Love Just Ain't Enough (BOOK TWO)

NINE: GO SLOW

Alejandro’s POV

                “Why did you do that? Alam mo bang pinag-alala mo kaming lahat?” Karina was pacing back and forth in front of me. Salubong ang mga kilay nito kasabay ng pagtaas-baba ng kanyang balikat. She is so mad. My fault. Kadarating lang din nito galing America. She has no choice but to follow my trail. Hindi dahil inutusan ito ni Mama kundi alam kong nag-aalala ito sa kalagayan ko.

                “I’m sorry. But you really didn’t have to follow me wherever I go. I’m a lot better now.”

                “I’m the only person who can tell if you are getting better or not, Alejandro! You are my patient, and I knew you better than anyone else!”

                Bumuntong-hininga ako as I am gearing myself up for a long-ass litany from hers.

                “Please understand that we’re just worried about you. Just the other week you…” She didn’t finish her sentence. Tumamlay ang mga mata nito na nakatingin sa akin.

                Sumandal ako sa kitchen counter. My hands on both sides, gripping the edge. “About what I did the other week…. I’m sorry….”

                She shook her head at lumapit sa akin. She cupped my face as she glanced up at me. “Ako dapat ang humingi ng paumanhin. I was quite busy that I wasn’t able to answer your calls. Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nag-alala nang tumawag si Jayden at sinabing naospital ka na naman and that you…” She looked down and softly massaged my wrist. Her lips quivered. “You are more than a friend, Ale. You are like a younger brother to me. You have to be strong. Malayo na ang narating mo.”

                I swallowed. “I still don’t know how to fight it. May mga pagkakataong pakiramdam ko’y baliw na ako, Karina.”

                “That’s not true. You’re getting there, you know. It may be a slow progress but at least, you’re improving. Malaking bagay na nahanap mo rin ang lakas na loob na harapin siya. You are getting better because of her, Ale.”

                This time I smiled. “Yeah. I love her. But I hurt her.”

                “You love her and that makes her something. But please, don’t think of her as your everything.”

                “Carina, we’ve been talking about this for years now and you still don’t get it. I love her with every piece of me. I am here, breathing, because of her.”

                “Yeah? Kaya pala nung nakaraang linggo you wanted to end—” She shook her head in dismay. “Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t mean that you should stop loving her. What I am trying to say is that focus on yourself first. Kung gusto mong makuha siya ulit, you have to be whole again, Ale. Don’t make an excuse na kesyo miserable ka ngayon ay dahil hindi ka niya kayang tanggapin ulit. No, it’s not like that. The problem is you don’t have the will to live your life. Hindi hawak ni Bea ang buhay mo. It’s on you, Ale. You have to deal with your pain. If Bea was the one who healed you before, iaasa mo pa rin ba sa kanya ang ngayon?”

                I gritted my teeth. “I hate you. I didn’t let you come into my house just for us to have another therapy talk.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. But in the midst of darkness, there’s always a silver lining, yeah? I may not agree about what you did in the past, kahit pa sabihin na reasonable at para din sa ikakabuti niya ang pag-iwan mong iyon, but you know what’s more important? You learned from it. Please know that you are a strong person, and we are so proud of you. Kaya please, Ale. Choose life. With or without Bea, choose life.”

                Tumango ako and ducked my head. I couldn’t look at her. Alam niyang ang pagtango kong iyon ay kabaligtaran ng nais kong mangyari kung sakali man.

                “When will I meet your love of your life?” She c****d her brow, a teasing smile appeared on her lips.

                Umiling ako. “Ayokong makilala ka niya ngayon, Karina. I’m not ready for it.”

                Tumango ito. “And when will you be ready for it?”

I flickered my eyes momentarily. “I need to take her back to the Fortress Island.”

“Anong meron sa Fortress Island?”

Sumulyap ako sa kanya. She knows exactly what’s on the island. “The answer to her every question.”

“At kailan mo siya dadalhin doon?”

