Once Rejected, Twice Denied.

Chapter Twenty

BRETT POV:

"Hey, Julia."

A tear rolls down my cheek as I rub my hand along her name. The stone feels cold and honestly, and so does the rest of me. I blink a few times at the stone. This feels very awkward.

"I'm really sorry I haven't come to visit you since all that time ago..."

I close my eyes now and take a deep breath in. What do I say? How do I explain my absence? I have been a coward. I feel a gentle breeze push against my skin.

"It's good to see you, Brett."

The air gets taken out of me as I hear a voice I have not heard in three years. My fingers shake as I squeeze my eyes shut. Am I hallucinating? Why am I hearing Julia right now? Her soft giggle ripples through the air.

"You aren't hallucinating. I am here."

My eyes snap open and f**k. She is right here. In all her glory, wearing the very same outfit my mother and her mother picked for her to be buried in. Her hair is perfect, her skin shining, her fingers on my arm warm and she looks...well. I look down at the caramel of her skin against my own ivory and frown. No tingles. No bond. Nothing...

"You won't feel the bond with me anymore, Brett. You are no longer mine."

I look up into her brown eyes and to my although my heart aches to be looking into the smile of someone who meant so much to me, I find that I feel...empty.

"H-How are you here? I watched you die."

She smiles at me now and lets go. Goddess, she looks so sad, but also happy at the same time.

"I am dead. I am here in spirit form with the permission of the Moon Goddess herself."

"The Moon Goddess?"

I don't know if I am asking or just saying. She nods gently.

"I have been watching you struggle, Brett."

I meet her concerned gaze and then look away. What exactly does she know?

"It hasn't been particularly easy for me to understand why I lost you. Everything was so perfectly planned out when you were here. It all made sense to me. When you died, it not only hurt like hell, but I watched so many people lose their homes, families and sanity. For months I grappled with it all and you know what I realized?"

Silence.

"I realized it was LOVE that did this to me and to all the people who were left to pick up the pieces of that day. LOVE hurts us. LOVE betrayed us. LOVE took everything we have...everything that I have and it killed it all. If I didn't have LOVE..."

"Brett."

She says my name as a way to interrupt me. Now she looks even sadder. In the past, I would have wanted to sweep her up into my arms. I would have wanted to kiss away her sadness. Now all I can do is look at her and wonder why she looks so morbid. All I can see is a sad girl I once knew and once loved, but no longer do. This thought makes me frown again. No longer?

"Love is not what hurt you. Those rogues are vile creatures that would do anything to rip away at happiness, hope and all things great. What happened was a display of what HATE and ANGER and INSANITY can do, not love. Love was what helped you rebuild the homes of your pack members, build up on warriors and train your pack to fight. Love was what drove you to buy prisoners from the rogues to set them free. Love is what made you jealous today when Tessa wore Damon's coat."

She says the last part softly and my eyes snap to her.

"You saw that?"

She nods now and sighs.

"I have been watching over you and the pack. Believe it or not, but we can look into your world and see what everyone is up to. But, it does mean that we are stuck in limbo a little bit."

"Limbo?"

I ask her confused.

"A sort of in between. A place to wait before you finally find rest and peace. They say when you're ready, the Moon Goddess walks you down this golden path to a life where you can be completely free. I already let my wolf go..."

She trails off now. She sounds so excited and there is a glimmer in her eyes. A guilt glimmer. She side eyes me now.

"Why haven't you gone there then? What are you waiting for?"

"For you to move on. I have, Brett. I have said goodbye, but you..."

It feels like I can't breathe. She has been waiting for my dumb ass and has been denying herself the freedom and pleasure of the afterlife because I have been keeping her in limbo? Now I just feel like a s**t face. I knew I have been bad, but this bad?

"Julia, you should have gone."

"How could I be free knowing my death BROKE you, Brett? It broke you so badly that you cannot see happiness when its literally staring you in your face in the form of one VERY gorgeous, deserving girl with blue eyes and blonde hair."

She seems annoyed here. Julia has always been super sassy. It was what I loved about her, but now? I still feel nothing. I don't know what to say to her now and, honestly, it feels a little awkward to discuss Tessa with Julia.

"I am not your mate anymore, Brett. Feel this."

She grabs my hand and puts it on her chest. I quickly snatch my hand away, feeling nauseous at the sensation.

"See? You can't even touch me anymore."

I frown at her. I used to touch her all the time. It was the best.

"Tessa."

Its all I say and Julia smiles and nods.

"She is yours now. She has your heart."

I shake my head.

"She has nothing of mine, yet."

"Yes, because you wont let her in. Hooking up with other girls behind behind bushes isn't going to help you either, you know?"

"Really, Julia? Can you turn the sass down a notch?"

She rolls her eyes now.

"Brett, you know she affects you more than you are willing to admit. You know how the bond works, especially when you are an Alpha. You are closing the bond because you are strong and you can. You aren't even giving it a chance. Bonds are so sensitive with Alphas and you are suffocating it by denying it. Tessa doesn't even know what's coming for her when you finally decide to open yourself up."

