CHRISTIANO

Twenty

Carina

"Will you be staying here? Zelda is having a baby and I can't wait to meet him. We already decorated the room, do you want to see it?" Tommaso says. He's just a kid so he has no idea how much his words hurt. Are they using the same room my baby was supposed to use? I can't do this. Coming here was a mistake.

"Let me talk to her first Tommaso. You should go with Fabian to see the baby"

"Really? I hope it's a girl so she will be as pretty as Zia" he says skipping out and I want to follow him.

Why did I let Violetta convince me to come here? She pleaded saying Nev will never let her see Tommaso. I decided to help her because I know what it feels like to grow up without a mother. If Ornella had come to see me earlier, I would have been more accepting of her. However angry Nev is, he has no right to keep Tommaso's mother away from him. He should let him decide whether he wants to build a relationship with her or not. However, that doesn't concern me in any way but my nosy ass just had to intervene in their problems and now I'm stuck with Chris. Who looks like s**t by the way. I wonder where he was or what he was doing.

"I came to see Tommaso. I might not remember anything but he was at the hospital when I woke up. Paulo told me we were close?"

"Really?"

"Yes. I thought since you would all be in the hospital, it will be okay. I hope I'm not intruding" two more minutes. I have to pretend I don't remember anything for two more minutes then I'll leave and tell Violetta to find a way to see Tommaso on her own. This doesn't concern me. I'm starting a new life. The apartment Marco found was pretty and exactly what I needed. My connection with these people was severed when they all decided to pretend they didn't know me.

"Come sit. I want to know how you've been" he says ignoring what I just said about leaving.

Asshole. Now he wants to know how I've been? On second thought maybe I should bash his head in. I look around trying to find a weapon. The lamp is too light, maybe the vase. Yes, that will be heavy enough to inflict the kind of damage I want to do. But if I do that, he'll know I'm faking it so I smile "I'm kind of in a hurry. Marco is waiting for me"

"Marco... Is he good to you?"

So much better than you'll ever be you son of a b***h "Yes. He's the best. I'll come to see Tommaso another time. Congratulations on becoming a father" I take a step towards the front door but his words make me freeze.

"You've always been a bad liar Carina"

Okay, so he saw through that. It doesn't mean anything. I can still leave. When I woke up, I didn't prepare myself to have a confrontation with him. Since I thought he would be at the hospital, my plan was to talk to Tommaso, see if he'd like to see his mother. Ten minutes. That was how long I was planning on staying here. There's also the fact that I didn't tell Marco where I was going so I can't expect him to come for me. f**k, why am I so stupid? I should have at least brought someone with me. Concetta, one of his men, anyone who'll get me out of this. I'm not ready to face all the s**t that happened. Or point fingers. Or talk to him for that matter.

"When did you get your memories back?"

"I haven't. Hopefully they'll come back soon"

"I understand that you don't want to talk to me and that you've moved on with Marco. I won't say anything, just sit with me for a while. I need you, your presence for a little while"

Oh yeah? Tough luck cowboy. Where the f**k were you when I needed you? "I'm sorry but I really need to get going" I've only taken two steps when he grabs my wrist and spins me around. The next thing I know, I'm in his embrace. Why is that vase so far away? "Let go of me. I'm not comfortable with this"

"Just for a little while"

"No. Get your hands off me" who says he can take comfort in me? I don't know what happened to him but I'm not his toy that he can use whenever he wants then discard it when he's done. Using all my strength, I push him away "Don't ever lay your hands on me again. Never!"

"How long will you keep on pretending?"

"What I do doesn't concern you. Instead of wasting your time here, you should be in the hospital with your newborn baby"

"That was supposed to be our baby Carina" he replies and it feels like he just stabbed me in the heart. How dare he?

"f**k you!" I spit my stomach clenching with the force of restraint. I could tear him to pieces and enjoy doing it. He has no right to mention our baby when he abandoned me and started over with some b***h. The f*****g bastard didn't even divorce me first. We're still married. He's still my husband but he had the audacity to start a new family. Right after I lost my child. The nerve... God help me, if I stay here a minute longer, I will give in to the urge of repainting this house with his blood "I will send you the divorce papers. Make sure you sign them you motherfucking asshole"

Storming out of the house, I stagger towards the front gate. Tears are blurring my vision but I'm determined to leave this place. I can't believe I came here thinking I won't bump into him. Violetta painted the perfect picture and like an i***t I believed her. I'm so stupid. Since I was busy trying not to let Marco know where I was going, I took a cab, which dropped me off at the gate then left. I should have asked him to wait for me. No, I should have thought this through. God, where is Paulo? I need him to get me far away from this place, from him. It was foolish of me to think I could get over it so easily. I'm sad and jealous and angry. So angry that I'm capable of doing something stupid. Like kill Aurelia to avenge my child.

