Once Rejected, Twice Denied.

Chapter Fourteen

BRETT POV:

My feet drag across the carpeted floor of the pack house. I guess I have had one too many drinks after that VERY unpleasant conversation with my siblings. UGH! I know I am being an absolute toss of a person to my newly found mate, but can you even blame me? No person should have to go through what I have and now the Moon Goddess just wants me to do what exactly? I can't just forget her. I can't forget Julia. I can't just forget US. Still, Tessa's disappointed blue eyes from the woods bore into my very existence and make me question everything. The way her brow lifted as I finally looked her in the eyes for the first time and the way her cheeks flushed at the very same time is something a man doesn't just forget. Tessa feels my distance from her. She has seen the red dress hanging in what was Julia's closet. The truth is that Julia still lives in so many spaces of that room. She is in the sunflowers that I keep in her vase on the table. She is in the shades that have painted those very walls. Her claw marks are still engraved into the wood of the bedframe where we made love night after night after...

I shake my head.

I am a sick bastard for bringing Tessa into that room. Into a space where she second to someone who lived there, decorated there and shared in so many moments there. f**k. I really have f****d up, haven't I? My hands turn open the knob and I see Tessa sitting on the couch and staring out the window. She has the longest and most stunning blonde hair, which she has draped up into a messy bun. She is in gray sweats and a black tank top with an open hoodie. I try not to focus on how much her curves affect me, but its hard. I swallow down as I move closer and when she looks up at me, I feel myself freezing on the spot. Her aqua blue eyes look dull and empty and her cheeks are stained red. She has been crying, even though she won't show it to me now. I may keep Tessa at an arms length, but then so does she. Something stirs inside of me. My wolf doesn't like her looking like this. Do I like her looking like this? I blink a few times before speaking.

"Tessa, I haven't been very fair to you and I am sorry for that. All of this..."

I point between us and then look away because I know she wouldn't enjoy this conversation.

"It isn't easy for me."

Tessa just looks at me. I can see the wheels turning in her head but I cannot read her emotions. It's in moments like this where her having a wolf would seriously help, because my wolf could try to get some information from her. Finally, Tessa sighs and I see her lip wobble, which gives me more information than I could have asked for. She looks distraught, but then do I blame her? I am supposed to be her mate, but I am sitting here telling her that this s**t isn't coming easily to me.

"It's because I am not your type, isn't it?"

She says it under her breath and my own breathing stops.

"No, Tessa!"

It comes out a little harsh and she winces. f**k. I stare at her now, wide-eyed and absolutely shocked by what she said. Why would she think she isn't my type? Oh right, f*****g Nick. He deserved that punch from me. Sure, I am having a hard time letting Tessa in, but she is very far from being ugly. Yeah, she isn't Julia, but she is also pretty. I gulp away the thought of allowing my eyes to wonder too far down her body. Maybe she is more than pretty? I shake my head.

"You see? You can hardly look at me. Tell me why I should believe you!"

Shit. s**t. s**t.

"Tessa, Nick was being a toss in the mall."

"It isn't only Nick, Brett. It's that red dress too."

I look at her confused now. Does she know about Julia?

"I know a lot of Alpha's pre-buy clothes for their future Luna's, but that dress is two sizes too small for me. Is that what you want in a woman? I don't even eat much, but ..."

My mind wonders off now as Tessa tries to justify her body to me. DOUBLE f**k! She thought that the dress was for her? I could almost laugh out of anger at myself. Tessa knows nothing about me, my past or Julia and she thought the dress was for her. How f*****g stupid could I be? No wonder she didn't want to accept clothes from me. No wonder Nick's comment sent her off the f*****g wall. f**k!

"Tessa, stop..."

I rake my eyes down her body now by accident. Something stirs inside me again and I feel blood rushing down south at the ample curves and womanhood she processes. TRIPLE f**k! I take a few breaths now as I look down at the floor. Tessa deserves to know the truth. She deserves to know that it isn't her. That I am the damaged one who can't let go.

"The dress wasn't for you, Tessa."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Then, w-who..."

I look up now at her bright, blue eyes and, for the first time ever, I wish my past didn't exist and that I didn't have to sit here and have this conversation. I wish it could have just been her. Tessa.

But, that isn't the reality and my heart is closed off. I suck in some air again and look up at her sadly.

"Someone else. Julia."

Silence.

"My mate."

_______________________________________________________

TESSA POV:

I have to blink a few times to try and understand what he is saying. It feels like someone has taken a burning hot piece of silver and has gauged it into my chest. His mate? I AM HIS MATE!

"I d-dont understand. I-I..."

I can hardly find the words. I start breathing in and out deeply and Brett frowns.

"Breathe, Tessa. Breathe."

I try to, but it feels like the same hell with Keith all over again, only this time he isn't banishing me or getting it over and done with. It is like Brett is keeping me on a dangling string as a sort of play thing. Not rejecting me, but denying me any chance at a life or future with him.

"The Moon Goddess has already blessed me with a mate. She was..."

"Everything I am not?"

