"Why do YOU speak a borrowed voice?"
1003 Words
"Because he is gay!"
"Gay?"
"Your dirty little friend wants to r**e you!"
...
" I ASKED, IS IT TRUE?!"
...
James mind was a mess. He layed in his bed the rest of the day. He didn't know what to do. Why would Connor r**e him? Connor who the past days made him feel like they were friends for years. James didn't know what to think. Didn't know what to do. He did know one thing. and it was that Connor nodded. Why? The only thing going on in James head was the word why? At first he thougth Ashley made it up, but it all turned arround when Connor nodded. "Fuck."
James wasn't able to do s**t. He was just laying in his bed, doing completly nothing. What was he supposed to do? And he got that f*****g date with Ashley aswell. He turned of his phone, and it had been off since friday. James decided to turn it on while he ate his brakefast at 2 pm. He haven't ate since friday lunch. He lost his appetite compleatly. He got out of his bed and walked downstairs to grab something to eat.
"Fuck."
It was the only word i could say. Nothing else. My head hurt so f*****g mutch. Like after a sick ass party. A party with lots of alcohol. It all started with a party, didn't it? If i just went to Ashleys party. Things would be so different. Like. I wouldn't meet Connor, and he wouldn't meet me. I would live my life, withoout having somone that wants to f**k me. While i was making noodles i turned on my phone. No messages from Connor, but plenty of Jacob.
"Yo why did you leave school?"
"James, where are you?"
"Halo?"
"James are you okay?"
"Why aren't u anwsering?"
"James?"
"I heard a rumor about Connor, mayby we need to talk?"
"James?"
"Are you sick or something?"
"James, are you there?"
"What the acual f**k James, why aren't you anwsering me?"
"James?"
"Look, man, if u need to talk im here okay?"
"James?"
"I know it though for you, im here for you buddy, i always were, am, and will be."
"James?"
James stared at the messages. Jacob really cares for him, maybe he needed to talk with James. He also got one message from Ashley.
"Cya 2nigth bby" A message with may heart emojis.
While James were standing and eating a sandwich with tomato and ketchup he decided after a long time to text Jacob.
"Ye, sorry man, i turned off my phone. Can we meet up?"
He imediantly recived an anwser.
"Ye ofc bro, where do you wanna meet?"
"The old basketball place"
"When?"
"Now"
James took his bycicle and went off. He cycled and cycled. He couldn't think of anything else. It was all a big f*****g mess. He couldn't think straigth. All he tougth of was that one moment. That one moment that changed his life
....
"He is gay"
...
"Gay"
...
"Gay"
...
"Gay?"
...
"He wanna r**e you!"
...
"r**e?"
...
"Rape."
...
"Rape.?."
...
Inside of James mind he only saw Connor. He saw everything. He saw when he first saw him. He saw when he first heard his name. He saw when he gave Connor his glasses. He saw Connors notebook. He saw them two doing eachothers homework. He saw Connors drawings. He saw them two going to Connors house in the dark. He saw Connor in his Chemistry class. He saw Connor in the library. He saw the drawing for art class Connor drew. He saw every moment they shared and every single moment they made. He saw Connor pushing up his glasses. He saw Connors eyes. He saw him full of tears. He saw Connor's face turning red. Connor was crying. He saw Connors tears run down his cheek as he cryied. James didn't just see it all, he heard it too. He heard Connors voice. Him laughing. Him talking. And Him. Crying. Alone.
James arrived at the meeting place he and Jacob agreed to meet up. Jacob was a bit late, but not for long. They sat down at a bench. Neigther of them knew how to stat this. They did talk together alot, but not often about deep topics. After a while Jacob turned arroud and faced James.
"I...I heard some rumors about Connor."
James didn't say a word. He sat in compleat silence, but lisened to what Jacob was saying.
"That, his um... Gay.."
"I..know"
"James?"
"What?"
"Are you gay too?"
"No, im not a f*****g rapist."
"r****t?"
"Yeah"
"What do r**e have to do with this?"
"Isn't gay another word for r****t?"
"No? Where do you got that from"
"Ashley told me"
"Did you belive her?"
"Not at first. But i asked Connor if it was true, and he nodded."
"So he is gay?"
"What means gay?"
"You dont know?"
"No, should i ?"
"It means, that a boy, likes another boy"
"I Like you, and i like William and George, i like most people, am i gay?"
"No, James, I mean gay is when a guy likes another guy, and is like dating and that stuff."
"Is that possible?"
"Yeah, you serusly didn't know?"
"No?"
"Oh god.."
"..."
"If Connor's gay, that means he likes guys, like getting crushes and that."
"Am i gay?"
"I dont know, do you know?"
"No."
"Do you like Connor?"
"In a friend way, i think"
"Well have you ever wanted to hold hands with him or something?"
"Sometimes, i get a feeling, like an urge to hug him."
"Well, thats a sign?"
"I dont know."
"What else"
"I want to punch everyone that f***s with Connor"
"Jezz."
"I can't nothing for it. It just feels rigth, but i know it's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong with Connor. Why do you speak a borrowed voice instead of your's?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, why aren't you, yourself?"
"I am myself. I just dont know what to do."
- Writer
