The Lonely Luna

Whats next?

*Matthew*

The Alpha meeting came to an end. It went well but all too quick in my opinion. What now? I have another mate but once again... she didn't even want to look at me. Is this one going to reject me, too? 

I watch as the beautiful Amorah leaves the room along with the rest of the clan, all the Alpha's leaving at the same time and leaving just Ava, Michael, James, and I in the room. I want to follow her so bad, but I'm afraid. What if she's going to reject me? If that's the plan, I don't want to know yet. How does one survive not only losing one mate, but two? 

I hear Ava clear her throat and glance up, catching her smirking at me. "So, Matthew is there something you want to share with the class?" 

I look at her wide eyed.. is she talking about what I think she's talking about?.. but how would she know? 

Michael looks at her curiously as well. "What are you talking about, baby? Did I miss something?" 

James chimes in next "Apparently we all missed something because I don't have a clue what she's talking about either."

Ava laughs, shaking her head at me and clearly enjoying herself for a moment... at my expense. "Come on guys, how did you miss that?" 

James and Michael look at each other, both still definitely confused. "Well Ava..." James says "we can't all be as insightful as you. We can't pick up on vibes and read auras" 

Ava laughs again "You don't have to read auras to be able to pick up on all the s****l tension in the room." 

I feel my face flush as both of my brothers turn towards me, their eyebrows raised and almost identical facial expressions on their face. I shrug before standing up "I don't have a clue what she's talking about" I mutter, before starting to leave the room. 

"If you say so, Matthew." Ava yells behind me with a giggle. 

She's lucky I genuinely like her annoying ass, even if I don't right this second. I shake my head to myself. Who told my brothers to find their mates any how? My parents might be thrilled to have daughters now but I never wanted any damn sisters... and now I know why. 

I start down the hall, coming to a standstill as I pick up on the delicious scent of Cherry pie and realize that Amorah is still here. My face flushes and I start feeling nervous, not sure what to say or how to react when I see her. I hesitate, thinking maybe I shouldn't go any further but quickly coming to the conclusion that hiding in the hallway won't save me as I hear the bathroom door open and see my mate's beautiful face. 

*Amorah*

I rush from the room after the meeting, trying to get away from my mate. I just don't know what to say... what to do, in this situation. What does a person do when faced with their second chance mate...? knowing they still love their first? Still feel the weight of that loss every day? The guilt?

I stop to use the restroom, doing my business, and washing my hands, knowing that it's likely I'll run into him afterwards. I'm not trying to avoid him altogether. I just need a minute to myself first. I don't even know what to think at this point, much less what to do. 

I look at myself in the mirror, splashing a little bit of water on my face, before drying my hands. I take a deep breath and open the door, with the sweet smell of gooey chocolate chip cookies and mint hitting me in the face a moment later. 

I breath the scent in.... it's so intoxicating. I close my eyes, feeling his scent spread through me, leaving a feeling of calm in its place. But that calm and peaceful feeling disappears, replaced by a tingling sensation as I look up and meet his eyes. He's standing there staring at me, looking just as dumb founded as I feel. 

"Amorah" he breaths out, taking a step closer and reaching a hand out. 

I automatically take a step back, staying just out of his reach "Matthew...."

"Don't reject me, Amorah. I understand if your not ready.... if you need some time, but just think about it, ok?" he pleads softly, looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I can see the hurt swirling in them and it makes me feel so bad but I can't help it. I'm not ready, not yet. I don't know if I ever will be. To love is to hurt... to put your heart on the line and trust that the person you love, or the Goddess above, won't do anything to crush it. My heart has already been crushed once and hasn't recovered. I don't know if I can put it at risk a second time... but the temptation is strong. I shake my head, trying to distance myself. His scent is driving my senses wild, making want to forget it all and just jump in his arms. I can't do that though. I don't want to play with his heart or my own. 

"I just need some time to think..." I choke out, turning sideways and rushing the rest of the way down the hallway. 

"I can show you out, Luna Amorah" I hear the she-wolf Beth call out but I rush past her too, not even acknowledging her words. I need to get outside. The air around me feels as though it's closing in, suffocating me. I head for the pack house door, stepping outside and greedily sucking in some fresh air... air that's not swirling with the scent of chocolate chips and mint. I take a few deep breaths, feeling my senses slowly coming back to me, before I walk down the steps, heading for my vehicle quickly. 

