Love in the Shadow

Chapter 9: Tension Rising.

My phone's constant buzz roused me from the fog of sleep. Squinted at the screen, the strong light momentarily blinded me. Again, Lucas was it. Lucas: Kindly Mia. I have to talk quite seriously. Reading his message, my heart flew. Still in shock from all that had happened, I had spent the previous night battling with my feelings. Part of me wanted to ignore him, withdraw into the solace of my family and forget about the difficulties Lucas presented. Another side of me, though, craved clarity so I might know his perspective. Me: Alright; where would you like to meet? Lucas: Again, how about the park? I hesitated momentarily, thinking back on the weight of our most recent meeting there. But I understood we had to approach things squarely. Me: OK. In thirty minutes I will be there. I got ready fast, pulling on a basic pair of pants and a nice sweatshirt. My stomach started to knot as I fixed myself in the mirror. About what Lucas would say, I felt both eager and nervous. I mentally went back over the events of the preceding few days as I headed to the park. The times with Lucas felt unique—intense—but now they were mired in uncertainty. Jess was still in his life, and I couldn't get rid of the impression that I might be walking across a minefield. Lucas was waiting at the same bench we spent so many memories on when I got to the park. As I got closer, he got up with a look that combined relief with anxiety. Hey, he murmured, running a hand over his hair. "Thanks for coming.." Of sure, I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "What's on your mind?." He inhaled deeply and momentarily looked down at the ground. "I wanted to straighten the record on Jess and what's been happening." My heart thumping, I nodded as I watched him go. "Ok." "I didn't think she would be back that quickly. We had been informally dating for some time, but I thought we were on the same page," he said with sincere voice. All changed when you returned into my life. I came to see that my emotions for you went farther than I had thought. His comments sent forth a flood of feelings. Though there was a disturbing undercurrent, it was what I had hoped to hear. But about Jess, what about it? She obviously loves you, I murmured with a slightly faltering voice. She does, he said, his expression contradictory. Still, with you it is different. You give me life and the sensation of being really myself. It seemed safe but not real with Jess. " Safe? I kept repeating, hurt and angry at the same time. You are so implying that you were merely accommodating her? "No, that's not what I meant," he said rapidly, approaching. I wanted neither of you to suffer. I felt I could keep things laid back while I worked out what I wanted. But you didn't, I shouted, rage bursting forth. "Now she's here and it feels like I'm vying for your attention." Looking really hurt, Lucas ran a hand over his hair. "Mia, I never meant for you to feel like you were competing. You are desired. I simply have to work out how to manage this without damaging anyone. We were disturbed just then by laughter. Children were playing nearby, their happiness reminding me of simpler, free from complications times. Wanting to believe Lucas, I switched my attention back to him yet felt the weight of the circumstances. "What if Jess forbids your leaving?" Quietly, with doubt weighing heavily in my heart, I asked. "What if she rallies for you?" With a quiet, sincere voice, he replied, "I want not to hurt her but I can't deny what I feel for you." "I have to tell you both straight forwardly. I want to keep you and I'm not at navigating this. His comments shocked me and made me feel hopeful, yet doubt still loomed in the background. "What then ought we to do now?" Sensual vulnerability drove me to inquire. "Let's walk one step at a time," he said. "I would want to investigate this link with you. I will explain everything to Jess. I will tell her straight out how I feel. His eyes' genuineness was horrifying as much as consoling. And what should happen if she finds it difficult? My voice quivering somewhat, I asked. "What if she steps in between us?" Stepping forward, he reassured me, "I won't let that happen." You mean far too much to Mia. I want to fight for you. I experienced both exhilaration and anxiety as the words hung between us. Though it seemed unstable, like perched on the brink of a precipice, this was the moment I had been waiting for. My phone buzzed once more right at that. I looked down to read my mother's note. Mom: Could you please come home? Mia I have to talk to you about something really crucial. A tide of discomfort swept over me. As I considered what else might be happening, my heart accelerated. I said, grabbing out my phone, "I have to check this." Lucas watched me, sympathy written in his features. "Is everything okay??" I hesitated, my head whirling with alternatives. "I guess so, but my mother looks concerned. She wanted to discuss with me. "Do you want me to join you?" He made a soft offer with his tone. "No, I think it's something I need to handle on my own," I said, although the idea of confronting my mother alone made me uneasy. But I will keep you informed. He stepped back and said, "Okay." Just know I'm here for you, regardless of what transpires. I kept feeling as though everything was whirling as I headed home. While the confusion about my mother's message tore at my head, the weight of the chat with Lucas loomed big in my heart. My mother was seated at the kitchen table with firmly closed hands when I got home. She looked up as I came in, her face austere. Her voice quivering slightly, Mia replied, "Thanks for coming home." "I wanted to discuss something really crucial with you. Anxiety swimming in my gut, I sat across from her. Mom, what is it? She inhaled deeply and peered at me. "It concerns my health. Since our most recent chat, I have been quite reflective. "Okay...?," asked I asked, feeling her comments weight down on me. Her voice calm, she replied, "I've decided to follow with the new therapy." "But it will be a major financial and emotional commitment as well. Though I need your help, I do not want to burden you. Mom, you will not be a burden. We will work this out together, I said, driven by a surge of will. "You're my family, and I'll do whatever it takes to help." Tears welling in her eyes, she nodded. "Thanks, sweetheart." For me, that translates to the world. Simply said, I want to ensure we have a strategy in place. "Let's sit down and go over everything," I murmured, my head whirling with ideas. "We can discuss with Dad together what choices we have." I could sense our link getting stronger as we talked about the logistics of her treatment. Families were about helping one another through good times and bad. My phone buzzed once again at just that, breaking off our discussion. I looked down to find Lucas's latest note. Lucas is: I spoke with Jess just now. It went not quite as planned. Should we get together once more? The idea of the encounter sank me. The what had happened? Said what? Me: From what you mean? What went wrong? Lucas: She is quite irate. She will, I believe, fight for us. His comments have the weight of tons of bricks. Anxiety coursed over me as my heart accelerated. Twist: The front door opened as I was ready to reply, and David entered looking gravely. "Mia, we need to talk." My stomach sank and I felt a surge of anxiety from the abrupt interruption. Today, what else might occur?