Love Just Ain't Enough (BOOK TWO)

ELEVEN: GAME

“When did you learn to cook?” Tanong ko sa kanya hustong pagdating namin sa moderno nitong kusina. Maingat na binaba ako nito.

He faced me. “Baby, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to cook. I just basically fried them.” He showed me his fingers. “See? I don’t have burned skin. Preparing reakfast is just a piece of cake. I can boil some Korean noodles if you opt to eat high carbs.” The proud and arrogance in his voice made me roll my eyes upward.

I came closer and pat him on the shoulder. “Good boy. Good boy.” Sinabayan ko iyon nang eksaheradang pagtango.

He hissed. “I’m not a dog.”

Ngumisi ako. “Trust me, you don’t look like one.”

“I can bite though.” Nagtaas ito ng kilay at may naglalarong pilyong ngisi sa mga labi.

“Sure.” I snorted.

“Don’t move. I still have to clean this s**t up.” Tukoy niya sa natapong juice na kumalat sa mesa at sa sahig.

“I’ll help.” Hindi ko na ito pinasagot pa at kinuha ang kitchen towel para punasan ang mesa.

Alejandro let out an exasperated sigh. “Kakasabi ko lang na wag kang gumalaw. Such a stubborn woman.”

“You don’t expect me to just stand here and watch you clean it by yourself, do you?”

Masungit na sinulyapan lamang ako nito.

“You know what, I’ll do the cleaning. Ikaw na ang nagluto kaya nararapat lang na ako ang maglinis. Ako na rin ang maghuhugas ng mga pinggan. It’s a basic etiquette!”

Binawi ni Alejandro ang kitchen towel at hinagis kung saan. Did I piss him off? Because he really looks angry.

“Bea, for the love of God, just let me try to do things I want to do when I’m with you. If I want to serve you, then let me f*****g serve you.”

I yelped when he carried me by the waist and sat me on the kitchen counter. “You stay here and don’t f*****g move or so help me God, I’m gonna spank the hell out of your ass.”

I chuckled. “Is that a threat, Alejandro? I kinda like the idea of you spanking me.”

“Don’t test my patience.” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re such a handful at times.”

Nakangisi lang ako sa kanya. How can a man look so adorable when pissed? I don’t mind pushing his button if I’ll be rewarded an adorable and annoyed Alejandro.

 I saw a ghost of smile on his lips. He leaned to kiss my forehead before he headed to his broom closet to grab a mop.

I swayed my legs from left to right habang pinagmamasdan lamang itong busy sa paglilinis. My eyes darted at those diagonal and horizontal scars on his left wrist. There’s an unsettling feeling coming from the pit of my stomach. Something winced inside me with the idea of him harming himself came into my mind. Of course, he won’t to do that. That’s totally crazy and full of bull. I will believe his words.

“I’ll reheat them again. Give me some minutes.”

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m having a good time while enjoying the view.” I smiled at him. What I mean is I have plenty of time to appreciate his menacing physique. The beauty of this man is totally out of this world.

“Baby, I could hear your perverted thoughts from here.” He smirked.

Namula ang mukha ko. Damn.

“Excuse me. Inaaliw ko lang ang sarili ko dahil gutom na gutom na ako.” Irap ko sa kanya.

“Inaaliw mo ang sarili mo sa pamamagitan ng pag-iisip sa akin? Bakit parang iba ang dating sa akin.”  Sinabayan niya iyon ng magaan na tawa.

“Ang sabihin mo, damumi lang talaga ang utak mo.”

Nagkibit ito ng balikat pero hindi pa rin mapalis ang mapanuksong ngisi nito. He was humming a song and seemingly having fun while busy reheating our supposed breakfast.

My heart swelled with happiness of him sprinting from here to there, walking around the huge kitchen as if he didn’t have a history of being crippled. Ang laki talaga ng pinagbago niya. Hindi ko man pinapakita pero may parte ng pagkatao ko na ilang pa rin sa kanya. If Alejandro came back just like his usual self, still stuck in the wheelchair, I would have probably forgiven him the second our eyes meet.

Alejandro loved me. He’s deeply in love with me years ago. At alam kong ang pagtalikod niyang iyon ay may malaking rasong kaakibat. Paano kapag narinig ko na ang lahat-lahat sa kanya pero hindi pa rin iyon sasapat para sa akin? Paano kung para sa akin, napakababaw lang pala ng rason nito? If that will be the case, I will be deeply hurt. Iniwan niya ako para sa isang mababaw na rason? I don’t think there’s a chance for us to pick up from where we left off.

