Hard of Desire

Chapter 12

"So, what do you want to have for dinner?" He asked me once we're in the car again.

I never realized how hungry I am until he asked me that. I was famished but my pride and ego are far more valuable to accept his offer to let me choose the dinner. Or even to let him know that I am wretchedly starving right now.

"I am not hungry" I lied smoothly through my teeth and at the same time, my body decided to betray me. My stomach growled loudly. I looked down, embarrassed because I knew that he heard that. Why does fate always make me face awkward situations?

"Well, your body certainly is hungry" He commented lightly, starting the engine. I chose to remain silent, staring forward, ignoring him. I clutched my stomach discreetly with my hand as if it won't allow the dinosaur screeches to escape from it.

"You want to play twenty questions?" He asked me randomly when I didn't say anything after a few minutes. That actually took me by surprise and I let my guard down, wavering it a little.

"You didn't seem like you enjoy that type of game" I blurted out without thinking, turning my face to look at him.

"Really? What do seem like then?" He asked, tightening his hand on the steering wheel.

I bit my lip and pretended to think for a few seconds, "Someone who spends a lot of time in front of the laptop," I said, smiling smugly.

To my utter surprise, Declan threw his head back and laughed for a few seconds. I had to admit that he looked attractive when he did that, "That's true" "But, this game is a great way to get to know each other" He said, looking at the road, composing himself.

"Declan, people supposed to get to know each other and then only get married," I said emphasizing his name a little harder, "Not the other way around" I grunted, crossing my hands against my chest.

"You want to play or not?" He asked, getting impatient.

"I think," I said putting a finger under my chin and pretended to think hard about it again, "It wouldn't hurt me if I play this game. But, you probably know everything about me" I looked at him, knowingly.

"Why?" He asked. I noticed that he say this word more than any other word.

"What?" I asked him, confused.

"Why do you think that I know everything about you?" He asked me, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

"Just because" I whipped my head to the window, staring outside as the trees whizzed by us. "It's an intuition" I added grimly.

You probably stalk me, Declan.

"I'll start," He said under his breath, "What's your favorite movie?" He asked randomly, taking a right.

I didn't even hesitate for even a second, "White Chicks. What about you?" I asked him, turning to stare at his beautiful face in interest.

"What if I say, I do not like to watch movies," He said, looking slightly uncomfortable. It's understandable. He is someone who has a lot of responsibilities. He runs his own company so there isn't much time for him to sit down and relax. Just like my father.

"I wonder why I am not surprised" I mused, "What about your hobbies?" I asked a little curious to learn new things about him.

"Never had enough time for that" He shrugged, "But you have a lot of books and art tools in your house. I thought you might be into reading or painting" I said, wondering who paints at his house.

Declan cleared his throat, "That is actually for you" He said gripping the steering so hard that I started to worry that he might break it, "I remember that you like to read and paint from our younger days. So I thought I'd give a space for you to enjoy yourself" He told me, once again looking a little uncomfortable.

"That's really thoughtful of you, thanks," I said, genuinely grateful. Never in my life, someone has been this observant about me. It somehow made me feel a little special.

It somehow made a brick fall from the wall I have built around myself.

The car stopped moving, "We're here" He said killing the engine, "I asked my maids to make some dinner for us" He informed me, and once again, my stomach rumbled at the mention of food.

"Okay" I nodded, stepping out of the car. I felt my face flush hotly in embarrassment as I rushed into the house.

Dinner was not as bad as I thought it will be. We ate in silence, savoring the food without any interruptions. I had plenty of food, ignoring the constant looks Declan threw my way as if he is checking if I am happy with the food or not.

Again, it made me feel a little giddy. I wouldn't lie to myself about that but still, I am very uncertain about him. Also, I can't let myself be happy. I do not deserve that.

When we finished, Declan led me to his room and I felt myself getting nervous at the thought of being in his room with him, "So, about our sleeping arrangements" I started feeling my cheeks flush a little. I looked at the wall behind him and waited patiently for him to say something.

"I hope you're okay with this," He said, walking to the door that was locked earlier.

He pushed it open and I made my way to look at the room. It's fairly a small room with a queen-sized bed and a small table with a small lamp sitting on it. The room was painted in cream color, it had no windows or TV. Just the bed, the table, the air conditioner, and a fan.

He made sure that I can only use this room to sleep or to rest. If I want to watch TV or something I had to come out of the room. I noticed that the room didn't even have a plug point to charge my phone.

"But you have to share a bathroom with me," He said.  I also noticed that the bag that I had packed was resting on his bed.

I tried not to look disappointed. Surely sharing a bathroom wouldn't be as bad as I thought. Maybe a little awkward but I guess I'll live with that. He is kind enough to let me sleep alone so I will be kind enough to accept what he provided for me without complaints.

"This will be okay" I nodded my head in approval as I looked around the mini room, "Thanks" I finally looked at him and gave him a polite smile.

"You can use my study table if you're going to do assignments or something" Declan offered and I eyed the study table.

"Sure" I agreed, looking at him. Declan gave me a small smile, seeming satisfied with my answer. A moment of silence engulfed us.

"Ah, I almost forgot," He said, "You can't lock this room. Only I will be able to lock and unlock this room" He said and I froze on the spot. Not liking that idea at all, "Security reasons" He added with a smirk.

