Bipolar Attractions

21.

If a pin is to drop, it would echo in the room, as even though the room is occupied with presences, it still remains silent, with each and every one of us waiting impatiently for when the doctor will be out of the room.

My gaze lands on Alex, watching him pace around in impatience, as I watch the color on his face begin to drain slowly. My gaze then move to John whom also arrived some minutes ago, as we all wait for the surgery on Jen to be complete.

The instant the door to the emergency room opens, so do all our attention move to the surgeon that exits from it, as John and Alex reach him first.

“How is she doctor?” Alex asks the instant the doctor takes out the mask from his face.

“We did all we could. The bullet passed through her abdomen and pierced her kidney, but fortunately, it didn’t go any further beyond repair. She is alive and well.” I let out a sigh of relief I didn’t know I was holding, as Alex face begins to brighten up, while I watch his eyes tear up.

“Thank you doctor. Can we see her?” John speaks next.

“Yes, but not all of you at once. Only the ones closest to her should go in first. Maybe her husband or boyfriend?” The doctor says.

“That would be me.” Alex answers instantly.

“She is still unconscious, and still will for some hours as she just came out of surgery.” The doctor adds. “With that said, you can come with me.” He adds by giving permission to Alex whom wastes no time in following him inside.

Knowing that Jen is alright, my mind eases, as I take that as my cue to leave the emergency ward, down to the reception to get some water to quench my dry throat.

“How are you holding up?” I hear from behind me, seeing John close to me.

“I’ve been better.” Is all I answer to John, before sipping the water in my hand.

“You can come over if you can’t stay alone. I’m sure Alex will stay with her for tonight.” John offers, as I turn to face him with his statement, while memories of what happened between us a few weeks back surfaces my head. I don’t say a word, but just silence take over until John speak again. “I want you to know, nothing changes between us and I don’t see you any less.” John adds regarding how I came abruptly to his house the other day.

“I know John, but I just don’t know if it’s right for me to stay over, when Jen lies here.” I tell John honestly.

“It’s not your fault this happened Laura,” John says.

“You don’t know that.” I say before walking away from John, as he follows suit.

“Laura,” John brings me to a stop with his hands pulling me back to him, as I stare into his eyes. “It’s not your fault what happened,” John tells me vividly as I see from his eyes he also recalls what took place eight years ago. “And what took place years ago, is also not your fault. I thought we were passed this.” John tells me as my heart only beats faster and my gaze tries to remain stern.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” I let go of myself from John. “You’re right, we’re passed it which is why we shouldn’t bring it up.” I inform John.

“Then why wouldn’t you speak to me about what happened three weeks ago and why you’ve been avoiding me ever since the briefing with the SIU?” John questions me, as my gaze moves away from him in guilt again.

“This is not the right place for us to speak about our personal affairs and you know better than that.” I tell John having my voice as low as possible.

“Then when? cause i have been trying to get you to speak to me and all you do is act like I have done something wrong…”

“Yes you did John. You didn’t stand up for me when Kane wouldn’t speak about the f**k why Jacob is confidential, rather you backed him up.” I cut John off.

“What was I supposed to do Laura? Kane wouldn’t have said a word, because even to me he didn’t.” John defends himself.

“Well you could have kept him in a tight position that he has no choice but to speak.” I defend back.

“This is the SIU we are talking about. If it’s confidential, they won’t say a f*****g word.” John answers, clearly beginning to stir at my questions to him.

“That’s why they always believe they can just come In and order us, because we have a boss that doesn’t even stand up for us, or tries to face the truth when someone else tells him.” My gaze hard on John as he goes silent, making me know I may have gone overboard.

“Is this to me or to you?” John asks me as my gaze turns perplexed. “You speak about facing the truth, yet, you are the biggest person I know that runs from it every single day. Every time I try to get closer to you, you pull away. Sad of me to think the day you knocked on my door and begged me to f**k you, I actually thought something might be happening between us that’s beyond s*x, yet, all I received from you that night is you just being horny.” John confesses to me as I watch pain in his eyes.

“Don’t. Don’t do that John. Don’t pin this on me, because you and I both know what we agreed on before we began this relationship of ours, and we knew what will happen if anyone of us began to comply otherwise.” I tell John honestly.

“Well then forgive me for wanting more, after being with you and only you to more than a year now.” John answers as I go silent.

“Well, don’t blame me for your feelings because I didn’t tell you to be with just me alone.” I answer John cruelly, as he stares at me with hurt of my words to him. One which he doesn’t say anything, but give me one last look and walks away, as I begin to feel my heart heavy at the mess and sharpness the situation I’ve caused.

Fuck!