May mga bagay na hindi na pwedeng balikan at may mga bagay na hindi na maaaring ibalik.

Nanlamig ako as reality slapped me hard in the face. I darted my gaze around the place. I am not supposed to be here. We were not supposed to touch and act like we didn’t have an ugly past.

I am not supposed to be here acting as if I am in a relationship with him. We are now living in the present, not in the past.

“What are you thinking?”

I was pulled from my trance when he spoke. He looked at me over his shoulders.

Pilit na ngumiti ako at nagkibit-balikat. “Wala naman.”

I want to leave.

He turned off the stove. I ducked my head as he started to approach me. Hindi ko pwedeng ipakita sa kanya ang gumugulo sa aking isipan. I puffed air into my cheeks.

He corralled me by placing his arms against the counter, trapping me in between.

“What are you thinking?” His lips dropped to my neck and I have to look up to the ceiling. My hands absentmindedly clung around his neck.

“I have forgotten what I was thinking a while ago.” My heart somersaulted in my chest. s**t. It’s hard to lie when he’s this close.

“Did I say how bad of a liar you are?” He pressed his forehead against mine. “Can we be honest with each other this time?”

I sighed as I closed my eyes momentarily. Okay let’s be honest here. But before I could answer, his phone rang. Kinuha niya iyon sa mesa. Kumunot ang noo nito.

“This call is important. Baka matagalan ito. I’ll be in my study room.” He darted his gaze at the table. “The food is ready. Please eat first. I’ll join you later, alright?”

Tumango ako at bumaba mula sa pagkakaupo sa counter. Alejandro turned his back and left me.

Kanina ay gutom ako pero ngayon ay nawalan ako ng gana. Imbes na maupo sa mesa, mas pinili kong mag ikot-ikot sa buong kabahayan. Hindi ko alam kung saang silid naroon ito kaya minabuti kong magmasid sa kanyang malawak na living room.

Lumapit ako sa corner stand kung saan may mga picture frames na nakapatong doon. Inisa-isa kong tinignan ang mga yun. Pamilyar sa akin ang mga taong kasama niya sa mga larawan. Some of them are his friends that I met last night. And of course, a picture with his parents. Naka skiing outfit silang tatlo. The time stamp of the picture told me that it was taken last year. I wonder why Romano wasn’t with them? He’s probably the one who took the picture. Lumipat ang mga mata ko sa katabing larawan at nagtagal doon. It was a picture of him with a woman and between them is a boy child. His left arm draped over the woman’s shoulder. They were so close that the woman’s cheek was pressed against Alejandro’s chest. May mga kasunod pang mga larawan na kuha sa parehong araw. They looked like they were having a blast. The picture was taken last year.

On his birthday.

Our birthday.

My heart dropped to a new low level. Tears swelled my eyes. All these years, I knew he’s struggling to be healed again. I knew that he went through shits and all. But he found his happiness. Deep inside me, I was hoping that he would be as devastated as I was when we parted. But I guess, he found comfort in them. He has friends. Family. Money. I, on the other hand, have to mask the pain he’d put me through. Smiling in front of my family and friends was even exhausting. They don’t know how much I cry when I’m alone in the dark.

My birthdate was the most terrifying date of my life. No matter how hard I try to forget what happened on that day years ago, it always haunts me down even in my dreams that sometimes I would wake up screaming, crying, sobbing until no more tears left to shed.

Birthdays are supposed to be celebrated, but in my case, I dreaded it. If only I could skip that day, I would. It scars me for life.

The day I was born was the day my heart died.

I angrily wiped my tears away as I walked back to Alejandro’s bedroom. I need to get out of here. Sa pagdaan ko sa isang pintuang nakaawang, I heard his speaking voice. Tumigil ako at kahit kasalanan ang makinig ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili.

“Olivia, honey, you need to calm down. Angelo will be okay. I will try my best to be there before the week ends. Kadarating ko lang kahapon from US. Yes, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you. Christ! Calm down, Olivia! Everything will be okay. I’ll be there soon. I promise.”

I promise.

I felt like my chest cut open. My heart beat frantically. My stomach churned vigorously. I need to get out of here. This place is suffocating me!

It took me seconds to wear the stupid dress again. I gathered all my things. Hindi ako magpapaalam sa kanya. I don’t think I have strength to face him without breaking apart.

