Love and Fear

19-Luna?

Lucy POV

Today was the day—my big Luna ceremony. I was still processing everything that had happened. I turned 18 became Luna to a rogue pack for all of an hour before giving it away. I am becoming Luna of one of the biggest packs in North America. I can Heal people. How is it that I graduated high school less than five months ago? I should be touring colleges and getting drunk at frat parties, not taking care of a pack. The fear was setting in the kind of fear that makes your arm hair stand up, the kind of fear that makes your vision blur, and the food you ate for breakfast start climbing back up. I'm still sitting in the clothes I slept in, bootie shorts and a tank top. My hair is a mess, and I look like I haven't slept in days. Killian has made sure the kitchen omegas have 100 different iron-rich foods a day. I am so tired of red meat and pumpkin everything. Axel snuck me in some eggs, benny and waffles with whipped cream and berries this morning. Some days I wish we were back in our tiny town, drinking coffee and fishing in the river, just Axel and me. Don't get me wrong. I love Killian. He really is one of a kind, but Axel knows me. He knows what I need before I say it.

I need a shower to clear my head. Well, really, what I needed was a run, but that wasn't going to happen today. I slipped my clothes off and slid into the steam of the shower letting all of the past weeks roll off of me with the beadlets of water. When I got out, I cleared the mist from the mirror. My skin was so red. How long was I in there?

When I came out of the shower, Ellen, Lanie and Treena were waiting in my room with two women I didn't know.

"girl, how long of a shower did you need??" Treena teased.

"Olga and Patrice are here to do your hair and make-up," Ellen explained. Lanie just sat on the bed quietly.

"Lanie was what's wrong?" It's like I could feel her sadness hitting me in waves, Suffocating me.

"oh, nothing, just tired." Lanie Lied, I could tell.

"Everyone out!" I shouted!

"except you, Lanie. Lanie can do my hair and make-up. I need some sister time." I shoed everyone away. Treen looked so mad, and Ellen laughed like she knew me my whole life and expected this.

Everyone filed out of the room.

"Lanie, Listen, I don't know if it's a Bennet wolf thing, but I can legit feel your sadness. It's knocking the wind out of me. Please talk to me."

"Axel still hasn't marked me. I think he is in love with someone else." She admitted.

"Lanie, Look at me! Axel is the most considerate, loving person I know. He grew up with foster parents who loved him. He's not damaged like us. He wouldn't claim you as his mate if he loved someone else. I can promise you that."

"Then why hasn't he marked me Alpha Killian marked you the first time you had sex." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"OH, Lanie. Axel probably doesn't even know how to mark you. We grew up with humans. Remember, plus you are still healing from the wolfsbane marking, which takes a lot of energy out of you. Maddox still hasn't marked Ellen either."

"Really? He hasn't?"

"Do you see a mark on her neck?"

"Well, no, but she always wears her hair down."

"Haha. Big sister, go talk to Axel. Tell him you are ready for him to mark you. I had to ask Killian to mark me."

"Woah? What? You asked him, you we were intimate, and it just felt right. It took a lot out of me though I slept for like 3 hours after. "

"but if I go, who will do your hair and make-up?" Lanie protested, trying to get out of talking to Axel.

"I can do my own damn hair and make-up."

"Alright, fine, I'll go..." As Lanie was about to turn the handle to leave, she turned around and spoke again.

"Hey, Lucy?"

"hmm?" I replied, curling my eyelashes.

"You really don't think Axel is in love with you?" I didn't mean to, but I couldn't stop the laugh that came out.

"No, I really don't think he is in love with me. We just have a strong bond. We were all each other had growing up. We both found out we were werewolves and had no one to talk to. No one to show us. Axel changed after I was kidnapped. He blames himself for not protecting me. Now he tries to protect me when I don't need it, just like a brother. He's good, Lanie. Like the best I could have ever hoped for, for you, my sister. Let him love you, all of you." Lanie sniffed back some tears and ran to me, hugging me tightly.

"I'll try." With that, she wiped her tears and left to find Axel. This was too much for me. I needed some air. They'll never let me out of the packhouse today. Killian wants the garden set up to be a surprise. I'll have to climb out the window.

I slid the window open, looked down. Out there was enough for a ledge. If I shimmied to the second landing, I could shift mid-air and land fine. I shimmied over to the ledge and grabbed the Window of another bedroom. I could hear crying. Was it Lanie? Did Axel hurt her? Like a creep, I peered into the window. I saw a tall, dark-haired woman crying into her hands as she sat on the edge of the bed. I looked over and saw a half-dressed..... KILLIAN??? WTF. I couldn't make out what she was saying. Killian walked away from her and into the bathroom. Shoot, she saw me! I Bette shift now. I turned around and jumped mid-air. I shifted into Astrid, letting her have control as I just processed what had happened. No wonder Killian has been so distant. He's been sleeping with that woman. That was the same woman who bumped into me on my birthday. Treena said they used to date. I can't do this. Astrid, get us out of here. I never wanted to be Luna anyways. She can do it.

