The Why Behind What We Feel

Chapter 17- Good Luck

"I'm sure he didn't mean it that way," Drake assures me, watching me pace back and forth in front of him.

The second I saw Aspen's text, I went into panic mode. No one can reach him, not even Drake. No one saw him leave, but all of his stuff is gone. It's like he's just...disappeared.

"You don't understand. Aspen is not okay. I'm afraid he's going to do something stupid. We've got to find him, fast," I say seriously, stopping in front of him and meeting his dark brown eyes.

"We will," Lizzy says, standing from her seat on the sofa next to Drake. She wraps her arm around me and rests her head on my shoulder. "Everything will be okay. No matter what Aspen was going through, he knew he had you. That's enough of a reason to live."

"She's right," Drake chimes in. "He wouldn't hurt himself because of you. His text didn't mean that. I can't explain why he left like he did, but I'm sure it was for a good reason. Maybe something happened with his family."

"He doesn't have any family, Drake!" I cry. "He has no one! That's why we have to find him. We have to make sure he's okay."

"Then let's find him," Drake sighs, standing up. "Lizzy and I will start looking at his usual spots on Bourbon. I'll get Tristan and his friends to start looking as well."

"Thank you," I cry in relief.

I'm all dressed up in my fancy yellow dress I wore to the formal, but Drake cancelled the party at my request so we can find Aspen. I just want to know that he's okay. I need to know.

I hurry out to my car, knowing exactly where it is I have to go first. I take my heels off and throw them into the passenger seat when I get in. I check my phone one last time and my heart sinks when I don't see a text from Aspen.

I fight the urge to cry. He might be okay. He probably is.

He has to be....

I pull up to the old radio tower next to the river and quickly get out of my car. I hurry to the ladder and only pause for a second before I force myself to climb up.

My heart is racing, but this time, it's not because of the danger I'm putting myself in. I just want to see Aspen at the top of this tower; the way I always have when I climbed up.

I pull myself up to the top, but I pause when I see the empty platform.

He's not here.

I just knew he would be.

I climb up onto the platform and swing my legs over the side. I stare out across the Mississippi River, wondering where Aspen is and why he left the way he did.

My body tenses up when I hear a creaking sound beneath me. I've heard this old tower creak before, but I wasn't afraid because Apsen was here with me. Now that I'm alone, I'm wondering just what the hell I'm doing up here. I should've started climbing back down the second I realized he's not here.

I slowly pull my legs up, but just as I do, I hear the creaking again. This time, it's much louder.

For a few agonizing seconds, I don't know what to do. I can't stay up here all night, but getting down from here might be the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.

I try to slow my racing mind and think rationally about what I should do. Climbing down seems like the only logical choice. My phone is in my car and if I scream for help, who knows if anyone will hear me? This is a part of town where no one walks the streets after dark, so calling for help could put me in more danger than I'm already in.

I start for the ladder, moving quickly when the creaking continues. I start climbing down as fast as I can, being careful not to miss a step.

When I'm about halfway down, the tower begins to lean. I pause and look around, my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach when I realize how far the ground is below.

The leaning gets worse and the creaking becomes louder. I take a few steps, but I lose my balance and slip. I reach for the ladder as I fall, but my sweaty palms make it hard to hold on.

I dangle for a few seconds, holding onto the rusty metal bar that's connected to a leaning, creaking tower; a tower that will come crashing down long before help arrives.

I've never been so afraid in all my life. I'm going to die. Alone. There's no way out of this. It's either fall and hope for the best, or hang on until the tower collapses. It would be a slower fall than just letting go, but I would risk being crushed or impaled.

With that in mind, I decide on what to do. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to work up the nerve. I pray to God that I somehow make it through this and if I don't, I ask him to take care of my grandma.

And then I let go of the ladder.

Aspen

"Tyler?"

I don't bother turning around. If someone is calling me by my real name, I definitely don't want to talk to them.

"That'll be six dollars and eighty three cents," the tiny old man behind the counter says, bagging my snacks for the road.

I take out my wallet to pay, but out of the corner of my eye, I see someone standing next to me.

"I knew that was you," Oakley grins. "Everyone is out looking for you. We thought something bad had happened."

"Why would anyone be looking for me?" I ask him.

"Something happened to Cecily. Her friend has the whole city out looking for you. She said something about an old radio tower."

"What do you mean something happened to Cecily?! Is she okay?!" I ask, dropping my bag of snacks to the floor.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened. That's just what I've heard. You should probably get in touch with her friend, Lizzy," he says.

My whole body goes numb at the thought of something happening to Sessy. I've got to find her. I've got to make sure she's okay.

