Once Rejected, Twice Denied.

Chapter Thirteen

BRETT POV:

One sip, two, three, four...

Another bottle finished and thrown into my office bin. My feet drag me to the cupboard where I keep an extra stash of liquor and, with tense fingers, I pull another out and fill my glass. My nostrils fill with the complex smell of a fine quality whiskey.

One sip, two, three, four...

"You know you cannot just drink your problems away, right?"

Ray's voice echoes now from the chair facing my own spot and I roll my eyes. No s**t, Ray!

One sip, two, three, four...

"Please, Brett. Please don't fall into the same pattern as when..."

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY HER NAME, RAY!"

I feel myself seething, but then Ray doesn't look happy herself and is fidgeting with her blouse. Ray knows that speaking about HER is a forbidden topic.

"You know that you need to speak about it, Brett. You have become a shell of yourself. The lost or hidden Alpha is what they call you. You hardly leave your office. You never attend any events. It was like we lost you three years ago, Brett. It feels like you are a ghost walking around here."

I look at my sister with blank eyes. My brother clears his throat now and I shift my gaze to him. When the f**k did he get here?

"Look, Brett, Ray is telling the truth. You are the future Alpha of this pack and, honestly, you hardly ever show your face or get involved from outside these walls. Goddess knows you spend way too much time alone."

"I HELP THIS PACK MORE THAN ALL OF YOU!"

Damon puts his hands up now.

"Now, nobody said you weren't doing good. You are the brains behind the pack, Brett. The way you have cleaned up the rogue situation is amazing. You have freed so many wolves who were captured by the merchant."

"You are incredible, brother."

I look between my two siblings now. Why do I feel a but coming?

"But, you don't show your face. The people need to see you. They need to get a sense that you are one of us. A community. Also, I shouldn't be the one doing all the social things. I am not their future Alpha. YOU are and they need to see your face.Fuck, Brett, you know me better than anyone. You used to hear me speaking about how I want to travel and see the world. I haven't even found my mate because I never leave this pack. All these commitments..."

Damon looks at me now with a slight sadness, or is it disappointment?

"Man, they weigh me down!"

My brother looks dead serious and I feel a pit of guilt open up.

"Damon, I thought you liked running the social side of things. I didn't mean to overwhelm you and Goddess knows I would never get between you and finding your mate."

My sister chips in now.

"AND don't forget dad! He is tired and he and mom deserve their retirement. You were supposed to have your alpha ceremony and take over from him three years ago, but we all know what happened there. He has been understanding, giving you time and waiting."

"We ALL have, Brett."

Silence. My heart rate increases and I take another sip to burn away the memory of that night. Ray looks away now. None of us like that memory. I know I haven't been that present lately, but I thought everyone understood. I feel myself feeling more and more tense.

"It has been really difficult for me."

That is all I say and my siblings look at me with sympathetic eyes. My sister's hazel eyes even have a little glossy look as she nods.

"We know, Brett and we love you so much. Mom and I are so happy that you have found your second chance at love."

A pang of guilty weirdness runs through me, like a cold knife against an even colder heart.

"Brother, I heard what happened today with Tessa."

I shoot my brother a warning glare.

"I never wanted a second chance mate."

"Brett, how can you not see that this is a good thing? Once Tessa settles in a bit better and opens up a little more, I am sure you will both be thankful to the Goddess. I mean you heard her story, right? I could feel you listening in. She was rejected!"

Ray tries to reason with me. Damon is just listening.

"Ray, how do I accept another woman in my bed and into my heart? I already did that once and you saw how it turned out. There isn't enough space for me to let Tessa in when all I can think about it HER."

I emphasize the word HER, as saying the name is too painful.

"BRETT!"

Ray looks mortified, but it's the truth.

"I have already had a mate, Ray. Tessa is a mistake."

"So that is it then? You will never love again? Will you never give this pack a Luna or a future alpha or anything? You will never allow yourself to be happy all because of a tragedy from years ago?"

"Yes."

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF? BRETT, I..."

Damon pulls Ray back down into her seat now and then shakes his head, shooting disappointed glares my way.

"Ray, don't bother yourself trying to convince Brett. Goddess, you know what, Brett? Maybe Tessa was right in what she said. Perhaps she should just call it quits and reject you."

"Damon."

I warn him.

"Nah, you know that Tessa deserves to feel free and make friends in the pack? You don't intend on keeping her because you don't have space in your heart, so why are you denying her the future she could have somewhere else? I am pretty certain that she would find a nice guy in the pack to fall in love with."

"Damon!"

Another warning from me, but the fucker doesn't stop.

"I heard some of the guys speaking about her, actually. She really has the most gorgeous little face and her ass..."

I feel myself starting to bubble with anger. My own brother has been checking out my mate? I feel my wolf growling too in my head.

