’s like to be hit, kicked, bruised and battered. I don’t want to do that to anyone, especially Aria.

“Hit me, Mora,” she raises her voice. I shake my head, and I can’t help it, the tears start to fall. I can’t do this. This isn't me.

“Mora, don’t cry,” Aria says softly as she pulls me into her arms.

“Hey, it’s okay. Why are you upset?” she asks.

“I can’t do this. I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else,” I say through tears. I feel her hand rubbing my back.

“Whynot?” she presses, pulling back to look at me.

“I know how it feels. I don’t want to do that to someone, especially you.”

I see her bottom lip quiver as she pulls me in for another hug. She squeezes tight and after a minute she pulls away.

“What he did was wrong. I wish I could kill him all over again when I think of the ways he hurt you. He took your power from you. This is how you take it back. You didn’t have access to your wolf then. You didn’t have your quick healing abilities. You do now, and so do I. I train with Zo all the time, and she hits hard. I want you to hit me, okay? I need you to rise above this and fight. Don’t let him take more from you than he already has. You fight, you get strong, and when you feel strong... he’s lost his power,” she says, staring intently at me. She gives me a nod, and I nod back hesitantly.

She wipes my tears from my face, and I wipe hers. My sweet sister. She pulls me in for a hug, and then gets back into a fighting stance, and nods to me. I get into my stance, I move forward in closer to hit her but I end up pulling back. Ugh.

“Rise above this. Like a phoenix, Mora,” she encourages me. The thought of me being reborn, and discarding my broken self sounds amazing. I use that thought and push myself. Rise from the ashes, I tell myself, and I move in just like Zo told me to. Even though Aria saw me coming, she didn’t block. She took the punch. Whack! Immediately, I feel a sense of regret. What was I thinking? Zo, Flora and Aria tackled me with hugs and they were laughing and praising me.

“You did it, Mora!” They say with excitement.

“Okay, let's keep going,” Aria smiles proudly. Seeing how proud everyone is, is helping. Aria is happy, and she seems fine. I get into a fighting stance, and we get back to it.

By the end of just the first lesson, I feel a little bit stronger. I feel a little bit brand new.

“Thank’s Aria, for today. I think you were right. I think I need this…” I admit, and she gives me the warmest smile, and wraps her arm around my back, as we walk together to the packhouse for lunch.

“I know I tell you this too much, but even though you might not feel strong right now, you are the strongest woman I know, Mora. You’re going to get through this. Your best years are still ahead of you. Trust me,” she smiles.

I really hope she’s right, and for the first time, there's a real glimmer of hope. I’m hopeful that it’s a possibility.