Love Just Ain't Enough (BOOK TWO)

TEN: CHOICE

“I’m scared Ale…so please, go slow.” Sa nanginginig na boses na sambit ko.

Alejandro looked at me with puzzled eyes. He seemed unsure if he really did hear me correctly. I can’t blame him. I am even unsure of myself. I don’t want to appear weak in front of him. I don’t want to be under his control but there are things in the world that you just can’t explain. Katulad na lamang ngayon. I have this grudge against him. He hurt me in the past, he broke and shattered me, but I just can’t understand why I am allowing him to treat me this way. Why I am slowly opening the door so he can he get into my life again.

Siguro nga ay nababaliw na ako. Dahil kahit anong taboy ko sa kanya, kahit ano pang iwas ang gawin ko, I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop fantasizing him. I can’t stop worrying about him. I can’t stop dreaming of him…of his touch…of his kisses.

I realized just now that Alejandro has never left me. I just hid him in the darkest corner of my heart and pretended that he doesn’t exist anymore.

There’s a constant war of want and denial inside me every time he’s near around my orbit. But I want to end this pretention, at least for now. Even just once, I want to be real to my true feelings. I want to stop being hypocrite and listen to my heart’s want instead.

Alejandro cupped my face with his trembled hand. “Are you sure about this, baby?” He asked softly.

My heart was thumping crazily against my ribs. I gazed at him. I could see the promise of love and sincerity in his eyes but at the same time, I could see sadness in there. Or is it my own sadness reflecting back at me?

Lumunok ako. “I’m…I’m sure.” Am I?

Alejandro leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. Hinapit niya ako at binuhat ulit. Malalaki ang mga hakbang nito pabalik sa kanyang silid. He slowly laid me on the bed.

His hand went to my back and masterfully unsnapped the hook of my bra. Tuluyan niya itong tinanggal at hinagis kung saan. A guttural sound vibrated in his throat as he looked at my chest. Nagliliyab ang mga mata nito na pakiwari ko ay matutupok ako anumang oras. I raised my arms to cover them, but Alejandro promptly stopped me from doing so.

“Don’t, Bea. They’re beautiful and so are you.”

Kumagat-labi na lamang ako at hinayaang tuluyang kumalat ang init sa buo kong katawan. He then paid attention to the boxers I barrowed from him and slowly pulled them down. I was totally naked right now since I washed my panties when I took a quick shower.

Alejandro hovered above me as he settled himself between my legs.

I looked at the other direction while his eyes raked down on me. I just can’t look at him. He’s making me hotter than I already am.

“Eyes on me, Beverly Ann.” He commanded.

Agad na napatingin ako sa kanya. Bilang ko lang sa daliri kung ilang beses niya akong tinawag gamit ang buo kong pangalan. At kapag tinawag niya ako ng ganun, it’s either he’s mad or he’s not fooling around.

“There are my beautiful eyes.” He spoke tenderly.

“Alejandro.”

“Baby.” He said in a hoarse whisper as he nuzzled my neck and licked me there. Napapikit ako. He’s being sweet and gentle to me, kabaligtaran ng kanyang pagiging tyrant.

Red flag was flashing at the back of my mind. I shouldn’t trust him, but my heart wanted to. I wanted him so bad.

I will probably regret this tomorrow, but right now, I just let myself fall into his power. Fall hard and fast, even if there’s no landing in sight.

It doesn’t matter. All that matters now is how he is paying homage to my body.

I felt his saliva on my skin as he made a trail down to my collarbones. A moan escaped from me as I felt his fingers doing delicious strokes on the side of my breast, intentionally avoiding my aching n****e.

“Ale….” My voice came out like I was whining.

The man chuckled. “Patience, baby. Patience.” His lips brushing against mine and I hate how he made me wait. I wanted to capture his lips, but he was so fast to pull back.

Damn him for tormenting me deliriously.

“I f*****g want to do bad things to you.” He said as he pressed his nose on my cheek, rubbing it against my hot skin.

“Define bad, Ser.” Nagawa ko pang sumagot.

“Like tying your hands above your head and lick every inch of your body and let you c*m into my mouth multiple times until you beg me to stop.”

“Uhm. Yeah, that’s nasty and bad. Let’s do that, I mean, let’s not do that.” Ani ko sa kapos na hininga. s**t.

“Hmm…” he tilted his head to finally crushed his mouth to mine. Alejandro is taking possession of my mouth. His kisses are rougher than the last time we did.

His kisses were a bit of passion, of force, of wanting and sometimes tenderness but the real emotion he’s giving me is desperation. I could sense desperation in every nip, sip and bite as he feasted on my mouth.

But he’s not the only one who’s desperate here.