Two bricks added to the wall of my heart right now. Well, I do not plan to let him in any way.

"Fine" I gritted my teeth, clenching my fists knowing full well it's not about security reasons at all.

I ignored the raging fury that is starting to bubble up in me and pretended to glance at the wristwatch, "I guess I'll retire for the day" I said, "Okay, I will be here if you need anything" He said, loosening his tie.

I moved my small bag into the other room and hummed to myself as stepped into the walk-in closet and took a set of pajamas along with a towel. I took a  quick shower and got dressed in the bathroom. I towel dried my hair and walking past him as he typed something on his laptop.

He cleared his throat suddenly, grabbing my attention, "Hanna, I hope you know that this room is only a temporary room for you" He said and I stopped where I was but I didn't turn around, "I expect you to be comfortable with sharing a bed with as soon as possible because I have someone else in mind for this room" He said and once again, I felt fury bubble up inside of me.

"And who that might be?" I asked through my teeth. My tone was hostile. Rude. But I didn't care at the moment.

"Our future baby"

I turned around slowly and advanced towards him. He watched me in interest, sitting back lazily on the chair. When I reached him, I crouched to his level and lightly tugged the tie that was still hanging loosely around his neck. I watched his eyes widen in surprise when I pulled him closer to me.

I put my lips an inch away from his right ear and felt him stiffen up a little, "Keep on dreaming" I whispered in his ears and walked away.

I let myself take a glance at him, just to see his reaction. Declan stared at me with his mouth hanging wide open. Stunned and shocked for once. I turned my head away from him to hide a sly satisfied smile that was beginning to form on my lips. I made my way straight to the room and shutting the door behind me with unnecessary force.

I shut my eyes and breathed through my mouth, trying to calm my racing heart as I flopped on the bed. How am I going to survive here if he behaves like that?

I reached to the phone that was thrown on the bed by me before I took a shower. and debated to me if I should call Aishah or not. Deciding that I indeed need a distraction, I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up the phone.

"Hans, aren't you supposed to be really busy with your husband now?"  I heard her ask suggestively from the other end, unknowingly adding fuel to the fire.

I face-palmed myself. Aishah sure knows what to say to piss me off even more if that's possible.

"Aishah, are you really my best friend?" I groaned out, not hiding my distaste.

There were a few seconds of silence, "What happened?" Aishah asked, worriedly.

I hesitated for a few seconds and took a deep breath, "Nothing" I lied easily, "Can we go for a breakfast date tomorrow?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Sure" She agreed happily without missing a beat, "I will pick you up, my mother is not working tomorrow so the car will be available" She offered.

"Okay, thanks," I said, glad that she provided transportation for me since I do not have my car or chauffeur here with me.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, concern thick in her voice.

"Yeah, it is,"  I said, ending the call and tossing my phone on the bed. If I stay on the line even a second more than that, I am sure that I will be a big cry baby.

Hopefully, everything will be alright just the way I lied to Aishah for real. After all, it's just day one for me. I am sure it will get better as time goes on. Or maybe, I will learn to accept it for what it is and live with it.

Either way, I had a feeling that Declan is going to be in my life for a very long time.

I unpacked my stuff and realized that I didn't bring my laptop with me. I made a mental note to retrieve them tomorrow when I go out with Aishah.

I took the picture that I treasured the most and sighed. Clutching gently it to my chest, I made my way to the bed and put it under the pillow and patting the pillow, satisfied with the spot I chose. With another sad sigh, I got under the covers and tried to sleep.

Unfortunately, sleep wouldn't find me that easily. I tossed and turned. I trashed around the bed but still, I wasn't feeling sleepy at all. Maybe I couldn't sleep because this place is new to me. I decided to drink a glass of warm milk to induce some quality sleep. That worked back home and I hoped it will here too.

I got out of my bed and reluctantly made my way to the door. I stood there for a minute or two, debating internally if I should go back to the bed or if I should go downstairs for a glass of milk. Before I could chicken out from my own decision, I pulled the door open and stepped outside.

Declan was typing something in his laptop and he paused whatever he was typing to look at me with his eyebrows raised in question.

I quickly looked down in embarrassment, " Um, I couldn't sleep" I said, feeling uncomfortable to look at him after my dramatic bold show just now, " I am going to get a glass of milk" I added, my eyes wandering everywhere around the room but him.

" Okay" I heard him say in his velvet voice, " Do you want me to have a maid bring it up to you?" He asked.

"No" I shook my head quickly, "I'll get it myself," I said, still looking down at my feet.

"Okay" I heard him say and I literally broke into a sprint to get out of his room.

Once I was outside, I released a breath that I didn't realize that I was holding and went down the stairs to the kitchen. I couldn't find any maids around so I assumed that they are retired for the night and I glad about my decision to come down myself rather than to disturb a maid to come up. I heated up the milk I found in the fridge and drank it before making my way to the living room.

I didn't feel like going up right now as Declan was still awake and I couldn't handle another awkward situation for the day. So I thought I could kill some time in the living room. I laid on the sofa and pulled my legs closer to me, curling into a small ball. Shutting my eyes close, I made myself comfortable against the sofa. I'll just take a small power nap here and once I wake up, I would go upstairs to Declan's room.