Dear Diary, I Think I'm In Love

No Homecoming For Me

Dear Diary,

I’ve always looked forward to our visits at the countryside, where my grandparents lived. They owned a tiny farm, just big enough for their own needs. Since grandpa was gone, it hasn’t been the same, going there. The carefree feeling of that place got bittersweet.

I feel bad about missing homecoming, especially now that I … Well, now that I have a boyfriend, if I may call him that way. But it’s all good. We still have the Winter Ball. And prom, if this turns out to be something more.

I can’t believe my brother, though. Cassie Wagner. Ugh. Why her out of all the girls he could pick? They’re practically standing in a line for him, and he decides to date her! I’m mad because this means she might start spending more time at our house again. And I just can’t with that.

Wow, my diary shenanigans are getting pretty lengthy. That was unexpected.

Aiden luckily keeps his word and doesn’t say a word to mom. He knows that I have leverage over him now. And he’s mad about it. Especially because one of his friends outed him.

However, this comes with disastrous consequences. Now that he doesn’t have to be hiding in front of me, he’s dating Cassie openly. They stroll along the hallways, holding hands. Making me want to barf. Making Leslie roll her eyes so far back, that she’s probably able to see her brain.

It makes me do the same thing with Eric openly, just to spite my brother. His mood sours every time he sees us together. But I really don’t care what he thinks. If he can’t date Cassie discretely, than I sure as hell won’t hold back with Eric.

He asks me to be his girlfriend, officially, about a week after our first date. The one that was so disastrously interrupted by my brother, of course. When I told Leslie about it, she said, I quote, “all I’m missing is popcorn”.

She’s actually more bothered by my brother, dating Cassie, than I am. But we don’t get the chance to talk as much, now that Eric sits with us a lot. I’m not sure if she’s bothered by that or not. She’s telling me that she isn’t, but I’m not sure I believe her.

As I’m still partially grounded, with my dad softening my mom to the extent he always does, I can’t exactly push her buttons. Not by coming home from school late, without her knowing where I was and what I was doing.

I have a feeling that she’s suspecting something’s going on, but she doesn’t say anything. At least until she announces that we’ll be heading to grandma’s for homecoming weekend. Which makes me burst out.

“But it’s homecoming! Can’t we go the week before or the one after?” I protest. Eric hasn’t asked me anything yet, but I was already imagining us going together. I was already daydreaming about going shopping for the perfect homecoming dress. With my best friend, of course.

“It’s the only weekend your dad is free. You still have two dances this year, maybe even three if the school board manages to get enough funds with your sales,” my mom informs me in a bored tone as she’s putting pasta into the boiling water.

“This is the first dance of the year! I can’t just not go, I’m a junior! I’ll never get my junior homecoming back!” I keep protesting, making my mom turn towards me with her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

As she raises her eyebrow (you know, the way Aiden does it), I practically lose it. I hate it when they do that. “What are you trying to say here? Is there something I don’t know?” she wonders in a completely causal way, but her voice is hiding an investigative tone. It makes me realize that I’m entering a dangerous zone, so I stop protesting that much.

“No, I just … I promised Leslie we’d go together, since neither of us has a date,” I lie, hoping that she doesn’t realize it. Well, I’m not exactly lying. I did tell my best friend that we’d go to homecoming together, but that was before I got together with Eric.

My mom stares at me for a moment, then suggests: “Tell Leslie to come with us then. What is that poor girl going to do at a dance alone, anyway?”

I’m so shaken by her obvious solution, that I can’t do anything else but nod and pretend to be excited. I rush to my room, to call my best friend, but I’m not exactly excited. Well, if my best friend comes with me, at least I won’t have to hang out with the boys all the time.

My best friend is excited as she hears about my mom’s proposition, but I can barely hide how bummed I am, that I won’t be attending homecoming. I don’t know how to break the news to Eric, though. He hasn’t exactly asked me to the dance yet, and I’d feel stupid, just telling him that I’m not going. I really don’t want him to say he didn’t mean to go anyway. Ugh, what do I do?

Luckily, my boyfriend saves that dilemma for me on Monday morning. He draws a smile on my face as I close my locker and see him leaning against the one behind mine. “Hey there,” I greet him, already snaking my hands around his neck.

“Hey, beautiful,” he greets me back, pulling me closer to plant a few soft kisses on my lips. I open my eyes a little sooner than he does, because I feel like someone’s watching us. As I notice my brother and Hunter walking down the hallway, I stiffen a little.

My brother is glaring daggers at Eric’s back, but when I meet Hunter’s gaze, I’m not prepared for the intensity it hits me with. He doesn’t seem exactly pleased, seeing the two of us together. He doesn’t look away, so I do. I try to ignore them, but Aiden can’t walk past us without throwing a remark our way. “No tongue, Schmitz, I’m watching you!” he calls out, which makes Eric pull away from my lips to roll his eyes at his friend.

He then looks at me, smiling, swinging his arm around my shoulders as he leads me away from the lockers. “Don’t worry about him. He’s just sour, because he can’t ask Cassie to homecoming,” he remarks. I freeze at the mention of that. As Eric looks down at me, realization crosses his face. “Crap. Don’t tell me you’re not coming either.”