My hands went to his nape as I let them disappear from his thick hair. I clung to him so tight as I kissed him back with equal force. With equal need. With equal hunger.

Mas lalo itong naging agresibo. He’s really devouring me. It’s like he’s been hungry for ages and I’m his food on the table. Umungol ako nang lumayo ito ng bahagya sa akin para lang pasadahan ulit ng kanyang mainit na dila ang aking leeg. Napaliyad ako.  My body is at the boiling point.

Alejandro finally captured my one breast and his hand cupping the other. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. My teeth biting my lower lip. I feel embarrass every time my whimpers and moans getting louder and louder, but I can’t help it.

“Your breasts are so beautiful and f*****g perfect in my hand. They become fuller and heavier now.”

My n****e hardened when his thumb and forefinger grasped and tugged it. Oh, God. I’m going to lose it.

“Bea, look at me.” Umangat ito para magpantay ang aming tingin. I suddenly felt shivers all over me not because of the cold air kissing my skin, but it’s due to his hungry look on his brutally attractive face.

“When I’m paying homage to your amazing body, you have to look at me. Always look at me.” His authoritative tone made me drop my hands slowly at both sides.

“Okay.”

“Now, tell me what you want, baby.” He brushed away the hair covering my face.

I blinked multiple times as I was contemplating what I really wanted. But there’s really nothing to think about. All I wanted at this moment is to be in his arms.

“You, Alejandro. Just you.” My voice broke at the end.

Bumaba ulit ito para pagpalain ang aking dibdib. My hands clutching his back, fisting on his shirt. Ngayon ko lang napansin na bihis pa pala ito. He doesn’t have any plans of removing his clothes?

Gusto ko sanang magdemand pero natigil iyon nang naagaw ulit ni Alejandro ang buong atensiyon ko. The heat of his hand is teasing me. The achiness of my breasts was getting stronger and I almost thought they became swollen from his touch.

“These are mine. Always have been. Always will be.” The possessiveness in his voice was noticeable. I shuddered by his words. He’s maybe right after all.

Alejandro’s eyes still locked on mine. He moved and let his both hands gently squeezing my breasts. I let out a scream when his thumbs pressed each n****e and rolled it afterwards.

“Alejandro, please.” My body was starting to convulse. Pakiramdam ko’y nilalagnat ako at nagdedeliryo.

A smirk tugged on his lips and let his tongue played my breast again. Habang pinagpapala ni Alejandro ang aking dibdib, napapasabunot ako sa bawat hagod ng kanyang dila.

“Ale….” Oh, God. That familiar heat is going to consume me any moment.

I tried to open my eyes and looked down at him. His eyes still on me as his lips wrapping around my n****e. When he began to suck, and suck real hard, I lost it.

My fingers digging in his shoulders when everything spiraled out around me. I cried out his name as pleasure coursing through me, bringing me to the heights of ecstasy.

Oh, my God. Did I just hit my orgasm?

Pikit ang mga mata ko habang bumabalik ako sa lupa. Hindi ko kayang tignan si Alejandro. He’s probably grinning from ear to ear now. He will surely tease me at baka umiyak ako sa kahihiyan. It wasn’t my first time that I had orgasm. I experienced it with him before, but I just can’t believe it consumed me too fast. Alejandro was just practically latching on my breasts and I already gave in. God, just how weak am I?

I pressed my head to the side of the pillow. Tears starting to roll down my cheeks. I feel so embarrassed. I am so shameful. I kept on pushing him away but here I am on his bed, him above me and I just had my orgasm just him playing my breasts.

I felt him moved and pressed a kiss on the side of my head. “Are you back with me now, baby?”

The softness in his voice tugged another string in my heart. Mas lalo lang bumalong ang mga luha sa aking pisngi. Nakakabiwisit naman. Bakit nagiging iyakin na naman ako!

“Why are you crying, Bea? Did I hurt you?”

Umiling ako. “Nahihiya ako, Alejandro.”

“Why would you be shy with me? You, falling apart right before my eyes and looked like every fantasy that I’ve ever had with you, was the most beautiful thing I’ve witnessed today. You have no f*****g idea how you make me happy, Bea. Thank you.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Thank you? Para saan?”

“For giving me moments like this that I can hold on to. For giving me another reason to live. For always making me happy. Thank you for being my everything.”

“I am not your everything.” Ngumungusong sagot ko sa kanya. Hindi ako si Miss Everything.

Alejandro sashed my tears away. “You’re such a crybaby. Now, where were we?” Nag-angat ito ng kilay sa akin.

Are we going to continue?

“Was that your first orgasm in a long time?”

His question doesn’t intend to mock me. The tone of his voice is not teasing me. It was an honest and genuine question and I have to answer him truthfully so.