“Kapag sigurado na akong mahal na niya ako ulit. Na kapag malaman niya ang lahat-lahat sa akin sa nakalipas na mga taon, she would still choose to stay because she loves me that much.”

                “What if she still chose to leave you after baring your soul?”

                Naglakad ako palapit sa bintana at tinanaw ang malawak na siyudad mula dito sa aking penthouse. “I will respect her decision. I will give her time to breathe. Then I’ll start all over again and love her harder more than I loved her yesterday. Hanggang sa magsawa siya at tuluyan akong tanggapin ulit sa buhay niya.”

                She huffed as a proud smirk stretched on her lips. “Hmm…that’s very romantic of you, my boy. The talking session ends for now. I need to prepare for tonight’s Annual Party.”

                “You can’t come, Karina!”

                She laughed. “I can, Ale. Pick me up, okay? I don’t have a car with me. See you later.” She waved as she turned her heels from me.

                Damn that woman.

**********

I’ve been watching her sleep for the past hours. Napasulyap ako sa radio clock na nakapatong sa aking bedside table. Ala una na pala ng madaling-araw. It’s already late and I haven’t taken a shower yet. Hindi ko rin maramdaman na inaantok ako. Natatakot akong baka pag naidlip ako ay hindi ko na ito masilayan pa sa susunod na pagmulat ko ng aking mata. Hindi ko kayang lumayo sa kanya kahit isang segundo man lang.

Para akong nakalutang sa alapaap habang nakatitig sa maamo nitong mukha. I traced the softness of her skin using the back of my palm. She looked so fragile and vulnerable. I smiled when her lips moved. She’s mumbling incoherent words. I dipped down and kissed her lips. She sighed and her breathing changed. Kumunot ang noo nito at gamit ang aking hinlalaki, minasahe ko nang banayad ang pagitan ng kanyang mga mata.

“Why is my baby frowning?” I asked in a whisper. 

She mumbled again. Hinalikan ko ulit ang kanyang nakaawang na labi. I could spend the rest of my life just watching her facial expressions change from time to time. Bea will always be my favourite view. Kahit ano pa ang hitsura at kasuotan nito, she’ll always be beautiful in my eyes.

Naalala ko ang unang beses na nakita ko ito. My mother told me that I’ll be meeting my new carer. A girl carer this time. Nakadungaw ako noon sa aking balcony at hinintay kong bumaba sa kalesa ang naturang babae. Kahit medyo may kalayuan ay hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang kuryusidad sa kanyang mukha habang tinitingala ang buong façade ng kastilyo.

Nang tumama ang sinag ng araw sa kanyang mukha, something inside me had awaken. I felt a tingling sensation and my heart fluttered for the first time.

I was rude to her. I could see the fear in her eyes the first time we met. Sino ba naman ang hindi matatakot sa hitsura ko noon? When she came back and she had shown me the fierce side of her, I smiled widely. Damn it. My lips stretched too much it became painful. That’s when I realized that this girl would change me in a way I didn’t like to be changed. She wrecked me. She healed me. She loved me. She has no idea how much power she holds over me.

Falling in love with her was the best thing that happened in my life. No one can ever beat that.

Bea has held me captive since then. I will forever be her prisoner.

Bea moved again. She groaned. “Mainit…” Hinawi nito ang duvet na ikinumot ko sa kanya. Inalis ko iyon ng tuluyan sa kanyang katawan. my throat became dry when her thighs expose. My room temperature is below twenty degrees but looking at her made me feel hot inside. Akala ko ay hanggang doon lang but my jaw dropped when she tried to undress. Pikit ang matang tinaas nito ang dress and revealed her underwear.

“Sweet Jesus.” Napahilamos ako sa aking palad. “Don’t torture me like this, baby. It ain’t fair.”

“Ang init….” Ungol ulit nito. Kita ko ang paghihirap sa kanyang mukha kaya tinulungan ko itong tanggalin ng tuluyan ang kasuotan. Malalalim na hininga ang tanging nagagawa ko habang nakatunghay sa isang kagandahang hindi karapatdapat na maging akin. Something precious that I don’t deserve to have.