I haven't gone back to the Lombardi mansion mainly because I'm afraid of what I'll do to that woman. I've tried to hold back my anger and focus on mourning my baby. But knowing that I in fact should be the one in the hospital having a baby kind of makes me want to go on a rampage. No one deserves to live when my innocent baby died. I should kill all of them. Aurelia, Chris, that f*****g b***h and her newborn baby, they all should die. But that thought only serves to make me feel more miserable. It doesn't matter what I do. He won't come back. He's gone. Stopping, I double over clutching my stomach. How did I fool myself into thinking I can live through this? It is all too much, I can't take it.

"Carina..." His voice prompts me to move forward. I have to keep going. One foot in front of the other until I'm far away from him "Stop. You are in no condition to go anywhere"

"Leave me alone" my words are jumbled up. I'm not even sure he heard me. It doesn't matter, all I have to do is keep going.

"Stop, Carina" he says his voice too close behind me. I feel a hand on my shoulder and the thread holding me together snaps. Straightening I turn around and slap him. Because I'm too angry to care, I punch him then rain more blows on his chest "I'm sorry baby"

"Sorry? Give me back my baby then. You might not care about him since you already have another one but what about me? What am I supposed to do now?" I scream still punching his chest while he stands there doing nothing. Even in my crazed state, I notice tears falling down his face but his pain can never compare to mine. He didn't wait to start over with someone else "Did we mean so little to you that you couldn't wait to get rid of us?"

"Carina..."

"You should have buried me along with him. I don't want to keep living like this. I want you to kill me right now Chris. I can't take this anymore, just kill me. Kill me or I will kill your child with that f*****g w***e"

I've thought about doing it so many times. Planned how I would take them away from him so he'd feel what I feel. I can't believe he moved on so fast. That is what makes me so mad. It's been around ten months since I left the hospital which means he had to have started a relationship with her while I was there. How heartless is this son of a b***h? I was in a coma but he had already found himself someone to replace me? Did he even mourn the death of our child? My legs give out on me and I slide to the ground, slapping away the hands that try to hold me. How do people get over this kind of pain? I've never been through it before. I prefer being beaten or starved or even the basement. That I can handle. Emotions? Not so much. I've cried a lot during the past six months that I'm surprised I still have tears. Sitting on the ground, I cry for my baby and for Aurora, since it seems that due to some sick twist of twist of fate, their lives were tied. If she had lived then my baby would have made it too.

"Step away from her De Luca" a voice says somewhere above me. I'm so relieved he found me that I cry even harder, gut wrenching sobs tearing through my chest.

"Ma... Mar....Marco" I stutter trying to get up, only to slide and fall back on my ass. Two pairs of hands reach out to steady me. Marco slaps Chris' hands away then pulls me up, flush against his body. I hold on to him because right now, he's my savior. My life would have been so much easier if it had been him from the beginning. All the love and care he's given me over the last few months is so much more than anyone has ever done.

"Let's go" he whispers wrapping his hands around me. His car is a few feet away from us and I wonder how I didn't hear him pull up. As he opens the door, I take one last look at Chris. This is the last time he'll ever see me like this. Broken and defeated. I won't ever let him or anyone see this weak side of me. I will go back to being the old Carina.... No. My life as Carina has been awful. As Marianna, I was the Lombardi princess. It wasn't that great but at least I wasn't some helpless weakling. I will go back to being that strong woman and make that asshole regret ever leaving me "Are you okay?" Marco asks starting the car.

"No, I'm not okay. But I will be once we're far from here"

"Okay. Let's go" he speeds away from there, leaving only dust behind.

I don't know what to do with my life but I know that I want it to be better. If there's anything I've learned in the past year is that you can't trust anyone. People are assholes who only care about themselves so it's about time I start caring about myself. Being anyone's wife wasn't really my style to begin with. I will divorce that bastard then forget he ever existed.

*****************************************

No matter how much I think about it, I don't see a way for these two to reconcile. Chris and Carina's shippers, what would you do? How would start igniting the love they had between them in this situation?