I nodded. I never had an orgasm ever since he disappeared in my life. I didn’t even think of touching myself because I find it awkward. Bukod pa diyan, all I did these past few years was to overwork, driving myself to exhaustion. I hardly had time to get enough sleep, let alone having time to pleasuring myself?

Pleasure? Alejandro is my pleasure. Without him in my life, that word lost its meaning.

“About you and Tyler…” Ngumiwi ito kasabay ng pagtiim ng kanyang bagang. “Did he kiss and touch…no, forget it.” He grunted a curse.

Does he mean if we did intimate things like a normal couple?

I breathed. “Tyler and I…we…we did try.” Try is the operative word. We kissed and touched but not to the point of removing our clothes and get naked. No, we didn’t get to that part because every time Tyler became aggressive, I would cry. Alejandro’s face kept f*****g my head. That’s why our relationship didn’t last long enough. We chose to remain as friends. Although I promised him before he left for Dubai that if ever, I decide to finally let a man into my life, I would choose him. Except, I didn’t expect Alejandro to appear in my life again and disturb my peace. Now, I don’t think the promise I made with him will get its fulfillment.

“Try? That day when I went to your agency, I followed you outside. You told him you love him and missed him so much. I heard all of it, Bea. I was devastated that day.”  Pain crossed his face. Binaon nito ang mukha sa aking balikat.

Thank God for his solid body covering me from the cold air. His breathing ragged against my neck. I lifted my arm and splayed my fingers on his back, tapping him lightly.

That day? Oh. That day.

“That day, I was being honest to myself. It has been years since I last conceded, Ale.”

“Do you love him?” Mahina lamang ang boses nito pero tumatagos sa puso ko ang sakit sa kanyang boses. I could even taste the bitterness laced in his voice.

Bakit niya tinatanong sa akin yan? Doesn’t he even get my point?

“I do.”

“Fuck.” He squeezed my body a little bit hard until he became numb above me.

“Ale?”

Hindi ito umimik. Nanatili lamang ito sa kanyang posisyon at kahit nabibigatan na ako sa kanya ay hindi ko kayang magreklamo. I like the feeling of his weight on me.

“Ale? Are you okay?” Pinasadahan ng aking mga daliri ang kanyang malagong buhok.

“I will never be okay.” His voice broke.

“Will you please look at me?” Puno ng pagsusumamo ang boses ko.

Marahang inangat nito ang ulo at dinikit ang noo sa akin. His eyes gazing downwards, not wanting to meet mine.

“I want you to understand something. I love Tyler. He took care of me. Protected me and love me more than anyone else. I love him, I truly do, but I’m not in love with him.”

Umiling ito. “Don’t pity me with lies, Bea.”

“I’m not lying here.”

He planted his hands on my sides and pulled himself back. His gray eyes zeroed in on me. “Do you love me now? Are you still in love with me? Are you in love with me again?”

Do I love him? Gusto kong matawa and knock some sense in his head. I wouldn’t be here under him, naked, ready to be under his spell if I don’t. I know the answer to his question, but I can’t answer him yet. I’m scared that if I let him know my true feelings, he would hurt me again. What happened to us left me a lesson to learn. When you love a person, you are giving that person the permission to hurt you. And that scares me the most. I don’t want to go through the same pain again. I might not be able to handle it this time.

He heaved a sigh. “I don’t want to pressure you, Bea. You don’t have to answer me now. Kung may isang bagay man akong gustong ipakiusap sa’yo, yun ay sumama ka sa akin.”

Kumunot ang aking noo, confused by his words. “Sumama sa’yo? Saan?”

“Fortress Island. From where it all started. If you are ready to listen to me, I would like to bring you there. All the answers to your questions, they’re all there.”

“Paano kung hindi sapat ang mga rasong iyon sa pag-iwan mo sa akin, Ale?”

He froze. “Then…I must set you free and I will never come back to your life again, Bea. Your happiness is what matters most to me. If you’ll be happy without me in the picture, I’ll still be happy for you. Whatever reasons I had when I left you, they won’t cover the pain I had put you through. Pero sana, mahanap mo sa puso mo ang patawarin ako.”

Lumunok ako kasabay ng panginginig ng aking mga labi. Hindi ako makasagot dahil natatakot akong baka humikbi ako. My throat hurts from suppressing my sobs. Tumango lamang ako sa kanya.

Ngumiti ito ngunit hindi man lang umabot sa kanyang mga mata. “Our breakfast is already cold.”

He gave me a smack on the lips before he scooted above me, but I wrapped my hand on his forearm.

“Are we not going to….” Kumagat-labi ako. Why did you even ask, Bea?

