Letting Go

Chapter 3

Present-day

Mora’s Point of View

A knock on my door startles my panicked pacing. I rush to it quickly. I know I need to calm down, so I take a deep breath to relax my body that is heavy with anxiety and fear, I open the door and see Jake.

“You look beautiful,” Jake smiles and hands me a bouquet of yellow flowers. 

“Thank you. They’re yellow. Yellow is my favourite colour.” What are the chances?

“I know,” he smiles. He did? I don’t even remember telling him. I feel myself soften the teeniest bit on the inside. I’m still a nervous wreck because I don’t know if I can do this. I like him, and I am attracted to him but what if I can't do this whole dating thing? Maybe I’m not ready? Maybe I’ll never be ready?

“Mora, are you okay?” he asks, and his eyes are soft and full of concern. 

I nod quickly. Jake is studying me, and then he reaches out his hand to me. Does he want to hold my hand? I slowly move to take it. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea, but I know I can trust him. He laces his fingers into mine slowly, “Let’s sit for a minute,” he says and we walk to the couch. 

His other hand comes up to our clasped hands, and both of his large hands engulf mine. He’s gentle, and I don’t feel threatened, and it doesn’t feel bad. That’s a good sign.

“Mora, I see you're having a rough time. Should we reschedule? Maybe start with something smaller? Maybe a walk?” he asks gently. I can see the way that he cares about me and that I'm comfortable, and it chips away a little at some of the anxiety plaguing me. He’s the polar opposite of Ren.

“No. I want to go tonight. I’m nervous, but I want to go,” I assure him. I am surprised at how eager I sounded, but I do really like him, and if I’m ever going to be able to let go of my past, Jake is the one to do it with. I know that. I don’t want to mess this up. 

“Do you need a hug? Maybe a minute alone? What do you need right now?” he asks. I decided to just go for it. A hug by a man is such a small thing for so many people, but for me… it’s not. My biggest fear is that I’m terrified of feeling repulsed by being touched by a man.

I don’t say a word, but I remove my hand from his and slowly move closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. He wraps his arms around me gently, and it’s such a relief. I don’t hate being touched by him. In fact, it feels kind of good. I breathe in the manly scent of his cologne, and he rubs soothing circles on my back.

Gosh, I actually feel so much better. I feel calmer, the anxiety and stress aren’t controlling me so much anymore. I think I can do this. Suddenly, I realized I’ve been hugging him for a while, so I pulled away feeling a little embarrassed. Even though I’m embarrassed, a broad smile takes over my face, and Jake follows, smiling bright and warmly at me. He really is handsome. I feel like this was such a milestone for me, and I’m excited, so I tell Jake exactly how much that hug meant to me.

“I was afraid that if any man got too close, I would feel… claustrophobic. Maybe I’d hate it. Maybe it would remind me of things in my past… but that’s not how it felt with you. It felt good to be held by you, to be close to you. It took a lot of my fear away actually. I feel safe with you,” I admit.

Shoot, maybe I shouldn’t have said that? “Was that too much information to share for a first date?” I ask with a wince.

He looks like he’s about to burst with happiness, he’s smiling so wide.

“Not too much information. Trust me, there’s nothing you could say that would scare me off. I’m crazy about you Mora,” he says, and there isn’t an ounce of insincerity in his voice. 

“Really?” I beam.

“Absolutely... Are you ready?” he asks, and his eyes crinkle at the side because of how broad he’s smiling, and I feel my stomach dip.

 I slip my hand into his, “Yes… I think I am,” I admit. I thought his smile made my stomach dip before, but when he looked down at our fingers intertwined, his eyes lit up with so much joy. I hear an audible sigh of content from him, and then he escorts me out. 

Jake gets the car door for me and helps me in. Now that the nerves are settling and the anxiety has seeped away a little, I am suddenly aware of how good he looks.

 His mid-length dirty blonde hair that usually flows casually is coiffed to perfection tonight. He sometimes has a little stubble or a short beard on his angular jawline, but he’s freshly shaved tonight. He smells divine, and he’s wearing black pants, a white t-shirt and a light grey sport coat. He looks so good and seeing that he made such an effort for me has my heart doing all sorts of pitter-pattering. 

