A light In Her Darkness

Chapter Four - Alone time with Dylan

Ava’s P.O.V

What started as a group of seven in Dylan’s apartment, had now gone to about thirty-odd people. Some of his neighbours had joined along with some more people that Aiden and Dylan knew. Everyone was enjoying themselves, me not as much now. There were too many people in one place. I could feel my heart race starting to speed up, my body soon felt like it was burning, my breathing was becoming unsteady, and I was beginning to shake…great an Anxiety attack. f**k! I needed to get out of here. I need air; I feel like I can’t catch my breath. I tried my best to stumble by everyone, heading for the balcony. I was struggling, I couldn’t stand straight, and my entire body was going weak as the attack took over. I need air before I pass out. I felt like my throat was closing up.

“Ava I got you.” I heard a faint voice say from my side, an arm wrapping around my waist to hold me up, “Let’s get you some air.” The voice said.

I managed to see through my blurry vision; it was Dylan. He led us out to the balcony, and as soon as I felt the cold air, I crouched down on the ground, my head between my legs, taking deep breaths and trying to calm myself down. Dylan handed me some water which I quickly swallowed. It took a few minutes before I had caught my breath and stopped shaking. I knew it was going to take longer for the attack to stop completely. Dylan crouched down in front of me.

“Better?” He asked.

I only managed to nod, not quite being able to talk right just yet. He reached in, pushing the hair away from my eyes. I felt like an i***t. I can’t believe he is seeing me in this state; I was embarrassed with myself. I quickly turned away from him, not wanting to look at him.

“Ava don’t be embarrassed. You can’t help it.” He said softly, “Do you get them a lot…attacks like this?” He asked.

I nodded cause it is true I get them at least a few times every week. I have done for the last ten years, they put me on medication, but that doesn’t help, not really. Dylan took a seat on the ground next to me. I turned to him, giving him a small smile. I was thankful he never left me alone.

“Thank You.” I managed to breathe out in barely a whisper.

“Anytime. Do you want to get out of here? We can go a walk, get you some air?” He asked.

“You can’t leave your own party,” I whispered.

“They won’t even notice.” He chuckled, making me do the same.

A silence fell between us for a little while as my body slowly started getting back to normal. He reached in, placing his hand on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You OK?” He asked, looking at me.

“Yeah, it has passed. Sorry about that. Sadly it is a common thing for me. Too many people in the same space make me very anxious. Thank you for staying with me. I appreciate it.” I smiled.

“Your welcome. Come on, let get out of here. There is a twenty-four-hour diner down the street. We can grab a coffee. It is always quiet at this time.” He smiled.

“OK. Sounds good.” I smiled.

He stood up, reaching his hand out for me to take. I hesitated for a moment but gave him my hand, letting him help me up from the ground. He never let go of my hand as he led us back inside, stopping at Alannah and Aiden.

“Ava, you OK?” Alannah asked worriedly.

“I am now. Had an anxiety attack.” I said sadly.

“s**t! Sorry, Ava if I knew I would have been there.” She said, feeling bad.

“It is OK…Dylan was there. We are going to get out of here for a bit, go grab a coffee, let me get some air.” I smiled.

“You want me to come with you?” She asked.

“You are fine. Stay, enjoy yourself. I will see you when we get back.” I smiled hugging her.

She hugged Dylan, thanking him for looking after me. Dylan then reached for my hand, leading me through the crowd of people, grabbing himself a jacket, giving me one of his jackets too since it was cold outside.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

I let go of his hand as we headed out, walking down to the diner he was referring too. It was only down the street from his house. I sighed in relief as the fresh air filled my lungs, and silence filled the air. Dylan was staying close by to me. I watched him for a moment, smiling to myself. I swallowed hard as I let my eyes study every inch of his beautiful face. He slowly turned to me, raising his brow at me. I turned away, looking at the ground, my face flushing red.

“Sorry,” I whispered embarrassedly.

“Don’t be. I don’t mind.” He smiled, wrapping his arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his side.

He reached down, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. I felt my breath hitch in my throat when he did that. I closed my eyes over, taking a deep breath, savouring his touch. I still don’t understand why I feel safe with him, especially since I only met him. It usually takes me months to trust anyone, sometimes even more, no matter how long someone is around, I don’t trust them, but with him, it was different. I felt protected in a way which sounds crazy; it is the truth, though—a comfortable silence between us as we walked. The streets were quiet, the roads the same. It was peaceful. We arrived at the small diner. It only had a couple of people in it. Dylan held the door open for me, letting me go in first. He followed, leading us to one of the booths by the window. He sat across from me.

“What are you fancying?” He asked, looking up at me.

“Black coffee is fine.” I smiled.

“You want anything to eat?” He asked.

“No, thank you,” I said, turning away from him.

