TIBC 1 - THE RUGGED KNIGHT

Chapter 14

          RIA felt as if she traveled through time when she stared back at Greg’s eyes. He has that look, that same look that he has the night she gave herself to him. Iyong ekspresyon na nagpipigil na hindi. At nang iipit nito ang buhok niya sa tainga niya ay hindi niya naiwasang makaramdam ng antisipasyon sa maaring mangyari.

He used to do that when they were together. In fact, he used to tell her how he loves her hair. Kaya nga kahit kailan ay hindi niya iyon pinaiksian. She resisted the urge to close her eyes when his hand accidentally touched her cheek. She felt as if he was going to kiss her.

Instead, he stood up and casually walked away from her. Namulsa ito. "Next time, tie your hair. Nakakasagabal sa trabaho ang mahabang buhok,” pormal na sabi nito.

          Manghang napatingin siya rito. How could he say that? He used to love her hair! Bahagya siyang napaatras nang muli itong humarap sa kanya. “Then if that's all ay puwede ka na ring umuwi," pormal pa ring na sabi nito.

Awtomatiko siyang napaderetso ng tayo. Nakaramdam siya ng pagkapahiya sa sarili.  What was she thinking, anticipating a kiss from him? Nayakap niya ang mga papel sa harap ng dibdib niya.

So that's it. He was dismissing her like one of his employees. Kahit alam niyang ganoon naman talaga ang mangyayari ay hindi pa rin niya maiwasang masaktan. Ngunit sa tuwing naiisip niya na ang sakit na nararamdaman  niya sa mga oras na iyon ay walang wala sa sakit na naranasan nito noon nang dahil sa kanya ay hindi niya magawang magalit o maghinanakit dito. She watched him walk casually on the window. Hinawi nito ang blinds. Napakadilim na pala sa labas. Pagkuwa'y lumingon ito sa kanya, his face devoid of any emotions.

"What? May sasabihin ka pa ba at hindi ka pa umaalis?" tanong nito sa kanya.

She took a deep breath and looked straight at him.  It is fine with her to be hurt by him, as long as she could stay beside him like this. Kasi, sa loob ng maraming taon ay hindi ito nawala sa isip niya. Dahil makalipas ang sampung taong pagsubok niyang mabuhay ng wala ito ay hindi niya nagawa. Dahil ito lamang ang minahal niya. That's why she decided to stop running away. Because she wanted to tell him the things she was not able to say to him before.  Ang siya noon ay hindi kayang sabihin iyon dito. But now, she believed she's stronger that she was before.

"Yes I have," matatag na sabi niya.

His brow raised in inquiry. "What?"

Muli ay huminga siya ng malalim bago nagsalita. "You founded Future Hope right? Why? I mean, it's not one of your plans right?" tanong niya.

Greg stared intently at her. For a moment, she saw bitterness on his eyes. Ngunit nawala rin iyon pagdaka. Then he answered quietly.  "Not everything happens just because we planned it. Me for example had so many plans before that will no longer happen now," puno ng pait na sabi nito. Hindi siya nakasagot.

 Pagkuwa'y nagkibit balikat ito. "And to answer your question regarding Future Hope, the answer is simple. Because I don’t want those children to be treated like trash just because of their social status. I want to give them a bright future where they will be treated properly. You know what I mean?"

Saglit na hindi nakaimik si Ria. Pagkuwa'y huminga ng malalim dahil biglang nanikip ang dibdib niya. "Greg, I'm sorry for everything that happened," mahinang sabi niya.

Tumiim ang pagkakatingin nito sa kanya. Pagkuwa'y nakita niya ang pagtiim ng mga bagang nito. If it's in controlled fury or not she wasn’t sure. Then he spoke coldly. "What are you expecting now Ria? That I will say okay I forgive you and let's just forget everything now is that it? Tell me."

