Heaven's Will

25

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

KENNETH'S POV

I was walking alone when I heard someone shout.

"James!" I turned. Para bang alam kong ako yung tinatawag kahit hindi naman yun ang pangalan ko.

Sa paglingon ko ay wala akong ibang nakita kundi kawalan.

"James.." Isang mahinang anas.

I turned again and saw him. He smiled at me, and opened his mouth as if to say something.

"Bonne chance." And then the entire scene dissipated.

I woke with a start. Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko. I keep having weird and vivid dreams.

Lagi ko nalang napapanaginipan yun. Always the same scenerio.

Always the same guy. Bonne chance? What does that even mean?

I checked the clock, it's 6:30 am. May pasok ako ng nine. I grabbed my phone and sent Cyrelle a message.

Pakialamera talaga yung kaibigan nya eh. Napaamin tuloy ako ng di oras, pero okay na rin. Akala ko talaga iniwasan nya ako.

Pano ba naman, pagkatapos kong umamin hindi na nagreply. Nahiya na tuloy akong iapproach dahil baka maiinis lang siya or what.

Flashback..

My phone vibrated in my palm. Sa wakas ay nagreply na siya! I opened her message and instantly my jaw dropped.

I read it over and over and over again to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating.

"Do you like me?" Basa ko uli. My heartbeat quickened. Anong rereply ko dito? After 10 minutes ay nakatitig parin ako sa text nya.

Shit bahala na nga. Sasabihin ko ang totoo. I replied with a yes.

Fuck, para akong bading.

Tumayo na ako sa kama at naligo agad, maaga ako ngayon dahil dadaanan ko pa si Cyrelle sa kanila.

Sabay na kaming papasok. Feeling boyfriend ako eh.

Napangisi ako sa naisip ko. Cyrelle's boyfriend. Damn, it sounded pleasing to my ears. Lumawak ang ngiti ko.

After taking a bath, I headed downstairs. Nakaupo na si Mom sa dining table. Nakahain narin ang almusal.

"Goodmorning." She greeted. A question mark barely visible on her face.

"Son, are you sick?" She gave me an intense stare, scrutinizing me.

"No." I frowned as I got seated.

"You're up early. At hindi ka ginising ng maid. Now, there's a shocker." She commented as she drank her coffee.

I just shrugged and started eating.

"How's the play?" She was obviously trying to make a conversation with me.

"It's fine." I replied casually, like talking to her was the most normal thing in the world for me.

"Are you enjoying it? Are you participating?" She set her cup of joe on the table.

"Yes and yes." I answered back apathetically. I'm starting to get pissed off again, she asks way too many questions.

I impaled the hotdog with my fork and placed it on my plate.

"So, marami na ang nakakapagsabi sa akin na palagi kang may kasamang babae sa St. Therese. Who is she?"

I dropped my spoon intentionally and let it clatter on my plate. "That is none of your business." I gave emphasis on every word.

Her expression tightened, then she sighed. "I just want to know who she is. Is it wrong to ask for the name of the girl my son seems to like? I'm still your mother Kenneth."

I set my fork down. "My mother? You lost that title three years ago, remember? Or do you want me to refresh your memory?" I smiled sarcastically, how dare her call herself my mother when in times that I needed her most, she left me.

"Kenneth, I'm sorry. I regret it ve-"

"No." I said firmly. She looks ready to cry but I held my ground.

"Can we just forget about what happened? Please, son. I'm sorry, I promi-" i cut her off.

"I said no. Where were you when I needed you, huh? Dad and Stace died. After the first day of their funeral what did you do?! Huh?! YOU FLEW TO AMERICA! I was grief-stricken that time. I had no one. I needed a mother but you're nowhere to be found..." my voice cracked.

DAMN. I couldn't believe she could abandon me that easily. It hurt like hell.

I heard her crying.

Erasing the pain of tomorrow isn't a piece of cake. It's not something I could just put in a trash can and get rid of.

"I don't know how you could be so heartless. Your husband and daughter died and what you did was fly to another godforsaken continent! You left me alone in this f*****g country to rot!" I can't contain my anger anymore.

"K-kenneth I'm sorry. Hindi ko kinaya yung pagkamatay nila. I needed an outlet, I needed an escape. I didn't mean to.." her palms were on her face.

"And after a f*****g year, you dare show yourself to me again as if nothing happened?! You dare invade my life as if you didn't abandon me? You needed an outlet? An escape? Hindi mo ba naisip na kailangan ko din non?" Madiing tugon ko.

I angrily punched the wall. "I also needed an outlet, I also needed an escape. I needed you! I needed a mother!"

"But you were too selfish to think about that! You are self centered. All you care about is yourself." Pagpapatuloy ko, may pait sa bawat salitang binibitiwan ko.

"Tapos ngayon sasabihin mo sa aking nanay kita? Wow. I must admire your guts." Nanunuyang sabi ko. Tinalikuran ko siya. I'm seething with rage.

It's really difficult to forgive, but it's more difficult to forget.

"Kelan mo ba ako mapapatawad, Kenneth?" Naririnig ko ang mahinang paghikbi nya.

I closed my eyes as I felt pain enveloping my heart.

My family used to mean the world to me. But now, I'm left with no one. I'm all alone in this world.

"Baka hindi na." Mahinang saad ko, pero sapat lang para marinig nya.