The Alpha Witch

Chapter 3: Letters

Lily's POV

We ended up running behind. I was having my ass chewed out by Myles because i refused to tell him where I took off to. I know if i told him the truth, it would be just an even bigger fight. I just didn't think it was necessary. That was the final time i was going to the old rogue camp. I knew it was impulsive. I just felt like i needed to say goodbye to that place. It would be too far to go on my own after today.

Conner took me there the first time. Im sure he's regretting that choice now. He is such a good friend. He never once told Myles, and he was so understanding and supportive of what i needed. I felt like Myles wouldn't get it and refuse to let me go because of how dangerous it could be.

It really hasnt been all that dangerous. i haven't run into any rogues until this last time. I have a feeling Brody is either going to lecture me or rat my ass out. There's a good chance he will do both.

The car ride was way too silent. There just wasn't much to say. At least not until we both calmed down. I know it was wrong hiding things from my mate. I just knew it was stupid and impulsive, and honestly, something Amber or Maureen would do.

I grabbed my bag off the floor and pulled out the worn down book i found at the rogue camp. I opened the first page. The ink was starting to fade in spots but was still legible.

Diary entry one

I've been here for years now. They like to remind me how long I've actually been here thinking it would add to my torment. What they dont know is im taking it willinly. If I'm still alive, it means that my daughter is still safe. Everything I've done was to keep her safe. I just hope she knows that one day, if i never make it out of here. I hope she knows that i love her more than anything or anyone. When i turned myself over to the rogues, i knew the plan they had in mind. The rouge king swore to me they would stop looking for my daughter untill she came of age. I thought this would least give her somewhat of a normal life, even if it was only for a little while. It's better than her being a prisoner until she came of age. I just hope she has a great life. I can't wait to see who she becomes if ever get the chance. Weirdly enough, im grateful they gave me a book and pens. They know i won't go anywhere. It's werid that i've been an ideal priosoner. I think accepting my fate all these years and years to come made it easier to cope.

My Lily girl has to be going on around ten now. The weather and leaves have started to change through the window, and i knew we had to be getting close to her birthday. The last time i saw her, she was in her bunny pajamas, and her dark hair was in braids. She carried a stuffed frog around nearly everywhere, and it was once again wrapped around her one arm. I put her to bed for the last time that night. I hugged her tighter than usual and gave her way to many kisses that made her giggle. Something i still hear in my head like it was yesterday. She had no idea it was a goodbye. I just hope it wasn't goodbye forever.

End of entry

I felt the tears start to shed. This was my dads diary that he kept while in that fricken hell hole. I felt like my heart was shattering. I knew he cared about me. He just never said it in many words. It often made me question if ever really did. This one entry proved that he did. He made himself a prisoner all so I could have a normal childhood. He gave me that. Something I took for granted.

I closed the book. I couldn't read any more, not right now.

Myles reached over and grabbed my arm. "Is everything okay? What is that?"

"Just an old book I found. It's just kind of sad. I'll be okay. I'm just being a little emotional. Just with leaving are old pack house and everything. There are just a lot of changes."

"I think the change will be good for everyone. I think we need a fresh start."

I wanted to ask how it could be a fresh start with my grandmother still out there trying to become immortal and all, but decided it's probably best that I kept that to myself. He was already really upset with me. I didn't think making it worse was the right thing to do. "Right, fresh start."

"Lily, when is this going to stop? It's been two months. We haven't really been us for some time. You've been pulling away and distant. I wish you would just talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. We're fine, Myles."

"Before your dad passed away, you had a miscarriage, and you refuse to talk about it. Did you ever tell Maureen?"

"No, there's no reason to. I'm fine, Myles. Really. Please, just let it go."

"Lil, I'm just worried. You won't talk to me, you avoid me, and I bet you couldn't even tell me the last time we were intimate."

The guilt sunk in. I really was being a really shity mate."

I looked at him in the eye for the first time in weeks. "You're right. Im sorry. im trying, Myles. I really am. Just give me a little more time."

I looked back at the sleeping twins. I've been such a shity mom. A shity everything. Mom, mate, daughter, and friend. I've literally been a shity everything.

I started to cry again. Myles pulled over and put the car in park. He turned to me and pulled me into a tight hug. I let myself relax into him for the first time in forever. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him back, just letting him hold me while i cried. I didn't realize how much i needed this, how much i needed HIM. "I love you so much. Im so so sorry. I dont want to lose or anyone again over all of this."

He started to rub my back. "Baby, it's okay. Im here for you. Im never going anywhere. No matter what, i got you. I love you too."

I pulled away after a while, and he wiped my tears with his thumbs and held my face with his hands. "We're going to be okay. It's just a rough patch. I promise you will get through this. We will get through this."

He put his forehead to mine. My eyes were burning from the tears I was trying to fight.

He kissed my forehead. "Are you ready to get going?"

"Yeah, I'm better now. I swear."

He pecked my lips. "Okay, baby."

I settled back into my seat, and he started the car back up. I looked out the window to see a glowing pair of red eyes. I sat up further. This was the second time I've seen these eyes. The night my father was killed and now.

I felt like he was staring into my eyes. Without thinking, I opened the car door. I stepped out and walked toward where I saw the eyes, and they were gone.

I climbed back in the car, and Myles looked confused and angry. "What the hell are you doing? You just about had to tuck and roll out of the damn car, Lily."

"I'm sorry. I thought I saw something."

"So what were you going to do? Chase after it? You have no idea what it could be. That's seriously impulsive and stupid. Are you sure you even saw anything?"

Truth is, im starting to wonder if i was just imagining it. "I'm not sure."

"Lily, you're really starting to worry me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Am I actually going crazy now?