I wasn’t worthy of her. But God, I needed her. I always do.

I tossed her dress on the floor when I finally removed it from her hot body. Tumabi ulit ako ng higa paharap sa kanya. Her rhythmic breathing told me she’s in deep slumber again. Pero ako ang hindi na ata makakatulog pa. I’d like to think that it isn’t right to sleep when sleeping beauty is beside you. My very own sleeping beauty.

Pinasadahan ko ang kanyang kabuuan at napalunok ulit ako. She’s a full-course meal that I so badly want to devour. I’m hungry for her. It has been years since I last held her like this close. She was so close I thought she’s not real. I cupped her face with my hand. My heart started slamming against my ribcage as her breath drifted over my skin.

She’s wearing a lacey bra which doesn’t cover her breasts that much and she paired it with a thong. A f*****g thong. f*****g f**k.

Bumalikwas ako. I planted my feet on the floor. My back facing her. I need to control the raging need inside me. Ayokong gumawa ng isang bagay na alam kong hindi nito magugustuhan. If I let myself go, I would scare her. I would hurt her again, and that’s the last thing I wanted. I need to win her trust again. I wanted her to realize that I am worthy of her. I wanted her to give me another chance. If she’d be able to give me that, I swear I would never screw everything up again.

I glanced at her once more and sighed. I need a shower. A cold damn shower.

I stood up and forced myself to leave. The willpower to turn back and crawl into my bed and hold her is too strong I don’t think I can hold it longer.

“Be a good boy, Salvatore. Be a good boy…” Bulong ko sa sarili habang naglalakad palayo sa kama.

Bea’s POV

                I felt something warm against my skin. Mas lalo kong inilapit ang sarili doon. Ah. It feels good. I could spend the rest of my day snuggling into this kind of warmth I haven’t feel for a long time. This feeling was so familiar though. Kailan ko ba naranasan ang ganito? Oh. Those mornings when I used to wake up being wrapped by Alejandro’s arms.

Wait a minute. Alejandro?

I cracked an eye open. Naipon ang hangin sa aking lalamunan nang mabatid na katabi ko sa pagtulog ang lalake. Nakaunan ako sa kanyang dibdib! Bahagya kong inangat ang sarili as I roamed my eyes to the bedroom. This is not my hotel room. Nasa bahay ba ako ng lalake?

I sighed as I went back to my sleeping position, lying on my side facing him. Marahang umunan ako sa kanyang braso at inangat ang tingin para titigan ito. Another sigh escaped my mouth. He’s such a handsome man.

Curiosity consumed me as I let my eyes wandered along his sleeping form. Napangiti ako. He’s still into white T-shirt and pajamas. I wish I could peek on his stomach to see if he has abs or none. Bumaba ba ang tingin ko sa kanyang…. holy s**t. What’s that bulge thing between his legs? Tanga lang, Bea? As if di mo nakita yan noon. I fanned myself when heat engulfed my whole body. I’m sure my cheeks are as red as cherries! I hit my forehead. Ang aga, Beverly Ann ha!

Umiwas ako ng tingin doon. I stared at his peaceful face instead. What had happened to him over the past years? How did he manage to walk again? I remember how he hated his therapy sessions. It must have been hard for him.

“All is well, right, Ale?” Bulong ko. I lifted my hand to stroke his unruly hair. It’s silky and smooth. My hair can’t relate. Inaatake pa rin kaya ito ng nerve pain niya? Hindi na siguro kasi okay na siya. Nakakalakad na siya. Sana nga tuluyan nang nawala. Paano na lamang kung bumalik-balik pa rin? Sino ang magiging karamay niya kapag may pinagdadaanang sakit?

Wait. Why am I here, anyway? Did I pass out last night? Bumalikwas ulit ako at napatingin sa sarili. My hand on my chest. Why am I wearing an oversized shirt? Sinong naghubad sa akin?! s**t. Wala akong maalala! Was I really that drunk?!

