Why me?

"I regret"

Up hill. What a strange thing to say isn't it? When somone sais to you. "And from there it went straigth up hill" they ofcourse mean that something went good. But it is acually harder to cycle or walk up an hill when you think of it. When you go down hill it is so mutch easier and more fun. So why dont people just say " And it went straigth downhill from there" Wouldn't it be so mutch easier?

Well i dont want to be strange so ill just say it went straigth uphill from there on. Me and Connor finnaly got back to beeing something alike friends. I gess that he still was hurt from before. I did a d**k move. We both know that. I regret very mutch. But we good now - i think.

"Turn on the page 204, and read to eachother till you reach page 210"

It is for sure grate to have Connor back as a friend, or, atealst a partner. We dont act the same as we did before, thats for sure. But atleast we can make a conversation. Before it was just to awkward. He was upset, i felt awkward and we both were unconfortable. And because of us both beeing partners in almost every class, it was pretty unconfortable for us both. I think Connor is also glad we are "friends" and not strangers anymore.

"Are we going to start or not?"

Chemistry was in the air. Like, litterary. The class were supposed to read about different ions, neutrons, protons and electrons. Mr Benkholf and Mrs Marshell were doing some easy experiments to later preform in the class. As James lissened to Connor reading, he looked over at Jane and Benkholf having fun with the experiments and testing stuff to see if they worked. Jane and Benkholf were latley hanging out really mutch. Like really mutch. James had seen Jane just hanging out with him. Its nothing wrong, they just sometimes look like they are more than friends. THat honestly gross James out. Jane is like an mother and grand mother figure for James. + Benkholf is clearly in his late 20s and Jane in her late 50s. Altrough she looks like she is in her early 40s or late 30s.

"James!"

"Huh??"

"Your turn?"

"What?"

"Your turn to read"

"Oh, yea, ofcourse"

I still regrett what i did. Connor and me still aren't good enough to be called friends. When im trying to get in toutch again he keep beeing distant.I gess he keep getting remided of that moment and is scared to get hurt again. He keeps going into the library. Well i can go after him but Ashley dosen't "let me". If ill go after Connor she said she going to get me off that soccer team for sure. Her family is rich and she dosen't hide it thats for sure. She always gets what she wants. I love beeing on my team. Soccer means the world to me. When i grow up im going to be a soccerplayer. No doubt. Everyone knows it even and expects me to become a famous player two. My coach even sometimes gives me extra training. It is important to me. But if i brake up with Ashley she going to get her father to get me off the team. And knowing my principal that only cares for two tings in this world, money and getting the school famous in soccer he is for sure going to get me of the team. What a spoiled little brat Ashley is. Since we are together, she keep demanding that we need to keep spending more time together. By that she dosen't mean "Spend time togeter a bit more" no no no, she means every second of every minute of every our every single day. She also wants us to f**k. There is no way im going to do that. I honestly rather lick a toilet seat on a gas station instead of putting my d**k inside of her. Altrough she is one year before the age of consent, she dosen't care at all. Im going to turn 16 in not so long, but still that dosen't mean im up for f**k. She dosen't even try to hide it. She keeps trying to sit down on my lap, but im quickly rising up so she dont. She also try to grab me. In fuckings public. Isn't it called s****l harasment? Anyway i can't do anything. I think the most unconfortable thing she ever done ,and still fuckings do, is talking dirty to me. Im not into that stuff, expasially when it comes to her. She keeps dirty joking aswell. Once it was raining she wanted to take my umbrella . I kept telling her shed be fine and tryied to leave but she kept saing out loud, 'So baby you want me wet huh? Oh you just can't wait for tonigth huh? I gave her the umbrella and walked home. Honestly just ew. How stupid but ive been thinking i could be normal by dating her. I regrett that. More than anything else. Maybye not as mutch as that moment in the library when Connor were crying. 

At the end of the day, we all do things we regret. Dont we? I regret so mutch in my life. I regret braking Mrs Frengin window with an acident, and never admitet it. I regret shouthing at my mom once. I regret burning up that trash can when i was hanging out with Daniel Lucas George and William. I regret taking that one sigarett with Allan. I regret ditching Jacob for some time. I regret saying once tto Jacob that i woudnt care if he died, and he could go f**k himself. I regrett saying yes to William covering me up. I regret i went on a date with Ashley. But i mostly, highly and deeply regret walking off, ignoring and destroying my friendship with Connor for him beeing gay.