“Finish what we started? You’re not ready for me, baby. Ayokong pagsisihan mo ang lahat pagkatapos nito. Don’t worry, the moment you realize you’re in love with me again, I will deeply bury my c**k into your hole and I’m not gonna pull it for days. That’s a f*****g promise.” He winked.

But I love you now!

Hindi ko na ito pinigilan pa. Bakit ba kasi humantong kami sa kama? He should have just left me alone in the bathroom!

“Hmm…you seem annoyed. I like it when you’re deprived.” His mouth curled into a smirk. He raked his eyes on my naked body at kumagat labi. “What a goddess you are, Bea.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.”

“I’ll get you some fresh clothes to wear.”

Umalis ito sandali at nang makabalik may dala ng T-shirt at boxers. Umupo ako mula sa pagkakahiga, the covers dropped to my waist.

“You have to cover those perfect t**s, baby. I won’t be able to control myself if you keep on taunting me.”

“Taunting you? Excuse me? You know the way to exit, Ser.” I snarled at him.

“Of course. This is my house after all.” He grinned like a silly boy.

Damn right. That grin of his must be wipe out of his face!

My hands were heavy while I unfold his T-shirt. How he could manage to make me giddy and annoy at the same time is beyond me. Matatalim ang mga matang sumusulyap ako sa kanya habang ito’y nangingiti lang na nakamasid sa akin.

“Your boobs fascinate me. They’re jiggling.”

“Shut up, you perverted tyrant.”

A smile tugged at his lips. “Hide your p***y. I haven’t touched that part of you yet. But we’ll get there.”

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Naeeskandalo ako sa pinagsasabi ng lalakeng ito!

“What?” His amused look doesn’t make me amused at all. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why are you blushing, Bea? Because I said p***y? Would you rather want me to say v****a? How about c**k? Should I say, p***s?”

Kinuha ko ang unan sa aking gilid at binato sa kanya. Alisto naman ito at nakailag. Tawa ito ng tawa samantalang nanggigil na ako sa kanya.

“Alright, baby. Enough teasing you. Get yourself decent. Tatalikod ako kahit nakita ko naman na ang lahat sa’yo. I could still remember the placement of your moles all over your body—”

Tumama ang isa pang unan sa kanyang mukha. Tumalikod ito pero yugyog pa rin ang balikat dahil sa pagpipigil na mapahagalpak sa tawa.

“Tawang-tawa ah. Nakakatawa yun?”

“Sorry, baby. I just love teasing you. I want to give you something as an apology.”

“Hay naku. Wag na. Scammer ka.”

“Totoo na’to, promise. Are you decent now?”

Hustong naisuot ko na ang boxers niya nang magtanong ito kaya sumagot ako ng oo.

He faced me again. Wala na sa mukha nito pagiging pilyo. His face brightened as he gave me a heart-stopping smile.

“Ngingitian mo lang ako?” Pinagkrus ko ang aking mga braso, my eyes squinting at him.

Alejandro lifted his arms above his head. His cheeks were a bit red. His shy smile was a giveaway, making my heart ache with a fraction of love and need for him.

“What…” I gulped down. My eyes getting misty. “What are you doing.” It didn’t even sound like a question. My chest constricted at the sight of him being silly and all. I should smile or probably laugh, but it just made my heart tighten I could hardly breathe.

“I’m giving you my biggest heart.” He grinned.

“But I want to clarify that you had it since the day you walked into my life.” His arms forming a heart sign above his head. I did that to him before and he’s doing it now for me.

Instead of answering him, I hung my head low. I was totally speechless I don’t know how to retaliate.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw him moved and sat at the edge of the bed. “Don’t cry. You know I hate it when you do.” He tapped his shoulders. “Come here. I’ll give you a piggyback ride.”

“I’m heavy.” I replied as I dried my tears.

“Trust me, you’re not. No argument, please.”

Bumuntong-hininga ako at hindi na lamang umangal pa. I put my arms around his shoulders and buried my face into his thick hair. He smelled so good. Sa pagtayo niya ay tangay ako. My legs wrapping around his waist while his hands gripping them tightly but not painfully.

I felt his body relax and so was I. I nuzzled his cheek against my cheek, touching and breathing him in.

“You shouldn’t be carrying me around, but I like this very much, Ale.” I said with all honesty.

I heard him huff. “That’s good, baby. Cause I don’t have plans of letting you go any time soon.”

I smiled as we went down the hall to his dining area.

You better keep you words this time, Ale. Because I’m breath away to make a choice that would either keep or break us apart.

I had chosen to fall in love with him, but all he gave me was a heartbreak.

If I will make a choice this time, and fate will be against us the second time around, this will probably ruin us all.

I was known for being a risk-taker. And Alejandro definitely is a risk worth taking for.