I tilted my head to look at the man beside me at ganun na lang ang gulat ko nang magsalubong ang aming mga mata. He moved by putting his arms above his head.

“Hi.” He drawled lazily.

Goodness. The man just woke up, but his handsome face effortlessly transcends all limits and categorizations. I mean, I knew ever since that he’s drop-dead gorgeous, but I just couldn’t believe someone is living on this earth with a face like his. It’s so unfair!

Get a grip, Bea! I hugged myself and scooted away from him. “What happened last night? Bakit magkasama tayo? Nasaan ako? Did you—”

He made a tsk sound. “Just so you know, somnophilia is not my thing.”

“Then, bakit iba na ang suot ko? Why is my dress on the floor? Hinubaran mo ako?”

Alejandro stared at me then smirked. “You were complaining that you feel so hot, so you undressed in front of me.”

Que horror! “In front of you! Liar! Why would I do that?”

“Hindi ko alam, Bea. But I really didn’t touch you. I mean, touch you in s****l manner. I just helped you remove your dress. Pinagpapawisan ka rin at hindi ka mapanatag. Buti nga nung suot mo na ang t-s**t ko, hindi ka na umangal pa at tuloy-tuloy na ang tulog mo.” He sighed. “Baby, I was being a good boy. I deserve a pat on my shoulder or head like what you did a while ago.” Ngumisi ito.

“Kanina ka pa gising?”

“I was awakened by the intensity of your gaze on me.” He bit his bottom lip as he made a wink.

“Kapal mo ha. I didn’t stare at you!”

“I mean not on my face but on my…” Inunguso nito ang ibabang parte ng katawan. Gago, bakit mas lalong lumaki yung umbok???

“Wanna touch it? Kanina mo pa tinititigan yan.” His teasing voice didn’t escape me.

Naniningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. “Masakit ang ulo ko, Alejandro ha. Wag mong hintaying magdilim ang paningin ko.”

“Edi paliwanagin natin?” Tumawa ito.

“Yung joke mo, nakakaiyak.” Irap ko sa kanya. “Makikigamit ako ng bathroom mo, Ser.” Tumalikod ako.

“Not so fast.” He wrapped an arm around my waist before I could escape.

“Alejandro!” I fought against his hold, but he forcefully pulled me, dragging me with him kaya napahiga ako pabalik sa kama. My back facing him.

“What am I going to do with you, Bea.” He hoarsely said as he bit my shoulder. I shuddered.

“Let me go, Ale.” My resolve is slowly getting weak.

“Hmmm…” He buried his face on the base of my neck. Napapikit ako. A tingling sensation spread throughout my body. Oh God.

He rested his chin on my shoulder. His cheek brushing against mine. “Give me a minute….” He uttered as he tightened his hold around my waist. Hindi na lamang ako pumalag pa at hinayaan ito. I could feel the heat coming from his solid chest against my back. His hard-on poking my butt.

“I’m hungry.” Ani ko.

He chuckled. “You’re always hungry, baby. Some things never change, eh? When will you be hungry for me though? Because baby, I’ve been wanting you so badly that devouring your body all day won’t compensate the hunger I have for you.”

My body trembled and I heard him hiss. “Don’t tremble, Bea. Baka hindi na ako makapagpigil.”

“Let me go then. Gutom na talaga ako, Ale. Hindi ko man lang na-enjoy ang pagkain kagabi.”

“Alright.” He heaved a deep sigh. “Feel free to use my bathroom and everything that’s in there. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” He kissed my shoulder.

I sighed when he finally set me free. Inirapan ko muna ito bago tuluyang tinalikdan. His grinning face made me feel…giddy. I hate it. I hate him.

***********

Alejandro let out a low whistle when I emerged to his huge kitchen.

“I used your boxers. Your shorts are too big for me.”

He gave me heart-stopping smile. “That’s alright, although I don’t mind you walking around naked, baby. Please be comfortable around me.”

“Tss. Asa ka pa.” Ani ko at naglakad palapit sa mesa. Alejandro sprinted and stood beside me. He pulled a chair for me.

