Born to be alone

Michael's story

"It was really hard for me to not join them then," he says, "especially since when I started, I wasn't alone." My friend was going through the same thing. I remember the first time we both changed. We were both guardians. I remain so. And he ... - Mick goes silent for a moment, then goes on:" But I'd rather start from the beginning. When I was your age in school I had one very good friend. We were friends since first grade. We used to play together and later we used to play pranks on others. We were like brothers. But when we were thirteen, we both started dreaming of similar dreams about being wolves. After a while, he told me he felt weird. I confessed that I felt the same. That day we changed for the first time. Then we were together at his house. Being a wolf he was completely black. Then we realized that as wolves we couldn't talk. To share the joy we managed to change back to humans. Of course, then we saw that our clothes tore as we turned. A friend lent me something to put on and we started talking. We were both very excited.  But later we met the bad werewolves. We learned that they were killing people. Then it all started. Our desires with a friend fell apart. I offered him to keep people safe. My nature told me to do so, but he refused. My buddy just wanted to contribute to them."

Michael falls silent and thinks. I'm starting to think he won't say anything anymore, but then he breaks the silence again.

"I didn't agree. For that he was angry with me. My parents noticed that something in me had changed. Then I told them that I could change into a wolf, and in the end just like you, to convince them I changed. And then I felt the urge to kill them. I was ready to jump when I realized what I was doing. I realized with horror that Gabriel, that's my friend's name, might not hold back. Without explaining anything, I ran through the city at full speed in the form of a wolf. People cried out in fright and hid as I ran past them. Their scents tempted me, but then I had more important task. Near my friend's house I heard his mother's scream. I realized it was too late, but I still jumped through the window breaking the glass. I found my friend in the pool of blood of his own parents. Their throats were torn apart. We changed into our human forms. "What have you done?" I asked him. " -Nothing." he answered me "The wolves said this was the first step in contributing to them. I had to go for it" 

I admit it. Then my eyes burst into tears as I realized that I had lost my friend. I realized that now he would become my enemy because my path, like Gabriel's, had already been chosen by me, and my path was quite the opposite.

The buddy then asked me if I would join him.  I said that from now on we will fight because I have to protect people. It seemed that the friend was just upset, so I couldn't even imagine what he would do later. I said goodbye, wished him every success in life and left.

I returned in wolf form. My parents asked what had happened. I told them everything. I realized that they need to know what kind of world they live in.

In the evening I went out for a walk with my dog. Then out of the darkness strangers came to me. Among them was Gabriel.

"Here he is," my old friend said, "here is the traitor who wants to fight you."

I couldn't believe my ears. Did he really betray me? We used to cover each other's back in school and now he betrayed me! It wasn't long before he turned to the wolf and attacked me with the others. While I was changing, I saw  how he killed my dog. I could barely defend myself from them. But I didn't even touch my friend.

It was difficult later. Longing and the pain of betrayal tortured me. When I was alone, it was as if I was burning in flames. My parents tried to help me as much as possible. A month later we moved to live here. That's my story." The guy turns to the window again.

I saw his shoulders shaking. Now I understand why he was so upset when I attacked him in the woods. He probably thought I'd betray him too.

I know I can only hurt, but I still go to him.

"Forgive me," I say.

“What can I forgive you for?” He was surprised.

" I saw that I was hurting you in the woods. Forgive me for that."

"Oh, you're more attentive than I thought. I had to hide my emotions better."

" You have every right to be sad. I truly sympathize with you for what you endured."

"Thank you," Michael says.

I see his tremendous effort not to show how he feels. He probably now thinks he's melting like a girl in my eyes. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"To mourn and to cry is human. Don't be ashamed", I say and turn around to leave him alone to calm down. I thought it would be better for him to be alone.

But he sheds tears with his hand and turns to me.

"Thank you," he says again.

"There's nothing for," I reply. " There is. Thank you for trying to comfort me when I cry like a baby."

" Do not talk nonsense. Sometimes everyone needs to cry, no matter what age or gender they are."

" I told your parents that it would be safer for them if you stay with me one night. There is a guest room on the second floor."

" And yet I should thank you. You helped me so much."

"Now I see it was worth it," he smiles.

This is how our conversation ends. I find a room where I will have to spend the night. He’s quite cozy. A glance at the clock hanging on the wall. It shows at 9:15 p.m. I didn't even notice how time passed so quickly. Today I am totally worn out so I decide that even though it is early, I will go to sleep.

Just before I get to bed, the room door opens.

"My mom asked to see how you settled in," says the boy.

"Well, I'm not complaining," I reply and smile.

" Already going to bed?"

" Today I am very tired."

" Then sweet dreams for you."

"Sweet dreams for you too."

He goes out and quietly closes the door, and I dip into the dream thinking of the day.