"Damon, what are you doing?"

Ray looks frantically between me and our brother. Damon doesn't stop though.

"Who knows, perhaps she would like to go on a date with ME!"

Thats it. I flip the table, my eyes dark with rage and my breathing coming up heavy. Ray screams and Damon just stares at me with the most idiotic smirk on his face.

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK ABOUT TESSA LIKE THAT!"

My wolf has taken over. Damon's smile broadens and he has a twinkle in his eye.

"What's wrong, big brother? You don't like the thought of your little mate being romanced by me?"

"SHE IS M-M..."

I strain against the words. Damon won't let it go though.

"Say it, Brett. Free yourself and say it."

My jaw twitches now. He has become serious.

"Say it."

It all feels like too much. My heart takes me back to the frizzy, black hair and the caramel skin and the lyrical laugh of what was. Happy, promising and delightful brown eyes fill my mind and I let go of Damon. This surprises him.

"I can't say it."

My wolf howls with frustration and it feels like a hot iron is sizzling at the gape in my chest. I can't say it. I cannot betray HER. Damon looks at me now as he shakes his head in disappointment. Ray just looks furious.

"I can't believe it."

Ray becomes emotional.

"You would choose a DEAD person OVER YOUR LIVING MATE?"

Fuck. I feel my fists balling.

"YOU WILL REGRET THIS, BRETT! TESSA DOESN"T DESERVE THIS! NOT AFTER EVERYTHING SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH!"

I look away now and feel myself getting choked up. Ray doesn't understand what I am going through or what I am feeling. She doesn't understand how it feels to have everything you have always wanted right in front of you become lost within the flash of an eye.

"She doesn't deserve it. You are right."

I say it softly. Tessa's face comes into my mind now, almost like my wolf is trying its best to convince me to do the right thing. For a brief moment, I want to smile and become lost in her beauty. She has bright, blue eyes that could melt away all the darkness in the world. Goddess, her pink lips are like little cherries just waiting to be bitten. She is pale, but there is a tinge of pink that blushes her cheeks perfectly. But then, just as I feel myself becoming lost in what Tessa could offer, I feel my heart throbbing in pain at the brown-eyed girl staring back at me too.

"But I promised my soul and heart a long time ago."

Ray storms out the room now and Damon stands.

"You are making a mistake, Brett. What happened three years ago is a day that the whole family and pack will always mourn, but time needs to heal and life has to continue. How can the pack or the family move forward when their Alpha is willing to reject a second chance at happiness out of guilt and grief for what was? That isn't fair on us, on the pack, on yourself or on Tessa, big brother. She deserves for you to love her and show her a happy life away from the s**t she knows from her past. The least you could do is try to get to know her. She deserves a chance. She also deserves to know you better and understand you better."

I just stare at Damon now, not offering him any sort of pleasure of a reply or giving away my emotions. Every word he says rings inside me loud and clear, but I know I am a stubborn fucker. My wolf is pushing me to agree with him, to nod or say something, but I won't. My wolf is biased and that's the same reason that I keep him locked in this office and doing work. My happiness lies in a grave not far from here. Any sort of feelings I think I may have for Tessa, any sort of protective stance or guilt is only my wolf. Tessa can't be HER. Tessa will never be HER. It's ironic, really, that the Goddess would punish two people so much in their lifetime. Punish Tessa by giving her a second chance with someone whose soul died three years back and give me someone who is not HER. Yes, the pull wants me to go to her, to look at her, to touch her, to smell her and feel her. Every part of my body responds to the feeling of her gentle eyes looking at me, or the subtle vanilla that floats around my room, or the way she bites at her bottom lip, but then my past comes in to invade any thoughts. I am in my own personal prison cell called my past and I am afraid nothing could ever help me get out.

"You think you are being so righteous by being faithful to her. You think rejecting Tessa is a true testament of your love and your commitment, but to tell you the truth, Brett..."

Damon sighs now and then opens the door. He looks back at me with sad eyes.

"I think Julia would have been really disgusted at how you have chosen to live your life today. She was my best friend before she was your mate and I know that she always held the mate bond to be the most sacred thing in this world. A divine gift from the Moon Goddess is what she called it. She also always believed that life was too short to not live it to the fullest. You are going against everything she ever stood for."

I wince at this. I wince at HER name. Julia. My first mate. A tragic and memory. Damon's words sting like hell and he leaves me grappling in my own stiff silence as he closes the door to my office behind him. I sigh at this. I know Tessa deserves better. I know she is feeling like a piece of s**t because I won't speak to her and I won't let her in, but what does everyone expect? I slump down on my chair now and feel the corners of my eyes becoming wet, but I cough away that feeling. Crying is for the weak.

Tessa or Julia?

I pour another drink.

One sip, two, three, four...