Brett looks at me now with a guilty sadness. Goddess, this is getting worse and worse. Brett said WAS though and he has been given me as a second chance now, though, so surely this means...

"Julia was the most stunning woman I have ever met."

He flashes another guilty look at me. That stung.

"She was also kind, funny and fearless. She was a warrior in this pack and we grew up together. She went to school here with me, she was friends with all my friends, we had sleep overs with Ray, Damon, Nick and Lili. Her and Ray were sisters before we even mated and then Lili joined that whole mix when she met Nick."

Just great. She was the whole package. I am not funny and I am certainly not fearless. I am wolfless, weak, have no connections and am just a dead weight. This Julia girl was already everything. I swallow down the dry spit in my mouth. I could never be the Luna that Julia was becoming and that is why Brett is so distant towards me. He knows it too.

"What happened to her?"

Is all I manage to say. Brett gets a glazed look in his eyes, so I know this must be a difficult thing for him to speak about.

"It was the night of our mating and Alpha ceremony. We were finally going to become one and begin our leadership of the pack. I was f*****g around with the guys in the woods a few hours before. I had just picked up her red dress from the dry cleaners for the ceremony..."

The red dress that I thought was for me, was actually for Julia this whole time. Another painful twitch ripples over my chest.

"It all happened so fast, Tessa. I was the happiest man alive, but then I heard screams and all hell broke loose. I saw the rogue wolves attacking and I shifted immediately and ran as fast as I could. My father had already killed a few of them and what was supposed to be a beautiful, romantic scene outside looked like something out of a horror film. I accounted for everyone outside. Nick, Lili, my parents, Ray and Damon. Everyone but Julia."

Brett whispers the last part and I feel the immense sadness ripping through him. My own eyes start to gather tears at the tragedy.

"The rogue alpha killed her while she was in the bath. She didn't even see it coming. He left behind a note for me about how he hopes this shows me how serious he is in his threat towards me. I think he wanted me to leave my pack and become feral, join his force and such, but he doesn't realize that he only made my hatred for him stronger. One day I will put an end to his life."

"Brett, I am so sorry, I..."

He looks at me now, his eyes glossy and his face showing no emotion. It makes me stop talking.

"This is why I cannot love again, Tessa."

"But, I..."

"I opened my heart fully to Julia. She was the air I breathe and she still is. She is the sunflowers in this room, the wallpaper on the walls and the scent of my soap in my shower. She is everything in this room. How do I let go of someone who I promised my whole self to? How do I just toss her aside?"

A tear rolls down my cheek now as reality takes over. She is this room. She is his sanctuary. It all becomes very clear to me now and the truth sucks more than I ever could have imagined.

"But then surely you should let me go?"

Brett sucks in a breath as his hands ball up.

"That is the thing, Tessa."

He looks up at me now, his eyes dark and his sadness gone. A shiver runs through me.

"The thought keeps popping up, but the idea of doing it infuriates me and I have no idea why. It is like I have you and Julia sitting on each of my shoulders. Julia, her doe-brown eyes and her afro black hair that bounces as she skillfully fights on the training ground, but then you..."

He stands now and I feel myself solidify. With each step closer to me, his eyes become more and more hypnotizing.

"Your soft, long, blonde hair and your oceanic eyes. The sweet, little way you bite your bottom lip."

He runs his thumb over my lip now and releases its hold from my teeth. Goddess. The tingles from his touch alone make me want to pant in anticipation, but then his words start to sound in my head. I frown at this.

"That isn't fair, Brett. I cannot be compared to your dead mate. We are different women. We are both worthy in our own way."

I stand up now and look around. The whole room feels even more like a prison cell now. It feels worse than the hold in the shed that I used to be thrown into. It's a type of hell where, everywhere I go, I am reminded that I cannot be as good as the mate he once had but lost.

"I cannot stay in this room, Brett."

"Tessa..."

"NO! I won't stay here and I won't allow you to do this to me. You either want me for who I am or you don't. What you have been through is tough and nobody deserves to have such a tragedy, but we all have our demons, Brett, and it is up to us to pave our way forward. By no means am I a perfect person, but I deserve better than this."

He looks shocked now.

"I deserve better than having to live in the shadow of an epic woman who once was."

I walk over to the closet now with watery eyes. This hurts me, but I know I need to be strong. I need to start standing up for myself more, else I will never get what I want from my life.

"Where are you going?"

Brett looks distraught now too.

"I will ask your sister about where to sleep, or I will go join Taz again."

"I didn't mean for you to leave the room."

I look at Brett now.

"I cannot stay here, Brett. I cannot be second. You are either all in or we need to let each other go."

He doesn't say anything now and I zip up my bag. I have such a knot in my stomach and I feel sick with pain. This isn't exactly how I thought being mated would feel, but hey.

"Can we at least maybe get to know each other? Be friends?"

His words sting me. I try to smile through the pain of my mate calling me a friend.

"You tell me, Brett."

Is all I say before closing the door to his room behind me. The last thing I see is his sunflowers.

Julia's sunflowers.