Why me?

"My only love sprung from my only hate, Prodigious birth of love it is to me."

Closer and closer.

"Juliet."

"Julius."

"Gay."

Ashley came clouse to James. James grabed her by the waist and pressed her clouser. He took his hand on her cheek. He closed his eyes.

He kissed her.

...

We all have done something we once regret. Sometimes rigth after we do it, sometimes after a good time, and sometimes even after some years, but we all do regret. One moment we wish we never had experienced. One moment that we thougth that the thing that we did would turn out good, but it didn't. Everyone have experienced it. Wanting to go back and undo all bad. My moment was when i kissed her. I thougth i could be normal, but that didn't happend. Im stuck. Im really stuck. Im stuck with Ashley. Im stuck in a borrowed voice. Is it good? A borrowed voice will make me normal, but the price is happines, isn't it?. Ashley made me feel normal, but not happy. Connor made me feel happy, but not normal.

James was laying in his bed. He regretet higly everything from yesterday. James and Ashley were now 'Official'. He haven't eaten since yesterday. He lost all his apettite. He walked down to the kitchen, not to eat, but just to walk. He didn't feel like doing anything today, and he didn't know if he wanted to go to school tomorrow. Everything was just too complicaded rigth now. What was he supposed to do? He didn't like to feel different. Even if that made him happy. He knew that if he broke up with Ashley, she would tell the whole school what she told him. It isn't rigth that people think bad of him because he is different. He wished to be treated like everyone else, be normal. And to be so, he must use a borrowed voice. Jacob wasn't happy. He knew good that James didn't like Ashley, but why did he kiss her then? Both Jacob and James didn't understand it. Also both didn't wish to talk about it. James didn't fully understand it eigther. Why do he want to treat Connor the same way he should be treating his girlfriend? It all was a mess. A mess he couldn't understand. He went back to bed and started reading Romeo and Juliet. Why isn't it Romeo and Julius? 

"What’s he that follows here, that would not dance?"

"I know not."

"Go ask his name.—If he be married. My grave is like to be my wedding bed.""His name is Romeo, and a Montague."

"(Aside) My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, That I must love a loathèd enemy. The only son of your great enemy."

James closed his book

"My only love sprung from my only hate, Prodigious birth of love it is to me."

 "Fuck."

The next day was rather more complicaded than he thougth. It was a bad day for James. It started of by an akward walk to school in silence with Jacob. Both of them didn't know what to say. They walked for 10 minutes straigth without saying a word. Last time they didn't say a word to eachother was in secound grade when they had a figth over whos lego house was best. They finnaly arrived to school. Still in silenc they grabbed their books and went to their classes. 

"...What class do we have now?..."

"..I think chemistry.."

"..Oh.."

James and Jacob went inside the class. Once again they got yelled by Mrs. Edinth. James were calm until he remeberd that they having  partners in this class. He looked at his seat and saw Connor. Connor didn't lift his eyes up. He just drawed something in his notebook. James felt his heartbeat rise. His focus were all on Connor. He walked to his seat and sat down. The first thing Connor did when James sat next by, was that he took his desk and moved it a bit away. James were shoked. He took also his desk and moved it away. If thats what Connor wants, That will be what James does. 

Art. Art. Art. Art. What is the meaning of it? Im ot gonna be a fuckings Leonardoh de ferchi or whatever his name was. Im gonna be just like James f*****g Milner. Play for Liverpool, but instead of midfielder, i'd be the best attacking player in the whole soccer's history. I dont need to know what kind of colour i get if i blend yellow and green. Why would i? And why do i need to know how to draw a tree? Or a fuckings apple. When in the middle of premier league match do i need to know when leonard de ferchi was born? Art is just for the gay's anyway. Im not gay. How many soccerplayers are gay? Almost none.

James was alone. It was PE next class and art after that. He wanted to be a bit by himself. He decided to after what he gone trough with Connor, that after all he is straigth. He dislikes Connor a bit now. He thinks Connor gave him some kind of gay desese, and now he thougth he was gay. He was just, James. A normal teenage boy with a girlfriend. A girlfriend he hated. He couldn't brake up with her. Ashley would have told the whole school James is gay. He was 10000% sure he wasn't. He was sure all the feelings he got from Connor were just a phase, atleast he hoped.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH"

James shot the ball as hard as he could to the wall. The ball bounced back , but James didn't take it. He stared a bit on it. His hands were noe fists. He was so furious. Why the f**k did he even decide to meet Connor in the first place? Couldn't he just done what the others did? He would atleast get a good laugh. All the other kids bullied Connor for him beeing different. It sounded as they had a good laugh, Why didn't James do it aswell? "I hate my f*****g life. Why is it so compliaded?" He sat down at the groundstand. furious, and confused.