I just need to think. I need time. I need... something... 

*Matthew*

I watch the back of my mate as she rushes down the hall... she can't get away from me quick enough. The thought sends a sharp pain through my chest and I just want to drop to my knees and howl. I can already tell that this time will be worse if she decides to reject me. I can feel the mate bond so strongly this time. With Tina it was different... maybe because I was younger, or because I knew from the minute I saw her that she didn't want me.. or who knows? Maybe the whole thing was a mistake. I'm not sure because I know that I felt the mate bond with her, but it wasn't like this. 

During the meeting, I felt so in tune with Amorah... already. I could feel every breath she took, the heat of her gaze on me every time she let herself steal a glance, the tingles spreading through my body every time I so much as looked at her... I already know we could be great together if only she decides to give us that chance. 

"I'm sorry" I hear Ava whisper behind me. Her voice is low, super low, but I hear her. 

I turn around, not even trying to hide the truth from her "Sorry for what? You didn't do anything." 

"I'm sorry for putting you on the spot... for not seeing the situation for what it is... for taking things too lightly." Ava replies, coming over and laying her hand on my cheek. 

I chuckle, trying to find some source of humor in the situation. "You did see it... when no one else in the room did."

She smiles gently. "I picked up on the hidden glances, the heat... tension... I figured out that you two were mates, but now I see it all... the pain, the sadness... the hurt coming from both of you. She carries pain from her first mate... pain and a lot of guilt... and I'm not sure where yours comes from... maybe one day you'll tell me, but regardless I can feel it. I can feel your pain too" She stops, placing her hand over my heart "but I feel as though things will work out the way they should in the end. You and Amorah were brought together for a reason and it wasn't to bring each other more pain. It was to heal each other's broken hearts. Just give her some time Matthew, give yourself some time, and trust in the Moon Goddess' plan. She won't steer you wrong." 

I shake my head, wrapping my arms around Ava and pulling her close. Maybe having an annoying sister won't be so bad, after all. Especially one as wise as Ava is. She may be young but her soul is so very old. Old and wise. "How did you get to be so smart?" 

Ava laughs as she hugs me back "I don't know. I guess it came with age." 

"You say that like your 500 years old. If age brought wisdom then technically I'd be smarter then you, and I'm definitely not." I reply, refuting her logic. 

"I forget that I am actually older then you, even if it's only by a few months." Ava says. She still has her arms wrapped around me but leans back a little bit, looking up and meeting my eyes. "I've started to think of myself as an annoying little sister but James is the only one older then me other then my mate"

I smirk down at her "Well, at least you got the annoying part right" 

Ava laughs, starting to respond back when a light growl echoes through the hall. I don't even have to look to know who it is. Ava turns her head, narrowing her eyes into a glare before giving me a squeeze, and stepping away. 

"Why is it that I get growled at every time I hug one of my brothers?" She asks, crossing her arms "You don't trust me?" 

Michael's face flushes a little bit "Of course I trust you, but I still don't like to see anyone touching you regardless, brother or not... my wolf doesn't care." he shrugs "take it up with him." 

"Oh, I definitely will" she replies, pulling his shirt and making him lean down for a kiss. He kisses her softly and then smiles as she continues "but I'm definitely going to take it up with his human, too. The human who better get his wolf under control." 

He rubs his nose against hers "If it were that easy, it wouldn't be an issue." 

Usually it bothers me a little bit when I see my brothers being affectionate with their mates. I hate to say that and I know it sounds bad. I wish my brothers all the happiness in the world. I really do. They deserve it... but I long for that same happiness as well. 

This time though it doesn't hurt as bad. Maybe because I've found Amorah... things are far from perfect and I have no clue how the future will go but she didn't reject me. I'm just going to hold on to that for now and hope for the best... try to be patient and see what the future brings... for now, anyways. 

"I want our mate" my wolf Deacon growls in my head. 

"We both do, but this isn't something we can rush. It's going to take time... and I guess we need to take Ava's advice and trust in the Moon Goddess' plan." I respond, smiling at my brothers and shaking my head as I walk away. I lift my hand in a half hearted wave, letting them know I'm leaving. 

I need to retreat to my room. Spend some time getting myself and my mind together. Getting ready for my mate. When she's ready for me... I'll make sure I'm ready for her, too.