“You look really nice,” I admit. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I’m nervous it was too forward. I don't know how to do this whole dating thing. I nervously nibble my lower lip, as I meet his gaze.

He smiles warmly. He looks down to my lips, and then up to my eyes again. “I’m glad you think so.” I feel a heat inside my chest, and I’m not sure what it means, but I think I like it. 

Jake took me to a nice steakhouse restaurant, and he was a complete gentleman. He opened the doors for me, guided me with his hand on my back as we walked together, and he even took my coat for me. These are all small things for so many people, but I was never afforded this type of affection or consideration before, and it feels really good. I just wish I could be coming into this relationship without any baggage because I can see that Jake deserves the best. I try to put that out of my head though. If I only dated people who were deserving of my baggage, I have a feeling I’d end up with more.

The waitress greets us, “Hello! How are ya’ll doing tonight?” she asks with her thick southern accent. She's not from around here, obviously. She’s a larger woman with blonde hair in her 40’s. She has a smile and a way about her that makes me feel like she’s everyone’s mama. 

“I’m good, thanks,” I smile.

“What about you darlin’,” she asks Jake. 

“Well this beautiful lady agreed to go on a date with me, so I’m fantastic,” he says and looks at me with a crooked smile. I feel my cheeks heat up. The waitress looks at me and smiles.

“He’s smooth,” she coos and I bite my lip trying to hide my awkward smile and just nod.

It’s weird because he is smooth and warm. When I first met him he was quieter. The more I got to know him and saw him around his daughter, I realized he just opens up to the people that are important to him. I feel a flutter in my chest when I realize his daughter isn’t here, and he’s warm and soft for me. 

“So what can I get ya’ll to drink,” she asks. 

Jake looks at me, brows raised and a small smile on his lips, waiting for me to go first. I think I could use a drink to loosen up. I am a complete bundle of nerves still.

“I’ll take a Carona,” I say and Jake smiles. “You know, that sounds good. I’ll have the same,” he adds. 

“Tap or bottle?” she asks.

“Tap,” I add, and Jake nods as well.

She hands us menus and then leaves to get our drinks.

“I didn’t have you pegged as a beer drinker,” he admits.

“Yeah, I’m not a fan of wine and liquor but I don't mind beer, and I feel like I could take the edge off a little,” I wince and shake my hands, showing him how nervous I am.

“Mora, no pressure. Don’t be nervous. How often have we got the girls together and spent the whole time talking? You weren't nervous then, were you?” he asks, trying to prove a point.

“Sometimes, yeah.” I giggle, and he smiles broadly.

“Really?” he presses and I nod.

“Well you did a fantastic job of hiding it,” he flirts. 

He is being so flirty tonight, it's almost surprising. This side of him is different than I thought it would be. Sure he was always nice and gentle with me and I saw a special softness and sweetness when it came to his daughter, but I wasn’t expecting him to be so … magnetic, and warm and charming. I kind of love this side of him! 

Our waitress brings our drinks to us and we tell her we need some time to order. I squeeze my lime in my beer and then take a drink. I don’t drink often so I’m more of a lightweight than most werewolves. 

We peruse the menu, and we decide to get some garlic shrimp and some spinach artichoke dip to share for an appetizer. I ordered the halibut for my entree and Jake ordered a 12 oz steak.

As soon as the waitress takes our order, Jake wastes no time.

“So I’m not sure what you’re thinking of telling the girls. I told Ellie I was working tonight because I didn’t know if you were comfortable with the girls knowing. I figured we should be on the same page,” he explains.

“I think it’s probably best you didn’t tell them yet. Let’s not add any more pressure or opinions to this yet. What do you think?” I ask nervously. 

“That works. Sounds good. Stop looking so nervous. I told you, no pressure, remember?” he winks at me. “I just wanted to make sure I knew what we were telling or not telling the girls.”

“I really appreciate you asking me,” I admit. All these little things that he's saying and doing to show me that he cares about me and my feelings are doing a good job of breaking down these walls.