Once Rejected, Twice Denied.

Chapter Nineteen

BRETT POV:

"Brett, what the f**k!"

My whole body stills as I hear Nick coming towards me through the bushes. Amanda stills, her lips still around my c**k and her hair wild from the grip of my hands. This means nothing to me. I am an asshole, but I am also furious. Seeing Tessa here today in Damon's jacket stirred something feral inside of me. I know I told her that I didn't want her, but f**k ME, the last thing I expected was for her to run off and play hookie with my brother. I could kill him, but I would never. It would hurt my family AND ME too much. I didn't mean to be so pissed at Tessa, but surely she knows better than to wear another male's scent on her when she is mated to the future alpha. It is f*****g stupid! I almost lost control when she took the damned coat off and the cold hit her so gently as to make her n*****s rise perfectly from underneath that thin dress of hers. And the way it hugged her body was enough to make me want to poke every person's eyes out at the bonfire. What helped me feel in control, though? Her s****l energy was less painful than the smell of my brother on her. I think he likes her and now I think she likes him back. f**k!

"Get lost, Nick. Seriously?"

Amanda pies up now and Nick starts to laugh angrily.

"Well, well, Amanda..."

I know what Nick is going to say. Amanda has been my play thing for the past few months. A way for me to blow off steam and release the pent up s****l energy inside of me.

"It is embarrassing that you still think Brett will fall in love with you."

Amanda pretends to look hurt now.

"Well, despite everything, he still came back, didn't he? No matter what, Brett couldn't resist and if it weren't for you, we were about to..."

"I wouldn't have f****d you, Amanda. I wouldn't have let it get that far."

I flash her a guilty look now and I can see she looks confused. Amanda is a sweet girl, but it's never been like that for me. I could and never would love her, even if she has always thought she could try get me to. I know it's why she is always there, waiting and hoping for me to one day stop f*****g her and rather make love. The thought of f*****g her sends an ill feeling through me.

"Oh, don't look so surprised. Brett's MATE and YOUR FUTURE LUNA is merely meters away at the bonfire!"

Amanda looks at me now with a "what the actual f**k" expression. She has gone white and her eyes and mouth are both wide open in surprise.

"I didn't..."

She tries to explain herself. She didn't know I had a mate again. She didn't know anything because I was leading her astray and how would she have known? Nick's words make my chest ache a little.

"Of course you didn't. How would you have? But she is here and I don't think she would like to see you OR YOU"

Nick looks at me now with annoyance.

"Standing around naked."

I feel myself getting irritated with how Nick is acting. Honestly, I was just trying to have some fun and forget about all the s**t I have been forced to feel since Tessa came around. Why is Nick being like this?"

"Really, Nick? Since when did you try to get in between me and women?"

"f*****g stop man. Both of you put some clothes on before someone comes here!"

This is the last straw. Who does this guy think he is speaking to?

"I AM YOUR ALPHA!"

Nick's eyes darken now, but just before the anger hits him to reply, I see his eyes shift to the bush. Her smell hits me before I turn to look at her and my eyes shift towards where a very shocked looking Tessa is standing. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and it is like a whirlwind of them coursing through her as her icy eyes take in all of what is happening right now. Shocked blue scans over the area, becoming a deeply sad ocean of deep despair as she sees my pants somewhat down and my shirt unbutonned, but the worst shade for me was the angry storm of blue which came over her expression as she looked at Amanda. It felt like my heart was beating at a million miles an hour. How could I have f*****g done this to someone who has been so innocent, neglected and pure. It is only when she looks back at me with disappointment and emptiness that I feel the blood draining from my body.

"Tessa."

I try to call for her whilst hastily fighting with the zip of these f*****g jeans. Seriously? It is like something snaps in her as she shakes her head and starts to run away. She is heading towards the car park and, to my absolute delight, Ray and Lili are waiting for her. I can hear Ray screaming at me through the mindlink when she sees Tessa heading towards the car and I cut it off. I cant deal with angry sisters now too.

"TESSA!"

I try shout for her again as my feet chase her. I can taste the bitterness and betrayal coming off of her and lingering in the air, as if creating a trail as she runs away from me. Runs AWAY from me. This makes me panic.

"TESSA, I SAID STOP!"

I try to command her now, but she doesn't listen. Earlier she didn't react to my Alpha vibes either. This just makes it f*****g worse. How will I ever get to explain myself? I see her throwing her little self into the car now, but manage to stop the door from closing. I don't care that she tried to slam the door on my fingers. I need to sort this out.

"TESSA, SPEAK TO ME?"

Am I asking or telling? I don't know. She can't even look at me and all I see is trails of black mascara coming down her cheeks. f**k! I know I said I didn't want her, but I don't think she really deserved this from me. I could kick myself. I almost ask her again, but now she looks at me and I almost take a step back from the emptiness in her face.

"I didn't need to see anything, Brett. I felt it all. I felt how you were CHEATING on me. I thought you couldn't let another girl in because of Julia. Thats what you said, right?"

Her sarcastic laugh sends a frightening amount of panic into my chest and I know I have to gulp down what is coming next. I have really pissed her off.

"Now I see it for what ir really is. It isn't women in general. Its just me. You can't let ME in. What is it, huh? I'm not pretty enough for you? I am wolfless and that makes me too weak for you? I am pathetic and shy and washed up?"

My mouth runs dry and I feel myself blinking. Is this really what she thinks? How could she think such things of herself? Of me.

"I may be all of those things, but you know what? At least I am not a cheater..."