I hurry out of the gas station and get back into my car. I speed in the direction of New Orleans, not giving it a second thought. I'm only about ten or fifteen miles outside the city, so I should make it back within a few minutes.

I was so sure leaving was the right thing to do. I didn't want to hold onto Sessy when I knew she had to leave soon. I didn't want her to feel responsible for me when she already had so much going on. But the thought of something happening to her makes me regret that I ever even thought about leaving her.

I take out my phone to call Lizzy. I've probably missed about twenty calls from her in the past few hours, but I thought maybe she was just wondering why I left; the same thing everyone else seems to be wondering.

None of that matters now. My Sessy is in trouble. And I have to be there for her, the way she has always been there for me.

I call Lizzy up and she answers right away. "Aspen, oh my God! Where have you been?"

"Where is Sessy?" I ask her.

"She's at University Medical. She was injured when an old radio tower collapsed on her. I don't even know what she was doing in that part of town."

Oh my god. Sessy climbed the radio tower to look for me. I'm the reason she's injured.

"Is she...okay?" I force myself to ask.

"We don't know yet. A construction crew heard the tower fall and called it in. When they went to clean it up, they found Sessy. She was buried under the rubble, all night."

My chest grows tighter and tighter with every word Lizzy speaks. My Sessy...my sweet, beautiful, amazing Sessy is hurting right now, because of me.

I fight the urge to just run away. The guilt is already eating me alive. But...

It's Sessy.

And I love her.

"Aspen?" Lizzy asks when I go silent.

"I'm on my way to the hospital now. I'll be there soon."

"Where did you go?"

I don't answer her. Instead, I end the call and press the gas pedal to the floor. I have to get to her. I have to see her. I have to tell her I'm sorry for leaving the way I did, with no kind of explanation.

There is an explanation, of course, but now I just feel like a coward for the way I ran. Sessy is mature and wise beyond her years. She would've understood why I had to go. I owed her an explanation, a goodbye. I just didn't want to break her heart.

Or I guess I just didn't want to know that I broke her heart. I wanted to believe she would be fine without me. After all, she never needed me. I was nothing more than a burden to her. She has so much going for her and I didn't want to drag her down. She could've moved on with her life without me and she would've been just fine.

The thought of losing her makes me think about things a lot differently though. I'll never find another girl like her, not for the rest of my life. She's special. She makes me feel things I've never felt before; things I never even wanted to feel.

I arrive at University Medical just after it starts getting dark. I start for the entrance, calling Lizzy up along the way. Before she has time to answer, I see a familiar face pass by me.

"Mary?" I ask, causing her to turn around.

"Tyler...you're here..."

"How is she?" I ask, my voice strained with the heavy emotion I'm feeling.

She shrugs. "She's in surgery and has been for the past three hours. We won't know anything until that's over. You can probably find out more from Lizzy or Sessy's grandmother."

I nod, swallowing back the tears I feel coming.

Mary walks away and I start for the surgical wing of the hospital, on the second floor. When I make it, I look around for a familiar face.

I spot Tristan first. I really don't want to talk to him after what happened between us, but I need to get to Sessy. He seems like the fastest way to do that.

I blow out an exhausted breath and hurry after him. "Tristan!"

He turns around and scowls at me. His thick eyebrows have always given him a menacing vibe, but right now, he looks almost evil. "You've got some nerve showing your face around here," he spits.

I stop dead in my tracks. His words pierce me to the bone. I can't stand the guy, but he's right. No one will want me here once they find out I'm the reason Sessy is hurt.

"She's seriously injured because of you. Because we were all out looking for you. She still cared about you even after you left here, with no explanation," he goes on, taking a threatening step towards me. "Do you think yours is the the face she wants to wake up to? When you're one hundred percent the reason she's here?"

At first, I think about just leaving. Everything he is saying is true. But I can't leave. I can't bear the thought of never seeing her again.

"Look, I know all this. It's my fault she's here. But I left because I thought I was doing her a favor. She doesn't know who I really am and once she figures it out, she'll run."

"If she hasn't ran from you yet, she's not going to. Maybe you should pull your head out of your a*s and realize that probably the most amazing woman you'll ever meet is in love with you. Sessy is the kind of girl you don't want to run from."

"You're right. But that's exactly why I'm here."

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "It took her hurting herself to get you to come back. That's how she'll see it."

I blink a few times, trying to not break down into tears in front of a guy I've had a physical altercation with. But it's nearly impossible. He's got my number today.

He smirks when he sees he's gotten under my skin. "Good luck, brother."