Lulan ng taxi ay tuluyan akong humagulhol. I know I can’t totally escape Alejandro, but I have to push him away no matter what. Loathing him will be the best option.

I have to remember the pain. People don’t forget pain. I of all people should know about that.

Hating him is easy. Unloving him is not. I wish I knew the way how to unlove him.

**********

                I don’t think it’s wise to stay here. I will attend the seminar today but after this, I will pack my things and find another hotel to check in. Bahala na kung maubos ko man ang perang dala at ipon ko. I need to exert effort to push Alejandro away. Dahil kung hahayaan ko lang ito, my heart and body would fall into his lap in no time.

                When I entered my hotel room, my eyes landed on the bed. Kunot ang noong lumapit ako doon. A bouquet of roses. I gritted my teeth. He probably knew I’ve gone missing. There’s a flower shop downstairs. Malamang tumawag siya agad doon para maabutan ko ito dito sa kama.

I sighed as picked up the card.

See you soon :))

Lalong lumalim ang gitla sa aking noo. There’s no way he could write this. Oh, of course, he probably asked someone to write it for him.

Kinuha ko ang bouquet at tinapon sa rubbish bin. I don’t need it. I don’t need anything from him. Pumasok ako sa banyo para magpalit ng damit. Paglabas ko ay malalakas na katok ang gumulantang sa akin.

Nakakaeskandalo ang mga mga katok na iyon kaya malalaki ang mga hakbang ko para pagbuksan kung sino man iyon.

I opened the door but not wide enough for someone to get in. Humahangos na Alejandro ang nakatayo doon. His eyes darkening as he gawked at me. His jaw tightened.

“Why are you here?” Kalmanteng tanong ko, unable to handle his presence. I gripped the door handle as tight as I could.

“Why are you here!” He yelled. My heart leaped. “Why did you leave without saying anything? Why did you run away? Did I do something wrong?”

“I’m not running away, Alejandro. It’s more of I found the way back to my sanity. Nagising lang ako sa katotohanan. Ang nangyari kagabi at kanina ay puro kalokohan lamang.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Bea? Kalokohan lang sa’yo ang nangyari kagabi? We were fine this morning!” He shouted.

I gritted my teeth. Kung magrereklamo man ang ibang guests dahil sa kanya, hindi ko na iyon kasalanan. I will not let him in.

“I saw the pictures!” I shouted back. “You’re having the best of your life these past years, Ale. You even celebrated our birthday with your family and friends. You’re having a blast! You celebrated the day when you turned your back on me! You celebrated the day you killed me! I died that day because of you, and you have the nerve to celebrate it! You’re so heartless! You f*****g piece of s**t! I hate you!”

Alejandro gripped my shoulders and shook me. His eyes glassy, hurt and pained. “You don’t know what I’ve been through! You don’t know my pain! Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not there, Beverly Ann! Hindi lang ikaw ang naghirap! Ang nasaktan! Ang nagsakripisyo! You have no f*****g idea!”

“Bitawan mo ako! Nagawa mong umalis sa buhay ko noon, utang na loob, gawin mo ulit iyon! Get out of my life! This is now my reality, Alejandro, and my reality doesn’t include you!”

I gathered all my strength to push him hard. Napaatras ito na kuyom ang kamao. Pabagsak na sinara ko ang pintuan.

It’s better this way. Even though my heart will never be whole again, I will choose this way.

**********

Pagpasok ko pa lang sa lobby ay nakaramdam na agad ako ng kakaibang aura sa paligid. Ang normal ko na lakad ay unti-unting bumagal. Ang mga empleyado dito sa reception ay nakatingin sa akin. Why are they looking at me as if I have growing horns on my head?

“Siya yun.”

                “Kapal ng mukhang magpapansin sa boss.”

                “Bakit natipuhan ni Sir yan, hindi naman kagandahan.”

                “Magaling siguro sa kama kaya pinatulan.”

“She looks so ordinary.”

“Mas maganda pa tayo sa kanya, duh.”

“Nangangamoy prostitute si ate gurl.”

What? Ako ba ang tinutukoy nila? Ako ba ang pinag-uusapan nila?

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at inikot ang tingin sa malawak na lobby. Lahat sila ay patay-malisyang nakakikipag-kwentuhan sa mga katabi at ang iba ay nagkukunwaring busy sa ginagawa samantalang kanina lang ay tila tumigil ang mundo at sa akin lahat nakatututok ang kanilang mga mata.

I puffed out my cheeks and inhaled a huge breath. Let’s not make a scene here, Bea. Calm down.