Nakagat niya ang ibabang labi. Saglit siyang napayuko bago muling tiningnan ito. "I know you would not say that Greg. I know that I have hurt you so much and it will be difficult for you to forgive me," mahina pa ring sabi niya. Her heart is nearly bursting. Kung dati ay iiyak na niya ang nararamdaman niyang iyon ngayon ay hindi. Hindi na siya iiyak na tulad noon. She realized crying is never a good choice.

He smirked and walked to her. "At least you know as much as that," nanguuyam na sabi nito.

Bahagya niyang itinaas ang noo. "But I will wait. I will wait until you learn to forgive me. I will not ask for anything more. Just… forgive me.   Because…" saglit siyang natigilan dahil tumigil na ito sa paglakad ilang pulgada na lamang ang layo mula sa kanya. She could feel him and his nearness makes her heart beat rapidly.

"Because what?"  seryosong gagad nito sa sinasabi niya.

Napalunok siya bago nagpatuloy. "Because...  the truth is, I really loved you then Greg. I didn’t get the chance to tell you how much I love you then. Remember that you said you will make me say it clearly someday? I am so stupid and cowardly that I haven't told you that then.  I am willing to do anything for you to forgive me," sinserong sabi niya.

Tumitig ito sa kanya na parang noon lamang siya nakita. Saglit na may dumaang emosyon sa mga mata nito and she swears his gaze soften a little. Ngunit naging matigas iyong muli. Then she flinched when she saw his face go grim. "And you expect me to believe that too?" he said on gritted teeth, na para bang pinipigilan nitong humagalpos ang galit nito.  He even closed his fist as if he's resisting himself from hurting her.

Hindi siya nakahuma. She felt a pain on her chest by what he said. Ngunit hindi naman niya ito masisisi. Why after all these years was it only now that she said those words? Dahil sa nakakairita niyang attitude noon. Dahil tanga siya at nakakahiyaan niyang sabihin rito ang nararamdaman niya. Samantalang ito noon ay walang ginawa kung hindi sabihin at ipakita sa kanya kung gaano siya nito kamahal. At ano ang naging kapalit niyon? A deep scar that even time could not seem to heal.

At ang pagmamahal na dati ay inaalay nito sa kanya ng buong puso ay wala na ngayon. So now it was her turn. She failed to say what she really felt to him before and she owes him that. Kahit na hindi na siya mahal nito it doesn’t matter. 

Huminga siya ng malalim pagkuwa'y taas noong nagsalita. "Then I will wait till you believe me too. Even if I wait forever I don’t care."

Nang hindi ito nagsalita ay tipid siyang ngumiti. "Then, I should be going now," mahinang sabi niya at tumalikod na rito. Nakarating na siya sa pinto ay wala pa rin siyang naririnig na anuman mula rito. She was about to open the door nang bigla nitong ilapat ang kamay sa pintong bubuksan niya.

She felt his chest on her back, she felt the heat his body is emanating. Bumilis ang pintig ng puso niya at tila may mga paru-parong nagliparan sa sikmura niya. She had a strong urge to face him and hug him. She felt teary for the fact that she could not do it. She had no right to do it.

"You said you will do anything," mababa ang tinig na sabi nito, making her heart beat more rapidly, if that is still possible. Napalunok siya at tumango. "Everything?" paniniguro nito. She felt his breath on the side of her head.

"Yes," she said breathlessly.

"Even if you have to use your body?"

Awtomatikong napalingon siya sa sinabi nito. Huli na nang marealize niya na masyado palang malapit ang mukha nito sa mukha niya. Their lips were just an inch away. Bigla siyang natakot gumalaw lalo na't mukang wala itong balak ilayo ang mukha sa kanya. His eyes were intensely looking at her. There was even a ruthless glint on his eyes that brought shiver on her spine. Parang may pinaplano itong hindi maganda sa paraan ng pagtingin nito. Hindi niya tuloy maiwasang makaramdam ng pagkabahala.

"So?" he inquired.

"W-what do you mean by that?" tanong niyang hindi naiwasan ang paggaralgal ng boses.

His lips twitched. "What? Are you scared of me now?" he mockingly asked.

