CHRISTIANO

Twenty One

Christiano

                 "Did she leave already? Dammit Chris, what did you tell her?"

"Nothing. She remembers everything"

Nev nods as if that makes sense. And maybe it does. I knew once Carina got her memories back she'd hate me. There was a time I didn't care about what she felt because I was too angry. Now that the anger is gone, I know what Nev meant when he said I'd regret it someday. Seeing her turn to Marco like that hurt more than anything. She should have run into my arms, not his. I should be the one comforting her not him.

"She hates you, doesn't she? It's to be expected. You left her and got another woman pregnant. I'd hate you too if I was her"

"Go away Nev, I want to be alone"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you bro but you need to get back to the hospital. Congratulations you have a bouncing baby boy"

A boy. I should be elated but all I feel is anger towards myself and the world and my mother because she's the cause of all this. If she had been honest with me from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened. I realize what a brat I am for thinking like that. How long will I blame my mother for my mistakes? If I'd stayed by Carina's side, she wouldn't be looking for comfort in another man's arms. Why did I think I could erase her from life? From my heart? Did she really mean so little to me? The answer is no. She was my world. I loved her so much, still do and knowing she's suffering like that hurts me too. I've never seen her cry so much. She was always strong and fearless. I wonder if she's okay. Will she ever be willing to listen to me? To forgive me?

"What are you doing Chris? Let's go"

"I don't want to see that baby Nev. Not right now"

"What do you mean? It's your child. You can't neglect him..."

"I'm not neglecting him" I snap raising my head to look at him. He's a much better father than I'll ever be. At least he was happy to see his son "Earlier today I realized we hadn't done anything for him. The baby Carina lost. We prepared a room and bought things for him but we didn't have anything to remember him by. No grave or plaque or even a jar of ashes. Do you think any child deserves a father like me?"

"You can't fall into that hole Chris. You'll never get out"

"I need to be alone and rearrange my thoughts. I'll see the baby when I'm ready"

Patting my shoulder, he leaves. For the first time in months, I want to go back to drinking. It didn't numb the pain but it made me forget for a while. While I was inebriated, I could imagine I was living the perfect life. However like Nev pointed out earlier, I can't afford to start a pity party. Not when that child is already born. I wish he'd given me a year before showing up. Maybe by then I would have had my life in order. Just imagining spending the next eighteen years with Zelda makes bile rise up my throat. Letting her stay means letting Carina go. Something I'm not willing to do. I will give her time, a year or two or five but somehow she will come back to me. I won't ever accept losing her. Going to my office, I settle what needs to be settled before Zelda comes back.

Three days later, the door to my office is slammed open. I don't have to look up to know it's her "What a great father you are Chris. Not even coming to the hospital to meet your child"

"Sit, I want to talk to you" she's taken aback by my attitude. I'm guessing she was expecting me to kick her out which is exactly what I'm about to do but in a nice way.

"What are you going to say to defend yourself?"

"Nothing. I'm not going to defend myself because I have my entire life to make up for that. You on the other hand? Not so much"

She straightens her back "What are you talking about?"

"Let's make a deal Zelda"

"What kind of deal?"

"One where you're going to be a very rich woman who will go wherever she wants and do everything she's ever dreamt of doing" her eyes sparkle at the mention of money and I know this is going to be easy.

"Go on. I'm listening"

"If I asked you how much money you want what will be your answer?" she pretends to think about it before saying,

"Twenty million?"

"I'll give you fifty"

"Fifty million dollars?"

"Yes"

"Oh my God, are you serious? You'll give me all that money?"

"As long as you sign over the baby's legal and physical custody over to me and leave immediately, then yes. I will give you all that money"

"What?" She jumps up from her seat "You want me to leave my child? I spent hours on labor for that child. I was the one who gave birth to him and you expect me to leave him?"

"Think about it carefully Zelda. Fifty million or the child. Do you want to spend your life nursing and looking after a child or do you want to travel around the world, buy anything you want, throw as many parties as you want? Motherhood is not easy. Imagine spending sleepless nights nursing a baby when you could be wearing expensive clothes and jewelry and living like a queen? Will you give that kind of life up just to be a mother?"

"I can still do it while...."