I sprinted toward the lift. May mga ilang tao na ang nakaabang sa pagbukas ng lift ngunit nang mapansin nilang papalapit ako ay unti-unting nahawi ang daan. Iniiwasan nila ako na para bang may dala akong virus sa katawan. What the hell is wrong with these people?

May isang babaeng naglakas-loob ang tumabi sa akin. “Miss, matanong ko lang, saan ka dinala ni Mr. Salvatore kagabi?”

Tumikhim ang isa pang babae at tumabi sa aking kanan. “Oo nga. Curious lang din kami. Was that an act or talagang sobrang lasing ka na at kailangan ka pa niyang pangkuin?”

“Malakas din ang loob mo ha. Nakiupo ka pa sa table ng mga elite friends niya.” I heard a disdain from a woman’s voice behind me.

“I heard you came from the south. Probinsiyana ka pala pero may kamandag ka ring taglay. Kakaiba.” Ani pa ng isa na tinignan ako mula ulo hanggang paa at umirap sa akin.

I gnawed my lips a I closed my eyes. I breathed in and out. I counted one to ten and focused my attention to the reason why I was here in the first place. My agency. I need to get a hand with the project the company is proposing.

I bet the majority of female population here hates me. Hindi ko sila pwedeng patulan. Hindi ko sila lalababanan dahil lang sa dalawang rason.

Una, marami sila. Hindi ako tanga. Matatalo ako.

Pangalawa, dala ko sa aking balikat ang pangalan ng agency. Ayokong bigyan ng kahihiyan si Dette at ang lahat ng bumubuo sa agency.

“What is happening here?”

Lahat kami ay napalingon kay Mariel. Kunot ang noo nito. “May problema ba?”

Halos sabay na nagsipag-ilingan ang mga babaeng kanina lang ay malalalakas ang loob na kausapin ako. No, they didn’t talk to me. They accused me.

“Bea, are you okay? Namumutla ka.”

Namumutla? Oh. I didn’t eat since this morning. Kahit kumakalam ang sikmura ko ay umaayaw ang katawan ko. I felt like if I ate, I would just vomit the food later.

“I’m fine, Ma’am Mariel. Thank you.”

I remained quiet. I can’t blame them. They were there at the party. They have seen what happened last night. At tama rin naman ang hinala nila. Alejandro brought me to his place. We almost f**k if he didn’t hold back. Nakakatawa. Siya pa talaga ang nagpigil sa sarili at ako itong handang bumigay na akala mo hindi nakaranas ng sakit sa ginawa niya.

I hate myself for always putting my guard down when he’s around. I changed my mind. Uuwi akong Davao ngayon din.

When the door lift opened, the head of Marketing Department stepped out. “Miss Samaiego, mabuti at naabutan kita. You don’t have to attend the seminar.”

“Why not?” It was Mariel who spoke.

Alanganing tumingin ito sa aming dalawa at sa mga taong nakikiusisa. “Can we talk over there?” Ininguso nito ang corner ng lobby na hindi matao.

Tumango ako. My heart was in my throat. “Okay po.”

“I need to hear this.” Si Mariel na sumunod sa aming dalawa pero bago iyon ay pinandilatan niya ang mga empleyadong nakamasid sa amin.

Kabado ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang plano ni Alejandro. Pero kung ano man iyon, handa kong harapin ang hamon niya.

“Mr. Salvatore excluded your agency from this project. He disqualified you. I’m afraid, you have to leave the hotel as soon as possible. But if you want to stay, okay lang naman daw but you have to pay for the—”

“What? My cousin did that? Sigurado ka?” Si Mariel na nanlalaki ang mata.

“He called me just a while ago. I even asked him repeatedly if I heard him right, but he just yelled at me. I’m sorry, Miss Samaniego.”

Ngumiti ako sa department head. “Okay lang po, Sir. Perfect timing nga po. Nandito po ako para magpaalam.”

He sighed. “Okay, Miss Samaniego. Pasensiya ka na ulit. Babalik na ako sa taas since mag-uumpisa na ang seminar.”

Tumalikod ito sa amin. Mariel was pacing back and forth. Bakas ang kalituhan sa kanyang maamong mukha. “Nag-away ba kayo? Alejandro will never do anything stupid para lumayo ka sa kanya. In fact, this seminar is just his excuse to be close to you pero bakit humantong sa ganito. I’m worried.”