"No," matatag na sagot niya. But what was he suppose to mean by her using her body? Biglang nag-init ang mukha niya sa biglang pumasok sa isip niya, memories of one rainy night inside a room on a beach resort, memories of intense passionate lovemaking. Lalong nag-init ang mukha niya sa itinatakbo ng isip niya.

Tinitigan siya nito ng husto. May dumaang kung ano sa mga mata nito. Something that made her think that they are having the same memory at that moment.  "You're thoughts are on the right track princess," he said just above whisper.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa sinabi nito.  Was he serious?

Umangat ang gilid ng mga labi nito. "Just kidding" Nakahinga siya ng maluwag. "Was what you think I will say right? But sorry to tell you that I no longer joke around. I mean everything I say now," dugtong nito. 

Napaawang ang mga labi niya sa sinabi nito. When has he became this rude?!

"If you are going to keep you lips like that I am going to kiss you. Or is that what you want?" aroganteng tanong nito.

Mabilis niyang itinikom ang mga labi niya at inis na tiningnan ito. "Stop making a fool out of me!" asik niya rito.

Muling dumilim ang mukha nito. Bago pa siya makahuma ay nasaklit na nito ang batok niya at tinawid ang ilang hiblang layo ng mga labi nila.  Napasinghap siya nang maramdaman ang mainit na mga labi nito sa mga labi niya, makalipas ang sampung taon. Ngunit kung noon ay may pagsuyo ang bawat halik nito ay hindi niya iyon maramdaman sa mga oras na iyon. His kiss was forceful, angry, yet hot, demanding and passionate.  Alam niya dala lamang ng galit nito ang halik na iyon, ngunit bakit pakiramdam niya ay uhaw na uhaw ito sa paraan ng paghalik nito? Sa paraan ng pag-galaw ng mga labi nito?  It was as if like her, he was longing for this kiss too.

And when his tongue moved inside her mouth, she realized how much she missed his kiss.  Yes, it was different from the kisses he gave her before but it was still his.

She so achingly wanted to return his kisses. To make him know how much she missed him, how much she longed for him. Ngunit bago pa man niya magawa iyon ay marahas na siya nitong pinakawalan. Then, she met his eyes. It has a combination of anger… and was it longing and desire?

 "Making a fool out of you? You were the one who made a fool out of me Ria. And I will not let you go just like that! You will pay for it! Do you get me!" galit na sabi nito.

Nawalan siya ng sasabihin. Dumeretso ito ng tayo at lumayo na sa kanya. He turned his back on her. Siya naman ay mukhang tangang nanatiling nakatayo roon at nakasunod ang tingin dito. Then it hit her. He intends to get even. Then to him, that kiss means… nothing. Nothing at all. Para siyang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa realisasyong iyon.

"Go home now Ria. We will talk soon."

"A-about what?" tanong niya. Gusto niyang purihin ang sarili niya na kahit paano ay nagawa niyang itago ang hinanakit na naramdaman niya sa realisasyong nais lamang nitong gumanti sa kanya.

Hindi ito lumingon sa kanya. "Tungkol sa kung paano kita mapapakinabangan. I am a very busy person at hindi lang bed partner ang kailangan ko," walang anumang sabi nito, na para siyang isang bagay, na para bang wala siyang halaga rito.

She was hurt. Yet how could she complain? It was her who said that she will do everything. Pilit niyang hinamig ang sarili. Hindi siya maaring panghinaan ng loob. Wala pa nga siyang nagagawa ay susuko na siya? "Then, I'll be going now," mahinang sabi niya. Nang hindi ito sumagot ay tuluyan na siyang lumabas ng opisina nito.

Nang makalabas ay napabuntong hininga siya at saglit na napatingin sa walang katao-taong paligid. Then, she unconsciously touched her lip. Nararamdaman niya pa ang marahas na halik nito sa kanya. Muli ay napahinga siya ng malalim.

 I promise I will win you back Greg, kahit ang pagpapatawad mo lang. I gave up on you before. Pero ngayon hindi na. I will never give up on you again.  With that determination, she walked out of the station.