I shake my head slowly, making him look really bummed. “No, sorry, Eric. We’re all going to my grandma’s that weekend … I meant to tell you, but you didn’t really mention homecoming, so I didn’t want to push you into … You know,” I tell him awkwardly, still not knowing how to approach the topic.

Eric offers me a sad smile. “Well, I … I was about to ask you today, but now that my brain started to function, I guess it wouldn’t make much sense. Especially since Aiden told me he’s out of town,” he says in return, sighing softly. “It’s okay, though, don’t worry about it,” he then adds, like he’s trying to make sure that I don’t feel bad about it.

“I’m really sorry, Eric,” I apologize sincerely, making him plant a kiss on top of my head, while we’re still walking. As he looks at me again, he smiles.

“No worries. I guess you’ll have make it up to me by coming to the Winter Ball as my date,” he remarks cheekily, making me chuckle and nod at the same time.

“I’d love to,” I assure him, feeling happiness spread through me as we share another kiss. I really like him. He’s fun to be around, he’s understanding and he gets on with Leslie, too. He’s such a sweetheart. And it’s so easy, being with him. Why do I sound like I’m convincing myself into something?

Those thoughts make me feel unsure. The sensation anchors itself inside my chest, without me knowing why. It stays there for the whole week. And it doesn’t leave even as I start packing for going to the country.

My mom makes me take one of the nicest dresses I own with me, because we’re supposed to dine out on Saturday. And tells me to get the message to Leslie as well. It would be grandpa’s birthday. And as sad as it will be, she told me that he’d want us to celebrate that day like he was still amongst us.

Her words resulted in waterfalls from my side. Again. I ran off to my room to hide, and luckily she let me be. Instead of her, my dad came up. Shared a long conversation with me. One that I didn’t want to hear.

He told me that I’d be seeing my therapist more often now, because she didn’t see much progress since our first meeting. It wasn’t really much of a conversation from my side, I simply listened to my dad, knowing that I don’t have any say in the matter.

So, from next week on, I have to see the woman three times a week instead of just once. Way to live a normal teenage life. What does normal even mean?

When we get off school on Friday, I use the last chance that I have to see Eric. I wait for him by his locker, before heading towards mine. His face lights up with a gorgeous smile as he notices me, standing there by myself.

He greets me with a warm kiss, which unfortunately doesn’t last very long. Then, he already unlocks his locker to start putting his notebooks in. I watch him in silence, my backpack still feeling heavy on my back.

As he realizes I’m not saying a word, he peeks at me with a slightly worried gaze. “Is something wrong?” he wonders, tilting his head with curiosity. I shake my head immediately. Almost a little too soon. It might seem suspicious to him.

I push the thoughts away, sighing. “I’m just going to miss you,” I tell him, forcing a smile on my face. He doesn’t know about my messed-up mental state. At least that’s what I think. And it’s better this way, really.

He doesn’t see through me, which almost makes me breathe out a sigh of relief. “I’ll miss you too,” he responds, finally closing the locker before placing his hand on my shoulder and giving me another peck on the lips.

I try not to look too disappointed. “Let me just put my stuff away,” I say quickly, having the excuse to turn around and not make him see that. But as my eyes meet another gaze, I almost freeze in my track. Hunter is staring at me so intently, that I find myself gulping nervously.

Before I’m able to start thinking about what that means, he already slams the locker shut, making me flinch in surprise. Then, he leaves without casting another glance my way. “Don’t worry about him. He got in trouble today,” Eric murmurs behind me as he realizes that I’m startled.

I turn my head over my shoulder in surprise. “Really? What did he do?” I ask, hoping that I’m not sounding too interested. It’s just … I can’t get his intense gaze out of my head. Like he’s mad at me. But I don’t recall doing anything to make him angry.

Eric smiles. “I … Well, we were teasing him about girls. That he’s gotten worse … It was stupid, really … We told him that he has a reputation to maintain, if he wants to stay the most eligible bachelor of Hilhi High …” he trails off, scratching the back of his neck like he’s ashamed. “We clearly hit a nerve, because he threw my notebooks off my desk during English … And the teacher made him stay and help clean up the whole classroom after the lesson.”

I stare at him in surprise, suddenly forgetting how to blink. “It must be the video games. He keeps playing them long into the evening with my brother. It’s no wonder he’s cranky,” I remark, trying not to think about Hunter’s former player reputation.

Eric chuckles and I quickly head towards my locker, so I can finally get out of school. The thing is, I said former reputation, because Hunter seemed like he wasn’t even interested in girls this year. While last year … Well, he flirted around a lot. Dated a little less, but the girls he dated were all … Shortly put, stunning. In one aspect or another.

He dated mostly seniors, which was a wonder on its own. Senior girls were known for ignoring younger guys. But with Hunter … He was able to pick from his fan club of senior girls. Maybe he simply liked older girls and didn’t have any left now that he was a senior himself.

I force myself to stop thinking about Hunter, as I turn back to Eric. This is our cue to say goodbye. My mom and dad are waiting outside for us. I really don’t want them to see the two of us together. I wrap my arms around my boyfriend’s neck, kissing him once again. “I’ll see you on Monday,” I whisper and he nods in response, before planting a kiss on my nose.