Killian POV

Today was going to be a great day! Finally, Lucy would officially be my Luna. The pack already loved her like their Luna. She was kind, thoughtful and intelligent. She knew how to talk to pack members and how to listen to them. All the things I never learned how to do. I fought through my pain, making me a strong Alpha but definitely not a great Alpha. I would bet half the pack is too terrified to even come to my office with a problem. That gives me a great idea. I should make Lucy an office next to mine where pack members can go and talk to her, plus she can study or do whatever she wants in there. I know she would love nothing more than to hide in there with a good book. She won't have to once Axel and I finish the library, though. I never felt like we needed one before, but after seeing how happy Lucy was submerged in books back at the Bennet pack library, I knew we needed one. I was pulled from my thoughts when my door burst open, still in only a towel from the shower. I whipped around to see who it was, hoping Lucy came from a quickie before the ceremony. Although I doubt it since I've been giving her the cold shoulder since we rescued her. We wouldn't have needed to saved her if she hadn't given herself over to him. She was acting as If I couldn't protect her like I am not the meanest, most ruthless warrior. Pffft.

I turn to see Cassandra. She flung herself on me, kissing me and pulling at the towel.

"I thought I'd never get you alone." She whispered as she wrapped her hand around my d**k. I shoved her back and barked at her.

"What are you doing in here!!"

"I came for you. Aren't you really in love with that child? She doesn't know what you need. Not like I do. You can still change your mind. Make me your Luna. I can give you all the pups you want."

"NEVER!!" I roared.

"But...but...I know you love me!" she whimpered

"I never loved you. I've never loved anyone but Lucy. Now get out!" I turned to get dressed while she left.

I came back out, pants on a shirt in hand, and she was sitting on the bed crying. I knew they were fake tears all for a show trying to make me feel bad for yelling. The truth was I didn't feel bad. I was pissed! Pissed that's he thought, I would ever hurt Lucy like this. I walked over to her slowly. I grabbed her arm and pushed her out my room door. I mind linked two warriors to come and take her to a holding cell until after the ceremony. I didn't want her messing up Lucy's big day. I don't care if her father is my ally. I could crush his pack if I wanted to.

I needed to talk to Lucy apologize for ignoring her the last few days. I was just a giant man child who knew learned how to talk about his feelings. I finished getting dressed and went to Lucy's room. I knocked but no answer. She should be getting ready. We had less than 4 hours until the ceremony, and we had to meet the photographer in two hours. I decided just to walk in. After all, I've seen her naked. It's not like she would be mad. But the room was empty, just the window open. Did she seriously climb out the window?? I midnlinked Treena to get in here now. I walked over to her dress, still hanging on the side of the vanity. The vanity I had specially made for Lucy it had bookshelves all along the back and sides for all her books. Hopefully, soon she will be ready to move into my room.

Treena rushes in.

"What is so urgent, Killian?"

"Where is my Luna? Who you were supposed to be getting ready?"

"She was here when I left about an hours ago. Lanie was upset about something. Lucy kicked us all out to talk with Lanie. Lanie was going to do Lucys hair and make-up."

"It looks like she climbed out the window. maybe she needed a run?" I walked over to the window and looked. I could see shredded clothes at the bottom she shifted from her window. How did I not see her? My room window is right there. Oh, hell no! She saw Cassandra in my room, I bet! f**k! I jumped out the window and shifted. I would find her and explain.

I ran to the clearing, her favourite place.

Meanwhile, Lanie was working up the courage to ask Axel to mark her.

Lanie was in the bathroom putting her makeup on. Lanie knew she was beautiful, her long blonde hair, thin figure and large breasts. She had been with a lot of guys before Axel. Some would call it being a slut, and some would call it trying to fill a missing void in her heart. Axel came up behind her dressed in his tux. He looked more than delicious. He wrapped his arms around Lanie from behind. He was kissing her neck. Lanie looks at her shot. It was now or never!

"Are you in love with Lucy?" Oops, that came out wrong, Lanie thought to herself.

"HA! Seriously, that's funny, Lanie" Axel loosened his hold on Lanie and started walking away.

"You didn't answer the question."

"What do I love, Lucy? Of course, I do. She is the sister I never had, well, until I met Ellen." Axel chuckled while laying back on the bed with his arms behind his head.

"No, I know you love her but are you in love with her? Like, do you wish she were your mate instead of me?" Lanie looked down, unable to maintain eye contact.

"Oh Lanie, no, no, never! I have never felt anything but friendship for Lucy. You, on the other hand, I've never been so in love! I die inside every time you leave me." Axel jumped from the bed and engulfed Lanie in his arms, pulling her face between his hands.

"Then why haven't you marked me?"

"Lanie, I cant mark you until the night of our Luna and alpha ceremony. Didn't Liza tell you this when she was here?"

"No, but marking never really came up."

"Oh, Lanie, this is all my fault. Have you been feeling bad all this time?"

"A title...."

"Okay, let me explain Because you are the firstborn Bennet wolf. We have to do our Alpha and Luna ceremonies together. IF we mark each other before the ceremony, there won't be the proper transfer of power. Basically meaning we won't be able to take over the pack. I thought you knew this? I can not wait to mark you. When Lucy gets all settled, and you are better, we will go to the Bennet pack and have our ceremonies and mark each other. I know it isn't ideal, but your sister needs us right now. She is still having night terrors of the kidnapping. It happened again the night we travelled back from rescuing Lucy from the Rogue king."

"I know. I want to be here for her. I guess I was just feeling insecure because you guys have such an amazing bond. I want that with you and her."

"Give it time Lanie, we've only known each other a few months. Lucy and I have been together since we were eight."

"Ya, I guess you are right."

"Of course I am right." Axel winked at her before kissing her deeply, lifting the back of her dress so he could grab a good handful of bootie.

"Axel, you better stop that or..." Axel cut off her protest with another kiss and a hand slipping into the front of her panties."

"We have time. Apparently, Lucy went for a run, so she will probably be late anyway." Axel quickly slipped Lanie's dress overhead and tossed her on the bed.