"No you can't. If you decide to stay, I won't hire a nanny to help you out. The only person I will be taking care of is the baby. Not you. You will be a full-time mother. Will you change diapers or will you change cars? Your choice" I sit back having thrown the bait. Knowing Zelda, she will choose the money. It was the only reason she came here instead of aborting that child like many women in her position do "I'll give you a day to think it over then the offer expires"

"I can just take the baby and leave"

"Feel free to do so. Try taking care of a child without no money or job. Let's see how that will work out"

"I'm not stupid Chris. I can sue you for child support"

"I can use the money I'm offering you to pay off a judge so he'll rule in my favor. Not a lot of people are able to resist that much money"

"You are such an asshole"

"A rich asshole. Twenty four hours Zelda. The clock starts ticking now" huffing, she leaves my office, banging the door close. Call me anything you want but I'm not about to tie myself to that woman for the rest of my life. She's a piece of work and I don't mean that in a good way.

Looking down at my desk, I stare at the envelope that arrived today. I don't have to open it to know what it is. Divorce papers. Carina sent them just like she'd promised. I'm torn between burning them and throwing them in my safe. There is no way in hell I'm putting my signature in any of them. I won't set her free so she can marry another man. The thought of Marco spending nights in her bed eat me up inside and I feel so jealous every time I think about it. But if she thinks I'll divorce her so she can start over with him then she's wrong. I'm bidding my time, waiting for the right moment to get her back. The vow was till death do us part not divorce.

The next morning, Zelda makes up her mind and what do you know? She chose the money. For a moment there I thought her maternal instincts had kicked in and that she was going to reject my offer but she didn't disappoint me. Her love for money is stronger than anything. Women like her aren't meant to be mothers. By the end of the day, she's said her goodbyes and left. Of course she signed the custody papers without reading them. I don't she realizes that she will never get to see this baby again. Even if I die, she still won't have a chance to get back in his life. I had a lawyer make me a will. It states that, if anything happens to me, fifty percent of my property will go to Tommaso and the other to the baby. If he's still a minor then Damiano gets to be the guardian. We might not be close but he's still my brother.

The house feels different after Zelda's departure. Nev thinks paying her off was a stupid move but I don't care. The sooner she leaves my life, the sooner Carina will come back. At least that's what I thought. The next year passes by in a blur. Between looking after Valerius and the business, I have no time to think about anything else. Unlike Tommaso, Val didn't cry much. He was the kind of baby who only ate and slept. When he was awake, he didn't make a fuss as long as there was someone with him. He's the model child that every parent wishes they had.

"Okay Mr. Hotshot, what else are you going to do? Or maybe I should ask what you haven't done" Nev says throwing a magazine on the table "Do you think she even cares?"

"Who?" I ask letting Val chew on my finger. His first tooth isn't out yet but the paediatrician told me to expect it any time now "Damn, that came out fine" I'm referring to the picture of me and Val on the cover of this month's parents issue. The caption reads

Sexy single dad. Need I say more?

"Your face is plastered on every magazine. Aren't you tired of showing yourself off?"

"Just take it as community service. Rumor has it that whatever magazine I appear in, the sales skyrocket. The economy of this country is flourishing thanks to me"

"Sure. While you're at it, you also hope that Carina will see them and what? Come running back to you?"

"Have you ever thought of finding yourself a wife so you'd stop meddling in my life?"

"I thought we were married Chris. I mean we've been living together, taking care of two children and nagging the hell out of each other. Isn't that what married couples do?"

"f**k you. I'd die before I marry an ass like you. Besides, I already have a wife"

"You mean your estranged wife? Keep dreaming bro. Dreams are valid" taking Val from me he adds "Let's go little man. We don't want your first word to be f**k"

Judging by how Tommaso turned out fine, I think Val will be too. So many times I've wondered what I would have done if it was a girl. We already had experience on taking care of a boy which is probably why we haven't had that much problem with Val. The magazines were a way for me to show Carina that I was single again but as time passed, I came to like the way women drool after me every time I go out with Val. I am the hottest dad in town and loving it. Maybe if she saw the way other women chase after me, she'd be jealous enough to claim me as hers. I can only hope. The phone beside the chair rings. Caller ID indicates it's the front gate.

"What is it?"

"A woman claiming to be your mother is here to see you" the guard says making my heart skip a beat. Is she finally here to apologise?

*****************************************

Bet you forgot all about Zarina. Didn't you?

I decided to fast forward things a little because I just realized we're past chapter twenty and not even headed to the middle any time soon. There's still so much and I'm wondering if I can fit it all here.

In your opinion, what don't you want me to leave out? Speak now while you still have the chance ㄱㄱㄱㄱ