I stare at Julia. I already knew this about myself, but f**k, it is heavy to hear her reminding me. Tessa must be an emotional wreck from how much I have been blocking the bond. Being bonded to an Alpha is something else and I control it with my own emotions. If I say it isn't happening, then it just doesn't happen. Guilt creeps through me now as I realize how f*****g stupid I have been.

"Julia, I feel really s**t that you have been waiting around and watching me make mistake after mistake. I never wanted this for you."

I look up at her now and she is smiling at me. Her fingers lock onto my hands, which are balled up. There is nothing romantic about it. It almost feels like lifelong friends, ones who once had a little something, something that got very intense. Sure, I love her and I always will, but I have realized something now as I look at her and feel her. I am no longer IN LOVE with Julia.

"Brett, we all make mistakes. Even I did. I think you glorified me a little when I died, huh? I mean, I am flattered, but we all know I did some pretty shitty things to you as a mate too."

Her words shock me a little and I remember the MANY times her feisty personality resulted in very heated arguments. She used to always threaten to reject me. At one stage, arguments became a daily thing. We always covered it up with hot s*x. The bond always won, but Julia and I were far from perfect. Choosing love was always what won though. I nod my head and smile at Julia.

"You were perfect in my eyes, Julia. We all miss you so much here."

She gives me a watery smile now, which I return. I have known this girl for my entire life.

"I miss you all too. Goddess knows I would kill for a girls' night out with Ray and Lili again. I see Ray still hasn't found her mate. Nor has Damon."

"They will, though."

"Not while your ass is moping around. Poor Alpha and Luna Henderson. They have all been keeping s**t together for you!"

I lift my eyebrow now at Julia. Seriously, she hasn't changed one bit. Always calling me out on my s**t, except now she can be even worse because we aren't mated. I laugh and shake my head at the little fireball in front of me.

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

I laugh again and she joins in. It feels good.

"I know I haven't been the best. I am ready to be better, I think."

"You think?"

She has a judgemental undertone.

"Fine. I know. I will better."

"Thats a boy! I knew you could do it, Brett."

She pats my shoulder and I smile at her. It is the first time I feel myself smiling in forever. It feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders and like I am finally able to breathe again. I look at Julia now and then back to the tombstone with her name on it. It makes my smile disappear. When I look back at her, I notice her looking a little more down.

"Will I ever see you again?"

She offers me a small smile and shakes her head.

"The Moon Goddess only allows one visit, then I have to go join my wolf."

I nod now at the gravity of this. One moment to say goodbye. One moment to set things right and then it is all over, for good. Julia will officially be gone for good. My eyes start to leak a little and Julia leans forward to wipe away the tears. Again, not romantic and just two good friends.

"Be brave, Brett. Be the man I have always known you to be. The fun, goofy, ridiculously humorous Alpha who is a best friend to everyone. The caring, efficient and courageous Alpha who leads his pack with mighty strength and power. The sexy as hell, loving and passionate Alpha who is a loyal and giving mate."

Another tear escapes and I laugh awkwardly at her words. She is also tearful.

"Thank you, Julia. You always know what to say."

"Just remember, Brett, that you have changed. We all have. The Moon Goddess is never wrong and she gives us who our soul needs. Tessa is what you need now, but we will always be friends."

I laugh again.

"Goddess, this feels like a soppy break-up!"

We both chuckle sadly.

"Look after Ray and Lili for me?"

I nod more seriously now.

"Always."

Julia jumps up from the seated position now and I join her. I can see her pondering over her tombstone. When she looks back at me now, I know it's time to say goodbye. My whole body can sense it, but this time, I don't feel so empty and angry anymore. Sad, yes, because Julia didn't deserve to die, but also at peace, because I know she is with the Moon Goddess and about to be in the after life.

"Well..."

Julia says awkwardly and eyes me sideways.

"Oh, come here, you silly she-wolf!"

I pull her into a big hug, which she laughs at and returns. After a few seconds, I let her go and she smiles at me.

"Say hi to your wolf for me, huh?"

She nods and then turns to walk towards the forest. I watch as her flowing dress sways so realistically in the breeze, as if she were a living person in the world. Just before she reaches the darkness within, she turns to face me one last time with a smile.

"Oh, one more thing, look after Tessa? The Moon Goddess says she is more special than everyone thinks. She will blossom, Brett."

I frown at her words and this just makes her laugh and shrug before finally disappearing into the darkness of the forest. The Moon Goddess says Tessa is special? What does that mean? I stare at where Julia once stood and now it feels so bizarre. Was she even there? I look back at the tombstone and think perhaps I was just going mad. For some reason, I look up at the sky and see a little flashing light. Just then, a new star appears in the night sky and I remember the myth of how our fallen wolves become stars as they cross over the golden bridge. This makes me smile. She is there now. She is free. I place my hand on her stone.

"Goodbye, Julia. Thank you."

I look up at the star as I say it and whether it is true or not, it seems to shine even brighter at my words. This makes me laugh.

I can finally move forward.