Stepbrotherly Love

Chapter 9

When we arrived back, Stephen's car was still waiting for us at the airport. I hesitated for a bit, wondering if maybe I should take a taxi instead, but didn't say anything.

Stephen drove us back. He took me to my apartment and helped me carry my luggage up.

"You don't have to do this," I said, a little desperate.

If he would go away, I could put this off. I wasn't going to change my mind, but I was feeling tired after the flight. I wanted to go to sleep, and on another day, I could tell him that we were over with a clearer mind.

Stephen didn't give any indication that he heard me, just picked up my suitcase and led the way into the building. I watched him go, then took out my other luggage, slammed the trunk closed, and followed him inside. He was waiting for me at the door, and I unlocked it, letting us both inside.

"You can just leave it there," I said.

Again, he just walked past me and dragged my suitcase into the bedroom. This time, I didn't follow. I set my suitcase aside, and leaned against the wall, waiting for him to come back out. If I followed him in there, I would be tempted, and Stephen knew how to tempt me. A minute later, he walked slowly out of my bedroom and looked at me properly for the first time since our falling out.

"Stephen," I said, taking a deep breath. "We need to talk."

He kept silent and waited.

Here goes nothing.

Internally, I braced myself, and then I said it. "Stephen, let's end things."

He frowned. "Why?"

A simple question, yet something so difficult to answer.

My chest ached as I continued. "We can't keep doing this. No matter how much... either of us wants it; there's no way."

"I can't accept that," he said immediately. "In fact, I won't accept that. At least give me a better reason than that."

"You want a better reason? Fine. It's too risky. There are too many lives that will be affected, that will be destroyed if this ever came out. It'll be easier if we end it now, because you have to know we'll end it later, anyway. I've had a lot of fun with you these past months. But we just... I can't continue."

He stood across the room from me. He was frowning, lips downturned at the edges, and it was a look I'd never seen on his face before. A part of me wanted to go to him, wrap my arms around him and tell him I was lying, but I steeled my heart against that voice. I wrapped my arms around my chest, too, so I wouldn't be tempted to touch him.

I waited for his next argument, but he didn't give one. He just sighed, expression resigned, and I viciously pushed away from the aching feeling in my chest, as if I'd just gotten stabbed with something, right in the heart.

He didn't say anything, but I already knew he was going to go along with what I wanted. He didn't leave immediately, either, walking over to me. I stiffened, wondering what he planned on doing.

"Stephen - "

He caught my face between his hands and leaned down to kiss me. It started out soft but didn't stay that way, as he nibbled and licked my lips until I opened for him, and he invaded my mouth with his tongue. I was trembling; my hands clenched tight against my sides as I fought against myself not to reach for him. The kiss was both rough and tender, completely searing into me.

Before I was ready for it, he ended the kiss. His hands dropped off my face quickly like I'd burned him somehow. When I blinked my eyes opened, it was to see his back as he headed for the door. As if the kiss was something he'd left me to remember him by, a kiss that felt like he'd burned into my soul, and he was totally giving up on me now.

He left before it got too out of hand and we got naked, but I wanted to reach out and pull him back. My skin burned for his touch - for all of him.

The front door opened and closed. It was done gently, and I found myself wishing he'd just slammed it closed. As if I was held up by strings and they'd all broken, I slipped down against the wall until I sat on the floor, eyes locked onto the door.

I hadn't just broken his heart, I learned. I'd also broken mine.

If that had been the end of it, I would have found a way to get over it. If I did not have to see him again, everything would have been fine, but a couple of days later, I had to go to the clinic.

At work, things were awkward. I was more subdued than usual, and of course, my coworkers noticed. I waved their concerns away and came up with some flimsy excuse that they took.

I tried to avoid him, but while the clinic wasn't very small, it wasn't too big either, so we bumped into each other by accident while moving around for work.

"Excuse me," I murmured, the first time I bumped into him.

Stephen didn't even look up. He just moved in a different direction, ignoring me like I was air, and it hurt. After that, I didn't try so hard to avoid him, and we bumped into each other a few more times. Still, he wouldn't look at me, and by the end of the day, it was driving me mad.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I looked up with a blank look at Patty. Unlike the others, she didn't just accept the excuse I gave. I spent most of my time around her, and we were considered friends, though we didn't have much contact out of work.

"I'm fine," I said absently.

She frowned at me. "See, you say that, and then I find you here, in the break room when your shift is already over."

I gave a long blink. "But you're still here?"

Her eyebrows jumped up. "I let you know when we met earlier that my shift was changed a little. Don't tell me you forgot?"

My mouth opened, but nothing came out, because I didn't remember us having that conversation at all.

"Did something happen with you and that new doctor? Well, he's not really know anymore, but you know who I mean. Dr. Smith."

My spine stiffened when she mentioned him, and I wondered if I'd been obvious. Had other people noticed? I had been distracted for most of the day, but when I saw Stephen, I stared at him waiting for him to look at me, and I'd keep staring even after he was out of my sight. But I didn't remember being around Patty any of the times I'd seen him...

Although, honestly, I'd be surprised if no one noticed. I was too preoccupied to be subtle. Patty was probably the only brave one that could bring herself to ask me.

"It's nothing like that," I murmured. "Our parents are married, so he's technically my stepbrother."

Her eyes widened. "Whoa, really?"

I didn't want to bring up the subject at work, and as far as I cared, anyone who didn't know didn't deserve to know. As far as I knew, Stephen didn't talk about his family affairs at the office, either, so it wasn't a surprise that Patty hadn't heard of it.

"Yeah, really. So, no matter what anyone else thinks, there really isn't anything like that between us."

She looked like she wanted to say something, but in the end, didn't. I went to clock out, only to pause when I realized something.

Since Stephen came to the clinic, I'd always gone back home with him. At first, I resisted, but in the end, I came to accept it. There were rumors all over the clinic because, of course, people were bound to have seen us, and that could be why Patty immediately thought my trouble was with Stephen.

We'd ended things already, and it had been my doing, but I couldn't help hesitating when it came time to leave. Instead of going out to catch the bus, my body moved on its own as I went to look for Stephen. I didn't even know what I was going to say to him. My heart started beating faster in my chest. Unconsciously, my feet hurried.

So, what if we were over? It should still be okay for us to talk to each other, right? Our parents were still married so we would meet no matter what. I just wanted a normal relationship with him, one that wouldn't kill my relationship with my mother, my only best friend.

I thought that I wanted to see him. Until I did, and I regretted it.

Stephen wasn't at his office. That was where I was going, but I saw him before I got there. He was in the hall, talking to the secretary.

No.

I didn't have to look closer to be able to tell they weren't just talking; the secretary had a flirtatious look on her face, a clipboard hugged to her chest while her other hand played with her hair. I recognized the smirk on Stephen's face. I hadn't seen it in a while, but I had seen it plenty in those first few days I met him.

They were flirting.

I stood frozen for a long minute. They weren't far away from me, but neither of them seemed to notice they had an audience as if lost in their own world. Then, what was happening right in front of me registered, and I saw red. I was so livid, my body trembled and my hands clenched tightly, fingers digging into my palms.

Instead of going up there to do something about it, I whirled around. I left work to go and take the bus, angry with myself, angry with Stephen, and most of all with life.

So maybe, it's time to find a new life?

As I sat on the bus, heading home, I thought to myself that, just maybe, it was time to move on altogether.