I knew he wanted me to eat something; he never pushed it, though which I appreciated. The waitress soon came over. She was a small, older woman with red hair and a kind smile.

“Dylan.” She gushed, “When did you get back, sweetie?” She added.

“Hey, Mary. Only a few days ago. It is good to see you again.” He smiled back at her.

I am guessing he comes here a lot then cause they seem friendly, seems like they know each other pretty well.

“You too. We have missed you around here. And who is this beautiful girl you have in your company.” She smiled, looking at me.

Me beautiful? I felt myself blush when she said that, making Dylan chuckle a little.

“This is Ava, my new friend.” He smiled.

“Hi,” I said shyly, giving her a small wave.

“Hey sweetie it is nice to meet you. We are used to Dylan coming here by himself. He doesn’t usually bring company.” She smiled.

“You too,” I replied.

She spoke to us for a moment before taking our orders, heading off. I turned my attention back to Dylan, finding him watching me, a smile playing on his lips. I returned it, feeling myself blush again.

“Why are you watching me?” I said shyly.

“Cause I want to.” He said shrugging, acting like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“You do? You are a strange one, aren’t you?” I giggled.

“Hey! I am awesome.” He chuckled, winking at me.

I agreed with him; he was pretty awesome. He doesn’t need to know that is what I think, though.

“If you say so.” I giggled.

He reached his hand across, placing it over mine once again. I don’t know why he keeps doing that.

“You OK?” He smiled.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“You sure?” He asked.

“Yes. I am fine Dylan, honestly.” I said giggling a little.

He seems to ask me that question a lot, doesn’t he?

“Just making sure, that is all.” He whispered, reaching in stroking my cheek.

I winced at first before relaxing, moving into his touch. He sighed slightly, keeping his hand where it was. I looked at him, and he was looking at me, a strange look on his face, one I was not sure what it was. I never liked it; it made me feel different. I pulled away from him yet again, leaning back on the seat.

“Ava, you can trust me. I promise.” He whispered, looking at me, a sadness in his eyes.

I knew what he was thinking…he was thinking poor girl. I hate when people feel sorry for me, it makes me feel worse, and it doesn’t help any. I took a few deep breaths, running my hands through my hair, looking everywhere, anywhere that wasn’t him. I hated I kept doing this to him, but I can’t help it. I can’t let him get close. I just can’t, no matter how amazing and sweet he is.

“I know.” I finally whimpered out.

I was glad when Mary came back with our drinks and Dylan’s food that he had ordered. I took a sip of my coffee, sighing in content as the warm liquid went into my body. Dylan was in a world of his own…lost in his thoughts. I knew the way I was responding to him was getting to him. I felt terrible; there was only one thing for it. I reached across the table for him, my turn to take his hand in mine. He looked at me, a surprised look on his face at my move.

“Dylan sorry I keep pulling away. I don’t mean to; It is a force of habit. You scare me. I don’t mean horribly. I mean, I don’t know how to explain.” I said rambling, shaking my head annoyed at myself.  

“It is OK. I know what you mean. You are scared to let anyone get close to you cause every time you do you end up getting hurt; you don’t trust anyone. Ava, I am nothing like those other people. I don’t go around hurting people; it is not who I am. I would rather look after someone rather than hurt them. You can trust me, Ava, I promise. You don’t need to be scared of me. I only want to protect you from any more hurt. I know that probably sounds crazy to you since we only met, but from the moment my eyes fell on you when I saw how much pain you were in I found myself wanting to look after you, protect you. Show you it is OK to let people in.” He said, finally taking a breath once he was finished speaking.

I sat there in shock. I wasn’t expecting all those words from his lips.

“I need time, Dylan. I can’t just let my guard down like that. I know you are one of the good ones with a good heart and beautiful soul, but I have met people like that before, in the end, they turned out to be horrible, turned out to the people who ended up hurting me the most.” I said, feeling the tears build up in my eyes.

Dylan moved from his seat, coming around, sitting down next to me. I looked at him, tears now falling down my cheeks. He reached in, wiping them away before reaching forward, resting his forehead against mine.

“I would never do that to you, Ava. Let me help you, protect you please.” He whispered out.

His eyes were searching mine for answers. I found myself reaching in, running my hands through his hair before stroking his face. He whimpered a little, closing his eyes over, moving into my touch.

“OK.” I whimpered out, “You need to be patient with me. I will try to push you away constantly. And don’t ask too much, I will tell you when I am ready.” I added.

He opened his eyes, looking at me again, nodding his head.

“Whatever you want Ava. I won’t push, I promise.” He smiled, kissing my forehead.

“Thank You,” I whispered.

He pulled me into him, hugging me. I clung to him, hugging him back. I don’t know how I am going to cope with this, someone getting close to me again.