Alanganin akong tumingin sa kanya. “Thank you.”

Nakahain sa mesa ang mga niluto niya; hotdogs, bacon, fried eggs and four pieces of toasted bread.

He placed a glass of juice sa gilid ngunit may nahagip ang aking mata. Mabilis kong hinawakan ang braso nito.

“What—shit.” He flinched at my touch.

“Where did you get this?” My brows knitted together as I glanced up at him. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba.

“Oh. When I was working at my steel company in Texas. Nahagip ng alambre.” He looked away.

“It looks fresh, Ale.” Hindi ko maalis ang titig sa sugat na nasa kanyang palapulsuhan.

“The accident happened two weeks ago. Don’t worry, malayo naman sa bituka at hindi naman ako na-tetanus. Stop frowning, baby.” Sa pagbawi ng kamay nito ay hindi sinasadyang natabig nito ang basong may lamang juice. Natapona ng kalahati niyon sa aking shorts at t-shirt.

Alejandro pulled me up at ganun na lang ang gulat ko nang kinarga niya ako.

“Put me down, Ale!”

“You need to change again.”

“I know but I can walk.”

“Just let me take care of you, okay?”

“I’m heavy at baka hindi mo kaya ang bigat ko!”

He chuckled. “You are as light as a feather, Bea. Mas mabigat pa ang barbell ko kesa sa’yo.”

“Ang tigas ng ulo mo.”

“Mana sa’yo?”

“Ewan ko sa’yo.” Irap ko dito.

Pagpasok sa bathroom ay binaba niya ako. “Let’s remove your shirt and shorts.” Inangat nito ang laylayan ng damit. Napatili ako.

“Gago ka ba. Kaya kong mag-isa. Lumabas ka nga.”

“Let me do this for you, Bea. Just this once, okay?”

“But Ale—” Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang sinakop ng lalake ang aking bibig. The impact of his rough kisses made me shudder.

Alejandro’s POV

She won’t stop talking so what I did shut her up. I titled my head as I pressed my lips to hers. She took a sharp intake of breath. I was prepared for her to fight against me, but it took me seconds when I felt her responding to my kisses. Her hands flew up to grab my shoulders and squeeze them like her life depended on it.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to me until her chest pressed against mine. I could feel the wild beating of her heart against mine.

I darted my tongue into her hot cavern, and she rewarded me a sexy groan.  My kisses were too rough and savage just because I couldn’t get enough of her.

I tore my mouth from hers and a groan of protest escaped her lips. I smiled secretly. I dipped down and started trailing kisses along her neck. She threw her head back as I felt her fingers digging into my shoulders. Don’t stop me, baby. Please don’t stop me.

Grabbing the hem of my t-shirt she’s wearing, tinaas ko ito mula sa kanya. Namungay ang mga mata nitong nakatitig lamang sa akin. hinayaan niyang gawin ko ang nais ko sa kanya. when I managed to pull it off from her, hinagis ko lamang iyon kung saan at inatake ko ulit ang namamaga nitong labi. Sinandal ko siya sa pader kasabay ng pagbaba ng ulo ko sa pagitan ng kanyang dibdib.

“Ale…” Her hand fisted on my hair. I love how she mentioned my name like a prayer.

Umayos ako ng tayo. “What does my baby want, hmm?” I pulled her earlobe into my mouth and sucked on it causing her to tremble.

“I hate you.”

I stood frozen. s**t. I lose my control.

Humikbi ito. f**k! f**k! f**k!

“Don’t cry, Bea. Please I can’t take it when you’re crying.” Banayad na hinila ko ito sa akin. I sat on the toilet seat and I let her sit on my lap.

Niyakap ko ito ng mahigpit and she instantly melted in my arms. I buried my face on her hair and inhaled her scent. God, I love her.

“Ale…”

“Hmmm…”

“Go slow….”

My ears are probably failing me. “What did you say, baby?” I held her chin so she could look at me straight in the eyes.

“I’m scared…. Ale.” She swallowed hard. “So please…go slow.”

Fuck.