Letting Go

Mora’s Point of View   I walk into the warrior’s building ready to train with the advanced warriors. Liam teaches this class, and I’m always learning something new from him. While Marley is in school, I train here every day. When I started training I was weak, and insecure in my ability to protect Marley and myself, and it took a mental toll on me. Now I train with the elite group of warriors from our pack, and it feels good. It was Aria’s idea at the time for me to train, and I didn’t realize how much it would help. I owe a lot to her. Liam too. I don’t feel weak and helpless anymore. I’ll never leave this pack. My family is here, and this is where I belong and feel safe.  I see Jake notice me, and his lips curl into a smile as I make my way inside. I can’t help the butterflies in my stomach, no matter how much I try. Jake is Liam’s top Warrior. It’s funny because when I first started training with the warriors, I was intimidated by him because of how large he was. He’s over 6 feet tall, he has broad muscular shoulders. His whole body is muscular and hard. Given my past, any man that looked strong seemed more intimidating.  It took some time for me to let my guard down around any man aside from my Dad, brothers and Liam. But slowly, I started to see the softer side to Jake. He has gorgeous blonde hair that I’d love to run my fingers through and the most beautiful hazel eyes. He’s gorgeous. But I’m not looking for someone gorgeous. I’m not looking for anyone truthfully, but I can’t help the way my heart beats faster when I notice him, or how my insides flip and dance when he’s near me. “Hi, Mora!” He greets me.   “Hi, Jake. How are you?” “Good. Well, good now anyway. It was one of those mornings. Ellie woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and apparently, my french braid was not up to snuff today. I did it 3 times before she finally gave up and asked me to just put a bun in her hair,” he chuckles.  “I’m impressed that you even know how to do a french braid,” I admit. “Well, Ellie would say that I don’t. I watched a youtube video like 8 times, but apparently, I need to watch it again,” he smiles and shakes his head. The man lights up when he talks about his daughter, and that was the first time I really noticed him. Well, the first time I really noticed how beautiful he was anyways. It was about a year ago, and I was at the park on the packlands with Marley and he showed up with his daughter Ellie. Ellie is only a year older than Marley and they were fast friends, so we decided to meet at the park again to get the girls together. As their friendship grew, so did ours. Seeing the way he treated his daughter, and the way she adored him built a level of trust and then attraction on my part.   His mate left him and their daughter when Ellie was just 2 months old. I don’t know how any woman could ever leave their child behind, or a man like Jake. She was lucky to get mated to a good man, and she walked away. I’ll never understand it.   “It’s your hands. They’re just too big for detailed work like that,” I tease while looking down at them. They’re big and calloused and sexy. How are hands sexy? I think I view everything on him as sexy because I’ve known him long enough and well enough to see his character. I trust those hands.  “Good Morning everyone,” Liam says, and we all make our way in front of him. The lesson is about to start.  The hour-long lesson that Liam leads us advanced warriors in, is intensive but so valuable. He only does 3 advanced classes per week, and Marcus leads the rest of them. He used to do 5 per week, but when Aria got pregnant again a few months ago, he decided to cut back a little.  Aria has been exhausted during her pregnancy, and Liam wanted to be there for her and Landon, their little guy. He's a good man, and he takes good care of Aria and their son. He takes good care of all of us, truthfully. “Good work today everyone,” Liam says, signalling the end of class. I make my way to the benches where I have my water bottle.  “You’re killing it, Mora. Good work! Oh, what colour is Marley’s dress tonight? I want to get her a corsage,” Liam asks.  “She’s wearing a purple dress. That’s really sweet. I’d say you don’t have to, but I know how you are,” I smile.  Marley’s kindergarten class is doing a father-daughter dance, and Liam is taking Marley. I originally suggested Marley ask my Dad to take her, but she insisted she wanted Liam. He treats her like one of his own, so I understand. I’m honestly so grateful because it’s good for her to see strong men being kind and gentle with girls and women.  His face, when she asked him to go with her, was priceless too. “It’s supposed to be a father-daughter dance, but you’re the best uncle, so we can pretend it’s an uncle-Marley dance,” she beamed.  “Purple. Perfect, I’ll be there at 5:30 sharp,” he smiles and heads out...  “Hey Mora, can I talk to you about something?” Jake asks, looking at me nervously. “Uhh, sure,” I answer hesitantly. Why is he nervous? He’s making me nervous.  He moves to the corner of the room to get a little distance from everyone else, and then he stops and looks at me.  “Mora… I… I like you. In fact, I’ve liked you for a really long time. I never wanted to say anything because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we have, but lately, I feel like maybe you feel it too? Am I off base?” He asks, and his brows pinch together. I can’t believe this is happening. He likes me? I like him, but I never thought he could like me back.   “Wow. I had no idea that you felt that way. I… do like you too Jake. I do, but … you know my past. I’m not sure that I can date like a normal person, or at a normal pace. I’m not sure I’m-” but he cuts me off. “Mora, I am comfortable going as slow as you want. Even if that means just spending time together as friends until you're ready to move to more. I just care about you. I think that we could have something special together, and I want to know if it’s something you’re interested in as well?” He asks and his eyes are searching mine.  I see the gentle concern for me and my feelings. I can see he isn’t concerned about his pride, or his own feelings at this moment. He’s worried that I’m comfortable. I feel my heart swell. Could he be any more perfect for me? “What about Sierra? What if she comes back?” I ask. The last thing I want to do is open up and then have his mate come back, and have him leave me.  “I rejected Sierra after she left. If she ever comes back, it won’t be to me. I know you don’t trust the mate bond, and neither do I. I want to give myself to someone with a clear mind,” he says.  Even though I have fears and concerns, Jake is worth trying for. He’s worth the risk. “I’m not guaranteeing that this will work out, or that I’m even ready, but I’m free tonight if you can get a sitter for Ellie,” I say, surprised at how eager the words come out of my mouth.  His eyes widen, and his smile reaches to his eyes. “Really? Great. I’ll get my Mom to watch Ellie. I can’t wait,” he beams.  “I’ll pick you up at 6pm?” He asks, and I nod.  “Perfect.” As soon as I leave the warriors building, I’m rushing to get to Aria’s place. Not only is she my sister, but she’s my best friend and I need to talk to her about this. Knock knock Liam opens the door, “Hey, long time no see,” he smiles and motions me in.  “Is Aria here?” I ask. I guess my excitement is written all over my face because Liam is looking at me with one brow raised. “Yeah, she’s in the kitchen. What’s up with you?”  “I kinda have big news,” I confess.  “I thought I heard you. What are you up to?” Aria asks as we walk into the kitchen. “I kinda have a date tonight, can you help me? I’m excited but also so nervous. I don’t know how to date,” I explain. “What? Is it who I think it is?” Aria beams and I nod excitedly.    “Wait? Who? How do you know who it is?” Liam asks.  “We have girl talk, babe,” Aria smiles at Liam.  “Who is it?” Liam presses, and I can see he’s concerned. Liam is like a protective older brother with me.  “Jake,” I admit. “Wow. Yeah, I can see that,” Liam admits with a smile. “I trust him, I like it,” he nods. “Me too, actually. I told you he liked you. Okay, so what do you need help with?” Aria asks excitedly.  “Just girl stuff. What to wear, what to expect, stuff like that,” I admit. “Well, Landon. What do you say? Is this our cue to give the girls some privacy?” Liam says to Landon, who is playing on the floor with a few toys. “Dada,” Landon squeals as Liam picks him up.  “I’ll take Landon with me to pick up my corsage for Marley. Do you ladies want anything while I’m in town?” He asks looking at both Aria and me. I shake my head. “No, thanks babe,” Aria coos. With Landon in his arms, he moves to Aria, placing a hand on her cheek, bringing her in for a kiss. They’re obsessed with each other, and although it’s nauseating most of the time, I think I want a little of that for myself. I don’t want to be alone all the time. I want a life partner. When Liam pulls away, he lets out a sigh of content and the way they look at each other says it all. There is so much love between them. It’s beautiful.  As soon as Liam leaves, Aria is popping out the ice cream from the freezer. “Fudge or caramel?” She asks. “Both,” I smile, and she nods approvingly. When we’re all set up with our sundae’s, the girl talk begins. Aria goes through different basic dating questions with me, and when we’re done with our sundae’s she comes back to my place to help me pick out the perfect outfit for tonight.  I don’t know where we’re going to go, so I don’t know how to dress. Aria picked out a perfect dress that can be dressed up or down with either a cute blazer or jean jacket. After spending 2 hours together, and soothing most of my anxiety, Aria left to go home for her daily pregnancy nap.    ***   I hear a knock at my door, and it’s 5:25pm, so I know it’s Liam to pick up Marley. I walk towards the door and Marley whirls past me in her purple and white dress that swishes as she runs. She’s adorable and so excited. She beats me to it, and swings open the door.   “Uncle Liam,” she gushes. He scoops her up and gives her a squeeze. He’s in a back suit with a purple tie, and his hair is slicked back. He made the effort to look nice for her, which means more to me than he could ever know. She doesn’t have her Dad on her arm tonight, but she has a man that loves her and is proud to take her. “Well, look at you, Ms. Marley. You look like a beautiful princess. I’m going to have the prettiest girl on my arm tonight,” he smiles.  “I got you this to wear on your wrist too,” showing her the wrist corsage.  “And I also got you this,” he smiles, handing her a white bakery box.  “Are these my favourite peanut butter Reese's Pieces cookies?” Marley asks excitedly. “Of course,” Liam admits.  Soon I’m waving them off, and my anxiety starts to kick in about my date. What if I’m not good enough? What if I take too long to get physical with him? What if I don't ever want anything physical? What if he gets to know me on that level and doesn’t like me. There’s a lot of pressure because Jake is the only guy I’ve had feelings for in the last 8 years. It’s scary having something to lose. I pace the floor for the next 30 minutes waiting for him to get here.  When he knocks I feel my anxiety go into overdrive.    Jake’s Point of View   I knock on Mora’s door, and it swings open quickly. Anxiety and fear are in her body language and her facial expression. I resist the urge to just pull her into a hug because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.  “You look beautiful,” I say, and hand her a bouquet of yellow flowers. She’s wearing a cute dress with her long-toned legs on display. Her light brown hair is in a high ponytail, and those green eyes always have an effect on me. She’s gorgeous. “Thank you. They’re yellow,” she points out. “Yellow is my favourite colour,” she adds as if I didn't know. “I know,” I admit. “Mora, are you okay?” I ask. She nods quickly but doesn’t say anything. I reach out my hand to her, and she slowly moves to take it. I lace my fingers into her, “Let’s sit for a minute,” I say and we walk to the couch.  I use my other hand to rub the hand I’m holding. It feels good to touch her skin, and even though she’s freaking out, there’s a level of intimacy between us as we sit together. I just hope she gives me a chance. I’ve thought about her, cared about her and I’m ashamed to admit, I’ve fantasized about her too. She’s so strong, caring, kind, and she has a wicked sense of humour she only shows to those she’s comfortable with.    “Mora, I see you're having a rough time. Should we reschedule? Maybe start with something smaller? Maybe a walk?” I ask.  “No. I want to go tonight. I’m nervous, but I want to go,” she assures me. I study her face, and she seems genuine. I don’t want to rush anything. I’m in love with her and have been for a long time now. I don't want to mess anything up, and I don’t want her to be uncomfortable. She’s everything I want, and she’s sweet as pie to Ellie. Ellie adores her. “Do you need a hug? Maybe a minute alone? What do you need right now?” I ask.  She doesn’t respond but she unclasps our hands and slowly moves closer wrapping her arms around me. Part of me wants to hold her so tight, breathe her in, and enjoy this moment of contact, but until she’s comfortable, I need to tread lightly. I wrap my arms around her without squeezing too hard. Her shoulders slump, and it’s like I feel the tension leave her body. I can feel her breathing me in, and f**k, I’m giddy about it. I continue to hold her and rub her back.  Finally, after about 45 seconds she pulls away, with a slight pink to her cheeks. Damn, she’s cute. Her stress and tension are gone. The fact that my embrace calmed her down gives me so much hope. She feels safe with me, and that’s all I could ever want.  A broad smile takes over her face, and it makes everything inside me turn to Jelly.  “I was afraid that if any man got too close, I would feel… claustrophobic. Maybe I’d hate it. Maybe it would remind me of things in my past… but that’s not how I felt with you. It felt good to be held by you, to be close to you. It took all my fear away actually. I feel safe with you,” she admits. Then she winces, “Was that too much information to share for a first date?” She asks. I feel like I’m about to burst with excitement and happiness. I can’t contain my broad smile, and she’s smiling too.   “Not too much information. Trust me, there’s nothing you could say to scare me off. I’m crazy about you Mora,” I admit and her cheeks turn a nice shade of pink, but her smile doesn’t falter.  “Ready?” I ask. “Yes… I think I am,” she smiles, and then I feel her hand slide into mine.