“Don’t worry, Ma’am Mariel. Okay lang po talaga.” Smiling while my heart is breaking is one of the acts I’ve mastered.

“I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about my cousin.”

Uhm. Okay. Whatever. Blood is thicker than water.

Pagkaalis ko sa building ay bumalik agad ako sa hotel para kunin ang aking mga gamit na nakagayak na. One hour later, nasa airport na ako at nag-aabang ng aking flight. While waiting for boarding, I sent a message to Bernadette, crossing fingers she would understand why I must go home. Kung hihingin ng pagkakataon na halungkatin ko ang nakaraan para lang maintindihan niya ang kalagayan ko, gagawin ko. I just hope she would truly understand my situation.

**********

Kinabukasan pagpasok ko sa opisina, pinaghalong kaba at nerbiyos ang aking nararamdaman. Nakakadagdag pa sa bigat ng dibdib ang malungkot na mukha ni kuya Alfred habang ipinagbubukas niya ako ng pintuan.

“Good morning kuya.”

Ngumiti lang ito at hindi gumanti ng pagbanti. There must be something wrong o baka kaya may problema sa pamilya nito?

Pasado alas nueve na ako dumating kaya tiyak akong kompleto na ang lahat ng staff at hindi nga ako nagkamali. They’re all here now kaso ang madalas na maingay na paligid tuwing umaga ay kabaligtaran ngayon.

Kakaiba ang umagang ito. They all looked at me with sad, teary eyes. Sa sulok ay umiiyak na si ate Gina.

“Ate Bea, hinihintay ka ni Ma’am Dette sa kanyang opisina. Dumiretso ka na lang doon.” Pabulong na sabi ni Lea.

Tumango ako. Dumaan muna ako sa aking table para ilapag ang dala kong bag. Katakot-takot na kaba ang bumabalot sa aking sistema. I guess Dette is going to fire me. She must be mad at me.

Bumuntong-hininga ako bago kumatok sa kanyang private office. Pinihit ko ang doorknob at binuksan ang pintuan. Dette’ side profile is facing me. Nakaharap ito sa bintana na nasa gilid ng kanyang table.

“Sit down.” She said in a monotone.

Lumapit naman ako at umupo sa upuang nasa harap ng kanyang table.

“Dette, bago ang lahat, gusto kong humingi ng paumanhin sa nangyari. Kailangan ko—”

“Forget it. I don’t want to talk about it. Hindi rin naman maisasalba ng seminar na iyon ang agency.” Aniya sa matigas na tinig. She glanced at me and I noticed how red her eyes are. She’s probably crying before I arrived.

“I want you to know that our agency will be officially closed one month from now, Bea. At ang mas malala pa dun, patong-patong na kaso ang kakaharapin natin sa mga projects na nakabinbin.” Pumiyok ang boses nito. “Hindi ko alam paano nangyari ito. Last week lang, nakausap ko pa sila at willing silang maghintay na makabangon tayo pero kaninang umaga, sunod-sunod na email ang na-receive ko mula sa kanila. They even threatened me with lawsuit!”  Kumuha ito ng isang stick ng sigarilyo. Nanginginig ang daliri nito kasabay ng pag-agos ng masaganang luha.

“By the way, here’s a letter for you. I got it from our letter box.” May kinuha ito sa kanyang drawer at inabot sa akin ang puting envelope.

 For Bea Samaniego.

Yan lang ang nakasulat sa labas. I reluctantly torn the side part at ang kaba ko kanina ay mas domoble pa.

Dear Bea,

Please consider this as your one-month notice. The fate of your agency is in your hands. In order for you to save it, you have to go back to where our story started. Once the time lapses, I have no choice but to close it down and be prepared for the lawsuits that will be filed against you.

Heartless you say? Old news. I hear that every day.

This is also my reality. Apparently, my reality includes you. The businessman in me is the one talking to you now. My other side that you haven’t seen yet. And trust me, you won’t like it. Don’t try to give me sass, Bea, because I promise you, you will regret it. Your smart mouth won’t convince me this time.

I will wait, baby.

I crumpled the paper. Is he threatening me coz it seems like it! That man! He stepped up his game!

I looked at Dette who didn’t pay attention to me. Tahimik itong umiiyak sa sulok at nakatanaw sa labas. Sumagi sa isip ko ang mga mukha ng mga staff kanina. They are all heartbroken. We all are.

My only way out of this is to get through the storm that is Alejandro.

Alejandro. My greatest pleasure and my deepest pain. How am I going to get through this?