The words hit deep and everything starts to become a blur as I feel pain taking over. I am a cheater. I have NEVER cheated on anyone before. She looks utterly disgusted at me. Lili reeks of anger and cannot even turn around. Ray is staring at me with heated eyes. Nick is behind me, but keeping very quiet.

"WHAT THE f**k IS GOING ON HERE?"

My i***t brother runs into the space now and I move my hand to turn around and face him, but this was a stupid move from me because Tessa uses it to close the door on me. She even locks the damned thing!

"TESSA! OPEN THE DOOR!"

I beg now. If she gets away, I fear she may never speak to me again. I see her saying something to Ray and Lili and, just like that, the car starts to drive away with Tessa inside it. I feel myself shaking with emotions.

Anger.

Guilt.

Dissappointment.

Desperation.

Irritation.

All of these a result of my terrible choices. My body starts to shake now as I turn around and I feel my wolf wanting to come out.

"WHOAH! CALM THE f**k DOWN, BROTHER!"

Damon comes closer and grabs my arm.

"SHE WAS WEARING YOUR COAT!"

I know it is shifting the blame, but I look at him now with a furious glare as I battle control with my wolf.

"SHE WAS COLD. THAT WAS IT. NOTHING ELSE!"

I growl at him now and Nick takes my other arm, clearly seeing I am seconds from snapping off my brother's head.

"Brett, you need to calm down."

"SHE DROVE AWAY FROM ME."

Nick looks at me and has an odd mixture of emotions. On one hand, he looks like he is seconds away from rolling his eyes and being like "duh she drove away, i***t", but on the other hand, he looks deeply annoyed. I growl at him too now and this makes him and Damon push me down. Both of them manage to get me to trip onto the floor.

"STOP BEING RIDICULOUS, ALPHA!"

Nick points his finger at me. How dare he!

"NICK, YOU ARE MY BETA AND..."

"NO! SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME! YOU HAVE f****d UP!"

I look at him now and he looks like he is seething. What the f**k? Since when did Nick care about me being an ass? He takes a few breaths to cool down and then looks at me.

"For years I have watched you mope about. It was fine when you used Amanda or Shelly or Tina or..."

He trails off and I feel bitterness in my mouth. Were there that many girls after Julia?

"Ugh, you f*****g get my point! You could use all those girls, but you have a mate now, man! Grow up! You were seconds away from f*****g Amanda against that tree and Tessa was right there. Your PACK was right here. YOUR LUNA!"

Nick spits it out and Damon looks at me now with wide eyes and a serious case of judgement.

"Don't f*****g look at me like that, Damon. You have done worse."

"Whoah, whoa, whoa brother! I am not the mated one here. YOU ARE!"

I look away from the two guys who have had my back since I was little. It has been us three dudes since forever and now they look like they have never been more disgusted.

"What happened to you man? This isn't the Brett I know. The same one who used to speak about his loyalty to whoever he gets mated to and his future Luna. That was a man I looked up to and respected. It was the man that this packed respects. The ALPHA this pack respected."

Nick's words hit me deep and I look up at him now.

"Damon started it with his coat. You cant tell me that you and Ray didn't know what you were doing bringing Tessa here in that dress and in this weather."

I see the small flash of guilt running through him. I thought so! I am going to give Ray a piece of my mind when I get home.

"That is beside the point, man! Look at you! Look what you have become since Julia died. f*****g random girls behind bushes when you have a mate?"

Damon shakes his head as Nick carries on at me.

"You would never have done something like this to Julia."

Damon pipes up quietly now and his words bring about silence. I remember how it was with Julia when we found out we were mated. Every other girl just couldn't compare. It was as if they all disappeared behind everything her. Goddess knows I only had eyes for her, so why am I not feeling this for Tessa? Why is it not...

"You need to let her go, Brett."

I look up at Damon now.

"You need to let Julia go. You have to say goodbye. You didn't come to her funeral. You didn't see us lower her coffin. You didn't say anything to her. You haven't said goodbye to her. You NEED to say goodbye and let her go."

Damon's words hover over me with heaviness. It's true. I didn't have it in me to go to her funeral and I haven't had it in me to go to her grave since. How do I do it? How do I say goodbye to someone who was supposed to be my whole life?

"We have all moved on, Brett. You cannot keep doing this to yourself."

Nick says now and I look up at him. He is wearing sadness.

"Since when did you become pro Tessa?"

"I am not pro anything, Brett, but I don't think treating your mate like a piece of s**t is right either. You need to be a good person and do the right thing. As a friend, but also as your Beta to this pack, you have crossed a line that you need to fix."

With this, him and Damon look at each other and nod.

"You know what you need to do."

That is all Damon says and it's true. As much as I know it's going to suck balls, I do know what needs to be done. They walk away from me now and I feel miniscule and small. I wish someone would come with me, but then I also know this is something I need to do alone. Goddess, how do I even start to walk in the right direction? I stand up with heavy feet and close my eyes.

One step, two, three, four, five, six...five-hundred and thirty-two. I stop and take a deep and slow breath in. With shaky hands, I turn the latch on a small, black, iron gate with the words "A Place of Rest" written on it and instantly I feel sadness fill me.

One step, two, three, four, five, six...seventy-four. I stop again, my eyes not wanting to look up as I feel a heaviness in the air. All I can see is the blackness of the marble stone sitting firming on the ground. An ache fills my heart now again and my eyes slowly move up along the edges of a grand tombstone. It is still shiny and, to my surprise, there are flowers sitting neatly in the vase just next to it. I take a deep breath in as the stillness fills me and I place my hand on the cold stone where she lays.

"Hey, Julia..."

A tear rolls down my cheek.